The Cursed Tomb: Chapter 33 – We All Have to Grow Up Sometime

So Adam and Ian don’t feel like they play enough D&D. To rectify this, they started playing a text-based adventure with a couple of friends, still using the 5th edition framework. We thought it would be fun to clean up the transcripts of this adventure and start publishing it in weekly chapters here on the site. Let us know what you think, and please share around! If you missed Chapter 1, check it out here!

Disclaimer: This is the transcript of a text-based D&D game played over a period of 6 months. Bad language included. Picture based dice rolls/media omitted. Names changed to preserve anonymity. Goblin based violence frequent. You have been warned. If you missed Chapter 32, find it here!


Bronan: Now it safe for melody to come home, we pass on good news. Still have problem with bugman traitor and Constance seem sad. Faustus, you want lightning sword? Bronan really attached to the beers

‪Bronan: Or maybe constance wants it, make her smile again

Constance: (Wait, where did you get a lightning sword!?!?)

‪Bronan: (I thought DM allowed us the one fuckup from not saying we stole the mayors sword, if not the disregard, Bronan has been too long away from the ale barrel)

DM: (yup you have his sword, not his wand though)

‪Bronan: Feel better now Varratim? World a cleaner place

DM: Varratim smiles

DM: We should rest, friends! In the morning I will send a delegation to these bird people. Could be melody wants to stay, could be she wants to come home. That is her choice. We might trade with them

DM: But thank you for this.

DM: Unless there are objections I’ll presume you rest through the night at pontifico’s house?

‪Bronan: Yup, I’ll warn varratim about the whole tax to go through the birdmen lands, and suggest he brings gifts for that and elders

DM: Great

DM: Well, what would you like to do? Pontifico has said you are welcome to stay in his guesthouse for the time being. Varratim is leaving with a caravan to the bird people tomorrow afternoon. There are two ships in port, one heading to the pirate isles, one heading north to the cormyra coast

DM: Aside from that, the small fort town is bustling with activity, watched over by the protective owlbears and a few pirate guards

Faustus: (I’d like to head to the bird people with Varratim to make sure it all goes down ok)

Constance: (Isn’t that kind of their problem?)

‪Bronan: (I kinda want to see melody again, make sure varratim is on the level regarding knowing her, and then the airship of loot in the deep desert!)

Constance: (Oh shit yeah)

Constance: (That sounds good.)

‪Bronan: (plus the birdmen may have seen a large airship and where it crashed?)

‪Bronan: (also Melbos murder, it’s closer to town)

‪Bronan: But for the night before we decide/leave. Bronan is gonna get whitegirl wasted and dance with the owlbears

Constance: yeah ok bird people it is. I’m going to sullenly drink all night to try and forget what we just did.

DM: Alright, so after an evening of revelry you are going to join varratims caravan heading to the worm people? It is ready to leave by mid morning, piled high with treasure and trade goods

DM: Three pirates and varratim travel with it, moving at walking speed

DM: They set off to the east, towards the marshes. As they leave a few owlbears roar-hoot in farewell

DM: You are walking with them?

‪Bronan: Yup

DM: It will take a day through the swamps, and then about…5 more days of desert travel

DM: So I want a roll from each of you

DM: Survival

Constance: 20 (not nat)

DM: You navigate the swamp paths successfully, avoiding a tribe of bullywugs, and taking care to reenter the desert proper far from the cockatrice nest

Faustus: 13

DM: Your first day in the desert passes uneventfully, following a rough track over sand and sparse red grass. The sand is more compact in this northern loop. In the distance once, you think you spot wings. the mountains are still just a faint jagged line on the horizon

Constance: (dont fuck this for us bronan)

‪Bronan: I got a 14 in survival but I think my outlander background helps us get water and food and shit

DM: You are fine for food

‪Bronan: Yeah sorry I was in such a hurry to roll I didn’t read the context! Mah bad

DM: The second day in the desert, a pack of six gnolls eyes you from atop a toll-free clearly a posturing display to ward you from their lands. You navigate slowly around, avoiding the ravine they call home, and double your watch that night

DM: Constance

Constance: yeeeeeesssss

DM: Your roll. Still three days of travel to go!

DM: You are far from the swamps and far from the mountains- you are in the true north desert, hard sand, sparse dry red grass. No trees or shrubs

Constance: 16

DM: Throughout the day you keep a sharp eye, but the desert seems silent to you, lifeless. Halfway through the day you come across tracks, perpendicular to yours, of strange hooves. They seem days old

DM: By the end of the day, the foothills are before you- beyond them the mountains rise

DM: Faustus your roll

Faustus: 14

Constance: Did I recognise those tracks?

Constance: And did it look like there were many of them?

DM: Perception

DM: Then I’ll get back to faustus’s roll

Constance: 12

DM: Some sort of large beast. Maybe several in single file? not one you’ve encountered

‪Bronan: So far we find dogmen, birdmen and bugman, maybe it cowmen?

Constance: bipedal? quadrapedal?

DM: With a 12 mate? Be srs

Constance: lol

Constance: (i figured that would be a bit obvious!)

DM: You can’t remember if back feet and front feet are the same

DM: All the prints look pretty similar

DM: The next day as you ascend through the foothills faustus quickly commands you all to get behind some rocks

DM: Moments later, a dozen centaur speed past thundering off, spears raised, ululating to the sky

DM: You move off your path a ways to a slightly harder, but less well travelled path

DM: Bronan, you are in the foothills, its starting to look familiar

DM: Roll survival for your last day of travle

Bronan: Common, big money no whammys

‪Bronan: 15

DM: (you jammy bastards)

DM: You approach the entryway to the valley of the Blessed Wind

Constance: (DM see me rolling, he hating)

DM: And six aaracokra plummet from the sky, superhero landing in front of you (really bad for the knees)

‪Bronan: Do we recognise any of em?

DM: Nope

DM: Lead one points a spear at you

DM: This is blessed wind territory. Leave, or pay the toll

Constance: I roll my eyes

Constance: yes we are quite aware of that

Faustus: (What were the names of any of the ones we do know? I can’t check because I got a new phone since we were there and can’t search the chat)

Constance: (searching)

Constance: we are heading for Sweetwater

Constance: Windblade Fún

DM: They lower their spears

DM: You are…constance? You are taller than windblade fun described

Constance: yes well, we all have to grow up sometime

‪Bronan: (lol)

DM: The aaracokra nod, and confer amongst themselves.

DM: You vouch for this…elf? She gestures at varratim and his pirates

‪Bronan: He friend of Melody and bring gifts

DM: I see

DM: Follow us

DM: They take off and start flying up the ravines, circling slowly to allow you to follow

Constance: We do that

DM: And after a half day wending through the ravines, you reach sweetwater

DM: Windblade fun and the elders approach you and bow respectfully

DM: And melody runs straight by them, and straight by you, and embraces varratim, yelling ‘papa!’

‪Bronan: (trust varratim to bonk a teifling)

‪Bronan: (as in her mother)

Constance: *bow back*

‪Bronan: *reaches for beer keg to offer ale, realises it’s still in the freakin desert somewhere and sighs* Scarf-mayor gone now

DM: Wingblade fun ululates with joy, and the refs of the elders and warriors join him. Melody introduces her father Varratim to the village elders, and pretty soon it all kicks into a massive celebratory feast

‪Bronan: Bronan is going to be partying hard and even sir dribbles will have a bowl of ale or two

Constance: Constance will be reticent at first, still disappointed in the needless death of the mayor, but will come round slightly after a few drinks and seeing how happy its made others

‪Bronan: Can I engage in a drinking competition with windblade fun?

DM: Absolutely. Make a constitution save as you dry and outdrink the aaracokra warrior

Faustus: Faustus stands slightly aside, contentedly observing the revelry.

‪Bronan: I got an 8 total

DM: You aren’t used to their fermented cave grass beer, and wingblade fun drinks you under the table

DM: In the morning, it seems that the elders and varratim have reached an accord regarding trading. Melody is planning on staying with the tribe for a while to study their martial arts and hopefully learn to control her powers. What would you like to do?

‪Bronan: (depose Melbos, airship? What do people think?)

DM: plot hooks- Melbos situation; Crashed treasure airship in the desert; Kill shai’hulud for mad gnoll… Or anything else you fancy doing! head back to the city, head out to sea, explore the desert, take a portal from cormyra to somewhere else etc etc

Constance: I reckon we should look for that airship. Use the funds to crush Melbos.

Constance: Install ourselves as benevolent rulers

DM: (you all levelled up post toppling mayor? If not, do!)

Constance: (Yay)

Faustus: Yay. What are we now?

DM: Um. 4 I think?

‪Bronan: Yay, I’m going to go stats, one in con (so it’s 16) and one in wis (so it’s 14)


Constance: so im using the pregens and i think they have put one into dex and one into wis

Faustus: Cool. I put one in charisma and one in constitution.

Constance: So this airship.

Constance: Is that the plan?

DM: is that the plan?

DM: You know there is a crashed airship full of treasure somewhere south of the gnoll tomb, deep in the south desert. Risks? That’s worm country. Rewards? A whole airship full of treasure!

Constance: Do we know where it left from?

Faustus: Sure I’m in.

Constance: Or know who would know that?

DM: It left from al’shash, heading to the wild pirates, full of treasure from the mayor trying to bribe them

Constance: So we retrace the steps!

DM: You are at blessed wind, airship left al’shash heading west

DM: Conferring with the aaracokra…probably airship would want to stop at Slow Death oasis, southwest of Ptonos’s tomb

DM: (also, Constance, I’m right that you have made no killing blow with Ptonos’s staff yet? think all your death blows have been fist and feet..)

Constance: You are correct

Constance: I have been trying to not kill since that is my thing

DM: Course

DM: So yes.that is the layout. Birdmen won’t accompany you south of the tomb

DM: But will give you provisions

DM: Options- walking, single camel cart

‪Bronan: Camel cart?

Constance: Camel cart

Faustus: Yup

DM: You can load up with two weeks of supplies, including two barrels of water

DM: The camel can easily pull that

DM: There is a small bench seat

DM: At a push you could all ride aboard, but the she doesn’t move much faster than walking. Her name is Besh

DM: What time of day do you leave? Travelling for at least six days, what’s the planned marching order and routine?

‪Bronan: I can speak to animals, so I’m gonna have a chat with Besh and ask her to be cool and we’ll keep her safe,  I’ll say I’ll chat with her every day to make sure she has what she needs

‪Bronan: Other than that, I’m happy walking or riding, maybe doing some scouting

Constance: I’ll scout slightly ahead, since I can dash like a motherfucker back.

Constance: But always within sight of the others.

Constance: Occasionally waiting for them to catch up or running back to let them know if I’ve seen anything of note.

‪Bronan: I’m going to spend some time doing my foraging shit to supplement our rations and cooking for everyone in that case

DM: So bronan scavenging and cooking, Constance scouting

DM: Faustus?

Faustus: I’ll just keep an eye out for immediate danger I guess?

DM: Alright. Six days of travel. Somebody roll for day 1, see what happens!

DM: Actually

DM: First three days in the northern desert go fast, with scouts from the Blessed wind driving off kobold scavengers and a few feral owlbears and cockatrice

DM: But they leave you when the dunes grow higher and the grass sparse- the south desert! it should take you three days to reach the Slow Death oasis

DM: This is worm country

Faustus: (Right before we head in)

Faustus: (Do we want to be taking the camel cart? The worms were attracted to noise)

Faustus: (Cart may cause more noise and excess vibrations)

‪Bronan: (camels walk in an uneven pattern? And the firemen walk had step slump, slump slump step, maybe like the cart on runners?)

‪Bronan: (I don’t actually know if they do or not, but I’m hoping we can convince Besh)

Constance: (The firemen step?)

DM: (think he meant fremen)

‪Bronan: (fremen goddamn autocorrect!)

Constance: (Fremen?)

‪Bronan: (the blue eyed desert folk from dune that rode sandworms)

Constance: (I’m not sure why I have no recollection of this)

‪Bronan: (it’s from that book I lent you man, not the game :))

Constance: (Oh ok then)

DM: (mate if you have not read dune, go read dune. And then go watch the movie with Sting)

‪Bronan: (so Bronan Deffo doesn’t know fremen step, just not to bang drums)

Constance: (Bronan lent me it, I’ve read like 20 pages)

‪Bronan: (I also have the movie…for my sins, and the much truer to books mini series)

DM: (mini series is superb, but that movie is hard to beat)

‪Bronan: (if there is spice melange in this world, Bronan is going full fremen, may even try to drown a baby worm and see what happens)

‪Bronan: (at the edge of worm territory, I prance around with Sir dribbles for 10 minutes until I can speak with animals) Hoo the Besh, we go into territory where we need to be sneaky, sneaky like hero, not like dogmen, Besh walk careful so no noise and Bronan give Besh (whatever seems to be her favourite treat since I’ve been talking with her every day)

DM: Her favourite treat is cactus

DM: And she seems amenable, and will try her best!

‪Bronan: Good ole Besh, imma fetch her a cactus

Constance: (She’s the besht)

‪Bronan: (besher that all the rest)

‪Bronan: (than)

DM: So day 1 in the deep south desert

DM: You are well provisioned with Bronan’s wilderness expertise and supplies, you are well defended by Constance and Faustus


Come back next Monday for Chapter 34 of The Cursed Tomb!


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The Cursed Tomb: Chapter 32 – Prisoner-Mayor, Scarf-Mayor, Crime-Mayor

So Adam and Ian don’t feel like they play enough D&D. To rectify this, they started playing a text-based adventure with a couple of friends, still using the 5th edition framework. We thought it would be fun to clean up the transcripts of this adventure and start publishing it in weekly chapters here on the site. Let us know what you think, and please share around! If you missed Chapter 1, check it out here!

Disclaimer: This is the transcript of a text-based D&D game played over a period of 6 months. Bad language included. Picture based dice rolls/media omitted. Names changed to preserve anonymity. Goblin based violence frequent. You have been warned. If you missed Chapter 31, find it here!


DM: He doesn’t appear to be breathing

Constance: crap.

Constance: can I medicine check to see if I can revive him?

Constance: and also call for the cleric

DM: Yup

Constance: 18 on medicine check

DM: You don’t know what to do. He has probably drowned, or it might be the smashing from the wave and ground. The cleric comes over, and Varratim, and the two pirate crossbowmen

Constance: fuck really!? on an 18!?

DM: Yeah man he is pretty fucking deaded

Constance: balls

Faustus: Oops.

DM: Do you have any potions or healing kits? You reckon you might just be able to save him, but not without some help

Constance: yeah i have a healers kit

Constance: hold on a moment

Constance: oh never mind

Constance: but yes, i have a healers kit

Faustus: I can also lay on hands.

DM: Okay

DM: You can stabilise him with a healers kit

Constance: do i have to roll medicine again?

Faustus: And he’s manacled and disarmed yes?

‪Bronan: Bronan kinda want to pop his head like a melon, he stabbed Bronan with lightning

‪Bronan: But I won’t, can Bronan help?

DM: He is stable

DM: Varratim looks at you, confused

DM: We kill this man now?

DM: He took melody!

Constance: not yet Varratim. We need to make sure that melody is in no further danger

DM: Varratim growls, and then gets his cleric to heal his wounds

Faustus: I tip my hat to Varratim and message “Don’t worry, we will kill him later my friend. His ilk cannot be allowed to live”

DM: Passive perceptions?

Faustus: God damn you

Constance: 12

Faustus: Also 12

‪Bronan: 13

DM: Its getting dark

DM: Do as you like

Constance: get everyone to the farmhouse and get the wiz to teleport us back

Faustus: Let’s go my friends.

DM: (You don’t have the wizard, varratim has a teleport scroll)

Constance: (right well that then)

Faustus: Right. That.

DM: You are taking the mayor?

