The Cursed Tomb: Chapter 23 – Punch Damage

So Adam and Ian don’t feel like they play enough D&D. To rectify this, they started playing a text-based adventure with a couple of friends, still using the 5th edition framework. We thought it would be fun to clean up the transcripts of this adventure and start publishing it in weekly chapters here on the site. Let us know what you think, and please share around! If you missed Chapter 1, check it out here!

Disclaimer: This is the transcript of a text-based D&D game played over a period of 6 months. Bad language included. Picture based dice rolls/media omitted. Names changed to preserve anonymity. Goblin based violence frequent. You have been warned. If you missed Chapter 22, find it here!


Faustus: Jesus.

Faustus: I guess without knowing if Constance is ok we have to wait at the tavern for her?

Constance: Ah crap!

DM: Yup

DM: Constance you didn’t see any winged shadowy shapes, you just saw the ground, very close up. You are now quite dirty

Constance: I stand up and dust myself off. “That could have gone worse”

DM: You say that, and can’t hear yourself say it

DM: Town is directly north, what do you do?

DM: Faustus and bronan, you can safely make it to the sand spire. A lot of people are milling around, awoken by the cacophonous explosion

Faustus: I faux shock and surprise.

Constance: I’m going to start to stumble back towards town avoiding the south gate. Not running

DM: Each compass point has a gate essentially, so 8 choices (7 barring south)

Constance: Whichever is nearest and not that

DM: South east or south west

DM: Let’s say south west as the other took south east

DM: When you get about 300 ft from the gate you can see torches and guards, at least three guards

DM: Even as you watch a guardsman on a camel approaches them, he seems to have come outside the city along from the south gate. He speaks to them, and they close the gate. He then rides off along the wall heading for the west gate. The gate is closed, two guards outside, one inside

Constance: Well bugger.

Constance: So they seem to be closing the gates and effectively locking me out?

DM: Uhuh

Constance: Bugger!

Constance: Did I recognise the guard at all?

Constance: I.e. Did he look like one of the ones from the south gate?

Constance: Cause if he did and he is going clockwise, maybe I can get ahead of him by going anti-clockwise

DM: Roll perception

DM: With disadvantage as you are 300ft away and its dark. .

Constance: (Does halfling luck apply when you have disadvantage? I rolled an 18 and a 1. So I reroll the 1??)

DM: (Does luck let you Reroll a dice, or just give you advantage? If latter, roll just one, if former, can Reroll the 1)

Constance: (Halfling luck let’s you reroll nat 1s)

Constance: (Ha another 18!) plus 2 for a non natural 20

DM: Okay. That looked like one of Bronwin’s companions from the south gate

Constance: Ok I’m going to run the other way to try and get ahead of him

Constance: As in the the south east gate or whatever

Faustus: (Hahaha your phone automatically capitalises reroll now)

DM: Well you are at south west, so next is south, then south east…

Constance: Yeah but I want to skirt away from the south as I assume that will be closed

Constance: Plus bronwin seemed like a dick

DM: So head to south east?

Constance: Yes

DM: Okay, as you pass the south gate there is commotion there, what seems to be a group saddling up and preparing to ride out

DM: As you head to the south east the gate there is still open, and there are three guards arguing amongst themselves

Constance: Can I just try to walk in casual as fuck

DM: Great

DM: as soon as you appear, the first guard pulls out a sword staff and points it at your face and starts yelling. The other two draw thick mahogany clubs and flank him

Constance: Uh. Seems a bit aggressive gentlemen!?

DM: They point south at where the giant green explosion was and they are now screaming something at you

DM: (you are deaf and can’t hear what they are saying. Can perception some lip reading)

Constance: Oh shit I’m deaf

Constance: I forgot

DM: Hahahahaha

Constance: Ok. I’m going to start shouting in halfling

Constance: “I don’t know what’s going on big boom on my way here just a priest “

DM: Deception roll please

Constance: Oh no. A halfling one.

Constance: 2 + 1. For a grand total of three.

DM: No none of them speak halfling

DM: I’m seeing if your nonsensical lies in a foreign tongue seem to convince them

DM: They do not

DM: They are still yelling, and now moving to surround you

DM: The leader stops shouting and points at your sword, then at the ground

Faustus: (Sorry buddy, really want to help but it would definitely be meta gaming)

Constance: (Oh god oh god oh god)

DM: What do you do?

Constance: Ok.

Constance: I’m going to use my other ki point to disengage, skidding between the shouty ones legs and fucking leg it. Using my movement and the dash action as my main I can get 70ft.

Constance: (Step of the wind ftw)

DM: Leg it into the city?

Constance: Yup, diving round corners and down alleys.

Constance: Not heading to the sand spire

Constance: Like anywhere but there

Constance: Maybe to some sort of temple?

Constance: SANCTUARY!!!

DM: Alright, are you trying to lose then by speed or by stealth? Roll athletics or stealth, and perception

Constance: Speed. Vaulting over walls and shit.

Constance: Wait. Athletics or acrobatics?

DM: As you prefer

Constance: Well then 12

DM: You manage to eventually evade them, but you think they got a good look at you

Constance: Balls.

Constance: Ok. Where am I?

DM: You are in amongst some government offices near the sultans palace, maybe 15 minutes walk down backstreets to the sand spire, five minutes by main roads

Constance: Hmm. Ok.

Constance: I’m going to take 20 minutes to duck into an alley, change into my monks robes, cut my hair off with my short sword, dirty my face with some alleyway dirt and strap these hefty lady bangers down with some bandages from my healers kit.

Constance: Boom. Cross dressing monk.

DM: Hahaha

DM: Okay

DM: Then what?

Constance: Take the back streets towards the sand spire I suppose

DM: Grand

DM: Faustus and bronan are you waiting in your rooms or the bar?

‪Bronan: (I was gonna suggest wrapping you in a spare loincloth and doing the time honored midget pretending to be a child gag)

‪Bronan: I would have invited Faustus to my room for some room ales

Constance: (God damn it Bronan that got too fucked up last time you did it)

Bronan: (it’s happened so often, I forget, was that the dopplerbard incident?)

Constance: (Maybe. When you dressed as a child them murdered everyone, then used King Grol as a puppet)

‪Bronan: (#justkevinthings)

‪Bronan: Hmm Faustus, this stew taste good today, another ale? Constance is running a bit slow though, she did know we were meeting here rather than in imohens tavern?

DM: Constance arrives, hair cut, face covered in dirt, monk robes

DM: Burliman doesn’t recognise you

Constance: Can I see the other two?

DM: No soliciting donation here, you know the rules. No mendicant friars, no salacious nuns, no chimney sweeps of any kind! It says it right on the door!

DM: The other two are not in the bar


Constance: Can I hear now? Or do I work it out from the sign?

DM: You are deaf

DM: Oh sorry shit. Yeah he is just saying what is on the sign he is pointing to

Constance: I nod, smile, and pull out two gold pieces, hold them up and try to mime pencil and paper?

DM: He quickly fetches some charcoal and a scrap of paper

Constance: I write on it. “Looking for big man with small dog and big dragon man, also just want room”

Constance: I hold up the two gold again

DM: He swiftly takes you up on that offer and says something, pointing upstairs. He hands you a bowl and points at the stew

Constance: (Ok so I’m down two gold?)

DM: Yup, and up a room key and a stew bowl

Constance: Sweet.

Constance: I go into bronans room

DM: Reunited!

DM: Well. You are all together again

Constance: (And it feeeeels so gooood)

‪Bronan: Hello short one, you look like a friend of mine! Want some ale?


Faustus: Does she still have the paper and charcoal?

‪Bronan: Bronan holds out a full mug of ale

DM: Yes

Constance: Which Constance takes and drinks from deeply

Constance: I write “you won’t believe the day I’ve had”

Faustus: I write (and I’m assuming paper is a premium here) “not go well?”

Constance: “Does it look like it went well?”

‪Bronan: Bronan grins holds his hands close together and then rapidly pulls them apart

‪Bronan: (I’m the style of a British tourist abroad) Broooonaaann saaaad *holds hands to eyes like a crying baby* thaaat connnstaannce *pokes constance* eeeears huuurt

Constance: Write “thank you Bronan”

Constance: I then proceed to write down roughly what happened with emphasis on the fact that I’ve been made

DM: Cool

DM: So

DM: What are you doing?

‪Bronan: Bronan want fix constance-friend, we get money from imohen, get cleric to heal?

DM: Bronan, Faustus, you can make medicine checks on Constance’s ears if you like

Faustus: 9

DM: She’s deaf, Jim!

‪Bronan: 4

‪Bronan: (guess constance is deaf now!)

DM: Her ears are still there, so who knows what’s wrong.

‪Bronan: Bah, constance play trick on Bronan again!

‪Bronan: Faustus friends, we find imohen?

DM: So are you heading to the link lily? Are you waiting until dawn?

‪Bronan: I’ll pop down to the common room and see what the mood is like , if people are generally ok and going in and out then pop down this evening, if not then tomorrow

DM: Everyone seems very slightly tense, but not too bad

‪Bronan: In that case onward to the lolly!

‪Bronan: Or lily

Constance: Can I medicine check myself? To see if I can instruct them how to fix my ears? Or alternatively I have a healing potion

DM: You can medicine check yourself

DM: And feel free to go mad with a healing potion, I’ll let you know what happens s

Constance: Ugh. 8 on a medicine check

DM: You are deaf! Aaaaaahhh!

DM: But your ears are still there

Constance: Well bugger. Let’s go find Imohen and see if we can find the location of a cleric or something

Constance: I write

‪Bronan: Sound good, you disguise real good? Bronan not want constance to be deaf and arrested

Constance: Perhaps we should lay low for the night, I don’t know what more I can do to disguise myself. Unless….

Faustus: Maybe we’ll luck out and your deafness isn’t permanent?

Constance: Bronan. Punch me in the face

‪Bronan: Constance, I really don’t want to hit you, I’ll hurt you!

Constance: But Bronan! What’s worse? You hitting me or me getting arrested!?

Constance: If you hit me it will disguise me!

‪Bronan: Why not we tie loin cloth around constance and Bronan carry, pretend constance is child?

Constance: I don’t particularly want to pretend to be a child Bronan it’s insulting.

Bronan: Ok, brace youself

‪Bronan: (do you want me to roll an attack roll?)

DM: Nah he is letting you hit him

DM: So you can do minimal damage (1+str for unarmed? ) If you are hitting her hard enough to mess up the face

‪Bronan: (the first punch is going to be a love tap, Bronan really doesn’t want to hurt him)

‪Bronan: (but if she makes me hit her again, that’d be a solid 4)


DM: Arite, 4 damage, and a rapidly swelling left eye

‪Bronan: I’m so sorry constance, I’m so sorry *Bronan begins to cry*

Constance: It’s ok Bronan. I’m tougher than I look!

DM: Arite, it’s about 2am. Heading to the pink lily?

DM: Sorry. Not 2am. Just after midnight

Constance: Hold on a sec

DM: (if I’ve got the time wrong sorry, hard to keep track)

Constance: Have I rested at all or have I taken both that blast damage and that ouch damage?

Constance: Lol. Nice autocorrect. Punch damage

Faustus: Also before we head out, still writing down, I ask: Constance, what did the winged and horned figures in the sky look like up close? We couldn’t make them out clearly from the town.

DM: (Let’s say a short rest, can use your hit die if you like)

DM: (oh snap! The winged and horned figures!)

Constance: Winged and what now?

Constance: I was a bit preoccupied by the enormous explosion

Faustus: Hmm. We thought maybe you would be able to see them as you were closer. I’m not sure if they were an illusion created by the explosion, or something we actually need to be worried about!

Constance: (Do you add con to hit dice?)

DM: (think so yeah)

Constance: Sweet then I recovered 7 off of one hit dice

DM: Cool. What’s the plan boyos?

‪Bronan: Try to get paid!

‪Bronan: And then get some promax for constances’ eye and ears

Constance: I’ve heard that can cause Virgin birth

Faustus: Exactly. I hear good things about Promax.

DM: Heading to the Pink Lily, the city seems slightly on edge. still plenty of foot traffic, far fewer guards around the centre though. You reach the pub easy enough, Imohen is sat alone in a booth at the back drinking ale looking very pale faced


Come back next Monday for Chapter 24 of The Cursed Tomb!


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The Cursed Tomb: Chapter 22 – Shadows Within Shadows

So Adam and Ian don’t feel like they play enough D&D. To rectify this, they started playing a text-based adventure with a couple of friends, still using the 5th edition framework. We thought it would be fun to clean up the transcripts of this adventure and start publishing it in weekly chapters here on the site. Let us know what you think, and please share around! If you missed Chapter 1, check it out here!

Disclaimer: This is the transcript of a text-based D&D game played over a period of 6 months. Bad language included. Picture based dice rolls/media omitted. Names changed to preserve anonymity. Goblin based violence frequent. You have been warned. If you missed Chapter 20, find it here!


DM: So how we will do this, is from Mij’s you have to describe what you want to do, the skill you want to use, and what you rolled. And I’ll let you know what happens. Then the next person goes

DM: Your goal is to get clear of the city through the south gate without attracting any attention

DM: Only rules- can’t use the same skill twice yourself, or same as person before you just used

‪Bronan: Okaly doakaly

DM: (this isn’t a 5e thing Bronan, but something we do in our games- pretty relaxed rules, just try what you like!)

‪Bronan: (Constance has run a couple in the game he runs with us and I am familiar from podcasts :))

‪Bronan: (who wants to start?)

Faustus: I don’t mind starting?

Constance: Doooo eeeet

Faustus: Ok I use athletics to speed up our progress through the town.

Faustus: 21!

DM: Okay, what are you actually doing, trying to rush the cart with the barrel down the streets quickly?

Faustus: Yeah, but using athletics to do it competently and safely, rather than just barrelling through the street.

DM: Superb. That works really well- you lean into a few turns and manage a very controlled run through town

Constance: Can I use insight to see if I can determine any likely places where we will run into guards or other folk?

Constance: 17

DM: Yup. You realise there are guards at every major junction, and so can choose a few side streets to dodge them as if you were never there

DM: As you go, the barrel fizzles slightly, but Mij seems to have sealed it well..

‪Bronan: Can I use performance with my drum to make a distraction at a junction?

Constance: Hahahahhahaha. Please.

‪Bronan: 17 +0, 17

‪Bronan: (bardbarian!)

DM: At one a junction a couple of guards take an interest in this strange tableau of a dragonborn in chainmail, a halfling, a barbarian, and a pug pushing a giant barrel covered in runes. As they approach, bronan plays a drum solo

DM: And they are distracted for long enough for the others to divert down an alley, before reconvening

DM: (you guys are doing great, and are perhaps halfway to the south gate)

Faustus: Gonna try stealth, trying our best to keep out of sight, sticking to darker and quieter alleyways

DM: Dissssssadvantage

DM: Because of your chainmail

Faustus: Damn. Ok lower was 12.

DM: Ha. Okay, you jingle jangle your way past a group of guards with plumes helms and purple cloaks (sultans guard?)

Faustus: Balls

Constance: Can I use deception to tell them that I saw some shady looking characters in the opposite direction to the one we are heading?

Constance: Balls. 8.

‪Bronan: (lotta pressure on the brodog here…)

DM: They weren’t that intrigued by the jingle jangling, but constance’s awkward attempted diversion has their attention

DM: What you lot up to, says the leader

DM: Bronan, you’re up

‪Bronan: We simply ensuring sir dribbles, destroyer of worlds is safe and had his kibble, kneel before sir dribbles *holds sir dribbles aloft and shouts the last part*

‪Bronan: Intimidate

‪Bronan: I got a 16 total

DM: They look at you like you are insane, and just turn away and talk amongst themselves

DM: Faustus contance then bronan again (i think?)

Constance: (Yeah that’s right)

Faustus: Ok I’m going to use insight to determine the best and quickest route away from these guards, now that they have lost interest, and towards the south gate.

Faustus: That’ll be a 15

DM: You notice a back alley behind some market stalls and shops that seems to run all the way to the south gate, and is pretty much empty save for a few beggars

Constance: Can I use athletics to see if there are any scalable walls or fences that we could shortcut over?

Constance: Sorry I meant acrobatics

Constance: Which is a 20 (or 16 on athletics)

‪Bronan: I’m going to use arcana to check to see if the goop is doing OK rolling along and the runes are holding

‪Bronan: 17-1, 16

Faustus: (DM “I’m too drunk to do this,  I’ll do it tomorrow”)

Constance: (I gleaned that DM was drunk from another chat)

DM: Constance flips up a small wall and runs along its top, knocking rubbish and detritus to the side and allowing faustus and bronan an easy path with the barrel

DM: Bronan looks down as he runs, and sees a rune scuffed, and a tiny fleck of green liquid pooling at a crack in a seam

‪Bronan: (just watching the new season of Marco polo and that timed perfectly with the intro, brilliant East Asian music in time with constances ninja action)

DM: You are 10 feet from the south gate guards, hidden by shadow

DM: (nice!)

‪Bronan: Bros, we have a small leak! We should hurry!

