Total Reroll NSCU: Episode 7 – Minor Crimes and Down Times

Welcome to the episode 7 of Total Reroll NSCU, our new Dungeons and Dragons podcast series. We are new members of the Neverwinter Special Crimes Unit, brought in to investigate strange goings on in the city of Neverwinter and to uphold the law!

After solving our second case, we have a bit of down time before taking on our next one – The Blue Lake Street Race!

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We hope you enjoy the episode. We are moving to fortnightly releases, with new episodes out every other week on alternate Fridays to The Weekly Rapture pop culture podcast. If you enjoy the episode, please let us know on Twitter or Facebook, give us a 5* rating on itunes, or share with anyone you think may enjoy it!


Our intro and outro music is ‘Winter’s Howl’ by Ed Curry.

Enjoy!

Fancy supporting the site? You can pick up all of the 5th edition D&D books from Wizards of the Coast using our Amazon links below, and we’ll get a cut with no extra cost to you!

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Monster Manual

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Sword Coast Adventurer’s Guide

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Tales from the Yawning Portal

Total Reroll NSCU: Episode 6 – Tiny Ugly Child

Welcome to the episode 6 of Total Reroll NSCU, our new Dungeons and Dragons podcast series. We are new members of the Neverwinter Special Crimes Unit, brought in to investigate strange goings on in the city of Neverwinter and to uphold the law!

We are in the Scar District on our second case, and have found that a hag is using addictive pies to convince people to give her their children! We are on our way to the hag’s hideout to crack this case!

Download this episode (right click and save)

We hope you enjoy the episode. We are moving to fortnightly releases, with new episodes out every other week on alternate Fridays to The Weekly Rapture pop culture podcast. If you enjoy the episode, please let us know on Twitter or Facebook, give us a 5* rating on itunes, or share with anyone you think may enjoy it!


Our intro and outro music is ‘Winter’s Howl’ by Ed Curry.

Enjoy!

Fancy supporting the site? You can pick up all of the 5th edition D&D books from Wizards of the Coast using our Amazon links below, and we’ll get a cut with no extra cost to you!

Dungeon Master’s Guide

Player’s Handbook

Monster Manual

Volo’s Guide to Monsters

Sword Coast Adventurer’s Guide

Starter Set

Tales from the Yawning Portal

Total Reroll NSCU: Episode 5 – Night Time Pies

Welcome to the episode 4 of Total Reroll NSCU, our new Dungeons and Dragons podcast series. We are new members of the Neverwinter Special Crimes Unit, brought in to investigate strange goings on in the city of Neverwinter and to uphold the law!

We are in the Scar District on our second case, investigating some mysterious deaths while a thundersnow storm approaches the city.

Download this episode (right click and save)

We hope you enjoy the episode. We are moving to fortnightly releases, with new episodes out every other week on alternate Fridays to The Weekly Rapture pop culture podcast. If you enjoy the episode, please let us know on Twitter or Facebook, give us a 5* rating on itunes, or share with anyone you think may enjoy it!


Our intro and outro music is ‘Winter’s Howl’ by Ed Curry.

Enjoy!

Fancy supporting the site? You can pick up all of the 5th edition D&D books from Wizards of the Coast using our Amazon links below, and we’ll get a cut with no extra cost to you!

Dungeon Master’s Guide

Player’s Handbook

Monster Manual

Volo’s Guide to Monsters

Sword Coast Adventurer’s Guide

Starter Set

Tales from the Yawning Portal

The Cursed Tomb: Chapter 43 – Reflections

So Adam and Ian don’t feel like they play enough D&D. To rectify this, they started playing a text-based adventure with a couple of friends, still using the 5th edition framework. We thought it would be fun to clean up the transcripts of this adventure and start publishing it in weekly chapters here on the site. Let us know what you think, and please share around! If you missed Chapter 1, check it out here!

Disclaimer: This is the transcript of a text-based D&D game played over a period of 6 months. Bad language included. Picture based dice rolls/media omitted. Names changed to preserve anonymity. Goblin based violence frequent. You have been warned. If you missed Chapter 42, find it here!

 

DM: As they attempt to strike, the other four from the other side of the cloud appear at its edge having used their turn to move around it

DM: The lion alpha roars

DM: (those hits were for five and seven respectively if they landed)

Faustus: Ac with shield is 18

DM: Well fuck

DM: Constance, you are up if that 29 slashing didn’t put you down

Constance: It did not! (Just)

Constance: Although if I get hit again I most certainly will.

Constance: How many of these fucks are left?

DM: Of the 15 lions?

Constance: Yup

DM: 13

Constance: Well then shit.

DM: Bronan smashed one, faustus javelined one

Constance: I am going to use a ki point to use patient defence (which gives me dodge as a bonus action) then I’m going to use my healers kit to medicine check bronan.