Constance: of course

Constance: he aint dead,

‪Bronan: (we need to kill that lying bugman at some point, i mean, who does he think he is, giving us stuff, sending us to commit genocide then turning on us when we don’t)

Faustus: (Yeah I’m a little worried he’s going to fucking jump us right now)

Constance: (Same)

‪Bronan: (it’s cool, that’s the good thing about low passive perception, you don’t see your death coming)

DM: Just for reference

DM: You are heading back straight to the farmhouse with the shackled unconscious mayor and then teleport straight back to Fort Last?

Faustus: (Also if he doesn’t attack we’ve definitely just created a power vacuum for him to fill)

Faustus: Well if we don’t need to go anywhere to be teleported do we need to? Surely everyone can just run to us and Varratim uses the scroll?

DM: That’s fine, just asking

Faustus: Think that should be a group thing rather than me deciding it, but I think we were all confused about how we were teleporting back hence the farmhouse.

‪Bronan: Yup, gtfo time

DM: Agreed Constance?

Constance: Yup

DM: You swiftly grab and shackle the mayor and give Varratim the nod. He pulls out the teleport scroll from his coat and spit on the ground, before breaking the seal

DM: A 10ft circle of runes and blue light surrounds him as he begins to murmur the incantation

DM: Around you, destruction and bodies and nightfall

DM: Just as the teleportation kicks in, in that final moment of calm, to the south in Al’shash you hear a scream, and as your eyes follow the noise you see flickering light and what is perhaps smoke rising over the town

DM: Flash!

Faustus: God damn it. We helped a coup from a criminal.

Constance: God damn it. Melbos must die.

DM: You are in Fort Last, in a stone courtyard

DM: Pontifico the wizard and a dozen owlbears look down at you

DM: The pirates all start high fiving each other, and from his coat Varratim brings out a bottle of rum and starts sharing it round

DM: What, so, torture and then we kill him? Torture is not really my scene… What do you need from this…man

DM: (in assuming you grabbed the Mayors sword and wand…)

Constance: (Obvs)

DM: (not obvs enough to have actually said it- if we were playing in person the sword would be lying in the sand, and you’d be feeling bad!

‪Bronan: (we are gonna kill Melbos, if spy glasses weren’t so fucking expensive I’d say we go all American highschooler on his ass, as it stands I vote we just turn him into jam)

Constance: (Is that a reference to the ochre jelly you just turned to jam?)

‪Bronan: (I thinks it’s podcast from critical role? I dunno man, to much media, much references, thank God for Tyrella, almost covered me in the jelly, but managed to kill it in a hillarious way)

Constance: We need to find out many things Varratim, many many things.

DM: The mayor is unconscious, and it is night

DM: Varratim smiles and inspects his torn and bloodied coat, and tuts

DM: You want ot do this now? Or in the morning? My men can secure this…man

Constance: i think now, but i defer to my colleagues

‪Bronan: Bronan happy to help constance and Faustus, now Faustus has washed the Scarf-mayor he safe to touch. Bronan not have much questions, but maybe ask what he want with birdpeople land

‪Bronan: (can’t remember if it it was a killing them to liberate their oil/gold or if there were hints of something special there)

DM: The mayor of a’shash lies shackled before you on the stone floor of a courtyard in the manor of the wizard Pontifico. Varratim the Pirate lounges against a nearby pillar picking his nails with a dagger. Pontifico sits on an ornate rocking chair in the corner, his wand trained on the prostrate semi-conscious captive

DM: It is almost dawn, and the mayor is finally waking up

DM: what do you do?

‪Bronan: Varratim have question for prisoner-mayor? Like how he take melody?

‪Bronan: (I slap the mayor awake) wake up prisoner-mayor, we have questions

DM: He comes to and immediately says

DM: Release me right now and I’ll let you live

Constance: You’ll let us live? How good of you. *sarcasm*

DM: You are aware that al’shash is under the protection of Cormyra? Unless you release me, the sultan will hunt you to the ends of the earth

Faustus: And how will he react when he finds out you’ve been making a power play for the whole region?

DM: The mayor laughs

DM: My tithe will increase, his coffers will swell with fresh bounty, and he will embrace me as a brother

Faustus: Of course. He definitely seems like the sort to share power with a potential rival. I’m sure he’ll be delighted.

Constance: Regardless. I don’t see him here now.

DM: So. I hired you to bring me a gem, and you instead wander off to cormyra, come back, and kill 6 of my subordinates, and waste the gem

Constance: So that was it huh? Just get more power and get more money?

DM: Why?!

DM: What else is there?!

DM: No

DM: Not just power and money

DM: I am going to spread civilisation to the desert! Bring peace and security!

DM: But no, you side with those savage aaracokra

DM: It appears I’m at your mercy. Unless one of you wants 10,000 gold pieces? Return me home and I’ll reward you handsomely

Constance: And Melody? What of her?

DM: Too dangerous to be allowed freedom

DM: Varratim, have you told them what happened to Olivecrown? I heard she killed them all, that nothing will grow there, that there is nothing but a circle of black glass

DM: You’d protect this…monster?

Constance: Well this sounds like a glorious civilisation that you are building. Murder. Imprisonment. Subterfuge.

DM: Says the person imprisoning me, after capturing me through subterfuge, and who I’m presuming is going to murder me

DM: I tire of this. Are you going to kill me or not? I have nothing left to say to you, pawns

Faustus: I’d like to silently use abjure enemy.

‪Bronan: (I wanna punch him too!)

DM: (makes him frightened right? Wisdom save?)

Faustus: Wisdom save

DM: He fails, had disadvantage because Bronan punched him

DM: He is afraid of you!

Constance: I’m going to interject. “Boys enough!”

Constance: Look. Everyone here wants you dead. However, I would prefer not to see that if it can be avoided.

DM: Varratim coughs politely

Faustus: I’m going to get right up in his face, fully snarling.

DM: I am going to kill this man if one of you doesn’t

DM: And he draws his rapier

Faustus: “If you’re so keen to die we have a room full of people happy to oblige”

Constance: Varratim. A moment please.

DM: Varratim backs off but keeps his rapier out

Constance: Everyone calm the fuck down!

Constance: I’m going to whisper in the mayors ear.

Faustus: (I’m still at his other ear growling)

‪Bronan: Prisoner-mayor, Scarf-mayor, crime-mayor, Bronan want deadmayor

‪Bronan: But first, info about Melbos-betrayor

Constance: “Look. Everyone here wants you dead obviously. I’d prefer that didn’t happen. I’ll do my best to keep you alive but you need to tell us everything. Were you doing all this off your own initiative? Or was it at the behest of the sultan? Are there any others involved?”

DM: a persuasion check with advantage!

Constance: Damn. 12.

DM: He shakes his head.

DM: I am the captain of my own ship, he says

DM: Pontifico stand up and approaches you all. I’ll have no torture here, he says, that is not my way. If you wish that then take him to Varratim’s ship

Faustus: I touch my hat and message to Pontifico “My friend, do you have any less… invasive methods? Any spells that can make him tell us the truth?”

DM: Pontifico smiles and puts his staff to the mayors head, and commands him- tell us the truth of this scheme

DM: And you see the mayors face go slack

DM: And he speaks

‪Bronan: (cliff hanger!!)

DM: My name is Alfojore. I was elevated from my position as cormyra sub city comptroller district 37 to this, the mayorship of al’shash. A dozen guards and a mage, meagre tax, and I’m expected to maintain rule of law.

DM: The town is dying- the farmers have left, the desert presses in. Each year fewer people on the census. But through the desert…such wealth! If I could open trade to the wild ports, al’shash would become a great trade town. A city even! And all thanks to me

DM: To the south, endless wyrms accosted any traveller. I found their source, the great nest, but I don’t have the power. To the north, the birdmen. Unwilling to allow passage. And within town, the parochial petty mob boss Melbos with his pitiful ambition and his scorpion fighting

DM: So I sought the power to tame the desert. I sought dominion over the wyrms, or destruction of the birds. Three years I’ve searched. Finally, a scrap of information, a footnote to a map- the gem in that cursed tomb

DM: My previous plans, kidnapping the girl, electrifying the sand to kill the wyrms, building a great airship to ferry cargo across the red grass and sand…all failed

DM: The girl escaped. The wyrms survived. The airship is crashed somewhere in the deep desert, full of the treasure I was going to offer the pirates

DM: And then you three fucked up my latest plan, killed half my guards. Melbos will have taken this opportunity to grab power for himself. So now once again al’shash has a crooked mayor, and will decline. Bah to you all.

DM: Varratim yawns and starts swinging his sword around restlessly

‪Bronan: Bah, mayor twist word like sir dribbles twist rope in game of tug rope

Constance: (What is sir dribbles up to during this interrogation?)

‪Bronan: Mayor make boat that sink, so try to genocide tribe, farmers leave so mayor wants to kill worm? Maybe farmer leave because Scarf-mayor not wash hands and make crops and livestock sick, people not civilise world, live in harmony, tell Bronan how we find Melbos, where he sleep, how to kill

‪Bronan: (sir dribbles face poking out of his loincloth pouch, growling at the mayor l, an effect somewhat ruined by a large snot bubble threatening to burst at any moment)

DM: He’ll be in the mayors house now. There is secret entrance, from the sewers below, that will enter you into the kitchens. If it were I, I’d poison the ‘mayor’s’ food. The entrance is marked by a red brick with a centaur carved into it

DM: Let me live, and I will leave this place. I’ll never return. I’ll head north and north again until the hot sand is nothing but a memory

‪Bronan: Hmm *gathers Faustus and Constance close and whispers* Bronan really, really want to smash badman

‪Bronan: (I spoke to Constance tonight and it looks like a Faustus Bronan decision so unless you have reservations Faustus, let’s judge and execute this guy)

‪Bronan: (as in constance is a pacifist)

Faustus: (I’m Oath of Vengeance. If we want to kill this guy I’m cool with it. Maybe Varratim should do it though? Seems keen. Also DM, was he still telling the truth when he said he’d leave?)

‪Bronan: (I’m down with letting Varratim do this, as long as we don’t condone taming the wilds, totem barbarian and all)

DM: (arcana check faustus)

Faustus: 16

DM: You think he only had to tell the truth about that plan

DM: Varratim seems happy to oblige, but also willing to let one of you finish it

‪Bronan: Prisoner-mayor offended varratim and melody first, varratim get first go at trial and punishment

DM: Varratim laughs, and swaps his eyepatch over to his other eye.

DM: Any last words, scum?

Constance: I look at the mayor and say “I’m sorry that it came to this”. Then walk outside.

DM: The mayor is speechless

DM: Varratim sinks his rapier through the shackled man’s heart


Come back next Monday for Chapter 33 of The Cursed Tomb!


Fancy supporting the site? You can pick up all of the 5th edition D&D books from Wizards of the Coast using our Amazon links below, and we’ll get a cut with no extra cost to you!

Dungeon Master’s Guide

Player’s Handbook

Monster Manual

Volo’s Guide to Monsters

Sword Coast Adventurer’s Guide

Starter Set


The Cursed Tomb: Chapter 31 – Faustus…Smash

So Adam and Ian don’t feel like they play enough D&D. To rectify this, they started playing a text-based adventure with a couple of friends, still using the 5th edition framework. We thought it would be fun to clean up the transcripts of this adventure and start publishing it in weekly chapters here on the site. Let us know what you think, and please share around! If you missed Chapter 1, check it out here!

Disclaimer: This is the transcript of a text-based D&D game played over a period of 6 months. Bad language included. Picture based dice rolls/media omitted. Names changed to preserve anonymity. Goblin based violence frequent. You have been warned. If you missed Chapter 30, find it here!


DM: The mage looks up at Constance and blast an arrow of bright green acid up at him 17 to hit (10 damage on hit, 5 on save)

DM: The remaining swordsman swings at BRonan ( 15 to hit, 6 slashing if so)

Constance: im down to 14 HP

DM: The three crossbowmen all shoot at Faustus (3, 9, 18 to hit, 6 damage from that high one if it’s enough)

‪Bronan: 15 will hit me

DM: And the mayor shoots his wand at Bronan

‪Bronan: But it’s only 3 cause I’m raging?

Constance: (eh quick question, did the mage get up?)

DM: (no he didn’t)

Constance: (then he has disadvantage on the attack rollllll)

DM: 12 hit?

Faustus: The 18 will hit, rolled a 19 con save so still casting.

Constance: nooope

Constance: (is the 12 the mayor shooting his wand? or you rerolling with disadvantage for the mage?)

DM: Mage

DM: The mayor staggers back from the assaulting barbarian, aims his wand, and shoots it at Faustus

DM: 14 to hit

Faustus: Nope.

DM: Another viscous glob, this one light blue, shoots off past you

DM: Bronan now I believe

Constance: So the 12 from the Mage was a no

DM: Yeah

DM: So only 5 damage constance

Constance: Sweet.

Constance: (Ps what spell was that? Half damage on a miss but attack against AC?)

Constance: (Acid arrow?)

DM: (Acid spear I made up in the pub)

‪Bronan: Bronan smash mayor with the beers

‪Bronan: 14 to hit

DM: He sinuously dodges aside, quickstepping across the blood spattered sand

DM: (What do you want your crossbow guy to do?)

‪Bronan: (take out a crossbow guy if he can)

Faustus: (Mayor still has half speed, has to take damage for it to go)

‪Bronan: Got a 17 natural for the crossbow man’s shot. It’s plus 2 right? So 19 total

DM: Another bolt shoots from the tumbled barn, smashing into the leg one of the crossbowen

DM: Constance, you are up! We still have the mayor, the mage on the ground in front of you, a couple crossbowmen, and a swordsman. Bronan is smashing the mayor, pirates are supporting you from a distance, and Faustus is still chanting…

Constance: ok, im going to bring my staff down on the back of the mages head, then kick him in the face (martial arts lets me use unarmed strike as a bonus without using a ki point), im trying to knock out rather than kill

Constance: nat 1’d the staff but im a lucky halfling

Constance: do i get advantage cause hes prone?

DM: Yup

Constance: ugh, 11 on the staff

Constance: and 14 on the kick

DM: Miss and a miss. He wriggles back in the sand, dodging your staff blow, and as you kick you feel a push of magical energy robbing your blow of its energy

DM: Faustus!

Faustus: I would like my crossbow boy to fire a net at one of the mayor’s crossbow men.

Constance: Balls.

Constance: What about my cleric!?

Faustus: And he misses.

Faustus: And I’m going to try and abjure enemy on the Mayor again, so wisdom save.

DM: Apologies. Constance, what does your cleric do? Mace, sacred flame, or 2x level 1 cure wounds

DM: 18

DM: Save?

Faustus: Yep, so still half speed.

Faustus: Still casting the gem

DM: So a net fires through the night, but the crossbowman isn’t used to the weighting of the mechanism and so he shoots too far left. Faustus raises his holy symbol and casts his glare on the Mayor, but the mayor holds his gaze. Around the spell gem, torrents of arcane energy coil and writhe

DM: Faustus, make an arcana check for me?

Faustus: Nat 20

DM: This thing is pretty much ready to burst. You think you’ll be able to use it on your next turn

Faustus: Can I as a last part of my turn duck down more so I have more cover?

Constance: Sacred flame the swordsman

Faustus: Because presumably no one else knows this.

DM: Yes

DM: Swordsman failed, what’s the damage?

Constance: 1d8 so 6

DM: The swordsman wails as a holy fire descends onto him, and he collapses to the ground, twitching

Constance: (can we have a run down of the scene? like who is still standing?)

DM: Sure thing

DM: Varratim swings his sabre and kills a crossbowman with a single stroke, burying the steel of his sword deep into his enemies chest

DM: And now it’s the bad guys

DM: Three crossbowmen all try and shoot at Varratim, two of them successfully, and he collapses to the ground with two bolts stuck in him

DM: Swordsman tries to grapple bronan (18 strength check, contest that please Bronan!)

Faustus: Hold on, there were 3 and you said he just killed one?

DM: Oops, apologies. Well. It was the one by him who missed due to disadvantage on ranged attack from close quarters. So he still goes down

Constance: (goes down as in dead? making death saves?)