Faustus: Can I loop back a little so I emerge from the shadows somewhere else, approach the gate alone? How many guards are there?

DM: 3 guards

DM: You can do that easily , what do you do ?

Faustus: Good evening, I was wondering if I may speak with Bronwin?

DM: One of the guards waves the other two away and comes up to you

DM: I know you?

Faustus: We have a mutual acquaintance, and a… problem that we need to remove from the city as quickly as possible. Could you allow us to pass so we may dispose of it at a safe distance?

DM: He glances around

DM: Which mutual acquaintance?

Faustus: Imohen.

DM: He grabs your chainmail and pulls you close

DM: Never say that name to me in public.

DM: I’ll distract these two. After they leave, you have 30 seconds. If you get caught, I’ll arrest you myself!

Faustus: I meant no offense. I thank you for your assistance friend.

DM: He lets you go

DM: I’m not your friend

Constance: (I’m not your buddy pal!)

Faustus: (I’m not your pal, guy!)

Faustus: I return to my friends and wait for our opening.

‪Bronan: (obligatory “I’m not you guy, buddy”)

‪Bronan: So Faustusfriend, did bronwin sort things out?

Faustus: Yes. Once he distracts the other two guards we will have 30 seconds to pass through the gate un noticed.

Faustus: He is unhappy though, and I think either no friend of Imohen or there is more to their relationship than she let on.

Constance: We can talk later. For now we have to move!

DM: Bronwin speaks to the other guards, who stroll away around a corner…

DM: And then he opens the south gate

Faustus: We go!

‪Bronan: (at meatspace DandD so I’ll be quiet for a while)

DM: Alright, a final roll from each of you for the skill you want to use to maximise getting out fast and unnoticed

Constance: Order?

DM: Same as before. Faustus, Constance, Bronan

Faustus: Perception to determine the smoothest ground so as not to disturb the barrel or make too much noise?

Faustus: I mean past the gate.

DM: Yup

Faustus: 18

Constance: I’ll try and nail stealth to keep us to the shadows

Constance: 20 (not natural)

DM: Faustus, the left hand side of the path out the gate is smooth rock, the right is pebbles. Should run silent on the smooth rock

Constance: (Also about to get on a plane)

DM: Constance, as faustus is steering the cart you manage to throw a penny down the road into a gang of street children, starting a mini riot

DM: Keeping attention off of you

‪Bronan: I’ll use athletics to help push the cart quickly through (assuming it’s a hand cart?)

‪Bronan: Oh jebus, that’s a 4+5, 9

DM: Between the three of you, you make it out. Bronan tried to go fast which makes the other two of you have a difficult time but you make it and are soon clear if the south gate. At this end of town there are only a few quiet streets between here and the countryside which you can easily traverse

DM: (skill challenge succeeded!)

DM: What would you like to do now?

Constance: Get this shit as far away from here as possible

Constance: Bury it

Faustus: Do we know how big an explosion it will cause if it blows up?

DM: Arcana check

‪Bronan: Maybe we explode it with flaming javelin? Bronan not want to fight mutated earthworms

Faustus: Hmm 11

DM: Hmm big?

Faustus: Exploding will also likely draw attention from the town.

Faustus: So we need to get it far away and dig it deep?

Constance: Bronan makes a good point about the worms though.

Faustus: Absolutely

‪Bronan: Do we need to explode or dig it? We just take out of town and let imohen know where it is?

Faustus: Yeah dispose of can be hide.

Constance: Leaving something this dangerous in the open might be a bad move

Constance: What if some children stumble across it?

Constance: Could you live with yourself?!

Faustus: Yeah true. Maybe detonate from afar with a javelin like Bronan said then book it away

‪Bronan: No I mean, one goes back and tells her, rest stay?

DM: (Constance you have inspiration)

Constance: Yay me

Constance: That could work Bronan

Faustus: Yeah that also works.

Constance: I have some flasks of oil we could use to make a line with. Like a wick

Constance: Or a fuse.

Constance: That’s the word I’m looking for

Faustus: Once we’ve got it far away let’s send the fastest back to tell her where it is and get paid. Then if she wants us to help blow it up we can.

‪Bronan: Sound plan friend Faustus, and we can then let mij know the good news!

Constance: Bronan is probably fastest

Faustus: I’m probably slowest.

‪Bronan: Ok, I leave sir dribbles here to protect you, promise me you send signal if you need help. Want me to make breakfast first?

Faustus: Maybe we don’t want to cook so close to the barrel!

‪Bronan: (Bronan fussed over you making sure your cloaks etc cover you)

Faustus: Haha

Faustus: What is a decent safe distance from the town?

‪Bronan: I put sir dribbles down and say “now sir dribbles, you look after these two and make sure they ok”

‪Bronan: Are we not safe here? Need go further?

DM: You are maybe half a mile past the town edge, behind a small hill. Can essentially go as far as you want in this direction, it seems pretty desolate

DM: Scrubby plains and low hills, occasional bushes etc

Faustus: Would maybe going another mile out be reasonable? Still safe for us, not too far for Bronan?

‪Bronan: Ok, no problem

‪Bronan: (Once we do that, Bronan is going to jog back to town, knees held high)

DM: Okay

DM: Bronan you can easily navigate back to the pink lily where imohen was before

DM: As you walk in she waves away two humans she was drinking with and beckons you over

DM: Done?

‪Bronan: Yes, it outside, I take you to it?


DM: I mean…it a disposed of? There shouldn’t be anything to take me to but a smoking hole

‪Bronan: Hmm, thought deal was to take it outside, thought you still might want it?

‪Bronan: If not, we can fix, but if you want it outside

DM: She shakes her head and presses her hand hard against the table

DM: If we can’t store it, we can’t use it, and every second it exists increases the chance the sultan will take our heads. Get out there and destroy it, then get back here. Reenter through a different gate. Then you’ll get your gold

‪Bronan: Ok, sure, fire make it go bang?

DM: Yes. Fire make it go big bang. So keep your distance, and get it sorted. And don’t delay in leaving once it’s done, someone will surely come looking for what has caused this…uproar!

‪Bronan: Ok, no problem. Speak soon!

‪Bronan: (as I leave via another gate, I will pick up a some Street food for Faustus and Constance)

DM: Very easily done, soon bronan comes jogging across the hills with shwarma for all

‪Bronan: Here friends, Bronan bring shwarma, eat up! We must make it go bang, then run and come in another gate

Faustus: Thanks Bronan. Ok. Do we think this is far enough away for us to get clear of before any mounted guards come to investigate the explosion? I feel a fuse may be best, as Constance suggested.

Constance: Or if any of us has a candle

Constance: (Game of thrones this shit)

DM: Faustus you aren’t sure how big a bang it is going to be, and thus are not sure if you are far enough away

Faustus: Yeah I get that, but equally I want to be far away from the bang regardless of how big I think it will be because I think the sultan is going to send folk to investigate/worms are going to turn up.

DM: (general world knowledge wise, you’ve never heard of sand worms outside of rib gulch and those red grass plains)

‪Bronan: We 1.5 miles away, not sure how fast they could get here, but it didn’t take me too long to job here

‪Bronan: Jog*

Constance: Well what’s our exit strategy?

Faustus: Well short of making some sort of makeshift fuse (out of what? Old clothes?) we would have to through a flaming javelin then just run.  Try and go around the city to a different gate?

Constance: Let’s Apollo 13 this shit

Constance: I have torches and oil and a tinderbox

DM: Ha. Okay. So you are trying to make some sort of slow burning fuse? Describe it, please

Constance: Well I’m trying to work out if what materials we have.

‪Bronan: Not much really, we no have rope

Constance: I also have some bandages in my healers kit

Faustus: Oh I’ve got rope

Constance: Soak them in oil, soak the barrel in oil

Faustus: Realised I have explorers pack and that comes with it.

Constance: Two of us get as far away as possible

DM: The top edge of the barrel is leaking a tiiiiiiiny bit if you remember

Constance: The other lights it and legs it

DM: It’s 50ft rope each I think?

Constance: Split up and meet back somewhere

‪Bronan: Meet back at tavern where we stay?

Constance: Sure

DM: Okay.

DM: So what is your final plan? 50ft of rope and oil?

Faustus: I think so?

Faustus: Light it and run, once we hear the explosion we head around the city so we don’t run straight back around into the same gate or bump into anyone.

Constance: (DM ruling question, if I use step of the wind to use dash as a bonus action can I also use dash as an action? If so how far would I be able to get in 6 seconds of my base movement is 35ft?)

DM: (by my understanding that would mean you can move 105ft…

DM: (let’s allow it)

Constance: (Hooray)

Constance: Ok. If you two head back towards town, I’ll light the fuse, bail as quickly as I can and head to the north gate, then come meet you at the inn (I forget what it’s called)

Constance: Also, how long do we reckon it takes for 50ft of oil soaked rope to burn?

DM: I’d say 6 seconds…

DM: Ha

DM: The inn where you have rooms is called the Sand Spire

Constance: Lol. Fine.

DM: (oh and I’ll let you have lighting the rope as a free action

Constance: Nice

DM: So 50 ft of rope soaked in oil leading from the barrel to Constance. How far away are faustus and bronan?

Faustus: I think we head back first before he lights it, so either back at the town or nearly back.

DM: Okay. Constance, you are alone in the dark. This far from other lights, the seams of the barrel are almost glowing. You are I presume tense, ready to sprint, a lit taper in your hand?

Constance: Yeah I’m going to use my tinder box to light a torch and then get ready to bail as quickly as possible and duck behind something if there is a rock or something nearby

Faustus: I ask Bronan which gate he used before, then we head to another gate that isn’t the south one either.

DM: Right

DM: Bronan and faustus are approaching the south east gate at the moment Constance lights the rope and starts running

DM: Constance, you are 50 ft from the barrel, and make it 200ft away before the barrel actually ignites

DM: A green column fire singes your back as you run, almost overtaking you, dreading at least 180ft in every direction, perhaps 300ft straight up in the sky

DM: Faustus and bronan, as the green light fades you see after images- horned and winged shapes? Shadows within shadows, in the remnants of the glow

DM: Constance, you are deafened and prone, in the dirt, and have taken 4 force damage from the blast


Come back next Monday for Chapter 23 of The Cursed Tomb!


Fancy supporting the site? You can pick up all of the 5th edition D&D books from Wizards of the Coast using our Amazon links below, and we’ll get a cut with no extra cost to you!

Dungeon Master’s Guide

Player’s Handbook

Monster Manual

Volo’s Guide to Monsters

Sword Coast Adventurer’s Guide

Starter Set


The Cursed Tomb: Chapter 21 – This Escalates Things

So Adam and Ian don’t feel like they play enough D&D. To rectify this, they started playing a text-based adventure with a couple of friends, still using the 5th edition framework. We thought it would be fun to clean up the transcripts of this adventure and start publishing it in weekly chapters here on the site. Let us know what you think, and please share around! If you missed Chapter 1, check it out here!

Disclaimer: This is the transcript of a text-based D&D game played over a period of 6 months. Bad language included. Picture based dice rolls/media omitted. Names changed to preserve anonymity. Goblin based violence frequent. You have been warned. If you missed Chapter 20, find it here!


DM: Its a new day in Cormyra! The inn is bustling (you get free breakfast stew). What’s the plan gang?

Constance: I’d like to see if we can poke around in this shop with the green slime gentlemen. It seems like it might be interesting.

DM: Sure thing. You can figure out which shop it was pretty easy by basic triangulation/common sense

DM: It’s a small shop called Mij’s Tonics & Tinctures

Constance: I’d like to see if my comrades agree first.

DM: Sure

DM: I mean you can see it from the pub window

Faustus: I agree.

‪Bronan: Sure, green not poop goop

DM: Okay. Mij’s Tonics & tinctures has a single door, couple of Windows full of potion bottles and decanters and whatnot

DM: Through the window you can see an old woman examining bottles and a very skinny tall dragonborn with glasses behind the counter mixing liquids and sniffing them

Faustus: Colour and gender?

DM: Black and female (note, dragonborn colours do not correspond to alignments, Faustus would know this)

Constance: (Faustus. That’s fucking racist and sexist)

Faustus: (I guess?)

DM: (depends why he was asking…)

DM: But yes, black female dragonborn, very tall and skinny. Pouring liquids, wearing an apron

Faustus: (Literally only asking for how I was planning to introduce myself)

Faustus: Shall we go in?

Constance: Let’s

DM: Creak

DM: Tinkle of small bell

DM: She looks up

DM: Greetings! Welcome to Mij’s!

Faustus: Greetings sister, how are you this day? (Guess what would have been different if it was a male dragonborn!)

DM: Very well, brother, very well. Peace be on your clan. Are you folks after something in particular, or just browsing? I have half off of everything in the side alcove

DM: Are you new in the city? I thought I knew all of the dragonborn in town!

Faustus: Yes, we have only recently arrived. My name is Faustus, am I to presume you are Mij?

DM: That is correct

DM: You have the look of adventurers! Seeking fortune in great cormyra?

Faustus: We seek fortune wherever we can find it! What can you tell me of your wares?

DM: Perfumes, healing tinctures, magical potions ranging from the minor to the superlative! (she gestures at a big locked cabinet behind her). All crafted by my own hand in this very shop

Faustus: (Does the cabinet look like it is leaking?)

DM: Nope

DM: But there is a door at the back of the shop and you are presumably about 1 level above where any issue would be

Faustus: (Cool)

‪Bronan: Smell weird in here

Faustus: I’m afraid we are not here to shop Mij, at least not for the time being, perhaps later.

Faustus: The barkeep of the local tavern tasked us with clearing out some vermin in the basement of his establishment. In doing so, we found a mysterious green substance that appeared to have affected one of the rodents. It seems like this toxin was leaking down through the earth, roughly from beneath your shop. Is there any chance of any damaged items in here or in a storage room that may be responsible? Of course I’m not suggesting any ill intent on your part sister, merely an unfortunate accident.

‪Bronan: Bronan is just sniffing bottles

DM: Shit, she says

DM: Shit shit shit

DM: Come with me

DM: She unlocks the door behind the counter and heads downstairs

Faustus: I follow

‪Bronan: Bronan hastily re-stoppers a bottle and follows

Constance: I traipse behind also

DM: You enter a small cellar full of vats barrels and bottles, and a workbench

DM: She immediately heads to the back corner and starts rolling away barrels until one is left

DM: It is a keg of black iron, covered in sigils and runes

DM: From its bottom corner a viscid green puddle has formed

DM: Oooooh shit, she says

‪Bronan: Hmm, big barrel. You making green, magic fire whiskey?

Constance: What’s going on there? Looks dangerous!

DM: Yup

DM: This is bad

DM: That there is concentrated fire lizard venom

DM: Cursed Imohen! It’s not.  Well. Not totally legal. I was just storing it for a friend

DM: Please

Faustus: That doesn’t sound good.

DM: Please you can’t tell anyone about this. I need to seal it and get rid of it before…Well. before it does what fire lizard venom does

Constance: Which friend? And why is it illegal?

Faustus: (Can I generally tell if she is lying as well?)

DM: My friend Imohen

DM: Faustus,perception i guess?

Faustus: 15

DM: It’s illegal because it can leech through almost anything, can cause monstrous changes in a creature, and if treated wrong will explode, with terrible force

‪Bronan: Why would imohen want this?

DM: She…She didn’t say. I didn’t ask. I owed her a favour, a big favour, from a long time ago

Faustus: And do I think she’s on the up and up?

Faustus: (First dragonborn Faustus has seen in a long time, longer still since seeing one that wasn’t evil that he was hunting)

DM: Faustus, she seems nerdy and legit

Faustus: We may need to talk to your friend, but we certainly have no intention of involving the authorities. How can we stop this leak and secure the venom?

DM: Hmm. I can defuse it with some essence of bullwrath, I have some somewhere. And I should be able to contain it and put a temporary seal on the cask. But I need to get rid of it! Please, could you find Imohen and see if she will take it away?

Constance: Out of curiosity, what is this normally used for?

DM: She looks uneasy

DM: Demolition, she says

DM: Though I have heard its more…mutational properties can be used in extreme healing rituals

Constance: Is that what Imohen does?

DM: Imohen…imohen works for one of the criminal houses. I don’t even know which one. Endless stars? Coming Night? Serpent’s hoof?

DM: I don’t know what she does, I just know I owed her a favour and she said she was in trouble and needed help

Constance: Hmm. Me and my friends must talk a moment.

Faustus: Why did you owe her a favour, if you don’t mind me asking?

DM: She saved my life, when I first came to the city. Stopped a group of youths who were beating me with sticks

Faustus: Ok. While you get your defusing agent and seal this up, my colleagues and I will confer.

DM: Okay

DM: Confer away!

Constance: This could be an in for us with some potential allies. The Crime Houses.

Constance: If nothing else we have some leverage as we know she is doing some illegal shit

Faustus: I want to help my kin here, so I’m in for finding out what is going on and how we can get the barrel out of here.

Constance: I agree.

Constance: But I feel we should approach this Imohen with the view of favours for favours

Faustus: If that is how you wish to proceed I’ll support it.