DM: Oooh

Constance: So he should be stable.

DM: So that is autostabilised?

DM: Sure sure

DM: How does dodge work?

Constance: And attackers have disadvantage till the start of my next turn

DM: Okay super

DM: That you?

DM: In which case, faustus…

Constance: Fucking fending off cats while I bandage your shit up

DM: Not cats

DM: Can’t emphasise this enough

DM: Lions

Faustus: I’m going to cleave into one of the lions on me

Faustus: 22 to hit

Faustus: And I’m gonna make it a divine smite.

Faustus: 10 slashing damage. 6 radiant. Big light show.

DM: Booom. It takes a big hit from your longsword and staggers back, bloodied and howling in pain

DM: Anything else?

Faustus: Nope.

DM: Okay

DM: Bronan

DM: Your turn

DM: I think you can just lie very still

‪Bronan: I’m stable but unconscious, so just happily sleeping

Constance: Damn I forgot you would be unconscious

Constance: (Adam you have some healing magicks right?!)

Faustus: (Yes. Assuming I don’t die)

DM: Well

DM: Its the lions turn

DM: Six lions at Constance will go first, trying to kill Constance. Disadvantage due to dodge?

‪Bronan: (I used to have hatred in my heart for only one monster,  Merrow, now I’m adding lions)

Constance: Yup disadvantage

DM: Well

DM: Only two of six manage to hit you

DM: 18 slashing…

DM: (d6+3 for each claw…)

Constance: Yeah I’m down

DM: Constance and bronan lie on the sand, pumping blood into the arid air

DM: Faustus stands alone, sword in hand, shield shining with its sigil of bahamut against a seemingly unstoppable force. 7 lions face him. One, their leader, is abjured, struck with a holy fear if the hulking dragonborn before it

DM: The other six…three strike with their teeth bared!

DM: They all strike true, one of them critting

DM: 24 piercing damage

DM: The other three have moved around and attack with flying sprints, pouncing forward, claws slicing through the air

DM: Two of them hit, one of them crits…

DM: 22 slashing damage and two strength saving throws please Faustus

DM: (Constance how down are you?)

Constance: That last one took me to negative 16

DM: Okay, right

Constance: Well balls

DM: Sir dribbles barks furiously on the deck of the wrecked airship

DM: Constance and Bronan lay writhing from countless wounds, surrounded

DM: And Faustus takes some heavy hits, the lions striving to drive the paladin to the ground

DM: (also hate to say it but if you are at -16 Constance, at least one of those hits was when you were already down, so you are at 2 failed death saves)

Constance: Yeah I had 2 HP left

Constance: Balls

Constance: (Can we have a side story like homeward bound where sir dribbles befriends one of the cats and finds his way back to civilisation)

DM: (depends how the next few rounds go- but what, arc 2 we each have lion stat blocks and one dog stat block and we have to cross the desert?!)

Constance: Hahahah. No but I would watch that movie

DM: (i feel bad, I think Faustus is hungover and is going to wake up to 22 slashing damage and two strength saving throws as 6 lions try and rip him to shreds)

DM: (well, 12 lions)

‪Bronan: (I spent entirely too long trying to come up with a tag line for the movie, again, sorry guys, like the kid who microwaved a pot noodle, I fucked up big-time)

‪Bronan: (broooooonnnaaaaann jenkins)

DM: (blame David Attenborough, planet earth 2 on Sunday had some wicked desert lions and I thought, ooh, this will incentivise them to fix this airship faster! Forgot about poor old Besh)

Constance: (DAMNIT ATTENBOROUGH YOU WIN AGAIN!)

DM: (you aren’t dead yet! Let’s see what Faustus can pull off. If he isn’t pinned beneath two lions)

‪Bronan: (holy shit,  planet earth 2? I haven’t even finished the first one!)

DM: (just started a couple of weeks ago, Sunday’s on BBC. Very good. And to blame for this potential TPK)

Faustus: Nat 20 and a 21

DM: Okay you are still on your feet

DM: Constance.  Death saving throw.

DM: All comes down to this dice roll for our little halfling monk

Constance: Fuuuuuuuck

Constance: Ok. Is everyone prepared

Constance: Oh boys.

Constance: Oh my boys.

‪Bronan: (please be nat20)

Constance: Shit. 8.

DM: Constance, as you lay in the sand bleeding, you feel the hot breath of a lion as its mouth covers your neck. As it squeezes and darkness envelops you, the last thing you see is the staff of Ptonos, inscrutable runes glowing faintly. And then you see nothing at all

DM: Ha

DM: Faustus it is your turn

DM: No idea how your health is looking, but you are surrounded by lions

DM: 6 of them, the leader is ten foot back prowling nervously

DM: Two of the six are those you burned previously, and one has been burned+ taken a big hit from your holy sword and seems near to death

DM: 10ft to the side of the ship. Maybe thirtyish ft to the rope? But that is through a heap of lions

Faustus: Right. Can I get to the leader? Or will I take attacks on the way?