DM: (yup)

‪Bronan: Is it a strength save?

DM: Yes

‪Bronan: Cool, I’m a barbie so advantage on that in my rage

‪Bronan: Ballsacks, it was a 10 and a 12, so 12, gods damn you wizards dice roller

DM: The swordsman manages to get a hold of you

DM: And as he does, three darts of magical light burst from the mages staff, hitting each of you for 3 damage (constitution save please faustus)

Constance: is he up yet? or still prone?

‪Bronan: I’m bear totem, so 1 for bronan

Constance: (whats that?!)

‪Bronan: (means you are resistant to every damage apart from psychic when raging)

Constance: (shit the bed thats tops)

‪Bronan: (hence the bear killing story and loincloth)

Faustus: 18

DM: He stood up

Constance: (that cunt)

DM: And faustus, you are still holding the gem, and it still seems focused

DM: The mayor puts away his wand and draws his rapier, which crackles with electricity. He tries to skewer Bronan! (advantage as you are grappled) 5 or 17 to hit

‪Bronan: The 17 will hit!

DM: 6 piercing + 12 electricity (it’s a magic weapon so I don’t think you get resistance)

DM: And he whispers to you as he draws close

Constance: jesus!

Faustus: The bear thing does give some elemental resistance I think though

DM: “I will have my power”

Constance: “Bear. While raging, you have resistance to all damage

DM: Oh cool

DM: So 9

‪Bronan: Bronan  shouts “no wash hand before gem, wash hands!!”

Faustus: (If it’s our turn now I’m gonna yell something before everyone goes)

DM: It’s bronan now

Faustus: Bronan, Constance, grab Varratim and get clear!

‪Bronan: I try to barbarian jujitsu out of the grapple

‪Bronan: Which is basically just ripping his hands off me

‪Bronan: Guessing a strength/athletics check?

‪Bronan: Thats a 24 and a 6, so 24

DM: Wow. Yeah you rip him off you and throw him to the ground

DM: Do you do anything else?

DM: And what about your crossbow pirate?

‪Bronan: I’m gonna run and grab varratim and run off to the side essentially trying to get him to the cleric, my ac is 14, let the opportunity attacks rain down!

‪Bronan: Crossbow dude is gonna try to pop another shot at the crossbow guy he hit last time

‪Bronan: And again, gets a 19 total

DM: Crossbow dude manages to pop a shot off and shoot down one of the remaining mayor’s henchmen, who falls dead to the sand

DM: You can only make it half your speed if you are grabbing Varratim

DM: And you will take…a few opportunity attacks!

DM: One from the swordsman (15 to hit, 6 slashing if so) one from the mayor (22 to hit, 7 slashing + 12 electric), and the final crossbowman (16 to hit, 5 piercing)

Faustus: Oh fuck

DM: So yeah not sure how much of that hits you

‪Bronan: I’m down, minus 1 hp

Constance: 15 damage total by the looks of things!

‪Bronan: So death save, that’s a con save? Or pure roll?

DM: Pure roll, but not until your next turn

Constance: (yeah we do that a bit differently Bronan)

Constance: (im pretty sure we do it “wrong” but its harsher and i like it)

‪Bronan: (ok no worries:))

Faustus: (Ah fucks. This has all gone badly.)

DM: Constance you’re up

‪Bronan: (it’s cool man, Melbos just has to die now)

Constance: Fuck.

Constance: Ok.

Constance: How far am i from Bronan and where is Bronan in relation to hear Fucks

DM: Bronan is now where varratim is on the map

Faustus: (Procedural question – am I getting as much control over the dimensions of this spell as I would if I would cast it as a high level mage?)

DM: (Yup!)

Constance: So I’m thinking that first I command the priest to heal Bronan.

Constance: Which is 1d8 healing plus spell casting mod

Constance: Then I’m assuming that o have enough movement to run to varratim

DM: You have just enough yeah

DM: Bronan, you are at +8 health!

‪Bronan: (whoop whoop!)

Constance: (did you roll that d8 then?)

DM: (yup,7+1)

Constance: ok so my assumption is of the three things i want to do that I can only do 2. I want to take the disengage action (which i can do either as a bonus cause im a monk, or a full action) feed varratim the potion of healing i have, and throw a smoke bomb as i run past the mayor

DM: You are correct. Pick two!

Constance: ill disengage as a full, pelt it over to varratim and bronan, and potion to varratim as a bonus

Constance: 2d4 + 2 healing right?

DM: Yeah

Constance: 7 total

DM: Varratim gorggily awakes

DM: It’s your turn Faustus

Faustus: OK so Faustus raises up from behind the cart, pointing the gem now at the Mayor and says “Calm down friend, here’s your gem right here” and then casts the spell. I’d like it to be contained directly on all the enemies, which I think is doable, and for it to be 100ft high and 50ft thick with that going on top of them. Probably needs to be about 60ft wide from the diagram to cover them all? All aimed so it doesn’t hit Bronan, Constance or Varratim.

Faustus: So if I’m reading this right, that happens and all those guys have to make strength saves? 6d10 on a fail, half damage on a success? Is that going to be against my spell DC or something else from the gem?

DM: It’s something else for the gem

DM: DC 18

Faustus: Oh dip.

DM: The two crossbowmen fail. The swordsman fails. The mage fails. The mayor fails

DM: Roll your damage

Constance: SHEEEIIIT

Faustus: Ah man not great rolls. 25 damage.

Faustus: And they are all trapped in a wall of water I believe.

DM: A vicious tsunamai materialises in front of Faustus, just past varratim, Constance, and Bronan, who lean back from the tumult of water

DM: It picks up the crossbowmen and the swordsman and the mayor and slams them into the ground over and over, twisting around and over again and again

DM: The mage tries to misty step out, but it doesn’t work, as the water grabs him and coils him and slams him against the sand and rocks

DM: You can see instantly the crossbowmen are dead, broken. The swordsmans spine twists and cracks as the wave pounds him into the dust. After a few moments of struggling the mage grows still

DM: The mayor is still struggling, and still alive

‪Bronan: Bronan mutters in awe “Faustus….smash…”

DM: The cart that the mayor’s men arrived in, and the camel pulling it, are also pulled up into the maelstrom of sand and rocks and churning water

Faustus: Oh no! Poor camel.

DM: Varratim stares in awe

DM: Bronan it’s your turn

Faustus: So I think each turn (though we are out of combat) the Mayor needs to make a strength save to leave it. If he fails he takes damage again. Which as I said it was 100ft tall, the height would go down to 50ft and he’d take 5d10 this time.

DM: And it moves 50ft away from you

Faustus: Yes. With him still in it if he can’t escape.

DM: So up to you guys, can do this turn by turn, but if not then I think it will move a few hundred feet and he will take a few dozen d10 damage…

Faustus: Well it’ll be gone by the time it move 100ft I think.

Faustus: (So guys are we still capturing him or killing him?)

‪Bronan: Guess I trot after with the manacles?

DM: (yeah you can choose to stop concentrating if you want)

Constance: I mean Constance would have heavily made the point that we should capture not kill where possible before his

Constance: As that’s my whole deal

‪Bronan: (nothing quite like a pug themed torture scene)

Faustus: (Well we didn’t damage him at all before. So he can stand to take another 5d10 I think…)

‪Bronan: (I think he had one beer from the beers)

‪Bronan: (up to you though man, to wash or not to wash)

Faustus: OK Faustus let’s him take another batch of damage before releasing. So I guess strength save? Would you still take half on a success?

DM: Doesn’t say so in the spell description

Faustus: OK strength save to escape then!

Faustus: I guess we all get ready too in case he breaks out.

DM: He fails the strength save as the wave moves 50ft away from you

DM: How much damage?

Faustus: 22 damage. And should we all follow?

‪Bronan: I’m trotting after

Constance: I’m also chasing as I think I have the manacles

Faustus: Cool. Also chasing. “Varratim we need to get ready to leave!”

DM: Are you maintaining it or letting it fall

Faustus: Can I see what the Mayor looks like right now from where I am? I guess about 20ft from him. Conscious?

DM: It’s almost dark now

Constance: as we run I’m going to shout, “EVERYONE TO THE FARMHOUSE”

DM: When you run up you can make a perception check for me

DM: But it’s a pounding mass of water and dirt and corpses and stones

Faustus: 17

DM: You can see the mayor’s limp body

Faustus: Alright I’ll let it fall.

DM: The water disappears in an instant

Faustus: Just in case he is faking I think someone else should run up and kick/take away his wand and chain him up before reviving.

Constance: yeah i can fucking pelt up

Faustus: (I say that so he doesn’t nab the gem, not because I’m a coward!)

Faustus: Also what is the gem doing now?

DM: As the water dissapears the corpses of the mayor’s henchman fall to the ground, as does the cart and camel

DM: And the mayor lies face down

Constance: im going to run up and disarm him before putting the manacles on

DM: You can easily do that

DM: He doesn’t appear to be breathing


Come back next Monday for Chapter 32 of The Cursed Tomb!


Fancy supporting the site? You can pick up all of the 5th edition D&D books from Wizards of the Coast using our Amazon links below, and we’ll get a cut with no extra cost to you!

Dungeon Master’s Guide

Player’s Handbook

Monster Manual

Volo’s Guide to Monsters

Sword Coast Adventurer’s Guide

Starter Set

The Cursed Tomb: Chapter 30 – Real Bad

So Adam and Ian don’t feel like they play enough D&D. To rectify this, they started playing a text-based adventure with a couple of friends, still using the 5th edition framework. We thought it would be fun to clean up the transcripts of this adventure and start publishing it in weekly chapters here on the site. Let us know what you think, and please share around! If you missed Chapter 1, check it out here!

Disclaimer: This is the transcript of a text-based D&D game played over a period of 6 months. Bad language included. Picture based dice rolls/media omitted. Names changed to preserve anonymity. Goblin based violence frequent. You have been warned. If you missed Chapter 29, find it here!


DM: Bronan, where is the gem, what has been happening?

‪Bronan: The gem is nearby, I think Melbos want it too, so Bronan careful, you have money for gem?

DM: Melbos?

DM: And how did he find out about it

DM: I have money, bronan. What was it we decided on again? I might have to have a think about the final sum due to your…erratic behaviour since heading into the desert

DM: Why haven’t you come to me, bronan? Why did you go to Cormyra?

‪Bronan: We were worried Melbos might be mad at us

‪Bronan: Errm Bronan not sure, thought it was 30 gold

‪Bronan: Melbos knows many things, Bronan surprised he not here right now, he seems to want gem

DM: Well. Regardless. Where are your little friends?

Bronan: One has the gem, the other is having bath, you get rid of Melbos? He scary, might take gem

DM: Melbos isn’t here

DM: He clicks his fingers and the mage with him reaches into a small pouch, bringing out a much larger pouch. He throws it in the dirt between the mayor and bronan

DM: 90 gold

Bronan: (I know I’m trying to freaking stall!! Goddamn thrikeen, can’t even keep track of the bloody plan)

DM: Gem please, bronan. This has gone on long enough

DM: What are all your passive perceptions

‪Bronan: Ok, (I pick up the gold) I go fetch gem

‪Bronan: 13

Faustus: Is 10 plus wisdom mod yes?

Constance: 12

Faustus: If yes, 12.

‪Bronan: And proficiency if you are proficient?

DM: Yes

DM: And yes

Faustus: 12

‪Bronan: Yup mines still 13

DM: You can hear crickets in the sand, and maybe an owl hoot from the withered vines to your north east?

DM: Bronan, you grab the bag?

‪Bronan: Yup then walk to the back if the Cart yelling “faustuuuuuuuuus, where are you, time to give the Scarf-mayor the gem”

Faustus: OK I’m going to jump up and try and use the gem I guess? Directed at the Mayor and his guard.

DM: Okay!

DM: Faustus

DM: Roll a d20 and add your intelligence for me please

DM: Bronan, as you walk toward the cart the mage and three crossbowmen train their weapons on you

Faustus: 18

Faustus: 17+1

Faustus: (Wait, as in our mage and crossbowmen?)

‪Bronan: (the mayors henchmen I think)

DM: (the mayor’s henchman)

DM: Faustus. You feel incredible power focusing through the crystal, and becoming to distill, and…it keeps going

DM: Because the casting time of that spell is 1 minute…

Faustus: Hahahahaha you son of a bitch

DM: Roll initiative

Constance: SON OF A BITCH

Constance: lolololol

DM: (not my fault if you don’t read the spell description!)

Constance: 14

‪Bronan: Aaahh shit

Faustus: Nope you are quite right, I wasn’t playing attention when you put the spell up.

‪Bronan: I got 15

Faustus: 2 ffs.

Constance: (so, is faustus going to have to keep concentrating for 10 rounds to release this thing?)

DM: (yup!)

‪Bronan: (man, I guess, still we have house people, the wizard who teleport us here, and potentially Melbos of he pulls his thumb out)

DM: (the wizard didn’t come with you, he just teleported you + varratim+ 3 pirates

‪Bronan: (it might come just in time to get rid of the evidence)

‪Bronan: Ah ok

Constance: (didnt he? I thought he was teleporting us back?)

DM: Right

DM: (don’t think so…)

DM: Bad guys Bronan


DM: (and on each of your turns, you can command your pirate minion!)

Constance: oh balls

DM: So.

Constance: hold on, am i still hidden?

DM: You think so?

DM: Two crossbowmen shoot at bronan- 12, 18. Either hit?

‪Bronan: Yup, the 18, my ac is 14

Faustus: (As someone who basically never casts spells, to cast it from a gem – I basically can’t do anything else but concentrate on that can I?)

Constance: (you can do other stuff, but if you take any damage you make a con save)

Constance: (unless the thing you want to do requires concentration)

DM: An arrow thunks into bronans back, doing 6 piercing damage

DM: The two swordsman take up defensive positions by the mayor

Faustus: Well this sure would have been a good plan if I hadn’t fucked that up real bad!

DM: The mage flexes out his hand and shoots a fireball at Faustus- 22 to hit, 4 burning damage if that hits

Faustus: Haha yeah that hits.

DM: The mayor draws his wand

Constance: (con save?)

DM: Oh yes, con save please!

‪Bronan: (are we level 3 or 2 at the moment?)

Faustus: 16

DM: (3)

DM: Faustus, you manage to keep hold of your concentration

Constance: (FYI Faustus. The dc is always 10 or half the amount of damage. Whichever is higher)

Faustus: Ah yes. Which is why huge damage is pretty hard to concentrate through!

Constance: Yuuuup

DM: The mayor shoots out with his wand at faustus, and a glob of viscous white material flies towards the dragonborn. 14 to hit

Faustus: Nope.

‪Bronan: (Bro, he spidermand you)

DM: It sails off into the darkness

Faustus: (Yeah why did it have to be white?!)

DM: (holy shut I haven’t heard that term since I was 16, brilliant)

DM: (well, it’s spiderwebby shut! God)

DM: Bronan, you are up, you can also control the actions of the crossbow pirate in the barn

Faustus: (Also, my ac without a shield is 16 or 18 with shield. With the gem in one hand and sword in another, can I have the gem in my shield hand with the arm through the straps or no?)

DM: (sure…)

Faustus: (For real, if that isn’t ok I don’t mind)

DM: (i literally don’t know what the rule is, but it makes sense to me. Not a worry)

DM: Bronan- no sign of Melbos, some guy just shot you, and the scarf mayor is being a real dick

Faustus: (OK. If I get to cast it, which I’m sure I won’t, I can plant my sword then lose an action to pick it back up or something)

‪Bronan: I’m going to yell “he was just going to give you the gem rudeboy”

‪Bronan: Then seeing viscous goo and fire being thrown at Faustus, my eyes start to glaze, I rage and run at the mayor swinging my axe screaming “waaaaasssshhhh yoooouuuurrrr haaaaaannnnndsss”

‪Bronan: The crossbow guy is going to see shit going down and try to pop a bolt into a swordsman

‪Bronan: Which is a 19 for me to hit

DM: Okay, crossbow guy from the barn sees you hulk out and smashes a bolt into the back of one of the swordsmans’s head, and he drops dead

DM: What do you do?

