So Adam and Ian don’t feel like they play enough D&D. To rectify this, they started playing a text-based adventure with a couple of friends, still using the 5th edition framework. We thought it would be fun to clean up the transcripts of this adventure and start publishing it in weekly chapters here on the site. Let us know what you think, and please share around! If you missed Chapter 1, check it out here!
Disclaimer: This is the transcript of a text-based D&D game played over a period of 6 months. Bad language included. Picture based dice rolls/media omitted. Names changed to preserve anonymity. Goblin based violence frequent. You have been warned. If you missed Chapter 42, find it here!
DM: As they attempt to strike, the other four from the other side of the cloud appear at its edge having used their turn to move around it
DM: The lion alpha roars
DM: (those hits were for five and seven respectively if they landed)
Faustus: Ac with shield is 18
DM: Well fuck
DM: Constance, you are up if that 29 slashing didn’t put you down
Constance: It did not! (Just)
Constance: Although if I get hit again I most certainly will.
Constance: How many of these fucks are left?
DM: Of the 15 lions?
Constance: Well then shit.
DM: Bronan smashed one, faustus javelined one
Constance: I am going to use a ki point to use patient defence (which gives me dodge as a bonus action) then I’m going to use my healers kit to medicine check bronan.
Constance: So he should be stable.
DM: So that is autostabilised?
DM: Sure sure
DM: How does dodge work?
Constance: And attackers have disadvantage till the start of my next turn
DM: Okay super
DM: That you?
DM: In which case, faustus…
Constance: Fucking fending off cats while I bandage your shit up
DM: Not cats
DM: Can’t emphasise this enough
Faustus: I’m going to cleave into one of the lions on me
Faustus: 22 to hit
Faustus: And I’m gonna make it a divine smite.
Faustus: 10 slashing damage. 6 radiant. Big light show.
DM: Booom. It takes a big hit from your longsword and staggers back, bloodied and howling in pain
DM: Anything else?
DM: Your turn
DM: I think you can just lie very still
Bronan: I’m stable but unconscious, so just happily sleeping
Constance: Damn I forgot you would be unconscious
Constance: (Adam you have some healing magicks right?!)
Faustus: (Yes. Assuming I don’t die)
DM: Its the lions turn
DM: Six lions at Constance will go first, trying to kill Constance. Disadvantage due to dodge?
Bronan: (I used to have hatred in my heart for only one monster, Merrow, now I’m adding lions)
Constance: Yup disadvantage
DM: Only two of six manage to hit you
DM: 18 slashing…
DM: (d6+3 for each claw…)
Constance: Yeah I’m down
DM: Constance and bronan lie on the sand, pumping blood into the arid air
DM: Faustus stands alone, sword in hand, shield shining with its sigil of bahamut against a seemingly unstoppable force. 7 lions face him. One, their leader, is abjured, struck with a holy fear if the hulking dragonborn before it
DM: The other six…three strike with their teeth bared!
DM: They all strike true, one of them critting
DM: 24 piercing damage
DM: The other three have moved around and attack with flying sprints, pouncing forward, claws slicing through the air
DM: Two of them hit, one of them crits…
DM: 22 slashing damage and two strength saving throws please Faustus
DM: (Constance how down are you?)
Constance: That last one took me to negative 16
DM: Okay, right
Constance: Well balls
DM: Sir dribbles barks furiously on the deck of the wrecked airship
DM: Constance and Bronan lay writhing from countless wounds, surrounded
DM: And Faustus takes some heavy hits, the lions striving to drive the paladin to the ground
DM: (also hate to say it but if you are at -16 Constance, at least one of those hits was when you were already down, so you are at 2 failed death saves)
Constance: Yeah I had 2 HP left
Constance: (Can we have a side story like homeward bound where sir dribbles befriends one of the cats and finds his way back to civilisation)
DM: (depends how the next few rounds go- but what, arc 2 we each have lion stat blocks and one dog stat block and we have to cross the desert?!)
Constance: Hahahah. No but I would watch that movie
DM: (i feel bad, I think Faustus is hungover and is going to wake up to 22 slashing damage and two strength saving throws as 6 lions try and rip him to shreds)
DM: (well, 12 lions)
Bronan: (I spent entirely too long trying to come up with a tag line for the movie, again, sorry guys, like the kid who microwaved a pot noodle, I fucked up big-time)
Bronan: (broooooonnnaaaaann jenkins)
DM: (blame David Attenborough, planet earth 2 on Sunday had some wicked desert lions and I thought, ooh, this will incentivise them to fix this airship faster! Forgot about poor old Besh)
Constance: (DAMNIT ATTENBOROUGH YOU WIN AGAIN!)
DM: (you aren’t dead yet! Let’s see what Faustus can pull off. If he isn’t pinned beneath two lions)
Bronan: (holy shit, planet earth 2? I haven’t even finished the first one!)