DM: You will take attacks on the way

DM: At least six…

DM: Unless you can walk me through how you get to him. I’m open to it, but you are literally surrounded by lions

Faustus: Right.

Faustus: Faustus can’t see a way of winning this. So

Faustus: First I use lay on hands on myself. Hardly the time for that but still.

Faustus: So I heal 20 hp.

DM: (so what’s your HP total now?)

Faustus: 34

DM: The divine essence of bahamut seals the worst if your wounds, and you feel strength restore to your tired limbs

Faustus: Then I’m going to try to push through the lions and make it to the rope and back up the ship.

DM: Okay man. It is just around the corner of the ship

Faustus: Shit, forgot it was on the other side! Yes. How far is that?

DM: Thirty feet I’d say. Maybe 25 if the rope is trailing

DM: I’d say you can reach it

Faustus: OK

Faustus: Yes. So what, 8 opportunity attacks?

DM: But you will take opportunity attacks from the six lions around you, and those two at the corner

DM: So 8

Faustus: OK.

DM: So let’s start with the six by you

DM: Five of those hit you

DM: Thirty slashing

Faustus: Buuttz

Faustus: 5/6 hit over 18! Jesus.

Faustus: God damn

Constance: Fucking lions

DM: You are still standing I believe?

Faustus: Yep

DM: So you make it through, getting just shreeeeded

DM: And the last two lions between you and the rope attack

DM: First one misses! 17 and a 7

DM: Second one

DM: 19

DM: It sinks its teeth in

Faustus: And does 3 damage right?

DM: And does 7

Faustus: Welp! That went as well as could be expected.

DM: Just as you are past it, reaching the rope, it leaps on your back and crunches into the back of your neck

DM: Bronan, your eyelids flutter, but you feel nothing as they pull you apart

DM: Faustus, in your minds eye a great silver dragon roars

DM: And above the feasting lions, a small dog stands alone, silent, unsure and alone and afraid

DM: Thank you for playing season 1 of The Cursed Tomb. Good effort lads. But holy shit you done fucked up.

‪Bronan: Ptonos tomb really was cursed,  huh

Constance: Fuck

Constance: I thought at least Faustus would get away

DM: TPK

DM: Game Over

Faustus: He’s so happy.

‪Bronan: Whelp, that was really good fun

Faustus: Yup.

DM: Absolutely

DM: (and let’s leave the fate of sir dribbles as a nice question mark)

 

DM: Well, reflections. You successfully raided Ptonos’s tomb, fled to the capital to take stock and discovered that the mayor of Al’sash is seeking magical implements of great power

DM: So you returned and allied with the crime boss Melbos, who said he would aid you if you wiped out some aaracokra bandits

DM: Turns out the aaracokra were just defending their lands, and had in fact rescued a wild sorceress of great power called Melody who the mayor had kidnapped

DM: You went on the the pirate port Fort Last, rescuing a flower farmer en route

DM: And when there convinced mad pirate captain Varratim to aid you in defeating the mayor

DM: So you returned to al’sash, and arranged to meet the mayor, and turned the gem he had hired you to steal from Ptonos’s tomb on him, destroying his forces in a huge tsunami

DM: Meanwhile, melbos abandoned you to take over al’sash

DM: You returned to port last, and then up to the aaracokra homeland where you all celebrated your victory

DM: And then decided to seek out the mayor’s treasure airship, crashed months before in the deep south desert!

DM: You braved gnoll attacks, blistering sun, a vicious sandstorm, and a cursed oasis, before finding the treasure and defeating its guardians

DM: But a rash act of vengeance by bronan on a pride of lions who are your faithful camel led to an early demise

DM: What were the runes on Constance’s staff? How did this airship work? What treasure was hidden within? How fare the folk of al’sash? The world continues to turn, as lions lick their lips and pick the meat from your bones

 

Thanks for reading The Cursed Tomb! It ended fairly inauspiciously. Hopefully we will return to the desert one day!

 

Fancy supporting the site? You can pick up all of the 5th edition D&D books from Wizards of the Coast using our Amazon links below, and we’ll get a cut with no extra cost to you!

Dungeon Master’s Guide

Player’s Handbook

Monster Manual

Volo’s Guide to Monsters

Sword Coast Adventurer’s Guide

Starter Set

Total Reroll NSCU: Episode 4 – The Scar District

Welcome to the episode 4 of Total Reroll NSCU, our new Dungeons and Dragons podcast series. We are new members of the Neverwinter Special Crimes Unit, brought in to investigate strange goings on in the city of Neverwinter and to uphold the law!

After a few weeks on the job, we head over to the Scar District to investigate a mysterious new case!