‪Bronan: I’m swinging the beers at they mayor with a 19 to hit

‪Bronan: Or was the 19 for the crossbow guy?

DM: (i gave it to the crossbow guy sorry I thought that was what you meant. Let’s say your guys get the same roll as you!)

DM: 19 hits him, damage?

Constance: (oh shit all or nothing)

‪Bronan: (it’s cool man, I didn’t know his to hit, mine is plus 5)

DM: I did his and rolled his damage

DM: And your hit hits him

DM: How much damage do the beers do?

‪Bronan: 11 slashing

DM: Bronan, your warhammer/axe/mad beer smasher swings down with startling pace, gouging into the mayor’s arm as he tries to dodge away

DM: Kill them all! He says

DM: But first stop that dragonborn!

DM: Constance you are up, and so is your priest in the main farm building

Constance: (fyi i might be about to head to a meeting so might disappear for a while)

Constance: ok what are my priest options?

Constance: is it the NPC priest from the MM?

DM: (no, nowhere near that powerful. Basically, attack with sword, sacred flame, 2 slots of 1st level cure wounds)

Constance: ok sacred flame at the one swordsman who is left

Constance: and as soon as that lands im going to pop out of the well and shout *”FAUSTUS, THE NETS!”*

Constance: run up to the mage and start crouching tiger hidden in a well big-ling smashing

Constance: (do i roll the priest?)

DM: Flame like radiance descends on the swordsman

DM: (its a save so no)

DM: And he yells, leaping back after taking 4 damage

DM: You are attacking the mage? Roll roll roll

Constance: ok so i am going to smash him with my staff first then use flurry of blows to do two unarmed strikes and try to knock him prone

Constance: (we havent combatted in so long, what do i add to the staff again?)

Constance: (looking back its supposed to be 5)

Constance: ok so it goes staff punch spinning back kick

Constance: which is 18, NAT 20, 17

DM: (ankh staff?)

DM: Oh shit

DM: Yeah roll out all that damage boyo

Constance: do you want some damage?

DM: Yup, all of it

DM: (Had you figured out what the ankh staff did? Or had you yet to find out?)

Constance: (Yet to find out, so far it’s been a hunger but unexplained)

DM: Awesome.

DM: Roll damage!!

Constance: (Staff is 1d8 right?)

DM: Yup

Constance: 11 for staff

Constance: 8 for punch

Constance: sorry 7 not 8

Constance: right i did that all wrong start again

Constance: 10 for staff

Constance: 7 for punch

Constance: 7 for kick

Constance: and he has to make a DC 13 dex save or be knocked prone

Constance: so a total of 24 damage

‪Bronan: Jumping jesus

DM: The mage is bloodied, bashed, and knocked sprawling to the dirt coughing blood, one eye already swollen shut

DM: Faustus, you are up

Faustus: OK I would like my crossbow boy to fire a net or several? I forget how it works.

Constance: i think it was a full action to fire a net

Faustus: Just the one?

Faustus: I’d like him to fire it at one of the mayors crossbowmen.

DM: Sure, roll for it

Faustus: He got an 11. Anything added to that?

DM: His dex, which is plus two

DM: The net careers off into the sand!

Faustus: Balls.

Faustus: OK. I’m still concentrating on casting the spell and I’m going to stay behind the cart (forgot to ask, would I not get half cover from that?) And I’m going to use abjure enemy on the Mayor.

Faustus: Wisdom save.

DM: 14

DM: What happens?

Faustus: OK so that saves, but on a success…

Faustus: Speed is halved for 1 minute or until he takes damage.

DM: Aha

DM: Varratim leaps forward from the rubble, yells “for melody!” And runs to the nearest enemy. Attacks crossbow guy, who fends him off


Come back next Monday for Chapter 31 of The Cursed Tomb!


Fancy supporting the site? You can pick up all of the 5th edition D&D books from Wizards of the Coast using our Amazon links below, and we’ll get a cut with no extra cost to you!

Dungeon Master’s Guide

Player’s Handbook

Monster Manual

Volo’s Guide to Monsters

Sword Coast Adventurer’s Guide

Starter Set


The Cursed Tomb: Chapter 29 – Actually Not a Terrible Plan

So Adam and Ian don’t feel like they play enough D&D. To rectify this, they started playing a text-based adventure with a couple of friends, still using the 5th edition framework. We thought it would be fun to clean up the transcripts of this adventure and start publishing it in weekly chapters here on the site. Let us know what you think, and please share around! If you missed Chapter 1, check it out here!

Disclaimer: This is the transcript of a text-based D&D game played over a period of 6 months. Bad language included. Picture based dice rolls/media omitted. Names changed to preserve anonymity. Goblin based violence frequent. You have been warned. If you missed Chapter 28, find it here!


DM: So….what’s your plan?

DM: Says Varratim, adjusting his sword belt, having come to find you all

DM: My crew are prepared for whatever we need to do, and Pontifico the wizard shall help us all he can

‪Bronan: (I’ll let Constance or Faustus fill him in, otherwise it’s going to be a whole wall of broken English and Bronans obsession with listeria)

Faustus: Faustus tells him the plan. “What do you think? Doable?”

DM: So teleport to al’shash, lure the mayor and Melbos to this abandoned farm, hope they kill each other, if not we kill the mayor? That right?

‪Bronan: Pretty much, also, wizard help us steal mayor if can

Constance: yeah, i would rather capture than kill initially

Constance: but if it comes to that then so be it

DM: Steal the mayor? Hm

DM: Pontifico explains he can teleport himself +7. So Constance, Faustus, Bronan, Varratim, and three pirates of your choice

DM: You have crossbow specialists, melee specialists, priests, druids, low level wizards, etc to choose from

DM: Choose a minion each!

‪Bronan: Bronan not good at math, if we want steal mayor, we take 2 pirates? Bronan not need pirate friend, he have tribe with him, so tribe can take pirate friends and we still steal mayor

Faustus: I’ll take a crossbow guy

Constance: then a priest could be useful

DM: Varratim assigns a priest to Constance, and a crossbowman to Bronan and Faustus

DM: Pontifico summons a circle of glowing blue runes, and when you all step inside in a flash you are taken to the desert north of al’shash. Your farmhouse is nearby

‪Bronan: Constance, remember hungry beggar who told us we need to meet mayor in pub? You look different, maybe you find another person to take message to Melbos and Scarf-mayor?

‪Bronan: Bronan can give you coins to give them

DM: You are sat in the abandoned farmhouse with your attack team. Is Constance going to town to lure out the mayor? It’s evening. It’s hot. The sand is burning with the last vestiges of sunlight, and the night birds are starting to fly. Far off, you hear camels harrumphing the sound of crickets

‪Bronan: I guess we’ll spend the night, and barring any other suggest, I’ll leave the tsunami gem with constance or Faustus and then go into town to lure the badguys to the ambush site

Faustus: Sounds good.

DM: Cool, so in the morning bronan runs into town?

‪Bronan: Yup, first stop Melbos

DM: You can find his two assistants loitering in the alleyway easily enough

DM: Bronan

DM: Bronan bronan

DM: Melbos would like to speak, you are free to speak yes?

DM: Faisal and Toma gesture to you to follow them

‪Bronan: Yes of course

‪Bronan: Bronan not slave, Bronan free

DM: You follow them down to the simple house with the blue door where melbos awaits you, sat on his chair, and offers you a cup of tea with a gesture

Constance: (oh god this might go badly)

DM: Faisal closes the door and locks it, and Toma goes to stand by Melbos to translate

DM: Bronan. How are you?

‪Bronan: Ah, so so, Bronan lose ale barrel running from sand chicken. But other than that ok, how Melbos?

DM: Melbos bad, bronan. Melbos angry, and confused. Melbos sent a shipment across the desert to the north, and Melbos’s shipment was attacked by birdmen. Birdmen who killed one of Melbo’s men

‪Bronan: Oh, that bad, did they go round edge of birdmen? Birdmen say can go round or give half if go through, safest to go round edge of lands

DM: Melbos shrugs

DM: A mistake, maybe.

DM: Perhaps we went to close to their lands

DM: What do you want, Bronan? Why have you returned to Al’shash? The mayor seeks you and your friends, and I do not think he is happy

‪Bronan: Maybe birdmen let through lands if Melbos smash mayor? Mayor want gem, and think he come for it at nightfall at farm out of town,  maybe Melbos want shiny gem and smash mayor?

DM: Persuasian check bronan

DM: You plan to kill the mayor and want my help

DM: What is this shiny gem?

‪Bronan: 18 for persuasion

‪Bronan: Well, Scarf-mayor want gem and smash innocents

‪Bronan: Birdmen hate mayor pirates hate mayor

DM: Everybody hates mayor

‪Bronan: Melbos want power and allies, prove worth to birdmen and pirates and kill mayor?

DM: Nightfall at the abandoned farm?

‪Bronan: Yup yup

DM: Melbos nods, toma nods, and causal unlocks the door

DM: Go careful bronan

DM: And we will see you tonight…

‪Bronan: Melbos know messenger to tell mayor?

DM: Hm

DM: I could send an orphan I suppose?

Bronan: Ok, make sure tell mayor we have gem and others want it, that way we get all his friends at once

DM: I see. Well. I’ll send an orphan claiming to be your messenger

DM: Is there some…tactic? Or just smash mayor

‪Bronan: Just smash try to turn up at same time and pretend you want Gem, otherwise mayor will get wise and sneak or smash Bronan as he and friends alone

DM: Aha

DM: I will have some of my men pose as alternate buyers for this…gem. and then together we will all attack the mayor

DM: Should we have a signal, to attack?

Bronan: If you watch mayor then when he gets there you and your men appear. Then strike like lightning

DM: Aha. Then we shall be hidden in the shadows.

DM: Until tonight, bronana

DM: Bronan!

Constance: hahahahaah

‪Bronan: Okay Melbos! See you then!

‪Bronan: (then I’ll return to the house to let the others know the plan)

DM: Okay

DM: You have the rest of the day to prepare, how are you arranging your forces?

‪Bronan: Is the netthrowing cart still there?

DM: It is…

‪Bronan: Right, elaborate plan time

Constance: ok. I have a set of manacles, two smoke bombs and a hunting trap

‪Bronan: This may be asking for a lot, do you have a layout of the house? I’m thinking we should try to pin them between the house and the cart, crossbow man in cart with someone to fire net, hunting trap in obvious escape route and then smoke bomb when shit goes down to manacle the mayor then teleport the fuck home after knocking the mayor unconscious

Constance: yeah i would quite like to know the layout here so we can establish positions etc

Constance: like the plan will go to fuck as soon as we make contact

Constance: but still

‪Bronan: Ooooh Bronan have good plan, really good plan, make all problem go away

‪Bronan: We wait until fight start, if Melbos and Scarf-mayor here, we use gem to wash itsy bitsy listeria bug down the drain, gem not available for badmen, badmen gone, water field for crops

Constance: huh

Constance: thats actually not a terrible plan

Constance: i mean

Constance: we point it away from the city

‪Bronan: Can we use gem though? How we use? Break it?

DM: Give me an arcana check bronan

‪Bronan: Ah my strongest skill

Constance: (shit I’m totes hiding in the well)

‪Bronan: I got a 12

DM: Bronan- smash it? Or hold it and focus on doing magic!

‪Bronan: (was going to make a borat joke, didn’t cause I’m cultured)

‪Bronan: Hmm Bronan could try to focus, only know ritual for animals…anyone know magic? Bronan happy to try though *smiles stupidly*

Faustus: I’ll take a look at it?

‪Bronan: Sure, you or constance have it, Bronan not take gem into town, not gem in town or mayor might get it

DM: If you are all back and planning then by all means, arcana check away

DM: You have the map, some pirates, and a net throwing cart

‪Bronan: (We could turn the cart into a mini boat and ride the tsunami!!)

Constance: (what guys do we have again?)

DM: Varratim, a pirate cleric, and two crossbowmen

Faustus: Arcana check on the gem for how to use it, 17.

DM: Breaking it would…Well…Breaking it would unleash the spell. Focusing on it would allow you to cast the spell properly, but only if your intellect was up to the job. If you didn’t focus right, magical energy might backlash and hurt you, and you might have a bad time

Constance: I think the issue with this is where we point it.

DM: Farmhouse is half a mile outside town

Constance: We don’t want to hit our guys. Or risk hitting al shahs

Constance: Do we think this thing will do that much damage?

DM: Spell reminder

DM: (you worked this out with the help of the birdman elder if I recall)

DM: Faustus, you are pretty sure failing to cast the spell would actually just mean it unravels and leaves the gem harmlessly

DM: (just reread how spell gems work, my bad)

Constance: ok cool, so it would only travel 300ft

Constance: we should be good!

Constance: if we could lure them all to the centre of the space, between the well and the house, then blamo!

‪Bronan: Yes, good plan, finally make mayor wash his hands

Constance: ok, so who releases the spell, and when? and where do we position ourselves?

‪Bronan: Bronan happy to be bait, not good with brainmagic though

‪Bronan: If gem not work. We could always smash old fashioned way

Constance: yup

Constance: i think we hide ourselves as well as possible, maybe with Faustus in the cart with one of the crossbowmen, then me hidden in the well, then varratim and a crossbowman in the farmhouse?

‪Bronan: And Bronan sit in middle with gem?

Constance: i was more thinking Faustus keeps a hold of the gem from the cart, then bronan can make a dash for cover just before it goes off

Constance: but thats really down to how you two feel

‪Bronan: Faustus very smart, and he quiet like soft breeze

‪Bronan: Remember birdmen fight?

Constance: I do

‪Bronan: Bronan happy with plan, but cart need to be in front of well and house, otherwise water fall in well and knock down house on friends

Constance: perhaps directly in line

‪Bronan: Sound good

DM: So the cart in between the house and well. Bronan out in front. Varratim+crossbows in the barn.faustus holding gem hidden in the cart. Constance balancing just below the lip of the well

‪Bronan: Sounds like a foolproof plan

‪Bronan: (I hope!)

DM: Alright, in which case, you settle into position, and the sun slowly begins to set…

‪Bronan: Im going to be jamming on my drum

Constance: (one of the crossbowmen is supposed to be in the cart with faustus

DM: Sure

DM: Okay?

Constance: are we missing someone?

Constance: cleric?

Constance: head pirate guy whos name espaces me?

Constance: escapes*

DM: Varratim and one crossbow guy in the barn, priest in the farmhouse, bronan in the centre, faustus and crossbowman in the cart, Constance in the well

DM: No sign of Melbos’s gang

DM: And the sun is setting

DM: From the south, the town, a covered wagon being led by a camel, driven by robed and scarfed man, approaches

DM: He stops the wagon, leaps down, and walks towards bronan, stopping 20ft in front of him

DM: Faustus, Constance, can you each make stealth checks for me? With advantage?

Constance: 16

Faustus: As I’m not moving, do I have have my usual disadvantage?

DM: No

Faustus: Balls. 9.

DM: With advantage 9?

Faustus: Yuup

DM: The figure whistles

DM: And from the covered cart six figures emerge, and spread out to flank the mayor

DM: Three hold crossbows, two large curved swords, and one a long wooden staff. All are dressed in Robes

DM: The scarves man reaches up and removes the scarves from his face, revealing his face

DM: A jeweled sword in one hand, a metal embossed wand tucked in his belt

DM: Bronan. Where is my gem?

Faustus: (Boys, shall I *show* him the gem? Might hit Bronan?)

Constance: (i mean, i guess he knows your there, but you don’t know that, let things play out a little?)

DM: The mayor draws his wand, and taps it on his leg impatiently

‪Bronan: Oh hello who are you again? Bronan waiting for scarf man from tavern

DM: That would be me

DM: You literally just saw me remove my scarf


Come back next Monday for Chapter 30 of The Cursed Tomb!


