The Great Video Game to Film Transition Curse

Nath ponders why video game to film adaptations are so awful.

As many of you know, most if not all video game to film transitions basically suck. They’re awful and I could’ve used the time I had to do something more meaningful like have a glass of scotch, see how quickly paint dries or catch up on sleep, something a lot more interesting. But it dawned on me, why hasn’t anyone made a good video game film yet?

I understand it is very difficult to condense hours and hours of gameplay and storyline into a 90 minute to 2 hour film, but still at least put some effort into it. I have tried my best to watch some video game films but some are truly awful. If you think there are some that are worth a mention then by all means let me know because I am struggling. Also Final Fantasy: The Spirits Within and Final Fantasy: Advent Children don’t count because they aren’t based on video games. They are in the same universe yes, but they are not based on a game. Here are a few that get a mention of being terrible

Doom

It pains me to this on the list a I’m such a Doom fan boy and that it has Karl Urban (Bones in Star Trek and Judge Dredd in Dredd) and the Rock (the Rock Bottom and the People’s Elbow) in it, but they got the entire plot wrong. Doom is based on monsters escaping from hell and causing havoc, mayhem and carnage. This version of Doom is some sort of werewolf thing where as soon as you get struck by the monster, you turn into it. There is one saving grace which is where you see the film in first person mode, I admit I enjoyed that, but the rest of it is awful.

Doom

 

Tekken

I remember a conversation with Adam when I said I would give this film a go and he said straight up “No, it will be terrible.” And he was wrong, so very very wrong. It is absolutely atrocious. The storyline was completely wrong and the characters were terrible too. the portrayal of Kazuya was awful and Kazuya is a great character. Also the Iron Fist tournament was changed. Why would you do that, that was the basis for Tekken. Idiots.

Tekken

 

Resident Evil

I will probably get some stick for this, but I’m not a huge fan of the Resident Evil movies. They are nothing like the games. Although the plot is solid and it does keep some of the basic gameplay and storyline, I don’t like the twist they have taken. Also the sequels were pretty terrible too and Nemesis was terrible. Nemesis is supposed to cause absolute carnage and he doesn’t. Again, why change that?

RE5

 

Max Payne

To begin with I thought this would be epic, Mark Wahlberg was the best choice as he’s always angry, the storyline was pretty basic but could be easily transitioned. Good action scenes and great cast throughout. So what ruined it? Well they didn’t stick to the storyline and why did they bring the demon stuff into it. Last time I played Max Payne there was nothing to do with demons. Unless I am completely wrong. Can someone inform me otherwise?

MPKS-001

However, could there hope on the horizon? Let’s face it, comic book movies started off quite badly as well. There was Batman and Robin (George Clooney’s nipple suit) there was Superman Returns (Brandon Routh, oh dear) and the Fantastic 4 (need I say more) however we then got Iron Man, The Dark Knight, Avengers and Guardians of the Galaxy. The comic book movies exploded because everyone saw the potential, so is it the same for video game movies? There are a few future releases to keep an eye out for.

Warcraft

A game based on World of Warcraft. Could be a riot, there’s some stars in it already, Dominic Cooper (Howard Stark) is in it, could be a good one but I’m not holding my breath.

Metal Gear Solid

This is a dangerous one because the game has a very intense storyline, albeit a fantastic one. To be honest the 4th one is like a film anyway. Still not a lot of details about this, but apparently Hideo Kojima will be involved which is some good news at least.

Shadow of the Colossus

Now this would be interesting. A truly amazing game being turned into a film. Kevin Misher (The Scorpian King, The Interpreter) is in line to produce and Seth Lochhead (Hanna) will write the script. Again could be amazing or it could terrible, lets hope for the first one.

Assassins Creed

Now then this is where the heat kicks up a notch. Ubisoft have created Ubisoft Motion Pictures and apparently Michael Fassbender will star and co-produce the film. Scott Frank (Minority Report, The Wolverine) is rewriting the script and we are looking at a release December 2016. Ubisoft are literally throwing everything at this so I think we can be pretty excited by it. Probably the only film we can be excited about. Could this be the film that breaks the curse? Only time will tell, but lets hope this will work.

Nath

Kii3: An E3 Round Up

Kii brings us her round up of last week’s E3 expo!

So, the huge event of the summer is here. I am, of course talking about E3 and not the other thing with the kicking. There is an awful lot to cover and people will obviously look into the areas that they care about most; however, I’m going to sum up the conferences and announcements that were my favourites or that I feel need mentioning. Compared to last year the only conference that stayed steady was Ubisoft, everyone else has fluctuated from massive improvement to down right ‘Why did you guys turn up?’