DM: (just started a couple of weeks ago, Sunday’s on BBC. Very good. And to blame for this potential TPK)
Faustus: Nat 20 and a 21
DM: Okay you are still on your feet
DM: Constance. Death saving throw.
DM: All comes down to this dice roll for our little halfling monk
Constance: Ok. Is everyone prepared
Constance: Oh boys.
Constance: Oh my boys.
Bronan: (please be nat20)
Constance: Shit. 8.
DM: Constance, as you lay in the sand bleeding, you feel the hot breath of a lion as its mouth covers your neck. As it squeezes and darkness envelops you, the last thing you see is the staff of Ptonos, inscrutable runes glowing faintly. And then you see nothing at all
DM: Faustus it is your turn
DM: No idea how your health is looking, but you are surrounded by lions
DM: 6 of them, the leader is ten foot back prowling nervously
DM: Two of the six are those you burned previously, and one has been burned+ taken a big hit from your holy sword and seems near to death
DM: 10ft to the side of the ship. Maybe thirtyish ft to the rope? But that is through a heap of lions
Faustus: Right. Can I get to the leader? Or will I take attacks on the way?
DM: You will take attacks on the way
DM: At least six…
DM: Unless you can walk me through how you get to him. I’m open to it, but you are literally surrounded by lions
Faustus: Faustus can’t see a way of winning this. So
Faustus: First I use lay on hands on myself. Hardly the time for that but still.
Faustus: So I heal 20 hp.
DM: (so what’s your HP total now?)
DM: The divine essence of bahamut seals the worst if your wounds, and you feel strength restore to your tired limbs
Faustus: Then I’m going to try to push through the lions and make it to the rope and back up the ship.
DM: Okay man. It is just around the corner of the ship
Faustus: Shit, forgot it was on the other side! Yes. How far is that?
DM: Thirty feet I’d say. Maybe 25 if the rope is trailing
DM: I’d say you can reach it
Faustus: Yes. So what, 8 opportunity attacks?
DM: But you will take opportunity attacks from the six lions around you, and those two at the corner
DM: So 8
DM: So let’s start with the six by you
DM: Five of those hit you
DM: Thirty slashing
Faustus: 5/6 hit over 18! Jesus.
Faustus: God damn
Constance: Fucking lions
DM: You are still standing I believe?
DM: So you make it through, getting just shreeeeded
DM: And the last two lions between you and the rope attack
DM: First one misses! 17 and a 7
DM: Second one
DM: It sinks its teeth in
Faustus: And does 3 damage right?
DM: And does 7
Faustus: Welp! That went as well as could be expected.
DM: Just as you are past it, reaching the rope, it leaps on your back and crunches into the back of your neck
DM: Bronan, your eyelids flutter, but you feel nothing as they pull you apart
DM: Faustus, in your minds eye a great silver dragon roars
DM: And above the feasting lions, a small dog stands alone, silent, unsure and alone and afraid
DM: Thank you for playing season 1 of The Cursed Tomb. Good effort lads. But holy shit you done fucked up.
Bronan: Ptonos tomb really was cursed, huh
Constance: I thought at least Faustus would get away
DM: Game Over
Faustus: He’s so happy.
Bronan: Whelp, that was really good fun
DM: (and let’s leave the fate of sir dribbles as a nice question mark)
DM: Well, reflections. You successfully raided Ptonos’s tomb, fled to the capital to take stock and discovered that the mayor of Al’sash is seeking magical implements of great power
DM: So you returned and allied with the crime boss Melbos, who said he would aid you if you wiped out some aaracokra bandits
DM: Turns out the aaracokra were just defending their lands, and had in fact rescued a wild sorceress of great power called Melody who the mayor had kidnapped
DM: You went on the the pirate port Fort Last, rescuing a flower farmer en route
DM: And when there convinced mad pirate captain Varratim to aid you in defeating the mayor
DM: So you returned to al’sash, and arranged to meet the mayor, and turned the gem he had hired you to steal from Ptonos’s tomb on him, destroying his forces in a huge tsunami
DM: Meanwhile, melbos abandoned you to take over al’sash
DM: You returned to port last, and then up to the aaracokra homeland where you all celebrated your victory
DM: And then decided to seek out the mayor’s treasure airship, crashed months before in the deep south desert!
DM: You braved gnoll attacks, blistering sun, a vicious sandstorm, and a cursed oasis, before finding the treasure and defeating its guardians
DM: But a rash act of vengeance by bronan on a pride of lions who are your faithful camel led to an early demise
DM: What were the runes on Constance’s staff? How did this airship work? What treasure was hidden within? How fare the folk of al’sash? The world continues to turn, as lions lick their lips and pick the meat from your bones
Thanks for reading The Cursed Tomb! It ended fairly inauspiciously. Hopefully we will return to the desert one day!
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