Fancy supporting the site? You can pick up all of the 5th edition D&D books from Wizards of the Coast using our Amazon links below, and we’ll get a cut with no extra cost to you!

Dungeon Master’s Guide

Player’s Handbook

Monster Manual

Volo’s Guide to Monsters

Sword Coast Adventurer’s Guide

Starter Set


The Cursed Tomb: Chapter 28 – Tip-Top Plan Dragonface

So Adam and Ian don’t feel like they play enough D&D. To rectify this, they started playing a text-based adventure with a couple of friends, still using the 5th edition framework. We thought it would be fun to clean up the transcripts of this adventure and start publishing it in weekly chapters here on the site. Let us know what you think, and please share around! If you missed Chapter 1, check it out here!

Disclaimer: This is the transcript of a text-based D&D game played over a period of 6 months. Bad language included. Picture based dice rolls/media omitted. Names changed to preserve anonymity. Goblin based violence frequent. You have been warned. If you missed Chapter 27, find it here!


DM: You reach the top of the ramp and there are a few gnomes scrubbing the decks, a minotaur standing watch, and the elf Varratim is sat on a barrel pouring out glasses of rum- he gestures for you to join him

DM: Come come come along friends , a little rum and a little talk with Varratim, Lord of the naga’s heart!

‪Bronan: (this is what happens when you let the alcoholic idiot be the face of the party! He would however Die before letting you come to significant harm)

‪Bronan: Hallo varratim, nice boat, little ones keep it clean, which is good listeria lurks everywhere you know!

Constance: Varratim, whats with the flying snake?

DM: What, my little Belochik? He is my pal!

DM: Now

DM: What do you want, my strange new friends, and how might we…contractors help facilitate? Hahaha

Constance: Before we get to that, I meant to ask, did you mention you were from Cormyra?

DM: Did I? Well. Maybe I did. But Cormyra is a far off place, with no waves, no great ocean, no little fishes! Cormyra is dry

Constance: yes, we have been there. Do you know it?

DM: I know it

Constance: had any dealings with Cormyras mayor?

DM: The sultan?

Faustus: (Mayor is the other place)

Constance: (aww crap thats al-shash)

Constance: (who did we meet in Cormyra again? Im looking for mutual acquaintances here)

Faustus: (Imohen? Did she tell us about them?)

Constance: (yes her! good shout)

Constance: i dont suppose you know a dwarf named Imohen?

DM: A dwarf named imohen?

DM: No

Constance: well never mind then

DM: Tell me. You passed through the desert

Constance: 😕

DM: Safely? No troubles?

Constance: Nothing we couldn’t handle

DM: (it was Melody and the birdmen who recommended maybe approaching the pirates)

Constance: (yeah I forget things)

Constance: what kind of work is it that you do Varratim?

DM: Me? He looks around the deck and down at himself

DM: I’m…I’m a pirate

DM: Did you not get that?

Constance: I mean yeah thats apparent, but I’ve never met a pirate before!

Constance: I have no idea what that entails

DM: Oh! Well!

DM: Piracy on the high seas! We steal goods from nasty traders, we smuggle goods prohibited by the evil overlords of the world, we kill people and take their things!

Faustus: (Really sounds like the crew is about to break into a shanty)

DM: Much sea shantying, grog drinking, and violence

DM: (the gnome deckswabbers look like they are going to break into an oompa loompa style song about piracy, but as they start the first note Varratim waves them away)

DM: So you have come to a pirate town, across a daaaaangerous desert

DM: Are you seeking adventure on the high seas? Illegal goods? The tastiest ruuuuuum? Shelter from the nasty Cormyrans? How can Varratim sort you out

‪Bronan: (pirate life sounds awesome…)

‪Bronan: Errm smash badman?

Constance: We were advised to seek aid from you by a girl named Melody, do you know her?

DM: He whistles sharply and the snake flies away, back towards the bar

DM: He leans forward and squints at you, Constance

DM: Melody, melody, a beautiful song. Where is she? She is alive? We lost the pursuit in the Red wastes

Constance: Pursuit?

DM: Of her kidnappers!

Constance: ah

DM: Where is melody?

Constance: yes she is alive, however, the fewer people know where she is the better

DM: Well, forgive me if I don’t think that is your choice, stranger. Melody is one of us, under the protection of Fort Last, and by extension the Naga’s heart

DM: And you will tell me where she is or I will flense the skin from your flesh and feed it to  the dogs!

DM: All of the gnomes have stopped working and drawn long knives

‪Bronan: (Bronan is practically squirming to say, but at the threat to constance, his eyes go hard and flat)

Constance: *throws hands up* whoa whoa whoa, there is no need for all of this, we too seek to protect melody

DM: Then tell me where she is

DM: On the docks you hear a howl

DM: And another. And another

Constance: distrust between those who seek to do the same only helps our enemies

DM: A kind of strange hooting yell

DM: Well then show me your trust, giant halfling!

‪Bronan: (is it dogmen?)

DM: It’s the owlbears! At least a dozen on the dock, and maybe twenty pirates with them

DM: Varratim lowers his axe and seems to be trying to calm himself

‪Bronan: One of Bronans hands reaches for his axe, the other to his groin, near where the doomstone is

‪Bronan: Constance, Bronan not comfortable here

Faustus: (Got an idea to keep it quiet if we want?)

Constance: Calm Bronan, everything is fine. Varratin, I’m not certain that you understand how far this reaches, Melody and by extension you and I and everyone here, is in grave danger from powerful enemies. I believe that you, like us want to protect melody, but if you were to be captured by those enemies, then through nefarious means forced to divulge her location, could you live with that?

Constance: (im aiming for some sweet persuasion here FYI)

DM: Then roll for it!

Faustus: (Got for it! I have back up if it doesn’t work)

Constance: ugh, 8

DM: If you wish melody to be safe and home, then the way to achiiiiiieve that is to tell me, Varratim, and I will cut down any man or beast in my way.

Faustus: (Gonna tell him slyly)

DM: Pontifico will support me. I will bathe in their blood and drink rum from their skulls

DM: So enough riddles, halfling. Where is melody? What is it you know?

Constance: (holding for faustus idea)

Constance: (Faustus’s?)

DM: (yeah same, varratim was just addressing you)

Faustus: Faustus touches his cowboy hat towards Varratim and sends a message (which I believe he can reply to in a whisper only I can hear?) “You understand friend, that we fear that nefarious ears are everywhere. Melody is with the Blessed Wind, our allies. She is both safe and feels safe there, and indicated that if we were to come here we may find aid in stopping those who pursue her and wish to abuse her powers. We come to you seeking that aid, but the birdmen are her friends and she is safe there.”

Constance: (tip top plan dragonface)

DM: Varratim whistles a low whistle, and the gnomes sheath their knives, and the owlbears and pirates wander off.

DM: My cabin, he says, and gestures to the back of the boat

Faustus: (Also I’ve lost all my messages from my old phone, so I don’t know how many times a day I can use that)

Constance: we follow and I give faustus a knowing nod

Faustus: Faustus nods back. “Bronan, I’ll explain later”.

Constance: (just looked back and it lets you cast Message at will, message is a cantrip anyway)

Faustus: (Ah grand)

DM: Varratims cabin is full of charts and maps and trinkets, shrunken heads, broken swords

DM: So. Melody is safe with the aaracokra. They rescued her from those…men?

Faustus: Faustus sends a message to Bronan saying “your birthday present is proving very useful”.

DM: A succinct summary of the situation would be appreciated, gentle people. Varratim pours you all some spiced rum and clears off some chairs. I’m sorry, I suppose, but you understand this is an…emotional situation

‪Bronan: Aaaaaahhh voice in mind!!

Constance: I guess we give a succinct summary of the situation

DM: Ha. Okay. Holding anything back?

Faustus: Yes. We came across signs of a caravan having been attacked by the aaracokra, and were unfortunately misled into thinking the Blessed Wind were up to no good. But once we met them it became clear that they were merely protecting their land from the criminals known as the rising sun (is that right? I can’t check), and were particularly aggrieved that they appeared to be slavers. They liberated Melody, and she seemed very appreciative of that.

Faustus: Haha apparently not!

Constance: yeah i mean we can miss out the stuff about imohen and mij

Faustus: What is your connection with Melody friend? You seem very invested in her wellbeing.

DM: She is of Fort Last. We take care of our own. And Pontifico was planning on teaching her storm magic. Pontifico’s storm magic is all that keeps the fort from destruction. Melody is our hope, our future. A beloved child. Any citizen of Fort Last would bleed for that girl. As Captain, I am responsible for her safety

DM: Who hired these…slavers? Why Melody? For her power, you think?

Constance: we believe so

Faustus: (Did the Mayor hire them?)

DM: (Yes)

DM: Who, and why? Does Melody not wish to return to us?

DM: He looks crestfallen

Constance: i think for now she is unable to, the risk to her, and by extension others would be too great

DM: But she sent you to us, wants us to aid you?

DM: Describe her to me, so I know you have met the girl

Constance: (balls)

‪Bronan: She pretty

Faustus: (Did she not want to, or was it not safe?) We believe that the Mayor of Al’Shash is attempting to take control of the region, and wishes to use Melody as a means of doing that.

Faustus: (Can someone search the chat for details of her?)

Constance: on it

DM: (i mean, I’m not going to make you roll for that. You remember she was a tiefling, etc)

Faustus: Ah. Then we describe her.

‪Bronan: She had red skin, yellow eyes. Small black horns

DM: Varratim nods

DM: So. You seek our aid, in…resolving this?

Constance: yes

DM: And the Mayor of Al’shash is responsible?

‪Bronan: Dirty Scarf-mayor is badman, varratim help us smash

DM: I will cut off his fingers and maroon him on an island for all time.

DM: Well

DM: Right. I am with you. Pontifico will…aid us. What do you wish to do? Destroy the town, salt the earth? That may provoke cormyra, unless we leave no trace

DM: We could kidnap the Mayor, and hope his replacement is less efficacious?

DM: But if you think the rot goes all the way down, I’m happy to raze the town to the ground

Constance: these are all good ideas, however, who is Pontifico?

DM: Pontifico is our storm mage, master of the runed owlbears. He protects us from seeking ships and forces with mighty dust storms, and calms the sea and earth when it threatens to destroy us

DM: Behind varratim a man appears, wizened and old

DM: Ahm gyuod at invisibility spylls too!

DM: Varratim pours him a cup of rum

DM: Varratim raises his glass in a toast

DM: To the death of the Mayor!

DM: Whatever you need, we will hopefully be able to provide. Do you have a plan?

Constance: our plan has stretched as far as recruiting as much aid as possible

Constance: which is what brought us to you

DM: Well. You have succeeded in that phase. And now you must decide the course, and we will fill the sails with righteous fury and follow you to bring back our girl and keep our lands safe!

Constance: (what time is it?)

DM: Midday

Constance: Varratim, do you have details of what sort of forces you could field?

DM: Hmm.

DM: To leave Fort Last safe?

DM: Myself, 20 of my best men and…(he glances at Pontifico who holds up three fingers) three owlbears? We can travel overland like that

Constance: hmm, Faustus, any numbers on how many of the Blessed Wind we could get involved?

DM: Alternatively, Pontifico could teleport 8 of us with more secrecy, so the three of you, myself, and four more of our choosing, if we decide to be more…surgical

‪Bronan: Don’t forget sir dribbles

DM: Pontifico smiles and nods ‘Nay worrues about your doyg’

Constance: a surgical approach may prove more sensible

Constance: we want as little collateral damage as possible, it seems as though the guards of the town have little to do with this if anything

DM: Varratim shrugs. Clearly you have not yet decided your plan. Would you like some time to think, and we can reconvene this evening? Either way I will need to spend the day preparing my men

‪Bronan: Bronan think, it us, and then bring owlbear l, everyone know owlbear kill people for nature gods

‪Bronan: Then next mayor not wear scarfs and do bad things

‪Bronan: But maybe we talk tonight?

Faustus: Sounds good.

DM: Okay. You are taken back to the Mussel’s lament and given three rooms linked by a small seating area, and provided with food and ale

DM: So now it’s up to you, make your plan!

DM: (or do whatever else you want)

Constance: So option 1. Cowboy this and go in with 20+ guys and owlbears, taking the town by force. This risks Cormyra getting wind of things and some sort of retribution. Also, would result in higher likelihood of collateral damage. However, it does play to our personal strengths.Option 2. Get teleported in stealthy like and try to get to the mayor. Ideally, we could get him alive. To ensure that we find out the reasons behind whats going on, as well as have him as a potential bargaining chip should Cormyra have something to say. However, we dont really know where he would be.

‪Bronan: Why not go back, then lure mayor to farm house, wizard teleport us back to naga boat and then we have Scarf-mayor surrounded by cowmen, little ones with knives and bearowls

Constance: oh, so you think we can lure the mayor to somewhere secluded and bring him way back here?

Constance: thats not a bad plan bronan

‪Bronan: It how you hunt predators, lure them with easy prey, then tribe there to kill

‪Bronan: Unless you Bronan, Bronan kill bear with spoon

Faustus: So how would that work? We send a message to him that we have the stone? He won’t come alone.

‪Bronan: If Bronan keep gem and wait in Hut with wizard, friends can say he has stone and not want to come into town without lieing because Bronan not want to run into Melbos

Constance: im almost certain that we no longer have his trust, he would not come alone. However, it could potentially get him away from any innocent bystanders

‪Bronan: We can grab and run, like egg stealers

‪Bronan: And if we do it right, we get Melbos to come looking for his cart just after, then maybe mayors friends and Melboses friends kill each other over wagon

Constance: (General Bronan)

‪Bronan: Bronan not take whole credit, sir dribbles help

Constance: ok, i like this.

Constance: We get word to both the mayor and melbos that we have what they are looking for, get them all to turn up in the same place, see what happens. Then we turn up with us three plus pontifico and Verratim and maybe two others, then in the chaos we smash and grab the mayor and get back here.

‪Bronan: And we tell them the other has got wind of deal and wants it for themselves?

‪Bronan: Bad men always greedy enough to fight rather than share

DM: (in going to take a back seat, let me know when you have decided on a plan to take to Varratim)

‪Bronan: Faustus, what you think?

Faustus: I agree with the stealthy approach, and inciting them all against each other may work too.

‪Bronan: Looks like we’re agreed 🙂


Come back next Monday for Chapter 29 of The Cursed Tomb!


Fancy supporting the site? You can pick up all of the 5th edition D&D books from Wizards of the Coast using our Amazon links below, and we’ll get a cut with no extra cost to you!

Dungeon Master’s Guide

Player’s Handbook

Monster Manual

Volo’s Guide to Monsters

Sword Coast Adventurer’s Guide

Starter Set


The Cursed Tomb: Chapter 27 – The Mollusc’s Lament

So Adam and Ian don’t feel like they play enough D&D. To rectify this, they started playing a text-based adventure with a couple of friends, still using the 5th edition framework. We thought it would be fun to clean up the transcripts of this adventure and start publishing it in weekly chapters here on the site. Let us know what you think, and please share around! If you missed Chapter 1, check it out here!

Disclaimer: This is the transcript of a text-based D&D game played over a period of 6 months. Bad language included. Picture based dice rolls/media omitted. Names changed to preserve anonymity. Goblin based violence frequent. You have been warned. If you missed Chapter 26, find it here!


DM: The night passes slowly, with only the gentle sloshing of the water and the faint rustling of reeds in the wind mixing with the camels soft soft footsteps

DM: As dawn breaks you see you are in a vast delta, flat and wide, and to the west, you can hear waves and see an indistinct outline of some sort of holdfast

DM: Before you the delta gives way to hard sand and sparse palms, and you see Fort Last

‪Bronan: Looks nice, no sand chickens

DM: Guarding the gated entrance are two burly looking…well…pirates

‪Bronan: Hello, we come from across desert, can we come in? We help flower lady Tyress

DM: The fattest pirate glances over the statue, the bedraggled camel, the tearful Tyress

DM: He shrugs and opens the gate

Constance: Thank you sir! *walks through gate*

DM: Passing the gates, you see a strange little town. A few market stalls, a lot of shipbuilding shops and artisans, a walled marina

DM: And at least a dozen owlbears prowling the streets!