Download this episode (right click and save)

We hope you enjoy the episode. We are moving to fortnightly releases, with new episodes out every other week on alternate Fridays to The Weekly Rapture pop culture podcast. If you enjoy the episode, please let us know on Twitter or Facebook, give us a 5* rating on itunes, or share with anyone you think may enjoy it!


Our intro and outro music is ‘Winter’s Howl’ by Ed Curry.

Enjoy!

Fancy supporting the site? You can pick up all of the 5th edition D&D books from Wizards of the Coast using our Amazon links below, and we’ll get a cut with no extra cost to you!

Dungeon Master’s Guide

Player’s Handbook

Monster Manual

Volo’s Guide to Monsters

Sword Coast Adventurer’s Guide

Starter Set

Tales from the Yawning Portal

The Cursed Tomb: Chapter 42 – Something Hella Dumb

So Adam and Ian don’t feel like they play enough D&D. To rectify this, they started playing a text-based adventure with a couple of friends, still using the 5th edition framework. We thought it would be fun to clean up the transcripts of this adventure and start publishing it in weekly chapters here on the site. Let us know what you think, and please share around! If you missed Chapter 1, check it out here!

Disclaimer: This is the transcript of a text-based D&D game played over a period of 6 months. Bad language included. Picture based dice rolls/media omitted. Names changed to preserve anonymity. Goblin based violence frequent. You have been warned. If you missed Chapter 41, find it here!

 

DM: Okay you flip onto the sand, into the pack, and are next to bronan. a lion is currently gnawing on him and dozens others batting in with their claws

DM: What exactly are you doing?!

DM: Bronan, should have said, make me an opportunity attack for this round, as lions have been shifting away from you to make room

‪Bronan: Ok cool, it’s at disadvantage cause I’m prone right?

‪Bronan: 11

DM: Nah, this would have happened pre-proning I just forgot

DM: And Constance, boy am I intrigued

‪Bronan: Ah ok, the first was a 23

Constance: Do I have hold of bronan?

DM: Bronan can you roll damage for me?

DM: Constance, you are there next to him, hands on

‪Bronan: 17 slashing to a general lion, I’ll name him scar, when I am their lion king

DM: Great

DM: Constance. What’s the play

Constance: The play is. As follows. 1. Step of the wind! Disengage as a bonus action. 2. Throw a smoke bomb behind me right in amongst the lions. 3. Use the rest of my movement to get the fuck out of dodge and round the other side of the ship.

DM: (1.Do you have those?2. You can step of the wind as bonus, smoke bomb as main, but you won’t be carrying bronan with you)

‪Bronan: (this could end with Faustus painting a ball to call Wilson and lions prowling below!)

DM: (ha)

DM: (and yeah Constance smokebombs, great, disengage and bail, great- also taking bronan with you, unlikely- but with the smoke he might manage an escape…)

‪Bronan: (If I die, what’s the odds of playing sir dribbles as a doggy warlock?)

Faustus: (What happens if he delays, I jump down and grab Bronan too while he throws smoke bomb? Or can I not do that without getting piled on by lions?

DM: (Bronan, low)

DM: (Faustus, if Constance delays all that until you arrive then you could do that- but between you and bronan you’d take at least half a dozen opportunity attacks getting out of there, probably)

DM: (And this rests on- does Constance have smoke bombs?!)

Constance: Yes! I totally do

Faustus: (Well in that case I reckon Bronan’s best chance at this point is if we delay all Constance’s stuff and I drop down to help?)

Constance: Ok. So I can either throw a smoke bomb as an action this turn, or grab bronan but not both, and in either case step of the wind?

DM: Yes, but step of the wind won’t mean bronan takes no attacks, just you

Constance: Balls.

Faustus: As I understand it, all at once would be us dropping down, my action will be to grab him and run, yours will be to throw the smoke bomb, disengage and run.

Faustus: He and I will take some hits.

Faustus: Also, how long are we going to have to get back up before they get us?

Constance: And the other way would be the same but with you not taking any opportunity attacks

Constance: So bronan isn’t getting out with no opportunity attacks

Constance: So fuck it. I grab bronan and bail the fuck out of there

Constance: Trying to get as far round to the other side of the ship as possible

DM: So no smoke bomb?

Constance: Actually fuck no.

‪Bronan: Bro, save yourself! Pelt em with ranged

DM: Just let me know your final decision

Constance: Ok. So smoke bomb and bail. Yelling for bronan “FOLLOW MY VOICE!”

Constance: Final

Faustus: (So I don’t drop? I can try and help pull folk up I guess)

DM: Well, faustus it is your turn

DM: The lions are enveloped in smoke, and a moment later Constance appears back around the ship

Faustus: Can I see any of them at all?