Faustus: (Shall we pause here until we get a response from Bronan? Seems like it should be a full group decision!)

DM: (Sure)

DM: (I’m out for the rest of evening anyway)

‪Bronan: (Me too soon) Bronan not really care much for law, maybe the crime men are the scorpion men working with Scarf-mayor, maybe goo is for dipping wizard in to make super powerful, maybe it just for making boom fireworks at party. Bronan not know, find out more and then see

DM: Mij says the best place to find Imohen is the pink lily, the roughest bar in cormyra. She would never go there, it’s too dangerous for her tastes! It’s at the west side of the plateau, with a patio that extends out over the cliffs

Faustus: And is Imohen of our kin?

DM: She shakes her head

DM: Imohen is a dwarf, black hair, normally in dark clothing. She has a scar along her jaw

Constance: Hmmm. Let us help, we will talk with your friend and see if we can get this dangerous substance off your hands

‪Bronan: Hmm Bronan help, want to get some more gold, not know when constance and Faustus friends have birthdays, but we might be away from shops for a while and Bronan not want to miss birthdays of friends

‪Bronan: But Bronan can smash house for money after

‪Bronan: (seriously though, did we just miss our opportunity to become ninja turtles and kill splinter?)

DM: (sorry for slowness on this lads, been a bit busy. Will continue Tuesday afternoon, until then I’m a bit hectic!)

DM: High in desert canyons, a birdman and a devil-horned girl draw mandalas in the sand. South and south again, a great stirring passes below the red grasses as something huge moves below the sands. In Al’shash, the mayor wraps cloth around his face and steps through a secret door. In Cormyra, three adventurers arrive outside the Pink Lily, a dive bar, looking for Imohen, with news of a potentially explosive problem

‪Bronan: Hmm bar look dirty, friends probably should not touch floor or table tops! We ask bar person for Imohen?

DM: Bartender looks at you for a long moment then nods her head to the back of the room

DM: It is daytime, the only people around are a bunch of scarred leathered folks drinking quietly

‪Bronan: (I might let Constance or Faustus take over with imohen, however) hey bar tender, you have drinking challenge here?

Constance: Wait. Did we ask the bartender directly for the dwarf?

DM: I thought bronan just did

DM: Sorry if I misread that

‪Bronan: Sure why not, Bronan is as subtle as a punch to the face

‪Bronan: Or he would have said it loud enough for someone to hear

DM: Bartender leans forward and smiles at you. Not many teeth. Challenge anyone you want to whatever you like. The only rule here is don’t break the furniture, or you have to deal with me

‪Bronan: Ok. Bronan not break furniture, maybe have drinking later

DM: She spits in a glass and wipes it with a rag

DM: This isn’t a library. You want to stay, you have to buy something. Ale, mead, or rum

‪Bronan: What library? Bronan have own cup, maybe ale?

Constance: Mead for Constance please friend!

DM: She pours you mead and ale, its two coppers each

‪Bronan: *Slurp* (I look around the bar) we find friend of mij?

DM: There is a dwarf in the corner in black studded leather

Constance: *sip* indeed Bronan. I say barkeep! We are looking for a dwarf!

‪Bronan: (Bronan heads over and sits down opposite the dwarf)

‪Bronan: Good morning

Faustus: Faustus follows

DM: Hello

DM: Can I be helpin you folks? Waddya want?

Constance: Does this one have a scar?

DM: She does, along her jaw

Constance: Morning friend, would you be Imohen by any chance?

DM: She downs her drink and draws a knife and starts picking her fingernails with it

DM: How did you hear that name…friend:

Constance: Through a mutual acquaintance, I believe you know Mij?

DM: She stops dead and leans in

DM: Speak your piece. But do it quietly

Constance: I raise a quizzical eyebrow

‪Bronan: Green goop need to go

Faustus: We found a leaking green substance in the sewers underneath your friend’s shop. When we went to go and investigate, she showed us the barrel of a potentially volatile agent that needs to be neutralised and removed. Naturally, we have no intention of involving any authorities. I am merely looking out for my kin and do no wish any harm or ill will to come her way.

DM: I see

DM: Well. This escalates things

DM: I think the safest thing to do would be to smuggle it out of the city and detonate it somewhere discrete. You would have my thanks and 60 gold if you did so

Faustus: Can you provide any assistance in sneaking it out? Given its questionable legality, we wouldn’t want to be caught with it. Once outside the city we can take it a safe distance from there.

DM: She winces

DM: Okay

DM: South gate, a guard called Bronwin. Night shift

Constance: Do we know how far it is from Mij’s shop to the south gate?

DM: It’s maybe 20 minutes through the city

DM: Long enough for a …skills challenge!

Constance: Hahahaha. You wank

DM: That is if you agree to the terms, 60 gold.

‪Bronan: It 60 gold each right?

DM: She shakes her head

DM: A gold piece each for the news, if you leave now. Elsewise, 60 gold total between you when it’s been safely done

DM: What say you, happy to give it a try? If not, you have my thanks and I’ll arrange someone else to deal with it. But I’d rather minimise the number of people knowing about that barrel

DM: Get Mij to give you a handcart and a…sheet or something? Look this has all escalated. I’d owe you a favour as well as the gold

DM: A fight breaks out at the far end of the bar, a goliath and four halflings smashing through tables as they yell about cards

Constance: What did you even need it for Imohen?

DM: That’s…

DM: That’s really not important

DM: What’s important is that it discretely leaves the city and nobody finds out about it

DM: So you have three options. Help me and be rewarded. Walk away with a gold piece each and your silence. Or spread word of this, and confrontation will ensue.

DM: She sits back and plays with her knife

‪Bronan: Hmm Bronan not sure what friends think but know Faustusfriend want to help mij, so happy to move it out of town if that best.

‪Bronan: (also is the barrel we saw small enough to go into the ale barrel I have in my room?)

DM: (no its about twice the size)

Faustus: I’m happy to try and help as much as possible, we just need to be careful.

Constance: I agree.

Faustus: (Can we tell if she’s being sincere at all? Like trying to trap us or anything?)

DM: Insight check!

Faustus: 15

DM: She…She seems pretty legit

DM: Clearly shifty

DM: But that could be just because it’s a super illegal barrel o fun

Faustus: But I don’t think she’s trying to fuck us?

DM: You don’t think so

Faustus: Ok

DM: I mean she is clearly a criminal, and up to no good. But you aren’t sensing any malice.

‪Bronan: Rules of cormyra-town not Bronan concern, if Faustus and Constance want, Bronan help, tribe is about caring about tribe

Constance: Yeah let’s do this thing

Faustus: And as long as we don’t get caught we are ultimately making sure this harmful substance doesn’t do any more damage like it did to the rats.

DM: So, I’m going to make this a skills challenge

Constance: Huzzah!


Come back next Monday for Chapter 22 of The Cursed Tomb!


Fancy supporting the site? You can pick up all of the 5th edition D&D books from Wizards of the Coast using our Amazon links below, and we’ll get a cut with no extra cost to you!

Dungeon Master’s Guide

Player’s Handbook

Monster Manual

Volo’s Guide to Monsters

Sword Coast Adventurer’s Guide

Starter Set


The Cursed Tomb: Chapter 20 – An Actual Rat, Prophetic

So Adam and Ian don’t feel like they play enough D&D. To rectify this, they started playing a text-based adventure with a couple of friends, still using the 5th edition framework. We thought it would be fun to clean up the transcripts of this adventure and start publishing it in weekly chapters here on the site. Let us know what you think, and please share around! If you missed Chapter 1, check it out here!

Disclaimer: This is the transcript of a text-based D&D game played over a period of 6 months. Bad language included. Picture based dice rolls/media omitted. Names changed to preserve anonymity. Goblin based violence frequent. You have been warned. If you missed Chapter 19, find it here!


Bronan: Hmm you think this all of them?

Constance: Nah they must have come from somewhere

DM: Can give a wee perception roll before heading further downriver

‪Bronan: 17

DM: Superb

DM: Bronan, at the edge of your sight you see a crack in the side of the river wall, about four foot high

DM: The entrance is strewn with garbage

DM: As you peer closer, something slinks into the crack

Constance: 11

DM: Constance you can’t see anything approaching behind you

DM: And as before the high walls middle any sounds from the street/building

‪Bronan: Crack in wall! Turn around and be on guard Constance. Bronan come! (Bronan moves to place himself between Constance and the threat

DM: Okay, so you are back to bronan, Constance with a torch, and then faustus at the back?

Faustus: Sure

DM: What’s the plan boyos

Constance: Have we got torches?

DM: I thought you had one lit between you?

‪Bronan: Yup. And I have 3 more

‪Bronan: Lets look at crack, maybe fill it with rock

DM: Okay, as you shine your light at the crack you can see this is clearly the nest

DM: Amongst strewn bones and rubbish and filth, a gnawed skeleton in green robes lies, clutching a wand and a spellbook

DM: Behind it, a monster!

‪Bronan: What is the monster doing? If it’s threatening Bronan will charge, if it’s just using Microsoft Bing, he’ll think before charging

DM: It’s snarling

DM: Will send a pic shortly

DM: (oops. sent a fucking dire rat picture to my girlfriend. Hi honey)

DM: You see this beast, gleaming with strange arcane energy and covered in odd spines and nodules, and it retreats back to the furthest reaches of the chasm and hisses at you

Constance: (HAHAHAHHAHA)

Faustus: (Hahaha)

‪Bronan: (I laughed out loud)

‪Bronan: (Let’s hope it doesn’t lead to pet shopping!)

‪Bronan: Bronan is gonna run and try to hit it with the beers

DM: Attack roll, with disadvantage because you are fighting in a 4ft high cave crack thing

‪Bronan: It’s a 12

DM: You miss, your hammer thwacking against broken stone and earth

‪Bronan: (were that I a halfling)

DM: Aye, Constance, what do ye? Faustus?

Constance: Is there enough space for us all in this crack?

DM: Yeah it goes 10 ft back but only 4 ft high

DM: Don’t think you can get past bronan though!

Bronan: He’s a leg wriggled!

‪Bronan: Wriggled!

‪Bronan: Goddamn autocorrect, wriggler

Constance: I’m a halfling. I can move everywhere!

Constance: Bronan feels a tickle in his nether regions and looks down to see a head protruding from between his legs and a hand darts out loosing a poison dart before disappearing again.

Constance: Ah crap. 7 to hit

‪Bronan: Sir dribbles snorts

DM: Misses

DM: Faustus, anything you want to do?

Faustus: I assume I can’t get to the thing?

DM: Hm. Probably not to be honest. Got anything ranged? Chuck a pebble at it?

Faustus: I’ve got a javelin, can I jab it with that around Bronan?

DM: Yup

‪Bronan: I picture Bronan doing a power squat rather than bending at the waist, again, perfect form

DM: Attack roll Faustus, disadvantaged though! Not an ideal battleground

‪Bronan: (Bronans butt in yo face!)

Faustus: 17 to hit was my lowest

DM: Superb

Faustus: So I think I’m going to make this a divine smite, so I add an extra d8 to the damage. And if it is undead lemme know, that’s another d8.

DM: It’s not undead

Constance: It’s 2d8 for first level plus an additional d8 if it’s undead

Faustus: Is it?

Constance: Literally just wrote a paladin character sheet

Faustus: Ah cool. The app writes it up weird.

DM: (okay I’m totally making a paladin for my other game)

Constance: (Yeah they are pretty boss actually)

Faustus: Ok 17 damage total.

DM: Jesus wept

Faustus: 1d6+3 for the javelin and 2d8

Faustus: Actually a fairly bad roll!

‪Bronan: (sweet damage man!)

DM: This dire glowing spiked abomination throws itself at bronan’s face, and is brought up short as faustus slams his javelin into its chest

Faustus: Well, average roll I guess.

DM: It’s snapping jaws stop inches from bronans throat, and it slowly falls still

DM: Dead.

DM: Out of initiative! Well done

Bronan: I grab it and bring the corpse with me

‪Bronan: Out if the tunnel

DM: The rat? Or the wizard?

Faustus: What about the dead dude with the book? Can we have a poke around?

Constance: Does this tunnel go anywhere else?

‪Bronan: The rat first

DM: Sure, investigation

‪Bronan: Bronan got to clear the path for his friends

DM: Tunnel is a dead end

Faustus: 18

DM: But at the back is a dripping glowing green liquid

DM: Faustus, you find a pouch with 10 gold, a ring of silver, a wand and a spellbook. Robes seem pretty standard. Aside from that, mainly rat scraps and rat shit. Trickle of glowing green liquid slowly dripping into the back of the tunnel from a seam above

‪Bronan: Does the green drip look like sewage? (listeria and all that)

Constance: Can I go take a closer look at that green slime. And also retrieve my dart from the tunnel

DM: Constance, investigation

DM: Bronan, no sewage you’ve ever seen…

Faustus: Take all that shit for now, split the gold etc.

Faustus: Can I tell what the ring/wand /spellbook is?

DM: Arcana checks

Constance: 11 on investigation

Constance: Whom?

DM: It’s some sort of goo charged with arcane power- it seems to be seeping down from above, which must be one of the shops on the street by the river!

DM: Faustus arcana checks, sorry

‪Bronan: (I love rolling int based checks but Bronan is satisfied it’s not poop water) it OK, not poop water

DM: Ha

DM: Bronan you are holding the spiky glowing rat?

‪Bronan: Yeah sure

DM: Cool

Faustus: Well that was a bad trio of rolls

Faustus: 4, 3, 7

‪Bronan: I dragged it out now stopped cutting off its tail to check poop water, so holding it by tail?

DM: Cool

DM: Yup

Faustus: For the ring, wand and book in that order

DM: Faustus, it’s a magic ring, wand, and spellbook

Faustus: Yep. I figured.

DM: Ring and wand you aren’t sure about

DM: Spellbook seems to be low level wizard spells

DM: Could probably decipher more about all of them in a bright pub rather than a rat cave

Faustus: Seems like a good shout.

‪Bronan: Uhuh, Bronan chop

‪Bronan: Tail comes off I guess

DM: Grand

DM: Yup

DM: You guys can head back to the inn of you like?

Faustus: Cool. Shall we get paid, maybe warn the innkeeper about the goo?

‪Bronan: Bronan not want to put body in river, we pile up somewhere? Collapse tunnel with ram?

‪Bronan: (he means the crack and gestures as such)

Constance: Maybe keep that to ourselves for now, till we pop to that shop and see what’s going on?

‪Bronan: Not a problem, when you need Bronan to smash, you let him know, Bronan break house today! Good pokey stick friend Faustus! Bronan feel holy church ghost brush against inner leg, felt weird

‪Bronan: And friend constance, you throw dart good! Good throw!

Faustus: Well done to you too Bronan. It seems these vermin were little trouble at all, despite the odd appearance of the last one.

Constance: I missed Bronan. But it’s fine. You guys had it.

‪Bronan: No no, early in fight constance throw dart, it fly past Bronan like mighty horse, kill rat

Constance: Oh yeah I totes did that!

‪Bronan: We go get Inn man the Burliman to let us in, get stew and give him rat tail?

Constance: Sounds good

Faustus: Shall we keep this strange tail to figure out what is going on with it?

‪Bronan: Bronan better not keep, sir dribbles like to play tug of war, he use tail

‪Bronan: But Bronan could tie tail around arm, maybe sir dribbles not get it then?

DM: Returning to the inn, holding a pile of rat tails, one glowing spiked rat tail knotted around bronans arm?

Constance: Didn’t we get a giant rat too?

‪Bronan: We got, 20 regular, 2 giant and a glowey one

DM: Yup

Constance: Huzzah.

‪Bronan: (it speaks to Bronans character that I wrote it in my treasure section)

Constance: (Oh also I forgot to mention earlier, at the height of the the rat swarm fight when I was walking home I saw an actual rat, prophetic)

‪Bronan: (shit man, you need to move to a nicer part of Bristol, then you get to see the Clifton fox)

Constance: (Nah it was next to work, we don’t have rats here, had mice cause we’re near a field but the biggest risk is the youths)

‪Bronan: If Burliman doesn’t open up the trapdoor with knock, then Bronan begins to play drums singing “I know a song that will make you let us in, make you let us in, make you let us in” on repeat

DM: Ha

DM: Just as you start singing burliman opens up

DM: Well done well done! My goodness so many tails!

DM: Upstairs and a pint for all of you, on me of course!

‪Bronan: Yup, Bronan friends mighty

DM: Did you get rid of all of them? Any sign of that young wizard lad?

Constance: Unfortunately yes, it seems that these *gestures to tails* things got the better of them

DM: I see. Well. I’m very grateful to you. I can take these tails up the regional majors office tomorrow, but I suppose I can give you the gold for them now

DM: That’s 20 small tails, two big guns, so 4 gold total!

Constance: We would be happy to take them up there as well for you Burliman!

DM: Oh nonsense you’ve got better things to be doing, I’ll have my lad Hep sort it in the morn

DM: So he refunds you your money for the rooms and stew, gives bronan a bowl, and shows you all to your rooms. Three comfortable small rooms

Faustus: Cool

DM: Faustus, you can try once  more to identify the ring and wand in this friendlier setting?