DM: The owlbears have green tunes on their forehead, and appear to be guarding some of the buildings and the central market square

DM: Tyres leads the camel and sled to a small warehouse shed near the marina and opens the gate. The shed is half full of crates of flowers

DM: She gets the sled in, and leads the camel to a stable area where it can drink and calm down

DM: She comes back to speak to you and looks at the statue, and the flowers

DM: Well! I owe you a great debt, it would seem

DM: I am Tyress. Who are you, and how did you come to be in such a fortuitous place? I’m not used to encountering anyone in the desert who isn’t trying to kill or eat me

Constance: (we rolled a 2)

DM: Ha!

DM: (tyress has cropped brown hair, dark skin, and a few facial tattoos)

‪Bronan: Me Bronan, this sir dribbles, Faustus tribe and Constance tribe, we travel and make camp. Then heard scream, so help

Constance: (what was the name of the place we were heading again)

‪Bronan: Constance and Faustus, can we go back soon to camp? Bronan left portable ram and ale there… Ale get lonely without Bronan

DM: (you didn’t have a name, just know it as the wild ports)

DM: (bronan we can say your portable ram is on a sling on your back by the way, it’s not so big!)

Constance: Bronan, we will get you another barrel in which to hold ale, it has come in surprisingly useful.

‪Bronan: (oh ok, cool, at least he can knock politely still:))

‪Bronan: Yes, ale always good idea

Constance: So Tyress. Why does “collecting the moon flowers” bring you out to the desert? What are moon flowers?

DM: She points at the flowers

DM: They grow in the desert

DM: And only bloom at night

Constance: seems a bit dangerous for some flowers?

DM: She shrugs

DM: Every man must eat

DM: And the moon flowers fetch a high price

Constance: fair

‪Bronan: What flowers used for? Make things pretty? Also, sorry about statue man, wish we had helped sooner

DM: She nods. No, you did very well. Now that he is here he should return to us tonight

DM: The flowers are ground into moonspice, which the boats trade up and down the coast

Constance: whats that for?

DM: Flavouring!

‪Bronan: (smells like skooma to me)

DM: (khajit has moon-sugar if you have coin)

Constance: as in flavouring for food

‪Bronan: (Bronan has broad grin on his face) Bronan glad we help, nice to help people, simple, not hurt head by planning but just do

‪Bronan: We get ale and talk? Bronan thirsty and the beers is empty

DM: Tyress goes and brings you pack a small pouch each, perhaps 100 grams? And also she tries to hand you a couple of gold pieces each

DM: Please. Moonspice. It is not much, but if not for you my Tomo would awake surrounded by claws and fear and would surely perish

‪Bronan: Thank you, very kind, Tyress know who in charge around here? Is it giant owlbear?

Constance: yes, you have our thanks

DM: Giant owlbear?

DM: She laughs

DM: Those are Pontifico’s, he is…mayor? Chief? Pontifico is the current boss of Fort Last. Don’t annoy the owlbears!

DM: If you seek ale, head for the Mollusc’s Lament by the wharves

Faustus: I bow to her in thanks.

Constance: shall we head to the Molluscs lament then gentlemen?

‪Bronan: Sound like good plan

DM: So you are heading to the Mollusc’s lament?

DM: As you near the wharves, it’s clear which is the bar. There are many benches outside with a canopy above, and on the dirt street just outside a gigantic mollusc shell sits mounted atop a 20 ft poll

‪Bronan: I get some drinks for us, in coconuts if they have coconut drinks or just ale

DM: They have coconut drinks and rum, no ale, only rum

DM: And rum spiced with moonspice

‪Bronan: Ooh Bronan is going to get moonspice rum if he has enough or put a pinch in his from his bag

DM: Yeah it’s all cheap as chips here, a round of spiced rum for all three of you is a silver piece total

DM: The bartender is a gnome covered in strange scars

DM: The clientele look like pirates, you spot some dragonborn,  weird tall goblins, humans, dwarves, elves, aaracokra, a goliath, a pair of minotaurs

DM: Even though it’s morning it’s very busy

DM: A parrot and a winged snake are flying around each other up about the canopy

‪Bronan: Many tribes here, this popular place, and pet friendly, sir dribbles like it here *nudges Faustus and Constance* look, birdman and more of Faustus people

Faustus: I nod at the dragonborn.

DM: They nod back

DM: (one is green and one is gold)

Faustus: (Thanks)

DM: One of the elf pirates wearing a tricorn hat and a long coat approaches your table

DM: Who’re you folks? I don’t know you folks. I’m Varratim, of Naga’s Heart

Constance: Good morning sir, I am Constance

DM: Sir? Bwahahaha

DM: He pulls up a chair.

DM: Sir. I like that. Sir Varratim! Lord of Cormya!

DM: I say, Waiter, bring me a pickled goose and a carafe of sherry as befits my station! Bwahaha.

DM: This elf has very rotten teeth and a shaved head, and a tattoo of a duck on his neck

DM: You guys looking to join a crew? Or got a job in the offing? Lemme tell you this, Naga’s Heart is the best ship in port, not like those amateurs on the Maelstrom

DM: (he raises his voice for that last sentence, and half the patrons cheer, half boo)

DM: Everyone is pretending to drink but basically they are all listening to this conversation

‪Bronan: Me Bronan, nice to meet you Varratim, we meet girl who said we find help here

Constance: *throw Bronan a look*

‪Bronan: Nice tattoo, why you get it?

DM: Varratim laughs

DM: The tattoo is a reminder

DM: What girl is this, big guy?

DM: What you needing help with? The wild crews aren’t known for our…charity work, of you follow me

‪Bronan: Oh, she had someone that was mean to here, wanted help to get revenge, mean guy probably have lots of shiny things

DM: Revenge and reward? Hahaha! Sounds superb!

DM: Perhaps you should come meet the captain o’ the Naga’s Heart?

DM: The boats just at the end, the big one with the red foresail and the sharkskull figurehead

DM: I’ll go tell the captain!

DM: Varratim leaps up and runs along the pier, and the winged snake flies after him, landing on his hat

Bronan: Good drinks. Friends want to speak to Pontifico chief? Shop?

‪Bronan: (does the spiced rum intoxicate Bronan more than usual?)

Constance: i think we should go speak this captain, we did come here with pirate chat in mind

DM: (it so pretty potent)

DM: (certainly stronger than ale!)

‪Bronan: Bronan like this, Bronan like this a lot

‪Bronan: Ok, before we go, Bronan want to buy bottle of this for road

‪Bronan: It not ale, but fun to drink out of coconut

Constance: (we havent heard from faustus in a while? Is he studious?)

Faustus: (I am! Faustus is quietly surveying the patrons of the pub. I’m game for talking to the captain)

DM: 5 gold for a bottle

DM: The gnome waggles a bottle of it before you enticingly

Constance: i pull faustus aside “i think we should get one for bronan as a gift”

Faustus: Faustus nods in agreement and passes constance 3 gold.

Constance: i give him 5 silver back as change

Constance: lol

Constance: “distract bronan for a moment for me”

Faustus: “Hey bronan, look at that parrot!”

‪Bronan: “ooooh it has monkey on bottle”

‪Bronan: What? Oh parrot, hey parrot, do you talk? What your name?

Constance: i buy a bottle from the bartender and stuff it in my robes

DM: Okay

DM: The parrot squawks at you

‪Bronan: I start mumbling at it jujuwise (speak with animals, takes 10 minutes)

DM: Hahaha

Constance: (you mean lasts 10 minutes no?)

DM: So you guys sit back down and hang out while bronan does his thing?

‪Bronan: It’s a ritual, so ten minute casting

Constance: ah

Constance: yeah sure

Bronan: (I’m assuming that parrots, being all about the showy feathers are super dignified) *in parrot* greetings old boy, terribly sorry about gibbering at you like a human, what shall I call you, oh lustrous one?

DM: Petrov!

Constance: (in my head bronan is running around the pub flapping his arms and sqwaking)

Constance: (squawking)

Constance: (spelling is hard)

‪Bronan: Ah petrov, my dear old bean,  tell me, do you know the man with the flying snake? Is he a good man?

DM: Duck elf? Duck elf mad! Duck elf wrestle walrus in bay! Duck elf fight goliath over tacos! Duck elf set fire to coat to get rid of fleas!

‪Bronan: I see, who feeds you here, whos shoulder do you sit on?

‪Bronan: Is there a message you would like me to pass onto them for you?

DM: The half-orc with the knives

DM: No message, glob speaks parrot, glob treats petrov right, glob takes care of petrov!

‪Bronan: Good to hear it petrov, thanks for your time

‪Bronan: (Bronan turns to his friends) *buuuurrrp* sorry, parrot make me gassy, duck elf crazier than sir dribbles when you mention w-a-l-k-i-e…urh-eee-z?


‪Bronan: (is that constance or sir dribbles?)

DM: (yeah…)

Constance: (i was going for sir dribbles, but constance is probably funnier)

‪Bronan: Oh ok sir dribbles, we go for walk (I fetch him from his pouch and set him on the floor)

‪Bronan: We probably go soon, or we need cloth for mess

Constance: agreed, off we pop

DM: You can easily find the boat with the red foresail and shark jaw figurehead

DM: It’s one of two large pirate boats. The rest look like fishing boats and lobster trawlers

‪Bronan: Bronan have question before we go on boat. How pirate come with us? No river through desert

‪Bronan: Maybe they have answer

Faustus: Perhaps.

‪Bronan: Is there a plank or something to walk onto the ship or is it a yell and they’ll throw a rope kinda deal

DM: There is a gangplank

‪Bronan: I guess we call up the plank “yoohooo elf man, we’re here” and go up?

Constance: sounds good

DM: From up the ramp Varatim appears, his winged serpent circling him

DM: Aha! Folks! Join me join me, me to join. All aboard the naga’s heart for morning rum and consultations

‪Bronan: Bronan like rum

‪Bronan: (Bronan ambles up the ramp)

Constance: I turn to Faustus, “hes going to get us killed one of these days right?”

Constance: before following up the ramp

Faustus: Hmm. *nods*


Come back next Monday for Chapter 28 of The Cursed Tomb!


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The Cursed Tomb: Chapter 26 – Fleeing from the Chickens

So Adam and Ian don’t feel like they play enough D&D. To rectify this, they started playing a text-based adventure with a couple of friends, still using the 5th edition framework. We thought it would be fun to clean up the transcripts of this adventure and start publishing it in weekly chapters here on the site. Let us know what you think, and please share around! If you missed Chapter 1, check it out here!

Disclaimer: This is the transcript of a text-based D&D game played over a period of 6 months. Bad language included. Picture based dice rolls/media omitted. Names changed to preserve anonymity. Goblin based violence frequent. You have been warned. If you missed Chapter 25, find it here!


DM: A cockatrice!

DM: Roll initiative (unless you just want to watch)

‪Bronan: Bronan got a 7, there is some sand in his loincloth

DM: This thing looks like a mix between a bird a lizard and a bat

DM: As you arrive, it pecks past the swordsman and catches his arm, drawing blood. Again the archer screams ‘toril, no!’ And she shoots an arrow

Faustus: Hahaha fuck

Faustus: 3

Faustus: (I’m out for the night unfortunately.)

Constance: (Yeah I’m socialising. Will need to kick this off in the mornin)

DM: (Grand grand)

DM: Well in that case, just as description and for a cliffhanger…

DM: The man toril staggers back, his movements groggy, and the cockatrice warbles horrifically at him and pecks him again

DM: And he turns to stone…

Faustus: (Butts)

Faustus: Faustus draws his sword and shield, and searches his memory for anything he remembers about these creatures that he may have come across on his travels

DM: Nature check

DM: (and as before, we will do initiative based on who describes an action first then sticking to that order)

Faustus: Butts. A 6.

DM: You remember the famous adventuring saying, if you meet a cockatrice never ever ever…Shit. what was the rest of it?

Constance: how far away from this thing are we?

Faustus: Balls.

Bronan: (Bronan is clomping through the sand like a moron) leave little man alone snake chicken! (I’d like to hit it with the beers after the others have finished their turns)

DM: Let’s say you are 30 ft away, up a dune. So running down a dune toward it

DM: So bronan is attacking last with the beers? Constance, faustus, who wants to take a crack at it?

Constance: Constance shouts “BURN IT!!!!” and throws a flask of oil at the beast

DM: Deeeeex attack?

Constance: 20 (not nat)

DM: Your oil flask arcs through the twilight and strikes the cockatrice, splashing its face and head with oil

DM: It screams and runs directly at you

Bronan: (I think our party is rubbing off on you Constance!)

Constance: ah shit


‪Bronan: (you’re a monk, you can knock stuff prone:))

DM: Faustus, you’re up

Faustus: Ok first I’m going to use a bonus action of vow of enmity.

Faustus: Wait. How close is he now?

DM: He is 30 ft away down the dune

DM: His turn us after yours

Faustus: Ah sorry, was because you said he was heading for Constance.

DM: He turned to Constance and started doing a sonic style leg warm up for a dash

Faustus: Yep yep.

Faustus: Ok I move forward 20 ft, cast vow of enmity as a bonus as I need to be 10ft from him. I now have advantage on attack rolls on him for 1 min.

Faustus: And then as my main action, I breathe a 15ft cone of fire directly at him. Make a dex save please!

DM: Woof. 10

Faustus: That is not gonna do it pal.

Faustus: Faustus draws back and spurts a cone of fire straight at the cockatrice, doing the 10 damage (plus anything else for the oil?)

DM: Think it’s just 10

DM: The cockatrice screams in agony as its sparse feathers and leathery wings catch alight

DM: It stumbles, but rights itself and attacks in a hellish fury!

Faustus: Wait isn’t it bronans turn?

‪Bronan: I’m happy to go after

‪Bronan: I rolled a 7 for initiative originally

Constance: *cough cough*

DM: Wellll

DM: Bronan, you swing the beers, but the flames catch the oil and the cockatrice is engulfed in a ball of flames and smoke

DM: It screams horrifically and falls to the sand, burning away, absolutely still

Constance: oh shit

Constance: really!?

Faustus: (Did I miss a bunch of shit? I was switching phones.)

‪Bronan: Sand chicken flash fried

‪Bronan: Now Bronan hungry

Faustus: (The last think I saw was you telling DM about the oil damage, then the next was DM saying Welllll)

Constance: (yeah thats what i saw too)

Constance: (apparently it went down)

Faustus: (Oh never mind then!)

DM: Yeah the flames hitting the oil went from nearly lethal damage to defo lethal damage

DM: Tori! Toril! The woman in robes throws down her vow and runs to her comrade, who appears to be made entirely of stone. His face locked in a grimace of pain and fear

DM: The woman is weeping. And the camel is roaring in confusion. The cockatrice is smouldering

DM: And, perhaps a few hundred feet away, you hear a strange yodelling crowing

Constance: aww crap

DM: And another

DM: And another

Constance: ok can i run up to this guy and do a medicine check to see if i would know if this is something that i can fix with the healing potion i happen to have?

DM: Yuuup

Constance: 22

DM: He is petrified. It’ll take some high level magic to save him

Constance: Balls

Faustus: So not lay on hands? I take it petrified isn’t a disease.

‪Bronan: Trader lady, more snake chicken come, you fix stone man?  We stand and fight or strap statue to camel and go?

DM: You rolled a 22? He should return to norm in 24 hours, probably…

DM: Lay on hands won’t hit it

Constance: shit, lets get him and get the flock out of here

DM: She looks at you through tears, and then glances into the night at the darkness, where the screaming birds can be heard getting closer

DM: Get him on the sled! We must make for Fort Last

DM: She strokes the statues face and then runs to grab the camels reins

DM: Now, whoever you are! We will all be bird food unless we move!