DM: Twenty foot radius smoke cloud, you can’t see dick

Faustus: Can I ready an action so I throw a javelin at the first lion that follows out of the smoke?

DM: Yup!

DM: Awesome

DM: Bronan

DM: You are up

DM: Lions on every side, and you are blinded by smoke

‪Bronan: Okey koaky,  I know where the ships deck is?

DM: Hm. Yes

Faustus: And the direction of Constance’s voice presumably

‪Bronan: Basically I’m thinking of saving my dog by throwing him up there, so if this goes shitty can I attempt that as a reaction before going unconscious?

‪Bronan: Even if doggywarlock is off the table, at least they will have a dog to carry them through the bleakness of my death

‪Bronan: For my turn, I’m gonna stand up, disengage and follow constance, my reasoning, she just jumped into a pit of lions and might need my help

DM: (by my understanding sir dribbles was up on the deck barking, then you leapt down- so he is currently safe)

Bronan: Ok cool, no need for dramatic cutscene

DM: I need to check disengage rules

DM: As you will have to move past 9 lions opportunity attacks!

DM: (what’s your movement speed, standing up from pronetakes 1/2 of it)

‪Bronan: Yup, disengage should stop opportunity attacks caused by my movement for this turn, so I can move 15ft when stood up

DM: Okay

DM: You can make it to the end of the boat but not yet around to the other side-Constance is five ft past you, just around the corner at the end

DM: And then it is the lions…

Faustus: First one out gets a javelin.

DM: Ten lions emerge, three on the far side of the cloud from bronan, 7 on the near side (advantage on perception checks relying on smell..like tracking a bloodied barbarian)

DM: The first lion to emerge is charging bronan- it is the one known as Scar, it’s face half mangled by a hit from Bronan’s axe

Faustus: 24 to hit

DM: Faustus, with lightning reflexes, hurls a javelin

DM: (roll damage)

Faustus: 9 piercing damage

DM: The javelin skewers the running lion, sending it crashing to the sand like a ragdoll

Faustus: Nice. Now do I have the rest of a turn, or did I give up my whole turn to delay that action?

DM: I can’t remember the rules, but I’m happy for you to do your other stuff now

Faustus: Hmm. I’m 15 ft up right?

DM: Yup

Faustus: And Bronan is by the ship?

DM: Aye, as is constance

DM: Bronan is right by the prow, Constance just past him, with ship between Constance and the lions

Faustus: Right. Not a lot I can do other than jump down or try and help up, so I’m gonna throw down a rope and brace myself to help pull folk up.

DM: Tight

DM: The six lions on the bronan/constance side of the cloud attack Bronan (since Constance is behind the ship)

DM: 5 of them hit

DM: Three claws, two bites

DM: 11piercing

DM: 19 slashing

‪Bronan: Ouchy I’m at 0

‪Bronan: As I go down I yell

‪Bronan: Climb you fools!

DM: (when did you hit 0…)

‪Bronan: (I had to re-read the rage rules. But as the lions go after me, they bit me between the turn when I last attacked and disengaged, rage would’ve dropped next then if they hadn’t hit me I think? So half the first is 5, bringing me to 8, the half the second is 8, bringing me to 0)

‪Bronan: (basically their bites keep me angry)

DM: (cool, so you are only just at zero)

DM: Constance, a rope descends from above, hitting the sand next to you. behind you, bronan falls to the ground, bleeding from three dozen wounds, 6 lions standing over him

DM: It is your turn…

Constance: (Awww shit. This is where I need thunderwave)

Constance: Ok. As I look to grab the rope I turn and shout “FAUSTUS, HELP BRONAN!” Then run back towards bronan and get between him and the cats 🐱

Constance: Am I close enough to hit one?

DM: Mate they are about 8 ft from you

DM: Wait are you pulling the rope back with you?

Constance: As in before I ran back?

DM: Yeah

Constance: I’m too panicky for that shit

DM: Bronan was right behind you, cats right on him

DM: Okay man have at

Constance: Whichever one looks closest or most threatening.

Constance: Smash with staff then kick kick

Constance: 18, 14, 11

DM: First two hit

DM: Give me damage

Constance: 12 + 6 bludgeoning

DM: A couple of horrifying thwacks to the lead lion split open its skull, and it howls in pain and bares its fangs

DM: Anything else? If not, faustus

Faustus: Haha OK is that how it is?

‪Bronan: (gonna apologise right now if this ends in a tpk. I fucked up, saw Besh was dead and did something hella dumb)

DM: 6 lions over bronans unconscious form, Constance swinging away at them. another 8 lions are somewhere amongst the smog cloud/far side of the cloud. Rope is tied off…faustus, your move

Faustus: OK. Any of the lions look bigger than the others and more alpha like?

DM: Nature check!

DM: (man this has snowballed a fair amount!)