Faustus: Yeah sure.

Faustus: 12 and 17

DM:  (EDITOR’S NOTE- sent the wand and ring through as pictures, now lost to the mists of time. Who knows what they do? Perhaps they will appear again)

Faustus: Wand seems like a general group item, I don’t mind keeping hold of it. Anyone fancy the ring?

Constance: Perhaps best for someone without armour. Bronan? Perhaps you could take sir dribbles for a swim

Faustus: Also I need to clarify some gold stuff. I spent 10 getting here for me and Bronan right? Then we just got 14 total here?

‪Bronan: Bronan have necklace,.it make beer cold!

‪Bronan: Bronan pay his own way

DM: Think that’s right Faustus?

DM: Plus whatever you paid for the inn back

‪Bronan: (Bronan had 5, the reduction for beer made the fare 5, worked for 5, then I spend 4 on rooms, one on being able to be able to drink my own beer

Constance: Yeah I think I spent one for cart

Constance: Then forgot to pay for room

Constance: Or whatever

DM: Righto

‪Bronan: Ah ok, Bronan wouldve paid for rooms for his friends before him

DM: I’m assuming you all call it a night in preparation for tomorrow’s adventure?

DM: Seeking the sultan, or the green goo, or whatever you fancy

Constance: Yeah

Faustus: Yeah sounds good. I’m heading to bed IRL too. So 4 gold each and some change from that?

DM: Call it five each, tip for quick resolution

DM: As you lay in your bunks trying to sleep in the Sand Spire, below you the Great river cormyra flows ceaslessly, out and away. The city is loud even at night, carriages and horses and traders and bakers, night watchmen ringing bells, far off scuffles and nearby footsteps. As you fall into slumber, the city doesn’t seem to have noticed you

DM: Yet…

‪Bronan: (thats a cliffhanger!! Awesome!)


Come back next Monday for Chapter 21 of The Cursed Tomb!


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Player’s Handbook

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Volo’s Guide to Monsters

Sword Coast Adventurer’s Guide

Starter Set


The Cursed Tomb: Chapter 19: Quick Feety

So Adam and Ian don’t feel like they play enough D&D. To rectify this, they started playing a text-based adventure with a couple of friends, still using the 5th edition framework. We thought it would be fun to clean up the transcripts of this adventure and start publishing it in weekly chapters here on the site. Let us know what you think, and please share around! If you missed Chapter 1, check it out here!

Disclaimer: This is the transcript of a text-based D&D game played over a period of 6 months. Bad language included. Picture based dice rolls/media omitted. Names changed to preserve anonymity. Goblin based violence frequent. You have been warned. If you missed Chapter 18, find it here!


Faustus: Faustus is drinking quietly at the bar and scoping out the place.

DM: Grand. Perception faustus? Performance/charisma bronan?

Bronan: 19!

DM: The ladies are all very impressed with bronan, and buy constance and bronan a mug of mead each

DM: And invite bronan to join them in a five way game of knuckle dice

‪Bronan: Woop woop 5way

DM: …is that in character?

Faustus: 19

DM: That shady guy in the corner is some sort of mannequin or stick man, presumably a prank on new customers

DM: Also, behind one of the mead barrels tucked away and dusty is a bottle of firewhisky.

DM: And the door to the basement is unusually heavily padlocked, and shows signs of something trying to wrench out the locks from below

Faustus: Huh.

‪Bronan: I play

‪Bronan: Got a 9 on int roll

DM: You lose, but the game seems more about socialising than winning anyway

DM: So what are you guys up to?

DM: It’s pretty late evening now

DM: Faustus, Burliman asks if you are any good with that sword of yours

Faustus: Yes I am.

‪Bronan: Bronan is drinking ale and trying to be good wingman for constance and Faustus

DM: Burliman offers you a week’s free stay and stew in return for solving an issue he has been having with giant rats trying to get in his cellar. There is a nest below the bridge

‪Bronan: (everyone loves a good whackarat, Bronan is down but I’m guessing he is somewhere wingmanning)

DM: Bronan and Constance are nearby at the table with the ladies, though the ladies are considering calling it a night

DM: What say ye? Rat slaying for free rent, or happy to pass on grinding mobs?

Faustus: How big is this nest?

DM: He shrugs. Maybe 10 giant rats?

Faustus: Hmm. What do you think guys?

‪Bronan: Bronan happy to smash

DM: They are down through the basement, out the bottom hatch, about fifty foot toward the waterfall along the side of the river. There is a little ledge. Don’t fall in though!

Constance: I do like punching things.

DM: They are surely big ones, last fella I sent down didn’t come back. If you find him, let me know!

DM: He removes a big brass key from around his neck and gestures towards the latch behind the bar. Ready now, or want to get some rest first?

‪Bronan: Bronan good to go

Constance: Yeah. Some punching before bed always helps me sleep!!

‪Bronan: I ensure the ale keg is locked safely in my room and return to the common room

Faustus: Yeah I’m in.

‪Bronan: Time for the beers to get into the rats for once!

DM: Okay, burliman opens the locks and leads you to a basement, then opens a trapdoor in the basement with a ladder leading down to the river

DM: Just to the side is a platform  running the edge of the river down to the waterfall

‪Bronan: Is there hoops on the wall to tie stuff too?

DM: After the ladder, no. Smooth stone and a two foot ledge

DM: Which is six inches above the water

‪Bronan: If it’s dark I light my 2nd torch

DM: It is dark, until you light your torch, which reflects off the black waters of the cormyra river on this moonlit night

DM: Even though you are only 10ft below street level, you can hear nothing of the city above- only rushing water

DM: What’s your marching order?

‪Bronan: Bronan strong, Bronan beefy, Bronan March first with his quick feety?

DM: Grand. Who is middle, who is rear?

Constance: I’ll go middle

Faustus: I’ll go rear?

‪Bronan: Hmm Faustus take torch? Bronan need 2 hand to hit with beers

DM: As you settle onto the landing burliman shouts down, a silver piece for each tail you return!

DM: Then he shuts the trapdoor and you are alone with your torch

DM: You can see 30 ft ahead of you- nothing but ledge, granite and slick with river water

DM: To your right, the river, to your left the wall up 10ft. You stand precarious on this 2ft wide ledge and can hear the rushing falls some 60 ft south of you

‪Bronan: This look ground look slippy, watch step

‪Bronan: Bronan is going to take his Sandals off, using that wet foot grip and is going to be looking for sharp things on the ground

‪Bronan: And slippy bits 🙂 so he can warn his friends

DM: Ha

DM: Okay

DM: Are you moving forward?

Constance: Perhaps we should tie a rope off to each other, that way if one slips the others can pull him back

Bronan: Bronan will, “you know, once I hear bard tale of Man who like rats but hate children, he sing down pipe and lead rats to promise land, but then steal children, Bronan not know why, but wish we had rat pipe”

‪Bronan: Bronan no rope, but we wedge portable ram in ladder and tie to that?

DM: Any of you got rope?

DM: If so you can easy do as bronan suggests

Constance: Nope

Faustus: I don’t think I do

‪Bronan: (that portable ram is paying for itself! I swear I just picked something hillarious for the once in an adventure joke where you get to do the here’s Johnny thing!)

‪Bronan: Hmm no rope, maybe ask Burliman?

DM: The trapdoor is currently closed

‪Bronan: Probably rude to smash it to bits?

‪Bronan: Ok, let’s go grippy feet, Bronan watch for badthings

DM: Moving south towards the falls?

DM: You are 60ft from the end and can see 30ft

‪Bronan: Bronan do, keen to stop friends from slipping or hurting their feet

DM: How far are you moving? Others following?

‪Bronan: (Constance may have told you about our party’s penchant for grease and fire, so if this goes badly it’s kind of karma)

‪Bronan: Bronan will carefully (he is checking for his friends) move 20ft then gesture to his friends it’s clear if it is

DM: Moving 20t, you can still only see another 19ft ahead of you then blackness

DM: Perception check?

DM: And everyone’s passive perception?

Bronan: Shit

‪Bronan: I got natty 1

‪Bronan: I’m guessing the last time I asked if it was too late to use inspiration, it went,

DM: Rippling water, that’s it

DM: Yup

‪Bronan: It fine, only wet, don’t slip!

Constance: Passive is 12

Faustus: Passive is 12 I think and I got a 9

‪Bronan: My passive is 13, but crit fail, Bronan ain’t seeing shit

DM: From the darkness ahead of you, a rat the size of a dog enters the edge of the light

DM: You hear something behind you as well- another from behind!

DM: One charges at bronan and one at Faustus, but neither successfully clamp down with their yellowed teeth. You guys are up, as usual first come first served then we stick to that initiative

Faustus: Faustus lashes out with his sword with a 22 to hit.

Faustus: 11 slashing damage (I’m assuming a 22 hits a rat)

DM: Uh, yeah

DM: Rat one is down. A swarm of small rats fire out of the darkness behind it and head for you

Faustus: Lemme know if any adjacent rats to me are attacking either Constance or Bronan because I can impose disadvantage on the attack as a reaction with my fighting style. Need to double check if that is every time.

Faustus: Also my ac is 18 with shield out not 16.

DM: You get 1 reaction per round of combat

DM: So can do it once per round

Faustus: Ok cool.

Faustus: Can you give me the option if it comes up?

DM: Yeah will do

Constance: I throw one of my poisoned darts at the one in front of Bronan

Constance: (Ps busy at work)

DM: Shit, poisoned dart. Roll attack and damage

Constance: 14 to hit

Constance: 6 piercing damage. Don’t know what the poison is

DM: Poison is 2d6

Constance: Poison is a total of 2 😐

DM: Your dart flies past bronans shoulder and into the rat, which slumps down dead and slides into the fast water

DM: From behind it a swarm of small rats and a giant rat move forward toward bronan. They are about fifteen feet away

‪Bronan: (sorry, messages only just came through) Bronans eyes glaze over, he enters a rage, he moves to the rats ahead and swings at the rat swarm(or giant rat if they’re ahead of it)

‪Bronan: For 15+5, 20 to hit

‪Bronan: 17 slashing

DM: You cleave through the rat swarm, the beers scattering and smashing at least half of them

DM: What’s left attacks you (faustus you can do that protection thing here)

DM: The giant rat attacks bronan as well

DM: And the swarm from behind attacks faustus

Faustus: I use protection on the giant rat attack. Disadvantage.

DM: How does that protection work exactly? it misses, just want to visualise it

DM: Bronan, does a 15 from the rat swarm hit you?

DM: Faustus, does a 13 from the other rat swarm hit you?

‪Bronan: Yup, my ac is 14

‪Bronan: I have resistance to slashing, piercing and bludgeoning while I’m raging though

DM: Then 1 damage

‪Bronan: Cool (my current hp is 22/23)

Faustus: Nope.

DM: Okay then

DM: Faustus, you are up

Faustus: Womp womp. 7 to hit.

DM: You swing but the swarm dodges and streams around

DM: Constance?

Constance: Oh shit I’m a halfling.

Constance: I’m going to pull my shortsword out and slide through Faustus legs stabbing wildly at whatever is nearest, then spend a ki point to use flurry of blows and stamp the fuck out of the rat swarm.

DM: Right, so attack giant rat, and two unarmed attacks on rat swarm

Constance: 15, 21 and 7 to hit (shortsword, stamp, stamp)

DM: Shortsword bites into the giant rat

DM: And your first kick sends a half dozen ratlings into the river

Constance: 9 piercing and 6 kicking damage

DM: The giant rat rears back, shrieking, blood gushing from a rent in its chest, and collapses

DM: Your stamps crush the bulk of the remaining rat swarm, the few survivors scurrying away

DM: Bronan? One rat swarm left, behind Faustus

‪Bronan: I turn, push Faustus towards the wall so I’m on the side nearest the water, push past him and Bronan smash!

‪Bronan: (the rat swarm)

‪Bronan: Oh beans, 8

DM: Oh dear

DM: Slick rock is not your friend! You miss

‪Bronan: (at least I’m now I’m the firing line:))

DM: The rats swarm at you

DM: 18 to hit?

‪Bronan: That’ll do it!

Faustus: Disadvantage

Faustus: New turn, new protection

Constance: (Coming this fall to NBC)

DM: Ugh

DM: 11

DM: Miss presumably

Faustus: (Haha)

‪Bronan: Yup, miss

‪Bronan: (gotta love that paladin stuff!)

DM: Ugh

DM: Okay, it’s faustus then Constance then bronan

DM: What’s the move? One rat swarm left

Faustus: I’ll take a slash at em

Faustus: 16 to hit

Faustus: 11 damage

DM: You cleave through the mire of teeth and fur, and the rats die, or scatter

DM: You are left alone by the river

DM: Continuing further on?

‪Bronan: Tails! Get their tails

DM: You can collect a twenty regular tails, and two giant tails

‪Bronan: Nice,

‪Bronan: Hmm you think this all of them?


Come back next Monday for Chapter 20 of The Cursed Tomb!


Fancy supporting the site? You can pick up all of the 5th edition D&D books from Wizards of the Coast using our Amazon links below, and we’ll get a cut with no extra cost to you!

Dungeon Master’s Guide

Player’s Handbook

Monster Manual

Volo’s Guide to Monsters

Sword Coast Adventurer’s Guide

Starter Set


The Cursed Tomb: Chapter 18: …Is That in Character?

So Adam and Ian don’t feel like they play enough D&D. To rectify this, they started playing a text-based adventure with a couple of friends, still using the 5th edition framework. We thought it would be fun to clean up the transcripts of this adventure and start publishing it in weekly chapters here on the site. Let us know what you think, and please share around! If you missed Chapter 1, check it out here!

Disclaimer: This is the transcript of a text-based D&D game played over a period of 6 months. Bad language included. Picture based dice rolls/media omitted. Names changed to preserve anonymity. Goblin based violence frequent. You have been warned. If you missed Chapter 17, find it here!


DM: I will be in Cormyra for some months Bronan, I wish to consult their archives. After that, I am afraid I don’t know where I’ll be! But I would be happy if the fates set us on the same paths again

DM: Yes Constance?

Constance: We too have had some dealings with the mayor and found his “expertise” in arcane matters wanting.

DM: Aha

DM: Did it perhaps end with him attempting to acquire some destructive knowledge or power from you? I don’t like the cut of his jib

‪Bronan: Mmm-hmmm (Bronan rearranges his loincloth)

DM: Well, I hope you didn’t give him what he seeks

DM: His agents watching us depart makes me think not

DM: Chep has listened to all of this and seems very happy to be part of current intrigue.

‪Bronan: We watched? Thought it too early

DM: You didn’t see? Second storey window of the house with the white door, and the ‘sleeping’ beggar child in the alley by Albo’s

‪Bronan: Scarf-mayor a nasty little peeping skoll

Constance: I wait until Chep goes to pee or something

DM: Okay, he wanders off to check the horses occasionally

Constance: I lean in and whisper to Moira, “I think our paths have crossed for a reason, we must find a way to talk in private, and soon”

DM: She looks pensive. Why not now? Bronan, offer Chep another ale and he will be asleep shortly

‪Bronan: (bowchickawowow)

DM: So is that what you do?

Constance: Yeah, wait till he sleeps and get her attention and wander off a bit. Out of earshot of him

‪Bronan: Yup, it would be out of character for Bronan not to give people ale

DM: All of you wandering off?

Faustus: 17

DM: Faustus, as you tell your tale Chep seems very enthralled by its action packed nature

DM: Hoo boy! That sure was a goodun. I’ll tell you folks the tale of Greenbeard’s glaive tomorrow on the ride to town, I’m tireder than a Fox in a cathouse

DM: Chep heads off to sleep. You are alone with Moira, who mumbles some words and gestures at Chet.

DM: He won’t hear us now, she says

Constance: Legend.

Constance: So this powerful artefact which you carry. The mayor asked you to bring it, or you offered to?

DM: I’ve been here a while, looking for a way to destroy it. I heard rumours among some…unsavoury types in Cormyra that this Mayor Skrell was interested in examining artefacts linked to evocation magic. I asked around and in Cormyra, nobody has even heard of him

Constance: Wait, what? None in Cormyra know of the mayor?

DM: None of the academics I asked, or the rumours I gathered

Constance: That seems a little strange given Al’shashs proximity to the city

‪Bronan: Maybe Scarf-mayor wears scarf name, maybe skrell not mayor name

‪Bronan: That way when he not wash hand it not matter people know him to be skrell cause his name is actually frank

DM: I’m sure the bureaucracy know of him, or the nobility

DM: I was asking scholars of theoretical magics and a few old adventurers in bars. My connections here do not go deep

DM: But al’shash, despite its proximity, is a backwater. Nobody in Cormyra cares for the desert- their attention is north to the great mountains, or east to the sea

Constance: Allow me to cut to the chase. We too have come across a powerful artefact, at the behest of the mayor, though we did not know that it was him at the time.

Constance: Bronan, show her.

‪Bronan: I pull the gem out of the loincloth pouch

DM: She stares at it for a long time, and then sighs

DM: Where did you get this? Do you know what he wanted?