‪Bronan: Ok, Bronan lifts with his legs and hoists the statue onto the sled

Constance: we do that

Faustus: Yup

DM: Hmm, what are your strength scores (not modified)

DM: Combine those and x15

‪Bronan: 16 for Bronan

Faustus: 16

Constance: 8

DM: So 40*15

DM: 600 pounds

Constance: total of 600

DM: Yeaaaah you can’t seem to shift him

DM: His petrification seems to have increased his weight 10 fold

Constance: “HELP US MOVE HIM” i shout to that bird

Constance: woman

DM: Hahaha

DM: Hmmm so let’s say 750lb between you

DM: Nah he is a small lad, you can just shift him onto the sled, which you can no see is full of crates of blue flowers

Constance: what is pulling this sled?

DM: This big camel

Bronan: So we’re fleeing from the chickens

DM: It seems so

DM: Almost like

DM: A skills challenge!

Constance: order?

DM: Same as initiative!

DM: Soooooo go bronan!

‪Bronan: Bronan use his athletic ability to help camel pull load faster

DM: Great

‪Bronan: By pushing sled

‪Bronan: Oh come on…9

‪Bronan: (thats my highest skill! Next time I’m using one without proficiency, always do well at those)

DM: Try as you might, your mighty strength means nought with no firm ground to press against

DM: Constance

Constance: ok. im going to use survival to see if i can spot any natural terrain that would favour speed or stealth for us. Like a particularly flat section of ground to pull the sled along or some gully that would hide us from sight

DM: Superb

Constance: 4

Constance: jesus

DM: You spot some flat land

DM: And yank the reins to steer towards it

DM: Wait! The woman screams, but the camel has already stumbled into it

DM: Shifting loose sand, and now the camels legs are sinking with every step!

Faustus: I use animal handling to coax the camel, calm it down and get it moving again

Faustus: 18

DM: You succeed in passing the flat stretch, but you can hear the cockatrices howl in fury. They’ve reached their kin

DM: Bronan

Bronan: Can I use nature to see if the snake chickens either love or hate ale?

DM: Yes

‪Bronan: Cause I assume my barrel is back at our campsite around the dune from the dead chicken

DM: Ohhh. Yup

‪Bronan: 16-1, 15

‪Bronan: I still have some beer in the beers, but I’ll be very sad if I need to use it to cover our trail

DM: You don’t think chickens like beer

DM: (Convince me of how this information helps you escape, or it’ll count as a failure anyway!)

‪Bronan: I spill the beer remaining in my axe flask on our trail and say ‘they don’t like beer, quick throw your ale behind us’

DM: Okay. Constance

DM: (bronan inspiration for sticking to character rather than usefulness)

Constance: (hahahhaha)

‪Bronan: (Bronan is reeeaaal shit at skill challenges! Deffo thinking of bardbarian multiclassed at some point!)

Constance: ok, id like to use stealth to try to cover our tracks as much as possible, i dont really know how I would do that from the sled, so i will jump off the back and try to get rid of any evidence that we came this way.

DM: Okay roll….

DM: Survival?

Constance: Stealth

Constance: i used survival last time

Constance: acceptable?

DM: Yup

Constance: 18

DM: You spend a minute disturbing some of the tracks and strewing some grass and scrub bushes across the path of the sled

DM: Faustus

Faustus: Athletics to start getting the camel to move faster?

DM: Sure, by helping with the cart

Faustus: Grand. 24.

DM: Helping. It’s too hot to type. Fuck. Fuck.

DM: Okay

DM: Right

DM: It comes down to this

DM: Fail, those cockatrices are going to grab you. Success, and you might just have escaped

DM: Faustus digs deep to wrench the sled front he shifting sands and help the camel move forward, but in the distance you can hear the thunder of talons

DM: Bronan

DM: It’s on you

‪Bronan: (we’re fucked)

Constance: (i have real world dnd in like 15 mins so will be out for the rest of the evening)

‪Bronan: I would like to use animal handling to make the camel run quicker, and I’d like to use my inspiration

Constance: oh shit. pre inspiration inspiration

‪Bronan: That’s a 15 total

DM: Woo!

DM: Bronan mumbles something the rest of you can’t hear to the camel and then it shoots off, a burst of incredible speed, straining at its tethers!

DM: You reach the crest of a huge dune and the camel pulls you down and down and down into a dry riverbed. As you round a corner, the smell of salt and decaying vegetation hits you. Behind you, four cockatrices stand on the crest of the dune and crow at you, scratching at the sand. You have escaped the desert

DM: And reached the salt marshes by the sea!

Faustus: Huzzah!

DM: The woman steers the camel onto a thin raised ridge of dirt, the sled slipping into the water alongside

DM: Fort Last is not far. We can make it by dawn, perhaps

Constance: Madam. Who are you and what were you doing out here in the sands?

DM: I am Tyress. We collect the moon flowers

Constance: And that brings you here why?

DM: But we must not speak on the marshes, lest we wake the wights

DM: Please

Constance: Fair.

DM: With the dawn we will find the safety of Fort Last and we can speak

Bronan: Ok, will talk later, hush hush now

DM: The night passes slowly, with only the gentle sloshing of the water and the faint rustling of reeds in the wind mixing with the camels soft soft footsteps

DM: As dawn breaks you see you are in a vast delta, flat and wide, and to the west, you can hear waves and see an indistinct outline of some sort of holdfast

DM: Before you the delta gives way to hard sand and sparse palms, and you see Fort Last


Come back next Monday for Chapter 27 of The Cursed Tomb!


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Dungeon Master’s Guide

Player’s Handbook

Monster Manual

Volo’s Guide to Monsters

Sword Coast Adventurer’s Guide

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The Cursed Tomb: Chapter 25 – Biglings

So Adam and Ian don’t feel like they play enough D&D. To rectify this, they started playing a text-based adventure with a couple of friends, still using the 5th edition framework. We thought it would be fun to clean up the transcripts of this adventure and start publishing it in weekly chapters here on the site. Let us know what you think, and please share around! If you missed Chapter 1, check it out here!

Disclaimer: This is the transcript of a text-based D&D game played over a period of 6 months. Bad language included. Picture based dice rolls/media omitted. Names changed to preserve anonymity. Goblin based violence frequent. You have been warned. If you missed Chapter 24, find it here!


DM: Your arms and legs and bones and muscles all grow

DM: You are now what, 6ft tall?! And very skinny. And your clothes don’t fit

Constance: Bugger. I didn’t think this through

‪Bronan: It OK, Bronan have spare loincloth

Constance: Um, im not certain that will be sufficient Bronan

DM: Mij digs around and finds you an I’ll fitting apothecary robe

DM: Well. Not a halfling I suppose!

Constance: You have my thanks Mij

DM: (you can no longer do that thing where you move through someone else’s space)

Constance: (Halfling nimbleness, damn)

‪Bronan: Mij, do you know what those flying things were?

DM: No idea

DM: I dreamed of them, they spoke to me

Constance: Spoke to you?

DM: (dreamt?)

‪Bronan: They speak!?!

DM: I couldn’t understand

DM: Whispers

Constance: (Both are correct I believe. Like hung/hanged)

‪Bronan: Hmm, mij, do you have any use for this? (I gesture to the mutated rat tail on my arm) anything you could do with it?

DM: A…a rat tail covered in spines? No my friend. No.

‪Bronan: It starting to smell a bit, you have bin?

DM: Um yes, yes, of course. The furnace is better actually

Faustus: Wait

Faustus: If it was infected by this explosive fluid, do we want to be burning it?

DM: She takes the tail with metal tongs holds it up

DM: Oh!

DM: Very wise.

DM: I will bury it?

Faustus: Assuming it isn’t going to leach into anything else as it decomposes?

‪Bronan: It safe to eat? Bronan eat with onions

DM: I think perhaps not

DM: Hmm. I’ll seal it in a barrel for now and burn it out of the city once the furore has died down?

Constance: Sounds like a plan Mij

Faustus: Agreed

Constance: Everyone looks smaller than I remember.

DM: So, what are you guys up to?

‪Bronan: Bronan want go market, but what do friends think about Scarf-mayor, we get help? Items? Or take him out ourselves?

Constance: I’m not sure what our next move should be, Faustus?

‪Bronan: Bronan think we just give the mayor the beers, maybe speak to guard friends and Melbos elder to make sure others not get in way, if he worth challenge he could get his dogman gem himself?

DM: The options are endless!

‪Bronan: (my vote is for straight up strategic murder, we lure him to a farm house then smash the mayor to ittle bitty pieces)

Constance: i think we need to get some political intrigue on our side

Constance: infiltrate Al-Shash constabulary or some such

Constance: his power lies in the people fear of him, if we can undermine that then he is just a man

Faustus: I’m into that

‪Bronan: Sound like plan, so, we do shopping then head back to al-shash to speak to guard friend?

Constance: there are always the people that the sorceress pointed us to as well

Constance: i forget their name

‪Bronan: The sand pirates?

Constance: thats the one

Bronan: Hmm guard we spoke with seem to not think bad against mayor, maybe we find sand pirate more likely to help? Melbos not seem fan of mayor but not seem enemy either and we not kill birdmen for him

Constance: thats true Bronan. I do worry about how Melbos will take it if he finds out that we haven’t done as we said we would

Constance: it seems that we have enemies everywhere and not many allies

‪Bronan: He might be OK, we did get them to agree not to bother if Melbos not enter their lands, maybe if we get rid of Scarf-mayor then birdmen see Melbos as more of an ally

Constance: perhaps

Faustus: Melbos does however seem to be pro slavery and or child prostitution, neither of which are things that particularly make me want to ally with him.

Bronan: He did? We need smash Melbos

Faustus: (I think so?)

‪Bronan: Sand pirates? We get sand pirates?

Faustus: I agree.

DM: So, heading back to al’shash, then across the red plains to the wild ports?

DM: You wanted to check out the plaza of knives first?

‪Bronan: yup, I want to a)get my small emerald cut and fashioned into earings and b)look to trade the ray of frost necklace for either something for Faustus that is magical, or gold then buy a real nice javelin case and some javelins)

DM: 20gp for the emerald to be shaped and cut. Nice javelin case and 6 javelins for 8 gold. You can straight trade the necklace for a few little magic items of varying potency- a glove that looks like it’s smouldering, a cowboy hat covered in runes, a small wand

‪Bronan: Ok, instead of the javelins I’ll get Faustus the cowboy hat

Faustus: Hahaha

Faustus: Appreciate it.

DM: You can get both

‪Bronan: And can I spend a gp to get some wrapping paper?

DM: Of you sell the emerald which isn’t used for the earings

DM: Yeah that’s less than a copper, basically fine

DM: The stallholder is a very fat women

DM: Tha there be the hat o whispers

DM: (let’s you cast message at will)

Faustus: Dope.

‪Bronan: I have 25gp, so am spending 20 to get one emerald cut and put into tiny earings, and swapping the necklace for the hat, then crudely gift wrapping before meeting my friends later in the day ” Bronan sorry he could not get birthday gift on time last year, hope this make up for it” constance gets the earrings and Faustus the hat

Faustus: That is very kind of you Bronan. And your birthday is coming up soon right?

‪Bronan: Bronan not exactly sure when birthday is, tribe only really start counting summers when child start walking

‪Bronan: But Faustus no need to get gift, gift of your friendship enough for Bronan

‪Bronan: For long time, Bronan was without tribe, after accident, but Bronan happy to have new tribe with Faustus and Constance

Faustus: That is very touching Bronan. I am happy to call you tribesman.

‪Bronan: Thank you Faustus, did you or Constance want to do anything else here or should see start travelling?

Faustus: What sort of shops are here?

Constance: Awww Bronan they’re beautiful!

DM: Shops wise, almost anything you can think of. Trinkets, weapons, adventuring gear. Exotic weapons, magical items, potions, animals, etc. Wands, cloaks, books, maps, food, drink

Constance: id like to see if i can find somewhere I can get some sort of smoke bombs or something. to help me make a quick getaway. and also some sort of lockpicking stuff that i can conceal about my person

DM: Thieves tools, and smoke bombs?

Constance: sure

DM: Smoke bombs are 5gp each. Thieves tools 10gp for a pack of lockpicks

Constance: ok, ill take two smoke bombs and a pack of lockpicks

DM: Cool cool. Anyone else after anything else?

Faustus: I think I’m good for now.

‪Bronan: Sand pirate hideout?

Faustus: Yeah I’m game for that.

‪Bronan: Cool, Bronan ensures he grabs his ale from the inn

‪Bronan: And the rest of his stuff I guess too!

DM: So heading back to al’shash on the six day mail coach, then 3 days to rib gulch?

DM: And from there, well, you have the map, and things start to get a bit wilder

Constance: Plan

DM: If you aren’t planning on stopping in al’shash or along the way I can narrate how all that goes

Faustus: Are we just going to bump into folk we don’t want to see if we go there?

Bronan: It’s probably a risk

‪Bronan: But easier to get out of this city perhaps and we can get off the coach before getting to al-shash

DM: The first five days on the mail coach are notable only for their boredom

DM: Grass

DM: Fields

DM: Sand

DM: As the plains give way to the desert edge, you pass some hamlets you remember as being about half a day north of al’shash and hop off the cart. The wagon driver barely seems to notice, eyes glazed as he chews a yellow leaf

DM: You can easily cut across the hard sand and date farms north of al’shash to head down to rib gulch. After three days on the tamed desert you approach rib gulch. you are rested. It is dawn. You have maps, and water, food, and a plan

DM: What do you do?

‪Bronan: Maybe birdmen territory easier to travel through to get to sandpirate?

DM: Essentially it is birdmen territory, central desert, or south desert

Constance: Also. How much did the mail coach cost us?

DM: Free ride heading out, he is happy for company (since you seem pretty hard, and might discourage bandits)

‪Bronan: (is constance still huge?)

DM: (yuuuuuup)

‪Bronan: (there go the awkward head pats!)

‪Bronan: Where friend want to go? Less worm in birdmen land, but vast desert to explore!

Faustus: I’m easy. Head through desert to see what happens?

Bronan: Sounds good

DM: Great! Any particular marching order or plan as you go? Straight west will take you past the tomb, then about 6 days of desert to the ocean

Faustus: Shall I go at the back?

‪Bronan: Bronan at the front

Constance: That leaves the tallest halfling in the middle

Constance: (I’m nominally naming this race biglings)

Faustus: (I like it)

DM: Alright. Each day I need a survival check, a perception check, and an encounter check

DM: Roll for it!

Faustus: Who doing what?

‪Bronan: Bronan has a feat with his background to get us food and water, so we should be fine with that, I’m happy to do survival

Faustus: I’ll do encounter, my perception isn’t super hot.

‪Bronan: 21, 11, natty 20(23 total), 22 and 10

‪Bronan: For survival

Faustus: 10 for encounter

DM: Seems survival won’t be a problem

DM: Constance, perception

DM: Faustus, day 1 you come across an old campfire with no visible tracks nearby. There is a pebble with a face carved into it in the fire

Faustus: Weird.

‪Bronan: Is it a detailed enough we might recognise It?

Constance: 19, nat 1, 19, 5.

DM: No it isn’t

DM: The first day passes uneventfully

DM: The second day you get lost and can’t find any fresh water or food

DM: Faustus, encounter check?

Faustus: 9

DM: But you find no signs of life save the dull buzz of distant insects

DM: The third day, bronan finds an oasis and Constance finds her bearings

DM: Encounter check?