Faustus: Nat 20

DM: Okay. Emerging from the smoke cloud, maybe fifteen feet from the current scuffle, is a male lion. Slightly larger/ older than the rest. Thick scars along its side are lounge healed, and its mane is a tangled mat. this is the big boy, the boss

DM: Fautus. Your move (nature check is free!)

Faustus: How far away from me is he?

DM: 15ft down, maybe another 10ft out

Faustus: OK, so he’s not within 10 feet from me? Vow of enmity is someone I can see within 10 feet.

DM: Man he is ten ft out, but fifteen down from the deck

Faustus: No no, I thought so.

Faustus: OK I jump down, so I’m 10ft in front of him, athletics?

Faustus: Which is a non-natural 20

Faustus: Then I hold out my shield towards him, casting abjure enemy and roaring while I do it.

DM: Jesus Christ

DM: You land safely

DM: What the hell does abjure enemy do

Faustus: Oh fuck, I forgot it’s a bonus so I’ll end with it.

DM: Okay

Faustus: Wait, did we rest after the gnolls fight?

DM: Yeah I think so

Faustus: OK then I breath fire at him and anyone within a 15ft cone behind him

Constance: (Fuck. Breaking out the big guns. Fuck these lions)

Faustus: DC 12 dex saves for any in that cone, half damage on save

DM: That’s going to be three lions

Faustus: 9 fire damage for failed, 4 for saved

DM: Two save, one fails (boss)

Constance: (Three lions up in flames. Never stop me dreaming)

Faustus: Cool. And after that I hold my shield out with my holy symbol of Bahamut, roar and abjure enemy. Boss has to make a wisdom save.

Faustus: I’ve fucked all that up

Faustus: Sorry. Ignore all that damage.

Faustus: I was reading the info off an app and saw bonus action but it isn’t, vow of enmity is but that’s not the channel divinity I wanted to do.

Faustus: Could I scrap the breath attack, wasn’t what I wanted to do but when I misread abjure enemy I thought I could do both in one go

Faustus: Ah fuck and I wouldn’t have had to jump down because it’s 60ft range!

Faustus: Fucking idiot.

DM: I’ve already recorded breath damage

DM: So for your heroic leap

DM: You can abjure enemy as well

DM: Wisdom save for boss lion?

Faustus: Ah thanks man. Right. Yes.

DM: That’s a fail for sure

Faustus: OK he is frightened of me for 1 minute.

DM: Fuck

DM: Okay

DM: Death saving throw bronan

‪Bronan: 13

DM: Still alive…

DM: Lions turn…

‪Bronan: Still alive. Fur now…

DM: Right

DM: Let’s start with the 6 surrounding Constance and bronan

DM: Constance- what is your AC

Constance: 16

DM: Okay four hit

DM: One crits

‪Bronan: (someone queue up needle in the hay by elliot Smith)

DM: 29 slashing damage

DM: Faustus, the frightened one paces back and fore, too afraid to approach

DM: From the smoke behind it two lions leap forward

DM: 15 or 17 hit you? One claws one bite

DM: As they attempt to strike, the other four from the other side of the cloud appear at its edge having used their turn to move around it

DM: The lion alpha roars

 

Come back next Monday for Chapter 43, the finale of The Cursed Tomb!

Fancy supporting the site? You can pick up all of the 5th edition D&D books from Wizards of the Coast using our Amazon links below, and we’ll get a cut with no extra cost to you!

Dungeon Master’s Guide

Player’s Handbook

Monster Manual

Volo’s Guide to Monsters

Sword Coast Adventurer’s Guide

Starter Set

The Cursed Tomb: Chapter 41 – Maelstrom

So Adam and Ian don’t feel like they play enough D&D. To rectify this, they started playing a text-based adventure with a couple of friends, still using the 5th edition framework. We thought it would be fun to clean up the transcripts of this adventure and start publishing it in weekly chapters here on the site. Let us know what you think, and please share around! If you missed Chapter 1, check it out here!

Disclaimer: This is the transcript of a text-based D&D game played over a period of 6 months. Bad language included. Picture based dice rolls/media omitted. Names changed to preserve anonymity. Goblin based violence frequent. You have been warned. If you missed Chapter 40, find it here!

 

DM: You hear the shifting sands outside, and what sounds like Bronan chatting (one sided) to a skeleton

‪Bronan: As I’m moving bodies, I’ll keep an eye out for some keys in case they have a set

DM: Aha!

DM: Investigation!

‪Bronan: (I also want to look for any other shinys that may be on their remains, especially a shiny snorlax card)

‪Bronan: I got 11

DM: You find a sealed letter on the man in the cabin, assorted daggers etc, about thirty gold pieces

DM: And a six keys. 2 are the same, the others assorted

‪Bronan: I’ll show the party those when I’m done body clearing 🙂

DM: So yeah, bronan has cleared the skeletons- where are they all now?