Constance: We took it, from a distant tomb. And we begin to believe that we know.

DM: Well. At a glance I can see it is trouble. I’ve trouble enough in my life. So what is your plan, adventurers? High tailing it to Cormyra and away?

Constance: In fact we were hoping to find some who could help us stop the mayor from his destruction.

DM: She presses her fingers against temples

DM: A treacherous path

Constance: Perhaps, but I have heard that all it takes for evil to succeed is for good men to do nothing. Or heh, good women.

DM: Too true. My fear is in what help you can find from cormyra. The sultan is…not predictable

DM: And there are many who would take that gem for their own

Constance: Oh really? How so?

Constance: The same could be said for whatever is in that bag.

DM: His mood waxes and wanes with the tides, they say

DM: She smiles

DM: Well, as to that, I am not so helpless

DM: And aside from you three none know of it

Constance: Four.

Constance: *gestures towards chep*

DM: Chep is asleep, and I cast a spell of silence around him

DM: Ah. I told the story you mean? Chep knows no details

Constance: Yes but you mentioned the contents whilst he was awake (no?)

Constance: Fair.

Constance: What do you intend to do with it?

DM: Even you only know it is powerful. And, I can hide if I need to

DM: (with which, her appearance changes to that of a well armoured orc warrior for a few seconds)

DM: I intend to destroy it. That gem- you could use the spell, ridding it of its potential, if you could find somewhere you deemed safe

DM: But my fear is that the mayor will not stop with these two failings. His wizard is…incompetent but potentially potent

DM: The sultan may fail you. My only counsel is to trust in yourselves, and do not disclose this gem to anyone you do not fully trust. It could wreak much destruction

Constance: You met his wizard?

Constance: We had assumed that he had one at his side, but were unable to confirm it.

DM: Yes. I showed them my ring of fire breath and I asked if it was as potent as I feared. Ii didn’t trust him with the real truth

DM: He seemed young, and brash. Too wrapped in his own devices to take notice of an old woman in travelling robes

DM: When it became clear the mayor was not the person I needed, I took my leave.

Constance: Fair.

Constance: If you would rather not get involved with this, as you have suggested, could you at least introduce us to someone in Cormyra that would? Or at least that could give us more information.

DM: Of course

DM: The Sand Spire is the best adventurers tavern in Cormyra. It sits on the south bridge over Cormyra river

‪Bronan: Moira friend, Bronan want to thank you, you seem helpful and nice. Hope sir dribbles help with loss of friend. He very wise. Bronan not know how he can help moira. But know that if Bronan can, he will

DM: The sultan holds public office once a week, but for this, seek his Chamberlain Xo. Tell him I sent you, and he will hopefully expedite the process.

DM: Thank you Bronan. I’m sure our oaths will cross again, but for now I must seek knowledge. Seek me out when you have solved this mayor problem and perhaps we can work on an adventure of our own!

‪Bronan: Yes, Bronan have dream that maybe moira can help with. *wistfully looks into fire* Bronan want to ride desert worm like horse, feel wind in hair

DM: Her eyes widen

‪Bronan: But other adventure fine too:)

DM: I once saw a horse eaten whole by a purple worm, Bronan. That sounds spectacular, but go careful!

‪Bronan: Bronan wait until stronger and faster, until can run like cheetah and jump like jackrabbit

‪Bronan: Hey Constance, you want Moira friend to look at stick?

Constance: What this? It’s just a stick Bronan

‪Bronan: Hmm it glow when you hit birdmen

‪Bronan: The beers doesn’t do that, thought it odd

‪Bronan: Oh well, fancy ale or snack? Bronan cook?

DM: Moirs politely does not do an arcana check on your staff

DM: And accepts an ale from bronan

DM: Any other questions for Moira guys?

‪Bronan: Not from me!

Faustus: Nope I’m good.

Constance: Not that I can think of

DM: The next morning as you approach Cormyra, Chep finally tells you the tale of Greenbeard’s glaive

DM: Greenbeard was a mighty warrior, whose mission in life was to defeat the greatest and largest monsters

DM: Always with him his glaive, a mighty tool wrought of black steel and worked with fine magics

‪Bronan: Nice, good weapon good to have!

DM: He once fought a dinosaur, deep in an ancient volcano. He warred with a clan of bullettes. he crushed a roper, plucked a roc, and even wrestled dragons

DM: So I know of him because he came to the desert

DM: To hunt the purple wyrm!

DM: Thrice he hunted, thrice he succeeded. Three worms, 70ft, 80ft, 90ft

DM: But then he heard of a worm bigger than all others. Over 100ft of muscle and hate, the great wyrm. So Greenbeard took his glaive and he went to the deepest south desert, where the red grass ends and the sand turns black

DM: And was never seen again

DM: But! I heard from the desert nomads, every now and then on a full moon there is a gleam from the south- moonlight shining off Greenbeard’s glaive, stuck as it is in the hide of the great wyrm!

DM: As Chep finishes his tale, above you to the north Cormyra comes into view. The city stands on a rocky plateau above the grasslands, a mess of spires and towers and great halls. At the base of the plateau, slums and traders. And at the south of the plateau the falls, the great river cormyra leaving its source and wending its way towards you

DM: As you wend your way up the steep path to the city, Moira hops off. Good luck gang! Remember, I’ll be in the archives for a few weeks if you need me. Be careful!

DM: Chep drops you off in a dusty plaza in the centre of town. Need directions folks? A good pub, the sultan’s palace, a nice inn?

‪Bronan: All of them, a place to get some work, and a bring your own beer food place

DM: The Sand Spire on the south bridge or Old Whitaker’s for pubs (and both are inns), Sultan’s palace is the giant building made of marble by the waterfall,  Abed’s Falafel Tavern allows bring your own beer, and for work you can always try the Mercantile Square

DM: You folks take care now, I have to go deliver some mail!

Constance: I’d like to try and follow Chep. To make sure he’s on the level

‪Bronan: Bronan not really good at hide, want me to come with? Or meet later?

‪Bronan: If Constance wants backup, I’ll go with, otherwise to mercantile square to work as a day labourer in demolition (I have my own portable ram)

DM: So Constance is spending at least part of the day following Chep, and bronan wants to make some quick going at the mercantile square- Faustus, what’s your day plan? Are you all meeting back here at a certain time?

Faustus: Just wander round an scope out the place I think.

DM: Alright. Constance, stealth check for me. Faustus, investigation. Bronan, strength to see how much you can smash in a day?

Constance: 9

Faustus: 10

DM: You spend a few hours shadowing Chep as he sends his way across the city, finally making it to a warehouse with ‘Cormyra Mail’ writ over the door. Just before taking his cart into the warehouse, Chep sees you and waves and smiles

‪Bronan: 9:(

DM: Faustus you spend your time wandering the city. You quickly identify the Mercantile Square, the sultans palace, and some points of interest- a temple to some sort of moon God, a guardhouse and jail, and some sort of magic college

‪Bronan: But, using the ram gives me +4 so maybe 13?

DM: Bronan you get hired for the afternoon as a wrecker. You smash all afternoon, wrecking an old house much faster than your co-workers. After a few hours you are tired, but the house is just rubble. The foreman pays you 5 gold, and a skin of honey mead for helping him finish the job a day early

DM: You all meet back in the square where you were dropped off in the early evening. What would you like to do?

DM: Faustus, you also noticed not many beggars, this upper city seems pretty affluent. Quite a lot of military uniforms around actually

DM: Where to, adventurers! (staying in this square a few people have tried to sell you dates and figs)

Constance: I reckon we head to that Sand Spire inn for some food and a bed.

DM: Great. The sand spire sits on the south bridge, a wide granite bridge crossing the cormyra river, whose source sits below the sultans palace. Just beyond the bridge, you can make out the falls

DM: When you arrive its clear this is a pub frequented by travellers and many strange types. The innkeeper leans across the bar and smiles at you- he is jaundiced and fat, but beneath the fat you see bulging muscles. He has thinning hair and an unkempt beard, but is smiling happily

DM: Welcome folks. I be Burliman, keeper o the sand spire. Bed, drink, food, good company? We have all that and more, and all for a reasonable rate

‪Bronan: Greetings Burliman, how much for room and board?

DM: 1 gold gets you a week, 2 gold gets you a week and stew once a day. Ale is a silver piece per cup, and no drinking outside ale in the pub! (he gestures at your keg) unless you pay a gold surcharge, or fill it up at least a gold’s worthm then you can do what you like

DM: Also, if you fight, you pay for damages. If you don’t want to pay, we get the city guard to slap you in irons. Not that that will be a problem I’m sure!

DM: So three rooms? Three rooms and stew?

Constance: A room and stew for me!

Bronan: Bronan pay for week and stew for Faustus and Constance and room for bronan

DM: That’ll be five gold

Constance: There’s no need for that Bronan! Save your money for some of this gentlemans fine ale

DM: He hands you three keys and two bowls and points at a big cauldron in the centre of the room

DM: There are currently a few young women playing dice at a back table, a few tables of dusty men drinking, and in a shadowy corner, absolutely still, a figure in a cloak sat perfectly still over a mug of ale, face hidden, hands gloved

Constance: I would like to go play dice with the women

DM: Sure, how do you approach them?

Constance: “Hello ladies! May I join your game? It has been some time since I played!”

‪Bronan: ( if Constance paid for her own roo. And board. Imma get myself some soup so still have 1gp in the pocket)

DM: That works bronan

DM: The ladies say, oh, you play knuckle dice? Superb, a fourth player is always welcome. Join us please. We are Honesty, Faith, and Virtue

Constance: What a happy coincidence! I am Constance

DM: Welcome constance

DM: Knuckle dice is a simple game, you know it Constance. You can happily play for as long as you wish. If you are really trying to win make an Int check. Otherwise no worries

DM: Any questions or chat for the ladies?

DM: Bronan, faustus, what are you up to?

Constance: Ugh. 6 on int

DM: They let you win a round out of pity, eventually

Constance: During the game I chat with them idly. Where are you from do you come here often etc etc

DM: They are all from Krym, a city many hundreds of miles north. They have travelled here to petition the sultan over some grazing rights, as they are sheep farmers

DM: Simply passing through, and heard the sand spire had a great view of the famous falls of Cormyra!

DM: And yourself?

Constance: Alshash to the south. Have you heard of it?

DM: I’m afraid not, says honesty, Faith also seems clueless

DM: Virtue says, isn’t that a desert town? I once knew a man from al’shash, he was full of tall tales about birdmen and dogmen and giant snakeys

Constance: I call Bronan over.

‪Bronan: Yes constance Friend?

Constance: Tell these fine ladies the tales of the dog men and worms.

Bronan: Sneaky dogmen. Once Bronan have to train dogmen, but dogman bit Bronan here (shows bite mark) then we find hunter dogman which kill giant purple worm.

‪Bronan: One day Bronan ride worm across desert

‪Bronan: I give the barman my last gold and take a mug of ale from my barrel

‪Bronan: Did dice lady know that dogmen like to laugh? Always laughing but horrible to house train

Faustus: Faustus is drinking quietly at the bar and scoping out the place.

DM: Grand. Perception faustus? Performance/charisma bronan?

‪Bronan: 19!

DM: The ladies are all very impressed with bronan, and buy contance and bronan a mug of mead each

DM: And invite bronan to join them in a five wayvgame of knuckle dice

‪Bronan: Woop woop 5way

DM: …is that in character?


Come back next Monday for Chapter 19 of The Cursed Tomb!


Fancy supporting the site? You can pick up all of the 5th edition D&D books from Wizards of the Coast using our Amazon links below, and we’ll get a cut with no extra cost to you!

Dungeon Master’s Guide

Player’s Handbook

Monster Manual

Volo’s Guide to Monsters

Sword Coast Adventurer’s Guide

Starter Set


The Cursed Tomb: Chapter 17 – Straw Lice

So Adam and Ian don’t feel like they play enough D&D. To rectify this, they started playing a text-based adventure with a couple of friends, still using the 5th edition framework. We thought it would be fun to clean up the transcripts of this adventure and start publishing it in weekly chapters here on the site. Let us know what you think, and please share around! If you missed Chapter 1, check it out here!

Disclaimer: This is the transcript of a text-based D&D game played over a period of 6 months. Bad language included. Picture based dice rolls/media omitted. Names changed to preserve anonymity. Goblin based violence frequent. You have been warned. If you missed Chapter 16, find it here!


DM: Well. This appears to be you sitting down to a war council. How you proceed is up to. you have the tsunami gem. You know the location of the sorcerous girl. And you believe you know the mayor’s plan

Bronan: (plot twist, he’s the mage and he’ll use his bacteria laden hands to cast biological warfare tsunami)

‪Bronan: Bronan plan simple, hit with axe, maybe use net thrower, or smoke bomb

‪Bronan: Mainly the beers

‪Bronan: And Faustus friends use ninja skill to throw javelin and smack with godsword

‪Bronan: Constance friend use gnollstick and fist to beat Scarf-mayor

Faustus: Paladin-Ninja dual class.

Bronan: (for the guy in chainmail, you are the silent killer!)

Faustus: Exactly like diabetes

DM: And shit, chainmail!? Disadvantage in stealth rolls from now I’m pretty sure!

Faustus: I was doing them last time in the canyon bit. Can’t remember if it did earlier.

Bronan: (mayor better hope he has his insulin handy amiright? Also Constance can lay out some status effects, we could paint the mayor across the room like a pollock)

‪Bronan: Canyon is the only stealthing?

Faustus: That appears to be correct!

DM: Fair enough fair enough!

Faustus: Only stealth I seem to have done anyway

‪Bronan: I feel that it’s probably fair to give Bronan disadvantage on stealth too, he does have a pug in his loincloth pouch

‪Bronan: But we all know Bronan doesn’t really actively sneak, he just shuts up for a bit

Constance: Yeah. Chain mail is heavy armour. Disadvantage in stealth rolls

‪Bronan: Don’t think we should use gem, might harm town

‪Bronan: (also, the scorpion bodies, can we milk some venom from them?)

DM: You can try!

DM: 3 bodies, so 3 potential vial, roll 3 survival checks

‪Bronan: Awesome

‪Bronan: It started out so well…21, 7 and a natty 1

DM: You get one vial

DM: Get cocky

DM: And on the third one prick yourself with the stinger

DM: Make a constitution save please

Faustus: Haha

‪Bronan: It’s a 6

DM: You feel froth forming at the corner of your mouth

DM: And you feel woozy

DM: And the world starts to spin

‪Bronan: Bronan sit down, not feel good

‪Bronan: Bring Bronan bucket!

DM: It was a tiny sting so you feel alright after a few minutes. But feels like after you drink a batch of funny ale!

‪Bronan: Hmm, if we find more scorpion, Bronan have idea to make strong ale

‪Bronan: But for now, which friend want vial of tail juice? Bronan not really want, probably end up stinging self with it or throwing it in Scarf-mayors eyes

Constance: So. What do we know?

Bronan: Scarf-mayor is wizard or has wizard, want to flood bird people to open smuggling route

‪Bronan: Melbos not like mayor, want birdmen dead

‪Bronan: Guard only drink 2 ale when on duty

‪Bronan: Also, Scarf-mayor has friends who try to cage melody for the DRM from sand pirate bay, maybe Scarf-mayor want it to unleash torrent of water to get rid of free bird people so he can take their ore money

DM: That’s a pretty solid summary

Constance: So we head to Cormyra for now? Then what? Enlist help somehow?

Five factions known-


Mayor = bad

Melbos = shady (at best)

Blessed Wind = good

Sand Pirates = risky

Cormyra = ?”

DM: And within cormyra at least a few large criminal syndicates as well as the sheik (sultan? king? Emperor? You aren’t sure)

Faustus: We could go scope out Cormya to see what’s going down?

Constance: Sounds like the best plan we have

‪Bronan: Fair enough, to cormyra-town!

DM: Superb

DM: The main road to fringes should take six days walking, or there is a mail wagon that goes every dawn from the centre of town you can jump on for 6 gold pieces each that will be guarded and make the journey in three days

Bronan: Bronan only have 5 gold, have ale and portable ram though

Faustus: I have 25 so if we want to do that I can sub you.

DM: Are you going to try catching it from the centre of town. Or on the road outside of town

Bronan: Thank you friend Faustus, you need door smash down, enemy smash down or ale, Bronan always there. Bronan pay back as soon as can

‪Bronan: If we go to centre town, more chance Melbos or Scarf-mayor find us

DM: So heading for the main road to try and intersect the mail cart?

Bronan: (Bronan is not really adverse to seeing the mayor, but doesn’t want to meet Melbos as he wants to smash the mayor but don’t want to let down Melbos, so I’m happy either way)

DM: (melbos doesn’t like the mayor!)

Bronan: (yeah but bronan said he would smash birdmen, and only smashed 2)

‪Bronan: Fah, it Friday, Bronan feel want to live life, centre of town it is

DM: So you guys are heading to the centre of town to try and catch the dawn mail cart…

‪Bronan: Unless anyone says otherwise 🙂

Constance: Yeah as long as we have the cash!