  • Ubisoft:

Ubi have had a very strong conference every year since they picked up Aisha Tyler as a show host. Most of their on stage team don’t read from autocue and appear to be genuinely passionate about what they’re doing.

  • Sony:

Sony… What? The brotherly spats between Sony and Microsoft have always irked me as in my opinion; the joys of your company should speak loud enough without having to shit on your competitors during press conferences in the hopes of gaining more sales. Last year, Sony were not quiet about how little Microsoft talked about games compared to the other entertainment functions of the Xbox One. But this year they have a conference that is almost exactly that, very little time given to games and the game announcements they made were either not Sony exclusives or timed exclusives at best. Disappointing.

  • Microsoft:

Actually talked about games! And quite a variety of them! I was impressed by the range of genres covered in the MS conference instead of just shooty, shooty, halo halo. Also there was Halo. I’m not enthralled by the Super Master Chief Boner Collection but I would rather they do that instead of releasing an anniversary edition of every friggin game before releasing Halo 5. Some of the speakers for games were clearly on their first day out of the office and I really want to find a video of the guy turning WAY before camera cues to some sweet techno.

  • Nintendo:

Mother. Fucking. Zelda. Reddit has already exploded with conspiracy theories. Nintendo really showed up in comparison to last year. I feel like they’ve found their legs as a company now that they’ve realised that the gaming market has changed significantly since they started out. They made a bunch of great game announcements, specifically ones that people really care about and really wanted to see, though there were a couple of announcements that maybe should have been made in the main Nintendo direct instead of in their ‘Tree house’ event afterwards. A new Starfox game being mentioned off-hand took the entire audience by surprise.

  • EA:

EA seemed to forget it was E3? It’s like they flipped the calendar and suddenly went ‘SHIT!’ Barely anything they showed was beyond concept art including an announcement of Bioware’s new IP which seemed to be ‘Hey look, we rendered a tree’. If you’re going to tease, give me a teaser, if you’re going to announce, make a proper announcement. What was delivered instead just felt unprepared.

 

And now, what we really care about: VIDJA GAMES.

 

  • Scalebound:

DMC meets How to Train your Dragon. Sassy Punk kid with Dragon BFF fighting giant monsters. Oh, he can also ‘Flame on’ with matching dragon scale armour at will. It looks pretty, looks fun, seems to have a good sense of humour and also hints at multiple dragon classes and Co-Op/Multiplayer. My friend Timber literally threw his wallet at my TV.

  • Assassins Creed Unity:

It’s in France, looks fluid and you can have some good times with your chums in four-player co-op. The new Assassin sounds pretty good though the controversy of how much work it would have been to render some playable ‘Wimens’ I think they’re called, is tainting it a bit for me. Personally, it’s the first time I’ve cared for AC since Ezio’s introduction game but Ubi, don’t tell me that you can’t even be bothered to reuse your female multiplayer model to make one of the four assassins a Lady-face. Though they would probably give her Assassin garb a Boob Window.

  • Shape up:

Fitness disguised as a game is the right amount of psychological manipulation and competitiveness to trick me into doing cardio. It looks hilarious with things such as graphics of heavier and heavier items being put onto your back during a push-up challenge and a DDR cardio work out.

  • Sunset overdrive:

The humour of Saints Row, numerous ways of killing people of dead rising and the fluidity of movement of a Tony Hawk with some kick ass tunes. I was flagging on Sunset Overdrive due to it not being released after being announced at 2013 E3, however, the development team arrived in costume on a giant bus with a zombie/mutant on the fender. Yes. It’s bright, colourful and has comic book-esque POW, OUCH and BOOM graphics. Yes. Yes. Yes.

  • Amiibos:

Nintendo are very good at manipulating our addictive personalities hence why Pokemon has been going for so many years. Nintendo’s new idea is Amiibo, which are small models (similar to Skylanders) that you can add into various Nintendo games. Your little Amiibo is an A.I that you train yourself and thus even if you and your friend have the same one, they will fight completely differently. Oh yeah, you can make them fight each other and your friends. You can also fight them yourself by popping them into Super Smash Bros which is meant to provide a harder challenge than the Wii-U A.I. Essentially, you have your own friggin pokemon. A POKEMON THAT CAN LOOK LIKE LINK. I’M CALLING MINE WIGGLES.

Kii