DM: Constance and faustus thoroughly check the hold, now staring at a hatch that seems to lead…down

Constance: down the hold?

DM: You open the heavy hatch to inky blackness below

DM: Stillness

DM: Heat

DM: A steep metal ringed staircase descends into the darkness

‪Bronan: I would’ve put the skellys off the ship to the side, away from the gnolls

DM: Sure sure

‪Bronan: I’ll light a torch and see what we can see

DM: Perceptiooooooooon

‪Bronan: 18 total

DM: It’s the engine room! Three skeletons lie utterly still, dressed in overalls. Tools lay scattered around them, chisels and hammers. Emerging from the floor, a dome of blue crystal covered in runes sits. A tube with a horn at the end protrudes from one wall. The other walls have: a racy elf calendar; a complex poster with a picture of a blue runed orb; a heavily edited and overlapping shift timetable

DM: I mean. It must be the engine?

‪Bronan: Bronan is going to go with what he knows, and start flicking through the calendar

DM: Great

DM: Give me a perception, with disadvantage if Bronan fancies elves

‪Bronan: Errm I dunno, I kinda figure he’s into most things, Bro tribe rules is any hole’s a goal

‪Bronan: Got a 16, and a 15, so 15, Bronan wise, Bronan strong, Bronan look at nudes all day long

DM: As you are scanning the pictures, you realise this calendar is on the wrong day! It’s set to about…150 days ago

‪Bronan: (after a long time of looking at the pictures) I think date wrong it’s [insert correct date] not [correct date-150 days] right?  also Bronan have keys, we open boxes? Search mechanic skeletons?

‪Bronan: I search the skeletons in the engine room then put them with the others

DM: Investigation check

DM: You find nothing of note those skeletons, and can haul them to where you store the others

DM: You are left on a ship free of skeletons, full of mysteries

‪Bronan: Can I try some of the keys on the locked crates? (unless people want to leave me be?)

Constance: Ok. So situation. We are in the engine room. Big blue runed ball thing. Calendar marked to 150 days ago. Complex poster. Shift time table. Big horn tube thing.  We have a bunch of keys. Right?

DM: Yup

Constance: Ok. I want to go check out the poster and kind of compare it to the big blue orb thingy.

DM: Sure, arcana check for me please

Constance: Ugh. Five

DM: This is a big fuckin magic ball, eh

Constance: well shiz

DM: Uh huh

‪Bronan: (I really want Bronan to have a go just in case, would that be cool? He technically has 2 rituals and a proud shamanic tradition)

DM: (but of course)

‪Bronan: Nope, I got a 3

Constance: ha

Constance: Faustus! You know about complex magicks right?

‪Bronan: I think there are tiny wizards inside, maybe they hungry?

‪Bronan: (Bronan needs a brocade loincloth)

Constance: (oh yeah, ill use inspiration to give Faustus advantage on his Intelligence and Charisma rolls for tomorrow)

‪DM: Constance and bronan are in the hold. faustus is in the engine room. none of you seem to know what you are doing, and I think it’s early afternoon

‪Bronan: I’ll make lunch for people while sir dribbles browses the smut

DM: Passive perception checks

DM: Puhlease

‪Bronan: My passive is 14

Constance: Mine is 12

Faustus: 10

DM: Bronan, you hear a noise from outside somewhere. Not on the ship, somewhere below on the sands nearby. It sounds like a dry piece of wood being snapped

‪Bronan: Errm Bronan think Besh got loose, we should go check

‪Bronan: (and then he goes and looks outside)

DM: You very quickly realise what the sound is

‪Bronan: (please not skeletons)

DM: It was the sound of Besh’s neck snapping as a desert lion killed her. There are at least fifteen of them. Five clustered around Besh, five crunching the skeleton bones, and another five nervously sniffing the gnoll remains

DM: Your supplies and food and water are being pawed at vigorously

‪Bronan: (oh crap, that’s worse)

‪Bronan: Sir dribbles begins Barking at the large cats and seems to be going into pug rage, Bronan realises this and follows suit, raging and trying to charge at the nearest lion yelling bad kitties kill Besh, Bronan smaaaassssh

DM: (the lions are on the desert floor, you are fifteen foot up on the ships deck

‪Bronan: (yup, gonna jump it)

Faustus: Fuck!

Bronan: I should have enough movement to get to em

‪Bronan: (I hope!)

DM: Yeah, from 15ft up? Acrobatics check please

DM: And you can have a surprise round (I’m certainly surprised) of attacks then we will do initiative

‪Bronan: 18 total

‪Bronan: (Bronan has been chatting to Besh every day, they’re friends so he wants to get revenge)

DM: Okay, no damage from the flying leap. straight at the five munching on beau/your supplies?