Constance: I only have about 8 gold

Bronan: Think it was 6, and Faustus agreed to covet the extra 1 for Bronan so we should be good

‪Bronan: Also, I have a literal barrel of ale, I’m sure for drinks they would be willing to give us a reduction in price

Constance: Where is this fucking mail cart. We’ve been waiting forever

DM: It’s been a bit busy, if only we were playing a text rpg whose whole point was the lack of pressure on participants

DM: But lo! In the centre of town, the mail cart sets up. The driver is an old man, with one snaggle tooth, an unkempt beard, but a pristine red uniform and black cap

DM: 18 gold to Cormyra, folks! Well, let’s call it fifteen and a few mugs of ale en route?

DM: The only other person waiting in line is a middle ages woman with a hemp sack, who looks very concerned when you arrive, and mutters something about being in a rush

‪Bronan: Bronan looks at the snaggletooth, looks at Constance and Faustus and then hands over his 5gp

‪Bronan: Bronan helps the lady with her bag after doing the whole lift the beer keg inside thing

DM: My name’s Chep, says the driver. We got six days o’ ridin on some lovely sand roads and then the hardstone line straight to cormyra itself!

DM: She politely declines your offer

DM: And holds her bag very close, between her knees

Constance: I too hand over my five gold and utter the common saying of my people. “Cheers drive”

DM: Anything else folks? Chep adjusts his crotch and spits on the sand. Never did like al’shash, not enough taverns or whores

Faustus: I hand over my gold and nod.

Bronan: Chep know good story? Want to hear good ghost story?

DM: I’d love to hear one, once we set off. I’ll trade you,a story for a story! If you each tell me a good story,I’ll tell you the tale of Greenbeard’s Glaive

DM: The mail coach is simple enough, a basic canopy over a standard coach, four horses pulling. Chep has a crossbow loaded on the seat next to him, and the four passengers can fit easily in the seats behind

Bronan: Sound good to me. Lady inside, you maybe cover ears, Bronan tell ghost story from Sir dribbles

DM: It is very early and so as you leave Al’shash square and hit the road, you do so unwatched

DM: It’s six days on the road of trading occasional stories. What are yours:

‪Bronan: Ok, do you want it in Bronan speech? Outline of plot with some in character bits for effect?

DM: Second seems good

DM: Constance and faustus, get thinking! Also, what are all your passive perceptions, and are any of you doing anything out of the ordinary over the six days?

Bronan: My passive is 13

‪Bronan: “so chep, you may want to have an ale for this one..” and I proceed to set up a tale of a guy who used to see things in the corner of his eye, movement, glimpses of some far away movement when he saw his reflection in the Lake, mirror etc

‪Bronan: Then one day he sit staring at Lake for whole day, watching and looking for the movement

‪Bronan: And he saw figure in distance, moving closer

‪Bronan: Closer

‪Bronan: Basically when it got closer the person saw….

DM: Oh shit

DM: So what happened?

‪Bronan: Flying behind him. Arm raising up (Bronan reaches around behind the driver)

‪Bronan: Until it right behind, suddenly it speak, but creature had no mouth, it speak in his mind, it say “tag, your it” and it grabbed his shoulder(Bronan will grab the drivers shoulder)

‪Bronan: (if Bronan makes him jump he’ll give a good natured laugh and say) seriously though, we did find his body impaled on top of 70ft tree

Faustus: (Phone is dying so will just insert mine now for whenever makes sense, also has to be quick!) Faustus tells the tale of a particularly difficult blue half dragon that he hunted down and killed. Days in a forest, covered in mud, trapped him and killed him eventually. (Phone dead!)

DM: Performance checks for every story please. Bronan, loved it

DM: Faustus, did you have to escape on a horse called choppa?

‪Bronan: Awww shit, I got a 4

‪Bronan: Goddamnit, really got to remember I’m not a bard

DM: Bronan, your story is amazing

DM: Everyone is entranced

DM: But when you do the prank end and grab the Chep, he is so enthralled he yelps and steers the mail coach off the road. Your mumbled coda regarding finding the man in the tree is perhaps lost in the confusion and chaos this causes

Bronan: I take sir dribbles out and say “sir dribbles, your stories almost got us into trouble again” *snort bark*

DM: In return for Bronan’s tale, Chep tells a story- now, a paladin told me this. I met him in a bar, he was drinking and drinking and scratching and scratching at his crotch. So I asks him his story. It’s a short tale of a paladin who falls in love with a girl in a red dress who stands every day atop a hill he sees far away across a mighty river. Finally he crosses the river, battling the elements, monsters, and actual elementals.when he finally arrives to profess his love he climbs the hill but she is…misshapen. he gets closer and closer, and arrives with his dented armour and bloodied sword to find a scarecrow in a red dress.

DM: I ask him if that’s what drove him to drink, and he says yes, nothing gets rid of straw lice

DM: (chep slaps the wagon)

Bronan: Lol

Constance: Constance tells the story of a monk, chosen to fulfil an ancient prophecy, despite being completely unfit for the role on the surface. He was fat and clumsy. But the master saw potential. Training alongside five others of skill and talent far surpassing his, he was never their equal. Until through a variety of unlikely circumstances, he finds himself the only one able to defend their monastery, and the village where his adoptive father runs a noodle shop, from an evil monk out for revenge. Turns out that he was so fat, the evil monk cannot beat him. He beats the shit out of him with his fatness and saves the monastery.

DM: Ha

DM: Performance check Constance

DM: Solid stuff

Constance: 18.

Constance: (I’m hoping you all got that reference)

‪Bronan: (yup, glad of end to end encryption, Disney don’t play!)

DM: Ha, yes. Your story is greatly appreciated by the crowd. Even the mysterious quiet woman with her hemp sack (which never leaves her side) smiles

Constance: Also my passive perception is 12

DM: Thanks.And in fact, when Chep says “a story must pay for a story” the women speaks up

DM: It is evening, and you are around a fire away from the road. It’s dark, and she takes off her cloak to show expensive and intricate robes

DM: She put down her hemp sack in front of the fire and breathes deep

DM: I…Was a wizard. (she casts a minor illusion of a duck to illustrate her power, producing a small wand from her robes). Many years ago I travelled the land with two friends, a cleric and a sorceror, seeking adventure and fortune. After a decade of slaying monsters and righting wrongs, we heard tell of an artefact. The artefact in this very bag. We fought our way through undead monstrosities to find it. The cleric died deep in the underdark, alone and abandoned. They had left me for dead in the stow slave pits. When finally I escaped I tracked them, and I found her. The sorceror had abandons her to a hungry illithid, and fled with the artefact

DM: I found him. Dead. He had foolishly tried to use the artefact himself, without commiting. a half done job is no good, no good at all.

DM: And so now I must bear the death of my friends and carry this burden, too powerful to use, or destroy, without being used or destroyed oneself

DM: She leans back, looking sad

DM: What kind of story were that? Chep says. No whoores, no booze, no monsters. Just sad shit!

‪Bronan: Bronan pats her on shoulder, gives her ale

‪Bronan: Sir dribbles want to say he sorry for your loss (I plop sir dribbles on her lap like a therapy dog)

DM: She seems to appreciate the ale and dog

Bronan: Bronan curious about artifact, and people who live under ground. Where do they get hops needed for beer?

DM: She smiles. They use mushrooms to make beer, bronan

Bronan: Mushroom make beer? That crazy talk…mushroom ketchup and Bronan on board, but beer? So they mush mushroom add yeast and water?

DM: She shrugs. Something like that! It’s not very tasty

Bronan: Bronan think they spend too much time out of sun, they go crazy

DM: I once saw a slave brew mushroom beer so potent it sent the guards blind. That’s actually how I escaped!

Bronan: Bronan ponders this for a bit, then says “Bronan find mushroom and try”

‪Bronan: (so far, scorpion whiskey and mushroom beer are on his to do list. Along with riding a sand worm)

DM: (that is a fucking tight to do list)

DM: The lady introduced herself as Moira but the way. You can Amor history checks or perception on her if you fancy

‪Bronan: Yup imma do both

‪Bronan: Being the bastion of intelligence

‪Bronan: 3 on history,

‪Bronan: 22 on perception

DM: None of it ringing any bells

Constance: A wizard you say? Where did you study?

DM: I studied in a land you may not have heard of. East and east and east and east again, a few thousand miles of open sea. I come from the sword coast

DM: Bronan, perception wise

DM: She seems hard as oak. Proper tough stuff. Maybe older than she appears/holds herself. a few scars on her hands, one on her neck. Robes are opulent but also cut in a way she could move fast if necessary. Wand looked magic as fuck, and so does a ring she is wearing

Constance: Indeed I have not heard of this place friend moira. Did your compatriots travel from there also?

DM: Aye. And from there I left, seeking a way destroy this…artefact.

DM: The mayor of al’shash claimed an expertise in the destruction of artefacts, but I fear even here there is no hope

‪Bronan: You try hitting it with axe? Or melt it in vat of molten iron, then making it into axe?

DM: She laughs

DM: You three remind me of my youth, and my friends

DM: Thank you for listening to my story

DM: You are on your final night before Cormyra, outside a nondescript market town making camp: desert has given way to verdant plains. Inyhe distance, occasionally large beasts can be heard grazing

DM: Faustus tells his story, in return for the tale of greenbeards glaive

DM: Performance from faustus for that. Meantime, any questions for Moira or Chep?

Bronan: Moira will you keep in touch? Bronan and Sir dribbles want to make sure you OK and tell you about our journey

Constance: Upon hearing moira mention the mayor I perk up.

Constance: The mayor!?

DM: I will be in Cormyra for some months bronan, I wish to consult their archives. After that, I am afraid I don’t know where I’ll be! But I would be happy if the fates set us on the same paths again

DM: Yes constance?


Come back next Monday for Chapter 18 of The Cursed Tomb!


Fancy supporting the site? You can pick up all of the 5th edition D&D books from Wizards of the Coast using our Amazon links below, and we’ll get a cut with no extra cost to you!

Dungeon Master’s Guide

Player’s Handbook

Monster Manual

Volo’s Guide to Monsters

Sword Coast Adventurer’s Guide

Starter Set


The Cursed Tomb: Chapter 16 – Does Bronan Understand Listeria?

So Adam and Ian don’t feel like they play enough D&D. To rectify this, they started playing a text-based adventure with a couple of friends, still using the 5th edition framework. We thought it would be fun to clean up the transcripts of this adventure and start publishing it in weekly chapters here on the site. Let us know what you think, and please share around! If you missed Chapter 1, check it out here!

Disclaimer: This is the transcript of a text-based D&D game played over a period of 6 months. Bad language included. Picture based dice rolls/media omitted. Names changed to preserve anonymity. Goblin based violence frequent. You have been warned. If you missed Chapter 15, find it here!

Disclaimer 2: There is a lot of side talk in this week’s chapter that largely relates to the various D&D games that all of us are involved in. If you listened to the first Total Reroll podcast series that wrapped up last year (check out Season One and Two if not!), you may be able to track roughly when this text game was taking place.



DM: kill him! He is awful and evil and vile, and he had them kill mother and he wants me as a slave. Kill him, and I will pay you anything in the world. I have nothing now but I will find you anything if you kill him

Constance: (Why is she shouting?)

DM: Emphasis that she is not blessed wind

DM: She seems pretty scared right now

DM: She doesn’t know what you are here to do and clearly thinks you might be here to take her back or kill her

‪Bronan: Ok Melody, calm, Bronan friend, Bronan mean no harm, Bronan and Faustus and Constance friends want to help melody

Constance: As my friend Bronan says, there is no need to fear us. We come in the hope of simply finding answers to some questions.

‪Bronan: Keep melody free, get rid of DRM or the damn ratfaced mayor

‪Bronan: (get it keep music free, DRM)

DM: Hahaha

Faustus: (Solid)

Constance: (I enjoyed that)

DM: Fun speaks- melody has a place here with us as long as she chooses. And until the mayor is dealt with…I think she is safest here

DM: Melody nods

DM: As do the elders

Constance: I’m inclined to agree with you Fun.

Constance: (Bronan and Constance are going to be out of action for the remainder of the evening as we are about to partake in some meatspace dnd)

Constance: (The final room of Cragmaw castle awaits)

DM: (Oh shit. Faustus you remember that one? seem to remember it getting…weird.)

Faustus: (Haha oh fuck yeah)

‪Bronan: (it got kind of burny, I got rugby tackled by a half naked, smouldering, greasy dwarf, lied to a druid and exploded a raven, #adayinthelifeofahalflingpiratebard)

DM: (sounds about right!)

Bronan: Hmm, guess we go get rid of Scarf-mayor? What Faustus and Constance think?

DM: You are keeping that gem tucked away and secret Ronan? Just checking

Constance: Bronan Keating.

‪Bronan: Sometimes Bronan feel that life is like cart ride in mountains, just got to ride it

Constance: Hahahahhahahahha. Fucking hell.

Bronan: Errm, Bronans friends told him to hide it, so it’s snuggled next to Sir dribbles

Faustus: Haha

Bronan: Noone ask what Bronan second name is

Constance: 🎵life is a mountain cart ride, just got to ride it. And what about this gem here? Just got to hiiiide it. All night looong🎵

‪Bronan: Hahahaha

‪Bronan: (you may have heard Bronan singing with drum to Sir dribbles 🎶 dribbles say it best, when he say nothing at all 🎶)

‪Bronan: But unless constance or Faustus tell him he won’t bring it out, unless it was mentioned at all?

Faustus: I asked about what the mayor would want with a gem, but didn’t specify this one.

‪Bronan: Ok when you mentioned that, Bronan kind of shuffled a bit and looked at you

‪Bronan: Gonna roll a percentile, over 50 he forgot he was supposed to keep it secret, below he remembered

‪Bronan: 65

‪Bronan: Bronan pulls out the gem and says, melody know what stone do? Mayor want, but everyone say it bad for him to have

DM: Melody looks confused

DM: As do most of the elders

DM: Except the windcaller

DM: A spell gem! He cries out

DM: One more powerful than any I’ve seen. May I inspect it, friend ronan? I might be able to decipher its power

‪Bronan: Sure thing wind caller, I understand beak make hard b sound difficult,Bronan not mind

DM: Apologies bronan

DM: The windcaller takes the gem in his hand and inspects it closely, mumbling some words of power

DM: His eyes widen in shock

DM: Destruction! He says

DM: He quickly puts it down on the floor between you all

DM: This spell gem could summon a tsunami! A giant wall of water great enough to destroy a town!

DM: With this power the mayor could wipe our people from the face of the earth! If he is seeking this level of power he must have a wizard at his side

Bronan: Hmm, maybe we need help to stop wizard

DM: Perhaps

DM: Or perhaps it is a wizard too foolish to know how powerful this force could be

DM: Windsword picks up the gem and hands it back to Bronan

DM: A sign of our faith, that you may leave this place with such a power

‪Bronan: Bronan keep in safe place *puts it in loincloth pouch*

Constance: (FYI guys. I’m in exciting meetings about the world of finance all afternoon so I won’t be about)

Faustus: (I left my dice at home.)

Constance: (You use real dice for this?)

Faustus: (And every other life decision.)

Faustus: (Well I’m currently working from home 6 out of 7 days a week so my dice are right there on the shelf.)

Bronan: Bronan make decisions, Bronan head hurt, head back to farm house, birdmen scout?

DM: We can escort you back to the obsidian ridge (fun says)

DM: Melody lifts her head. She seems to have been considering something

DM: You could seek the wild port instead, if you fear to face the mayor alone? the sand pirates might help you if you explain the mayor’s plan

DM: She looks worried

DM: They might just kill you of course. But they aren’t all that bad! my mother and I lived there happily for many years!

Constance: Tell me more melody

DM: The free town of Bloodreef is home to many, but those who might aid you are the sand pirates. They are pirates based out of the port, they smuggle goods across the south desert

DM: Their leader is Adamant Grull

DM: But the desert it wide and their help uncertain. Perhaps you’d prefer to deal with it yourselves and keep things simple

DM: You could slit his throat in the night?

DM: Fun quietens her with a motion

DM: We have spoken of this melody. The blessed wind cannot move against the mayor, or he would rally the city guard against us, and even Cormyra

Constance: Who in Cormyra would ally themselves with the mayor?

DM: Well, the palace itself if he could convince them the desert folk were encroaching beyond the obsidian ridge

‪Bronan: Hmm long trek in desert, pirate may not help, we could, but maybe just kill Scarf-mayor on own or with maybe-friends in town

‪Bronan: (I’ll be quieter this evening as apparently it’s my turn to gm in the rotating gm game I play in, gonna pull a murder mystery out of thin air for 2 hours time!)

DM: (…they all have an hour of amnesia at the time of the murder, and one of them did it!)

‪Bronan: (I was thinking of a mage casting silence and murdering an npc in the parties Inn)

DM: (sounds awesome, good luck!)

‪Bronan: (it went OK, may have mentally scarred a couple if players by describing a grizzly murder scene but they are on track to hunt down the killers, how has other people’s evening been?)