Faustus: 2

DM: Despite being the only water for miles and miles the oasis is deserted

DM: There is a torn and empty rucksack there, and some scattered forks and spoons, rusted and pitted with age

DM: The fourth day…

Faustus: 6

DM: Constance keeps you bearing dead west, and bronan finds some tubers to boil

DM: Faustus sees a shape across the sun, a shadow

DM: But then it is gone

DM: The desert is seemingly empty…but you know this is not true

DM: Day five. As the sun rises the dunes become indistinguishable. Quickly you are lost, but you have enough food and water to last out

DM: Faustus, you can hear something…is it the wind? (d20)

Faustus: Nat 1

DM: Oh

Faustus: Haha

DM: As you prepare camp in the leeward side of a dune, and incredibly tall dune, you hear screams

DM: Somewhere north, maybe…a quarter mile? Over two dunes.

DM: They continue

‪Bronan: Humanoid screams or animal?

‪Bronan: (Fuck it, Bronan wouldn’t care) we must help them! Bronan runs for the dune

DM: Hahaha

Constance: Constance follows close behind.

Faustus: Yup

DM: Human screams

DM: It’s evening, the sun dipping below the dunes, a cloudless sky burnt red by the sunset. As you sprint up the second dune you hear a voice scream ‘no, no, Toril, no!’ And then you crest the hill

DM: What you see:

DM: A large wooden sled harnessed to what looks like a huge camel

DM: A trader in robes screaming and drawing a bow

DM: A trader in leather armour swinging a gleaming sword at…

DM: A cockatrice!

DM: Roll initiative (unless you just want to watch)


Come back next Monday for Chapter 26 of The Cursed Tomb!


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Dungeon Master’s Guide

Player’s Handbook

Monster Manual

Volo’s Guide to Monsters

Sword Coast Adventurer’s Guide

Starter Set


The Cursed Tomb: Chapter 24 – Everyone Wants Bigger Axe

So Adam and Ian don’t feel like they play enough D&D. To rectify this, they started playing a text-based adventure with a couple of friends, still using the 5th edition framework. We thought it would be fun to clean up the transcripts of this adventure and start publishing it in weekly chapters here on the site. Let us know what you think, and please share around! If you missed Chapter 1, check it out here!

Disclaimer: This is the transcript of a text-based D&D game played over a period of 6 months. Bad language included. Picture based dice rolls/media omitted. Names changed to preserve anonymity. Goblin based violence frequent. You have been warned. If you missed Chapter 23, find it here!


Bronan: I buy four cups of ale from the bar keep, give Faustus and Constance one each, take one and take the other to imohen

Constance: I sit across the table scowling and trying my best to lip read

DM: She hands you a pouch without saying anything, and drinks her ale, and the new ale your brought her

Faustus: You seem troubled.

DM: I had hoped the explosion would be slightly more…discreet. less winged shadows and green flame.

Faustus: We weren’t exactly expecting it to be that big either. Our friend Constance has been deafened by it, we’re not sure how permanently. Speaking of, the winged shadows. What were they?

DM: Hm. Gone now. Deafened? Go see Crit at the temple of many hands, say I sent you, he will fix your ears.

Faustus: Thank you for the advice, we’ll take her there later. Gone now? So it wasn’t an illusion as a result of the explosion? There really were winged creatures out there?

DM: Well. Shades of creatures. The sultan’s guard can handle any who survived the explosion. Don’t worry about it

Constance: WHAT DID SHE SAY?!

‪Bronan: I pat constance on the head in a soothing manner, and in the dirt of the table write “it OK. We fix ears”

Constance: I shoot Bronan a withering look. But it just comes out goofy cause of my swollen face.

DM: Imohen passes you a smaller leather pouch

DM: This was more trouble and more dangerous than I’d anticipated. Take these with my thanks. And I owe you one

‪Bronan: Is temple now or tomorrow? Also *loudly whispers while holding up hand to cover mouth from Faustus and Constance* where best place to go birthday shopping?

DM: Temple of hands is open all day and night. The best place for shopping, for you? Plaza of the knife

Constance: About that favour Imohen, where would be best to talk (well write) in private?

DM: She shrugs, then smacks her tankard down. The surrounding tables all stand, bow to her, and move away until you are safely alone. You had thought they were just regular customers, but maybe not

Constance: (Side note, I wouldn’t count how much is in the bag, but can I tell from the weight and also so I don’t forget to write it down)

DM: You can tell its not coins…

DM: What is it you want to ask me?

Constance: We understand that you belong to one of the houses

DM: (as its clear you are settling down she gestures over a gnome, whispers something to him. And he scurried away)

Constance: But you are not the first of the houses that we have met

Constance: I draw the scorpion symbol that we saw

DM: She swipes away that bit of paper and burns it with a candle

DM: She shows you her wrist, which is blank

Faustus: (Wait so we’ve been paid in something that isn’t coins?)

Constance: I nod

DM: (you’ve been paid 60gold coins, and a small pouch with something in it)

DM: There is a flash and a blue eye appears on her wrist

Constance: (20 each? and we will divvy up later and look at whatever is in this ouch)

Constance: Pouch

Constance: (Why does my phone always autocorrect to ouch)

DM: What business do you have with the house of endless Sun? I’d advise you to avoid them. Slavers and scum

‪Bronan: They friends of Scarf-mayor

DM: She sighs, looks to Constance, remembers constances ears, sighs again, looks at faustus.

DM: Scarf-mayor?

Faustus: The mayor of Al Shash

DM: I see. So Al-Shash has aligned with the endless Sun. I do not like this

DM: What is your issue? You have some war with al-shash? The mayor? the endless sun?

Faustus: We found dead bodies bearing the mark of this endless sun.

Faustus: (Going to let Bronan go on with this. Not sure if we want to tell her everything?)

DM: She spits in her ale. More dead endless Sun the better. She drinks some ale

‪Bronan: Oh imohen, Bronan have tales for you

Faustus: Well as you say, slavers.

‪Bronan: Scarf-mayor send us to find dogmen stone, only dogmen make bad pets, found and killed ragpeople and smart old dogman. Found out mayor wear scarves to do bad things, spoke to Melbos elder who gave us net thrower, we find dead scorpion men with cage, then birdmen, birdman stab Bronan, Bronan net birdmen, then feed them eggs. Birdmen show us melody we must protect from DRM. And tell us of sand pirates, we come here and then friends kill rats, find friend mij, help barrel, Bronan knock down house. Crazy wing things and green flame, constance make Bronan punch, now we want to know more and try to get rid of Scarf-mayor so he doesn’t put tribe at risk of listeria

DM: (inspiration)

‪Bronan: Maybe Imohen help us?

DM: I…

Faustus: Faustus shakes his head

DM: What is dogmen stone? So wait.mayor is working with endless Sun, trying to kill…birdmen? Who are your friends and like singing?

‪Bronan: It all clear, let me find my friend cliff, he bard, good at tales

‪Bronan: Hmm cliff not here, must still be with tribe

Constance: Constance looks around bewildered

Faustus: It appears this mayor goes around his own town shrouded in scarves, and has designs on controlling this whole region. Based on what we know, he is likely working with the endless sun. Before we knew he was the mayor he tasked us with retrieving a gemstone from the temple of ptolnos, but we decided not to give it to him based on him being shady as fuck.

DM: I see. This gem. You have it? Does it seem…valuable?

Faustus: I myself am unclear exactly what Bronan is asking of you…

DM: And to do so he wants to kill your friends the birdmen, so you want to kill him

DM: The gnome returns, with a priest in tow

DM: Imohen gestures at Constance, and the priest approaches

‪Bronan: He bad man, danger not only to his tribe but others too

DM: And casts lesser restoration

DM: Constance can hear!

DM: Gnome and priest are summarily dismissed

Constance: It’s a miracle!

DM: Okay. He is a bad man. You have a precious jewel

Faustus: Huzzah!

DM: So why haven’t you killed him?

Faustus: (Really want to reply “we are only level 2”)

‪Bronan: Not want to offend others and need to get *ahem* something from plaza of..knives?

DM: You want something from the market?

DM: Or you fear he is too powerful for you.

Faustus: Right now? Probably. He commands many guards and we have heard tales of his murderous intent.

DM: Well. I’d say you have three options.Try and kill him sneakily. Obtain allies or power to fight openly.  Become stronger yourselves.


DM: Selling say, a valuable gem, could say, pay for all manner of aid

Constance: (Hey dudes what did this thing do again?)

‪Bronan: (giant tsunami)

Constance: (Oh yeah)

DM: Or you could petition one of the houses (like mine), but to be honest I’m not sure you’d like them. Endless Sun aren’t the worst out there.

DM: You could even try the sultan, but depending on his mood he might just throw you in jail

Constance: And of which house are you?

DM: The Blue Eye

Faustus: And what does your house do, if you rightly spit on slavers?

DM: She smiles at you

DM: We are mercenaries. We kill, we guard, we do whatever is needed. But never slavery, or wanton violence against innocents. Monsters enough to be profited on!

Faustus: Faustus leans back and smiles in agreement.

DM: So yes. If you wish to sell this…dogman stone? I’m someone who could find a buyer. Or if you want to hire some muscle to back you up

DM: Pretty cheap rates

DM: Or the plaza of knives might have some item you feel will help you, or you could go and train your swords edge to the wilderness and try and hone your skills

DM: (oh hey guys, as you sit and relax and think of how far you’ve come…welcome to level 3, next time you rest!)

‪Bronan: (awesome!)

‪Bronan: Dogman stone is maybe not for sale yet, but imohen first on list! Maybe we discuss and come back?

DM: Of course. Head back to your rooms at the sand spire and confer, perhaps visit the plaza of knives. I’ll be here

‪Bronan: Imohen been watching Bronan? Bronan run good no? Elders very strict on running form

DM: Bronan run very fast

DM: You three are..interesting. And I owe you a favour. Go, rest, think, talk. I will be here. And if you see Mij she might give you some perfume with her own thanks!

‪Bronan: Guess we go rest?

DM: You go back to the sand spire, and you sleep, but it is a troubled sleep. All of you are plagued by nightmares of winged shadows swooping over the city. The next morning in the common room, everyone there looks a little tired

DM: (but you’ve levelled up so swings and roundabouts!)

‪Bronan: (awesome, I’m taking the totem path, with bear totem for start)

Constance: (I’ll need to look at the sheet tomorrow cause it’s on my work computer)

Faustus: (I’ve gone with oath of vengeance because it sounds badass)

‪Bronan: (you’re right, it does sound badass!)

‪Bronan: (funnily enough, Bronan can now do a ritual to actually talk to Sir dribbles, however, if he doesn’t live up to Bronans delusion of what the pug knows. It’ll probably destroy him, so probably never going to use it to talk to him)

Constance: (I can now deflect missiles)

Constance: (And knock cunts the fuck out when I flurry of blows them)

‪Bronan: (nice! Cunt punting it is!)

‪Bronan: In the morning Bronan will go downstairs and wait for constance and Faustus to appear, and will be eating breakfast his usual haunted look in his eyes until he sees his friends

Constance: Good morning Bronan. I assume you slept about as poorly as I did

‪Bronan: Oh no constance slept bad? Bronans dreams normally bad, but different last night

‪Bronan: Wings rather than teeth or worms

Constance: Yeah I had the same!

‪Bronan: Here sit down, stew and ale help with the dreams, as does this (I take out sir dribbles and make him do tricks for some food)

DM: Sir Dribbles complies, but looks a bit tired

‪Bronan: (oh God, not the dog too!)

‪Bronan: Hmm sir dribbles seem sleepy, hug time (I embrace the sir dribbles and cradle him like a snotty, snorting furry baby)

Constance: (Dude you should just get a real life dog)

‪Bronan: (funnily enough, I’m not really a dog person, it was supposed to be a bit of an ongoing gag, but I’m coming around to the idea)

‪Bronan: Hmm weird we have same dreams, not good omen

DM: So it’s morning! Ahhh. What’s the plan champs?

Constance: I would like to discuss our friend Imohen.

‪Bronan: Mmm, what was in second pouch?

Constance: Oh yeah I forgot! *pulls out the pouch and tips it on the table*

‪Bronan: Bronan wonder what imohen had planned for barrel, maybe someone pay for her to cause trouble but she not know how much trouble it cause

DM: 3 rough cut emeralds tumble onto the table (worth 20gp each maybe)

Constance: Nice!

Constance: Take one each?

‪Bronan: Sure, constance like emerald?

Constance: Of course! I think gemstones are beautiful!

‪Bronan: Great, Bronan happy!

‪Bronan: Bronan have a couple of errand to run today after we finish breakfast and chat with Faustus, what make constances brain wrinkle about imohen?

Constance: Well. Why would someone from a mercenary want that dog gem?

‪Bronan: Why men always build bigger bows and seige engines? In the game of war, having the biggest axe usually wins, and everyone wants bigger axe

‪Bronan: Maybe she just want great weapon

‪Bronan: Don’t think we should give it to her though, too dangerous

Constance: I agree

‪Bronan: I mean, we should probably go see mij, is there anything else we need to do? Imohen said we would need to pay for her help, sultan sound like he has mind of fire mountain, one day calm, next fire rivers

Faustus: I’d like to go and see if Mij is ok (been in meetings and still at work!). The dreams were troubling, more troubling that we seem to have had the same dreams. Constance, these were the winged shadows we spoke of.

‪Bronan: (dear Lord man, it’s supper time!)

Faustus: (I brought my dinner to work because my life is pain)

‪Bronan: (paint your face with the nearest condiment, grab a fork and pretend to have a nervous breakdown and that you are Faustus the dragonborn, instant time off)

Faustus: (Didn’t work last time. Can’t think insisting I’m a dragonborn will be any more effective than when I told them I was a female barbarian)

‪Bronan: (hahaha)

‪Bronan: (I actually giggled at that)

Constance: Let’s go see Mij then!

DM: To Mij’s Tonics and Tinctures!

DM: Mij is there, but her robes look a bit crumpled and she looks tired

DM: There are no other customers. When she see you she starts wringing her hands

DM: The…fireball. the shapes. Was that you? The barrel? Are you okay?

Bronan: Technically not Bronan, but we mostly ok, tired, bad dreams

Faustus: How are you Mij? You seem shaken, is all well? Other than the strange shapes in the sky.

DM: Nightmares.

DM: But it is done, and I am grateful. Imohen herself sent me a note of apology

DM: But…I don’t think that barrel was only concentrated fire lizard venom. there was something darker in there. Something…other

DM: Still. It is destroyed. What are your plans? Have you seen the wanted posters?

Constance: Wanted posters? *quizzical eyebrow that looks ridiculous with a black eye*

DM: She holds up a piece of paper with a vague drawing of a female halfling on it

DM: Wanted for questioning by the Sultan Guard. 30 gold for information

DM: It looks a lot like contsance pre-haircut

Constance: Lol

Constance: Uh oh

‪Bronan: Hmm lots of gnomes around these days! Maybe Mij have something that help ours look different, not want to lose constance to misunderstanding

Constance: Also, um Mij, you know that’s me right

DM: Yes I know

DM: I have some make up and paints that should be able to…help you

Constance: Nothing more…..semi permanent?

DM: Hmm

DM: I do have a few potions that are more…extreme options

Constance: Such as?

“DM: Philter of ageing? Nectar of growth? Fattener gravy?”

Constance: Nectar of growth sounds interesting

Constance: The way I see it the less halfling-y I look the better

DM: Hmmm. Well. Here you go, I suppose this one is on the house!

DM: She hands you a tall thin vial

Constance: *chug chug chug*

DM: Full of blue bubbling liquid

DM: You down the whole thing?

Constance: Yeah obvs

DM: Okay!

DM: You grow up by…

DM: 3ft!

Constance: Shit. I’m giant.

DM: Your arms and legs and bones and muscles all grow

DM: You are now what, 6ft tall?! And very skinny. And your clothes don’t fit

Constance: Bugger. I didn’t think this through


Come back next Monday for Chapter 25 of The Cursed Tomb!


Fancy supporting the site? You can pick up all of the 5th edition D&D books from Wizards of the Coast using our Amazon links below, and we’ll get a cut with no extra cost to you!

Dungeon Master’s Guide

Player’s Handbook

Monster Manual

Volo’s Guide to Monsters

Sword Coast Adventurer’s Guide

Starter Set