‪Bronan: Yup. Getting all up in them pussycats

‪Bronan: I’m gonna give these cats some beers, and by that I mean smash them with the crushed beerkeg that is my axe, 22 to hit

DM: That hits the first lion

‪Bronan: 14 slashing

‪Bronan: And that’s my turn:) they’re going to nibble me next I guess

DM: All roll initiative

Faustus: Hahaha

Faustus: Right, I got a 2 for initiative.

‪Bronan: 20 #dicerolleroffire

Constance: 10 for initiative

DM: Bronan I need your roll with mods, apparently…

DM: I’m guessing it will be 3 though, in which case it is your turn again!

‪Bronan: My dex is +2

DM: So, to paint a picture. Bronan stands raging over a wounded lion, his axe bloodied, roaring with rage

DM: And fifteen lions roar back

DM: You can go first bronan

‪Bronan: (oh fiddlesticks, 15 lions may just be enough to action economy me down)

Constance: Action economy?

DM: (i mean…action economy?! There are fifteen of them. they are fucking lions man. You have made your choice…)

‪Bronan: (number of actions like attacks per turn, I thought there was 5, but happy to lie in this bed, Bronan smash)

‪Bronan: I try to smash the wounded lion to death

‪Bronan: 15 to hit

DM: Great, that hits

‪Bronan: My ac is 15 btw

DM: (i just checked, I said fifteen. Also thanks for AC, that will speed things

‪Bronan: 16 damage for that little kitty

‪Bronan: It’s cool, Bronan would’ve jumped in anyway

‪Bronan: He a big dumdum

DM: That first lion, the one who had killed Besh, lies slain on the sand

DM: And the rest pounce

DM: The four nearest, three hit you, total of 17 slashing damage

‪Bronan: Ok, is it halved already or want me to halve it?

DM: You half it please

‪Bronan: Cool 🙂

Constance: (Oh good)

DM: Next pack of five try to pounce on you

DM: So they Sprint forward one at a time with claws bared

DM: All five hit you

DM: So

DM: 30 slashing

DM: And make a strength saving throw

‪Bronan: Highest was 25 (natty 20)

DM: You get any below 13?

‪Bronan: Ooh I rolled once with advantage,  got a 13 and a 25, I’ll make 4 more rolls

‪Bronan: (rolls for 4 more anyway!)

‪Bronan: Lowest (given advantage) was an 18

DM: Wow

DM: Okay

‪Bronan: If you want to speed it up, my strength save is a plus 5

DM: As you bat away these pouncing lions you keep to your feet, despite the hideous raking of their claws

DM: And the final five pounce

DM: Four succeed in clawing you (so four str saves again please)

DM: 23 slashing damage

Constance: Meanwhile, in the engine room. “Faustus, do you know where Bronan has got to? And where is that calendar?”

‪Bronan: Got a 12 for one of them, next lowest was a 15

DM: Bronan you are on the floor

DM: Take another 10 piercing as one tries to bit your face off

DM: And now, Constance…

‪Bronan: Cool (current hp is 18 for you at home)

‪Bronan: (13 rather)

Constance: Right. 1. Have I realised that bronan is in trouble?

Constance: 2. How far is he from me?

DM: Yeah this has been possibly the loudest 12 seconds one could imagine

Constance: Oh shit. K.

DM: Bronan, screaming in rage at Besh’s demise, leapt from the ship and attacked and killed a lion. 14 other lions are now circling him, pouncing, roaring. It’s a fucking maelstrom of lions

DM: So you guys I’ll say are on the deck, fifteen feet up

DM: Looking down on a storm of claws and violence

Constance: I’m basically trying to work out if I can get in, grab bronan and get back out in one turn.

‪Bronan: (can I request that for my tombstone? “he died in a fucking maelstrom of lions)

DM: Hahaha

DM: Constance- you could leap down and reach him (with an acrobatics check), and drag him out. But you’d be taking heaps of opportunity attacks on the way out, and need to presumably climb up the ship again (another acrobatics/athletics check). Chuck him a rope and pull?

DM: Just try and picture in your head 14 lions against this beast of a barbarian, fifteen feet below you. How do you extricate him/save the day?

Constance: Would I though! Cause I have a plan!

DM: Feel free

DM: Lions are hungry, and you are a tall halfling

Constance: Ok. I leap down and grab bronan.

Constance: (Tall-ling is the preferred term you fucking racist)

‪Bronan: (if not I’m gonna animal handling these fuckers to make me the alpha and cruise with a pack of lion minions)

DM: Acrobatics check, it’s a fifteen foot drop

Constance: 19 on acrobatics

DM: Okay you flip onto the sand, into the pack, and are next to bronan. a lion is currently gnawing on him and dozens others batting in with their claws

DM: What exactly are you doing?!

 

Come back next Monday for Chapter 42, the penultimate part of of The Cursed Tomb!

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