DM: (Sounds great! Spent mine planning tonight’s session, which may include a TPK of they aren’t careful)

DM: It’s almost nightfall, so elder Waterseeker invites you to stay the night and think over your plan. You are also invited to the funeral of the two warriors you killed just after nightfall

DM: The ceremony itself is simple, just two pyres. After which you can rest. In the morning you have some time to talk among yourselves and make a plan

Constance: I shed a single tear, cursing the individuals pulling the strings that lead to their deaths

‪Bronan: (nice)

Constance: What are we thinking then gentlemen? Sand pirates? Try to convince them to help us lush back against the mayor? Or Cormyra? Assess the situation there? Or head back to Al’shash and try to assassinate the mayor?

Faustus: Sand pirates sounds fun

Constance: We may die.

Constance: They don’t sound like the most savoury characters

‪Bronan: Bronan think we go to town, get guard friend and Melbos to join forces with us, kill Scarf-mayor, tie up loose end, then sandpirate

‪Bronan: But Bronan want friends to be happy, happy to do what they want

Constance: I’d say it’s probably a good idea to avoid Melbos for the time being. He is under the impression that we would “help him expand” which we haven’t exactly done.

‪Bronan: Hmm yes, we only got trail open, not kill birdmen that we said we would…well not kill all birdmen *nods to the funeral pyres* but need ally to kill Scarf-mayor? Bronan not too sneaky like dogman, not sure if Bronan could be like Faustus-ninja

Constance: True true.

Constance: We do put ourselves at risk as we are both outnumbered and outgunned. But there is much we don’t yet know. Where does Cormyra stand in all this? Do they support the mayors actions? Are they unaware of his plans? What is the power structure like there? What do the houses of ninjas or whatever stand to gain? And lastly, what is our own personal endgame? Great wealth? Peace? Fame?

‪Bronan: Bronan mutters “Bronan big goal to make friend happy:(” as he gets a rare glimpse of the futility of seeking happiness then he shakes his head and refills his ale cup

‪Bronan: Smiling now, “Bronan want see world with friend, we find answers to constancefrient questions, when find sand pirate? Maybe they have firewater”

‪Bronan: Or we go to cormyra-town? Seek out scorpion tattoo people

DM: Constance you can give me a history check to see what you know of the power structure in cormyra

Constance: 3

Constance: Balls

DM: There is a sheikh in cormyra

DM: Probably.

DM: Or a sultan? There is someone powerful in cormyra

Constance: Hmmm. Perhaps we should scope it out?

DM: Well. If you like you can debate this as you travel back to rib gulch? With experienced blessed wind scouts you should be able to avoid wyrms etc and get there within three days

DM: Since you seem to be saying sand pirates later, for now al’shash or cormyra (feel free to correct me on that)

Bronan: Sure, I think that’s where we’re headed, (Faustus, the pirates might be in league with Melbos and we’re avoiding him for a bit)

Faustus: Ah cool

‪Bronan: (We seem to be falling into a habit of agreeing to help people, changing our minds and then ghosting them…)

DM: (ha!)

Bronan: On the way back, Bronan is going to be further practicing using the amulet to chill ale

‪Bronan: Also, I am going to ask if one of the birdmen scouts would make sir dribbles happy by taking him on a small flight and ask if he can have a go too

DM: None of them think they could carry sir bronan

DM: But they agree to take sir dribbles on a short flight if he is well behaved

‪Bronan: Bronan digs out sir dribbles goggles and flight cap and tell him to be behaved

DM: One of the younger scouts takes sir dribbles for a 10 minute flight, up and away and above the dunes!

DM: When he comes back he is very very wobbly on his legs but is wagging his tail

Bronan: “sir dribbles, you have to tell me what it’s like later, must be fun to see ground from sky, what did Bronan look like?…..”

‪Bronan: The one sided conversation continues

DM: After three days you are back at rib gulch, where fun and the two scouts take their leave of you. Any final questions for the aaracokra of the blessed wind before you return to the more civilised desert?

‪Bronan: (other people will have questions too but at the end of their questions I’d like to ask..) Bronan miss birdmen, how Bronan get message to blessed wind in future? Special horn?

DM: Hmm. Enter our lands and we will know of it…aside from that, I’m afraid I don’t know friend. My name is Fun Windblade. so a wizard knowing that could send me a message perhaps? Staying in touch is not so easy!

Bronan: Hmm every night when in desert, Bronan will write ale in sand, that way scout can see and know when we in desert

DM: The scouts all click their tongues

DM: Waste not your ale friend Bronan! If you are in our desert we will spot you

DM: And take care not to dig, bronan would not enjoy living in a wyrms stomach!

‪Bronan: One day Bronan ride warm like birdmen ride breeze

‪Bronan: One day

‪Bronan: Wyrm

DM: They click their beaks

DM: So they have dropped you back at Rib gulch, and you are through the obsidian ridge and back on the safer sands of the deserts of Al’shash

DM: What do you do?

‪Bronan: Head to farmhouse?

‪Bronan: Friends need to discuss how to kill Scarf-mayor, Bronan feel we meet Scarf-mayor at Inn, hit with the beers until Scarf-mayor not need to avoid washing hand ever again

DM: Hahahahaha

DM: Superb

DM: Well its three days to town so I guess you can head there easy enough

DM: Bronan, roll a d6?

Bronan: (before the birdmen leave, Bronan will give them ale. And fill their wineskins with it)

DM: (they thanked you profusely)

‪Bronan: Ok

‪Bronan: That’s a six

‪Bronan: (in Bronans mind, not washing his hands is probably the worst thing the mayor has done, the rest could be inter-tribal war, but not washing his hands can hurt his tribe and his ideal is that the tribe needs to ensure the tribes happiness, hard to do with listeria or food poisoning

Constance: (Hahahaha. Does Bronan understand listeria?)

Bronan: (I’ll roll survival)

‪Bronan: (13, Bronan know poop not make good food, no second harvest)

‪Bronan: (assuming that the dc was 10, just cause we’re in a fantasy desert, doesn’t mean we don’t know hygiene! Feel free to overrule DM:))

Constance: (Faustus has been notably absent for a bit)

DM: (Faustus has been busy killing a  Dragon turtle in our main game!)

DM: (bronan, second harvest not good, Listeria bad. Bronan knows this from bad experiences)

DM: And with a six, you make it back to your abandoned farmhouse easey peasey

‪Bronan: (oh God, was it Bronan who sold his bedsheets? Did his parents lie to stop him from shame?)

‪Bronan: Soiled*

DM: (mysteries for further investigation…)

DM: Your farmhouse is as you left it, very simple and bare but with swept floors and the sweet water from the well

Constance: (I’ve been busy almost getting tpk’d)

Faustus: (Yeah I was on the tube)

Bronan: (shit man! I’ve been making people fight cultists, the look of fear when people get cone of cold followed by a fireball and a timestop)

‪Bronan: Bronan wash hands, and Sir dribbles paws

‪Bronan: Begin cooking dinner

DM: (The look of fear when the Dragon turtle has destroyed a lighthouse, and its paper figure is the size of their ship!)

Bronan: (sir dribbles is wearing a chef hat)

DM: Well. This appears to be you sitting down to a war council. How you proceed is up to have the tsunami gem. You know the location of the sorcerous girl. And you believe you know the mayor’s plan


Come back next Monday for Chapter 17 of The Cursed Tomb!


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Player’s Handbook

Monster Manual

Volo’s Guide to Monsters

Sword Coast Adventurer’s Guide

Starter Set


The Cursed Tomb: Chapter 15 – An Attempt at Being Respectful

So Adam and Ian don’t feel like they play enough D&D. To rectify this, they started playing a text-based adventure with a couple of friends, still using the 5th edition framework. We thought it would be fun to clean up the transcripts of this adventure and start publishing it in weekly chapters here on the site. Let us know what you think, and please share around! If you missed Chapter 1, check it out here!

Disclaimer: This is the transcript of a text-based D&D game played over a period of 6 months. Bad language included. Picture based dice rolls/media omitted. Names changed to preserve anonymity. Goblin based violence frequent. You have been warned. If you missed Chapter 14, find it here!


DM: I am Windblade Fún

Constance: Wind blade Fun?

DM: We will eat what you offer, and promise peace for now

Constance: I think I’ve been to that theme park

DM: If you were to untie us

DM: These are windknives Ret and Tolouse

Bronan: Bronan goes back to the pan, and starts cooking enough for the birdmen, he chills some more ale, and breaks off some cheese for Sir dribbles

Faustus: (Can someone who is not in a gym do some sort of trustworthiness check?)

Constance: Insight to see if he harbours ill will

DM: Sure

Constance: 11

DM: He seems sad more than angry

DM: Clearly very unhappy with how this night has gone, but you don’t think he will attack you unprovoked

DM: (and you have all their weapons)

‪Bronan: When the food is ready, I take it to them and cut their bonds

Constance: I want your word windblade. That we have a truce, will share a meal and talk. Nothing more.

Bronan: My axe is on my back

DM: You have my word. It seems we have much to discuss

‪Bronan: Bronan frees and feeds them

‪Bronan: Not literally, but he does prompt Faustus and Constance to eat and keep up their strength

Constance: Over food we recant how we came to be here. Leaving out the part about Melbos and Toma and Faisal for now.

DM: So what do you say about how you decided to come back out to the desert? Deception roll

Constance: That we took it upon ourselves to find out what had happened to what we thought were traders out here, that it might have something to do with the mayor.

Constance: Unnatural 20

DM: Okay

DM: Fun looks worried.

DM: You mentioned we might have another enemy, dragonborn?

Faustus: There are others in Al’Shash who want you gone from this area. When we were trying to find out more about who may be responsible for the attacks we saw, we met these people. We know little else of them, but they pointed us in your direction and gave us supplies. With a clear intention for us to kill you. Possibly die in the process too.

DM: Smugglers. Or something less savoury

Faustus: Perhaps

DM: With blessed wind gone, the passage around the Wyrms teeth is open

DM: And then to the west sea.

DM: A longer route, but one with far less risk of wyrm attack

Faustus: (Faustus has basically decided that these guys are at least less shady than the others… I felt a discussion would be meta gaming)

DM: You have acted with honour.

DM: I believe our conflict is due to the lies of others rather than either of our wills, and I tire of dancing to another beasts tune

Faustus: I believe I feel the same.

Bronan: So, What now?

‪Bronan: Bronan still have ale, we go to windbladfuns camp and have ale?

DM: I believe you should meet our elder, and the girl

DM: Will you carry our fallen brothers on your cart? We three shall scour for sign of wyrm from the sky. I will send one of the boys on to rouse the camp

Faustus: Yes of course. It is the least we can do after this misunderstanding. Can you ensure our safety with your brethren if we ensure our peaceful intent?

DM: He laughs

DM: You have my word.

DM: We have much to discuss, and fighting should be for foes, not friends!

Faustus: Faustus nods approvingly.

Constance: Excellent. I’m glad we could come to such an understanding

‪Bronan: Bronan wraps the bodies up in the tarp and slings then on his shoulder and lowers them gently into the cart

DM: Cool

DM: Fun reckons it is about three days by cart to the Blessed Wind camp

DM: You happy to set off?

Constance: Yup

‪Bronan: When they are in the air and obviously out of listening range, I ask Faustus and Constance “what about Melbos, Melbos-elder not elder or Toma or Faisal not friends? Bronan confused”

Constance: I think we keep the details of that to ourselves just now Bronan.

Bronan: Also, what we do with this? *pulls out gem*

Faustus: Bronan if they were enslaving people, they may not have been our friends.

Constance: But just now we don’t know who friend and who not friend

Constance: Damnit now I’m talking like him

Bronan: Melbos slaver? Know he had scorpion fights but where slave come from? Scarf-mayor slaver

DM: You can do an insight check to see what your understanding of this all is

Bronan: Hmm dangerous place to be surrounded by friend-or-notfriend, you two stay close, Bronan protect

‪Bronan: Ok

‪Bronan: Ooooh maybe not. That’s a 12

DM: You think the mayor wants to wipe out the Blessed Wind so he can control the mountains and the desert and the path to the sea

DM: To do this, he wanted a tiefling sorceror girl (and maybe hired a Cormyra Criminal house to get her) and wanted that spell gem

DM: Melbos wants to expand his criminal activities to the red plains- which you don’t know what they are, but all you’ve heard about is scorpion fights and thieving and some extortion. No slavery or murder yet mentioned

DM: Blessed Wind seem to be extorting merchants a bit, but they see it as tax for using their holy lands

Constance: (Oh wait, did we pick up those scorpions?)

DM: You did

Constance: Niiice

Faustus: They did offer us boys and girls too. Which may have been adult prostitutes… or not.

DM: Yeah

DM: So shaaaaaady guys

DM: But mayor is up to something much higher levek

DM: Melbos was happy for you to totally wipe out what now appears to be a whole tribe, not a gnat of bandits

DM: But

DM: Did he know that?

‪Bronan: Mmmmm, Melbos is tough one, we could make him make friends with tribe, or we could crush. If we get rid of Scarf-mayor, Melbos be next mayor Bronan think.

‪Bronan: Toma and Faisal help us, took us to Melbos who help us

‪Bronan: Maybe they confused about birdmen

‪Bronan: Maybe birdmen heard of Melbos and could tell us?

DM: You have three days of travel under the aaracokras protection. They frequently direct you to skirt areas where they see potential hazards

DM: Are you to anything over these here days? want to ask Fun anything else before arrival?

Constance: I’d like to talk to him about the structure of their society.

DM: Master water finder leads council of elders. Elders command their family groups. Windknives obey windblades and guard the people

DM: Wind caller looks after temple with his own windblades and windknives

Constance: Hmm. So you wield some influence?

DM: I am top windblade of my family. My elder will listen to me. One of best warriors of blessed wind

Constance: My concern is obviously that others in your community might not be as understanding of our *ahem* transgressions as you have been

DM: Life on the Wyrm’s teeth is brutal.

DM: We have both made mistakes

DM: You have my word, if they decide you were at fault then I have enough sway that you will not be killed. Banished past the obsidian ridge and forbidden from our lands, perhaps. But not fed to the wyrms

Constance: I apologise again for your friends. Their deaths lay heavy on my conscience

DM: It is a burden not on you, but on those who sent you with ears full of lies about my people

Constance: I find a moment when they are not by us to ask Bronan and Faustus whether we should return their weapons to them

Faustus: Yeah I think so.

‪Bronan: Bronan think it best

‪Bronan: They cut Bronan, but that cause Bronan busy with net thrower, they not try again

DM: When you do so they are grateful

DM: And ask for their dead brothers swords to be placed by them for their death ritual

Constance: We do that

‪Bronan: In the three days, I continue to cook and care for the others

‪Bronan: Make sure the fire is warm at night so they don’t catch a cold

DM: Cool

DM: Lunchtime on the third day they lead you up a steep ravine. The going is tough on your camels

DM: After hours of winding you reach a guard post and a gate  of living vines, thicker than your arm, woven across the passage. Fun and the others land and walk with you, through the gate, nodding to the guards

DM: You arrive at the home of the Blessed wind

DM: It appears to be a small village of yurts. One larger structure, a communal hall, is north of the others. A temple like building made of stone is the only stone structure, south of the tents. All is enclosed in this nice shady ravine with only the one entrance

DM: And there are numerous trees growing from cracks in the ravine wall, and even better, a small oasis at the bottom of a little waterfall! The first flowing water you’ve seen in the desert

DM: Welcome to Sweetwater, fun says

DM: Aaracokra children are running around. There are maybe 60 people in total, your think?

DM: Wait here, I’ll gather the elders in the common hall. Be respectful.

DM: He leaves his two juniors with you and walks away

DM: The children are quickly taken inside of their huts, until the only people on the streets are a few heavily armed aaracokra. They eye you up, and look worried

DM: So whatcha going guys?

Faustus: Ret, are the people here afraid of us?

DM: He nods.

DM: We don’t get many outsiders

DM: And outsiders with two windknive corpses is bad news

DM: He shrugs. Worry not, Faustus. We know you are perhaps a help to our people

Faustus: Thank you. I hope so.

Constance: Ret. what’s that stone structure there? It looks different than the other buildings?

DM: The windcallers temple

DM: In great need, we may call the wind to keep us safe. But this is a dangerous path

Constance: How so?

DM: He clicks his tongue, which by this point you know is equivalent of a smile

DM: The wind is wild, sister Constance! To control the wind…well…few ever manage to keep it controlled for long!

DM: After half an hour Fun emerges from the communal hall and beckons you in

DM: Before you, three august aaracokra with magnificent plumage and impressive robes. Fun introduces them

DM: Water finder, matriarch of the village, Wind caller, holy man of the village, Windsword, protector of the village”

DM: He whispers to you ‘they forsake their names for these offices- their lives are for the tribe’

Bronan: (wow guys, kinda like us!)

Faustus: (Haha kinda!)

Faustus: Faustus bows in an attempt at being respectful

Constance: Constance follows suit

DM: An aarocokra child brings you all a drink, and the elders and fun as well

DM: They drink

Faustus: Seeing them drink, I drink too.

Constance: I also drink

DM: Bronan, you too?

Bronan: Bronan does the same ritual as before, kneel offer ale cups

‪Bronan: When the child approaches I swap cups with the child

DM: Cool

DM: The elders accept your gift of ale

DM: The water finder speaks

DM: You have come to us at a time of great trouble, under a dark cloud. The human mayor seeks our ore, our land, our secret paths. He has killed many and will kill more

DM: The smugglers and bandits wish us gone by fair means or foul

DM: And we harbour a fugitive, a prodigal child afraid of her powers, beset on all sides

DM: Into this walk you three. You, who earn our windblades trust even as you kill his brothers. You, who crossed the desert to answer your curiosity

DM: What is it you want, adventurers?

Constance: Answers to the many questions that have arisen.

DM: Ask, we shall answer. We do not need the fog of deceit in this trying time

Constance: Why is the mayor so interested in this girl?

DM: She is a sorceress of unmatched power. She could destroy towns, cities, if she were ever unshackled. Even now she can do terrible things

DM: The mayor wants her to use her powers to his own end. Violence. Destruction. “progress”. He will stamp out any in his way. With this girl, he would try and tame the desert

Constance: “Unshackled”?

DM: For now, she wears bracers that constrain her abilities. We offered to remove them but she believes she cannot control her power well enough yet

DM: Her sorcery is wild, untamed

DM: If the mayor gets any leverage over her, or charms her, or breaks her will…well. men we can fight. Men, the desert can fight. But this girl?

Constance: Hmm. Fair.

Constance: Why does the mayor covet these lands so much?

DM: Cormyra controls all north, east, and south of al’shash

DM: The only territory free for untaxed trade is the desert. And there are metals, gems, tombs, towns, across the red plain

DM: The wyrm’s themselves have bellies full of precious jewels!

DM: And if you could tame the desert, the the wild ports to the west sea would be yours to trade with, the best oath in all cormyra. Money, power, influence.

DM: All if would require is the slaughtering of a dozen tribes of different beings, a few hundred wyrms, and an iron will

‪Bronan: Hmm, Bronan not conqueror, not like Scarf-mayor. what of smugglers, water finder elder, would peace be possible? Are smugglers in dust town good people or badmen?

DM: The smugglers? Low level pimps and thieves. As long as they stay south of Ptonos’s tomb, we have no quarrel with them

Bronan: You let them move through other desert?

‪Bronan: They not slavers?

DM: Not that we have seen. But certainly if we saw them in our part of the desert, or if they start slaving/killing wyrms or anything like that, we would be forced to take action

Constance: What if Ptolnus? Why is his tomb allowed to stand? And why are his followers allowed to move freely?

DM: Followers? Less than a dozen starved gnolls, and the Hunter. The gnolls we will kill if they become a nuisance. The Hunter is a force best left alone. He has not left the tomb in many many years

Bronan: Men can slave worms? How? They like horses?

DM: And the tomb harms none except those who seek its treasure. How would you destroy such a place? It is on our borders. Trouble to destroy, and our people are smart enough to let it lie

Bronan: Worm we saw big and hungry

DM: I meant slaving or killing worms, I’m sorry bronan if I misspoke

DM: Although there was that man from the wild port who rode a wyrm! Blue Magnus!

DM: She clicks her tongue

‪Bronan: Ok, Bronan curious, bet worm make fast horse

DM: There was a man to set the world right

Constance: So what has stopped the mayor acting till now?

DM: Be careful on that path bronan

Bronan: (yeeeerrrsss dune…..)

DM: Well. He needs forces, presumably.

DM: Right now he is weak, but each day another mercenary joins him. He has at least one wizard

‪Bronan: *Harump* of course, worm big, Bronan need to think first

DM: If he convinces the guard or the smugglers to join him then he might stand a chance, but we have the windblades, and the wind, and the wyrms

Constance: AND MY AXE


Bronan: Hmm maybe we get smugglers and guard to help blessed wind, that help?

Constance: (I don’t actually say that)

Bronan: Axe, Constance want axe?

‪Bronan: Bronan thinks he hears something, reaches for a hand axe attached to his pack, shakes his head and lowers his hand)

DM: We have no interest in aligning with the smugglers or guard, and no need

DM: We do not seek to expand

DM: If you want the smugglers to live, tell them to stay south of Ptonos, respect the worms, and carry no slaves. Else we will kill them

DM: If you want the guards to live, don’t let Mayor Skroll poison their minds with his lies and lead them here. If he does, we will kill them

DM: The only worry is the mayor. He sought the girl, he will certainly be seeking other ways to destroy us in one fell swoop without risking battle

‪Bronan: Can we speak to girl, see if she want home, help her?

DM: Of course. Fun, bring in Melody

DM: Fun leaves and returns shortly with a girl, perhaps 14 years old? She is a red skinned tiefling wearing peasant clothes. She has black stubby horns and yellow eyes. On her wrists, black bracers bearing many runes

DM: Hello, she says

DM: The elders bow their heads respectfully. She takes a seat next to Fun, who seems protective of her

DM: Fun says you might be able to help us?

Constance: How so?

DM: By stopping the mayor

Constance: And when you say “us” to whom do you refer

DM: The blessed wind won’t ask you this



Come back next Monday for Chapter 16 of The Cursed Tomb!


Fancy supporting the site? You can pick up all of the 5th edition D&D books from Wizards of the Coast using our Amazon links below, and we’ll get a cut with no extra cost to you!

Dungeon Master’s Guide

Player’s Handbook

Monster Manual

Volo’s Guide to Monsters

Sword Coast Adventurer’s Guide

Starter Set


The Cursed Tomb: Chapter 14 – Poop Revenge Damage

So Adam and Ian don’t feel like they play enough D&D. To rectify this, they started playing a text-based adventure with a couple of friends, still using the 5th edition framework. We thought it would be fun to clean up the transcripts of this adventure and start publishing it in weekly chapters here on the site. Let us know what you think, and please share around! If you missed Chapter 1, check it out here!

Disclaimer: This is the transcript of a text-based D&D game played over a period of 6 months. Bad language included. Picture based dice rolls/media omitted. Names changed to preserve anonymity. Goblin based violence frequent. You have been warned.


Constance: I sweep his legs out from under him with the staff and jump up, catching his face in both hands and driving him into the cart as he falls.

DM: Your staff burns with black light as you fight and you have a vague sense of hunger again, frustrated hunger

DM: He is out for the count

DM: Bronan, you are up

DM: One pigeon man still up, flying in circles above, squawking squawking squawking

Bronan: Bronan bleed, sir dribbles messy, eyes start to glaze, then he sees smashed pigeon man that was killed by the net, and mutter Bronan crush pigeon man, revenge for bedroll and fires a net at the flying one

DM: Superb

‪Bronan: Ballsacks, that’s a 13, too late to use inspiration?

DM: That is actually enough to hit his AC

DM: Shit

DM: Roll 5d6 please bronan

DM: As your heavy net spirals up and ensnares the aaracokras left wing and leg, he starts to fall

‪Bronan: That would be 27 poop revenge damage

DM: Wow

DM: And lands on his head

Constance: Jesus Christ!?

DM: It’s not pretty

Constance: What are those nets made of!

DM: Falling damage antz

DM: Net does no damage, but restrained + flight = really bad times

Constance: Yeah I know. I mistyped that. I meant what are those d6 made of!

DM: Ha

DM: Okay

DM: You are out of initiatibe

DM: And seriously, holy shit guys. Three net shots, three hits. Every javelin thrown hit. You guys smashed that encounter

DM: But now, three aaracokra lay unconscious on the sand, two lie dead

Constance: Let’s drag the three to the cart and restrain them there.

DM: Loot wise, five scimitars, three intact shortbows, 5 quivers with a dozen black arrow each

DM: They are dressed in black robes patched with leather

Constance: Ok. Remove the weapons and chuck them in the back of the truck.

DM: You can recover your nets and javelins etc

Faustus: Cool

‪Bronan: Yup, I do that

DM: Faustus you coming down from the cliff?

DM: What do you do with the corpses?

Constance: Digging is a no no.

‪Bronan: Put them with others I’m cart as warning?

Constance: Let’s cover them with the cover from the cart for now, we can ask the survivors what they normally do with their dead.

Faustus: Before I come down can I see if there are any other birdmen or anything in the distance?

DM: Perception Faustus

DM: So corpses are covered?

Faustus: …

DM: Does that mean you rolled a one…

Faustus: No. Nat 2o.

DM: You also find a compass and a pouch with 15 gold in it

DM: Ha

Constance: Nice. Five each?

DM: You see some birds to the east, but they look like vultures. Aside from that, nothing else

Faustus: Ok I come down

Faustus: 5 each sounds good!

‪Bronan: Thank you friend Faustus *Bronan smiles, blood from his wound turns his smile red* we sleep soon, Bronan kind of achy

‪Bronan: (I’m not really too bad, basically on the hitpoints I had at lvl 1

Constance: Let’s get some questions answered. Then we can decide what to do with these guys.

Faustus: Good job guys. Bronan would you like me to take a look at that wound?

Faustus: Was it 9 damage you took? Constance was unharmed?

DM: Those guys are all unconscious and will wake up in 1d4 hours (Constance roll a d4)

Constance: 4

DM: Yeah they will be out of it pretty much til dawn so you might as well take a long rest

Faustus: Ok. I’ll dress Bronans wound but guess I don’t need to burn a spell or anything.

Bronan: Ah thank you Faustus, ale?

Constance: Ales all round I think Bronan!

Faustus: Agreed!

Bronan: Not for pigeon men though

Constance: No ale for them.

Bronan: I give everyone ales and pour some in a dish for Sir dribbles

DM: So I think you can safely have an ale and a long rest and wake up refreshed! The morning Sun brings a degree of clarity on the battlefield. Two broken bows, some ripped cloth from robes, and a lot of blood on the sand

DM: The three living aaracokra are silent and subdued. The largest has golden feathers and the other two red feathers. They appear to be in pretty bad state

DM: The leader speaks

DM: If you are not going to kill us, would you give us water? A death of dryness is a fate unfit for a warrior

Constance: Of course. I put my water skin up to his beak.

DM: He drinks and thanks you, as do the others as you feed them

DM: So.

DM: I am thinking you are not traders

Constance: (Going out for work lunch so will be gone for a bit)

Faustus: Pause for a bit? I’m on lunch too.

DM: Aye

Constance: (Back)

Bronan: Sometimes Bronan trade, want to buy sand pie? 2 gold

DM: What is sand pie?

Bronan: It not favourite of camel, but some like it

DM: He looks confused

Bronan: I pour a bit of ale on the sand to make it damp, squidgy it into a clump and hold it towards him “sand pie, ale flavour”

DM: He shakes his head

DM: No thank you, net thrower

DM: I’ll take nothing from one who killed my kin

Constance: I would like to start by apologising for the deaths of your friends *indicates covered bodies*

‪Bronan: You not take, shop have strict policy on shoplifting, you want, you buy

DM: You have taken my gold already, so I could not buy

DM: You apologise for ambushing us and killing my brothers? Ha. Groundlings, all the same. Bizarre.

Constance: Well yes. We had no intention of bloodshed if we could avoid it.

DM: Then why did you attack?

‪Bronan: Mmm *Bronan moves nearby with his ale, squats on his heels and watches*

Constance: Why did you feel it appropriate to extort what you thought were simple traders?

DM: All who pass through our sacred land must pay the tax

DM: Traders draw bandits and wild beasts. This harms the Blessed Wind.

DM: They defile our ancestral land with their waste, and do not show respect for the gods

DM: Previously we would have just summoned a hungry wyrm, but the elders think this path is better. Now I see my kin dead in sand, and I am not so sure

DM: What gives you the right to cross our sacred land!?

Constance: Perhaps nothing. But what gives you the right to kill those who would?

Bronan: (from a where he crouched) land big, big enough for all, no need to attack all in land, make peace, live together

DM: It is our land, and has been for as long as any can tell. We threatened no violence. We offered peace and protection and safe passage for a fee.

DM: We must protect our land. Your mayor Sskross would mine our hills and cut our secret groves and dig deep wells. Well. No. We will not allow it

‪Bronan: Scarf-mayor? Scarf-mayor bad man

Constance: Ah. Well. Now we come to the meat of it.

Constance: It seems that we both share a dislike for an individual

Faustus: We’ve seen what happens when people do not pay your tax.

DM: Oh, you dislike yourself?

DM: Have you indeed?

DM: And what would that be

DM: What is it you think you have seen, dragonborn?

Faustus: The violence you insist you don’t threaten. Aarakokora.

DM: Ha. I ask for example. And we threaten no violence, but we will defend our lands from…bad influences

Faustus: East of here. Perhaps a days travel. Less on your wings.

Faustus: (I don’t know if that distance is right)

DM: So the mayor sent you to kill our warriors? You will never take our lands

DM: The caravan? That girl is safe now. We will tolerate no slavery on our lands

DM: Our lands, our laws

Constance: Wait a moment.

Constance: A girl you say?

DM: We rescued her from those men. Caged like a beast for the hundreds of leagues from the west sea

Constance: The mayor did not send us friend.

Faustus: (Womp womp)

DM: Young Krall saw her when he was scouting.

DM: He nods at one of the corpses

Constance: And the killing of your friends was not purposeful. I could have killed you and both your friends but did not.

DM: I do not understand

DM: Why are you here if not from the mayor?

‪Bronan: Hey, birdman

‪Bronan: Bronan have question for you

‪Bronan: Why your people shit in Bronans bedroll for 2 years when Bronan child? What did child Bronan to to you?

‪Bronan: You threaten constance friend, so Bronan throw net, you fire bow at constance friend and still Bronan only throw net, you stab Bronan and STILL Bronan not crush

DM: Shit on your bedroll? Where did this happen, barbarian?

DM: Your memory if that fight and mine differ

‪Bronan: (Bronan is getting angry, sir dribbles snorts) Bronan not here for mayor, Bronan here for friend, here for person in cage, Bronan not here for insults

DM: You are here for the girl in the cage? She is under our protection, and we will not let you take her if it is not her wish

Bronan: Bronan want to crush mayor. Birdmen hide girl from Bronan, try to hurt girl, keep her from people

‪Bronan: (his ale cup on the floor now, ale slowly soaking the sand, Bronans shouting now)

DM: We keep the girl at her request. She does not wish to be a pawn in the mayor’s plans, or anyone elses!

DM: Her power is her own to use, not yours or ours to control

Constance: Calm Bronan.

‪Bronan: Bronan whirls around, sees constance, visibly sighs, “sorry friend constance, Bronan not know what happen, Bronan make breakfast now”

Constance: We have no wish to make anyone a pawn. We simply seek to understand what it is that the mayor is trying to do

DM: The leader sizes you up

DM: The west sea and the red desert is the last path to your kingdoms from the wildlands beyond that is unguarded. It’s guard is the desert. Smugglers use it to bring in…whatever people pay for

DM: The mayor seeks power. He wants our hills for their rock. He wants them so he can control the red plains, and thus the smugglers, and thus the trade and the desert. He has wiped out Bedouin trader camps and desert tribes that stand in his way. He will stop at nothing to destroy us

DM: This girl was to be his weapon

Constance: Who is she?

DM: A tiefling. A devil-born girl from the coast. She is prodigal in her command of magic, her power uncrontrollable. If he could bend such a sorceress to his will he would be…unstoppable

Constance: And your intentions with such a powerful individual?

DM: Keep her safe

DM: We need not her powers, we have our own ways to keep our people safe

Faustus: And… what would this mayor, if domination is his goal, do with a powerful spell gem?

DM: Hm. Well. That would depend on the spell. But nothing good

DM: So you do not work for the mayor?

DM: Who sent you to fight us?

‪Bronan: (Bronan is humming, frying some eggs and bacon with some bread in a pan, and is going to try to chill some ale in another cook pot)

DM: Ha

Bronan: (yes, the eggs were deliberate on my part, but Bronan is oblivious)

Faustus: We came across the site where you ambushed the men transporting the child. We wanted to get to the bottom of the attack, to ensure it did not happen to us.

DM: Well. Take no slaves, and leave our lands (or pay the toll) and the blessed wind have no issue with you

DM: The deaths of our brothers will be mourned, but this seems to be a misunderstanding

DM: Also can you roll deception faustus?

Faustus: There are… others, who do not bear good intentions towards you.

DM: Oh never mind

DM: I see

Faustus: (Erm not right now, I’m in the gym right now.)

DM: Who are these others? Our  enemies seem to grow by the day

Constance: Before we converse further, perhaps introductions. I am Constance. *constance holds our her hand as though to shake hands and then retracts it when she realises that his are tied*

DM: Hahaha

Faustus: Of course. My name is Faustus.

DM: And the barbarian mentioned his name, I believe. Bronan?

‪Bronan: Bronan walks over, oven gloves on holding hot plates of food for constance and Faustus. “yes, Bronan, Bronan sorry for outburst, blood sugar low”

‪Bronan: Birdmen want food? What birdmen eat?


Come back next Monday for Chapter 15 of The Cursed Tomb!


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