Total Reroll Equinox: Episode 49 – Wish

Welcome to Total Reroll Equinox, our actual play Dungeons and Dragons podcast! We’re in a world created by our DM Ian, with new characters (but returning players from our previous game!), so join us in the world of Saugin as we explore (or try to explore) the land of TarTiir!

We are in the plane of infinite ooze, trying to find the Lich Al’Kazam’s phylactery before sealing the rift to this dimension. There are a lot of goblins and gargoyles, and our friend Gloop just died!

Download this episode (right click and save)

You can find a little bit of background on the world of Saugin and TarTiir here!

Our intro and outro music is ‘Welcome to TarTiir’ by Ed Curry. Featured image by Kekai Kotaki.

Enjoy!

Fancy supporting the site? You can pick up all of the 5th edition D&D books from Wizards of the Coast using our Amazon links below, and we’ll get a cut with no extra cost to you!

Dungeon Master’s Guide

Player’s Handbook

Monster Manual

Volo’s Guide to Monsters

Sword Coast Adventurer’s Guide

Starter Set

The Cursed Tomb: Chapter 27 – The Mollusc’s Lament

So Adam and Ian don’t feel like they play enough D&D. To rectify this, they started playing a text-based adventure with a couple of friends, still using the 5th edition framework. We thought it would be fun to clean up the transcripts of this adventure and start publishing it in weekly chapters here on the site. Let us know what you think, and please share around! If you missed Chapter 1, check it out here!

Disclaimer: This is the transcript of a text-based D&D game played over a period of 6 months. Bad language included. Picture based dice rolls/media omitted. Names changed to preserve anonymity. Goblin based violence frequent. You have been warned. If you missed Chapter 26, find it here!

 

DM: The night passes slowly, with only the gentle sloshing of the water and the faint rustling of reeds in the wind mixing with the camels soft soft footsteps

DM: As dawn breaks you see you are in a vast delta, flat and wide, and to the west, you can hear waves and see an indistinct outline of some sort of holdfast

DM: Before you the delta gives way to hard sand and sparse palms, and you see Fort Last

‪Bronan: Looks nice, no sand chickens

DM: Guarding the gated entrance are two burly looking…well…pirates

‪Bronan: Hello, we come from across desert, can we come in? We help flower lady Tyress

DM: The fattest pirate glances over the statue, the bedraggled camel, the tearful Tyress

DM: He shrugs and opens the gate

Constance: Thank you sir! *walks through gate*

DM: Passing the gates, you see a strange little town. A few market stalls, a lot of shipbuilding shops and artisans, a walled marina

DM: And at least a dozen owlbears prowling the streets!

DM: The owlbears have green tunes on their forehead, and appear to be guarding some of the buildings and the central market square

DM: Tyres leads the camel and sled to a small warehouse shed near the marina and opens the gate. The shed is half full of crates of flowers

DM: She gets the sled in, and leads the camel to a stable area where it can drink and calm down

DM: She comes back to speak to you and looks at the statue, and the flowers

DM: Well! I owe you a great debt, it would seem

DM: I am Tyress. Who are you, and how did you come to be in such a fortuitous place? I’m not used to encountering anyone in the desert who isn’t trying to kill or eat me

Constance: (we rolled a 2)

DM: Ha!

DM: (tyress has cropped brown hair, dark skin, and a few facial tattoos)

‪Bronan: Me Bronan, this sir dribbles, Faustus tribe and Constance tribe, we travel and make camp. Then heard scream, so help

Constance: (what was the name of the place we were heading again)

‪Bronan: Constance and Faustus, can we go back soon to camp? Bronan left portable ram and ale there… Ale get lonely without Bronan

DM: (you didn’t have a name, just know it as the wild ports)

DM: (bronan we can say your portable ram is on a sling on your back by the way, it’s not so big!)

Constance: Bronan, we will get you another barrel in which to hold ale, it has come in surprisingly useful.

‪Bronan: (oh ok, cool, at least he can knock politely still:))

‪Bronan: Yes, ale always good idea

Constance: So Tyress. Why does “collecting the moon flowers” bring you out to the desert? What are moon flowers?

DM: She points at the flowers

DM: They grow in the desert

DM: And only bloom at night

Constance: seems a bit dangerous for some flowers?

DM: She shrugs

DM: Every man must eat

DM: And the moon flowers fetch a high price

Constance: fair

‪Bronan: What flowers used for? Make things pretty? Also, sorry about statue man, wish we had helped sooner

DM: She nods. No, you did very well. Now that he is here he should return to us tonight

DM: The flowers are ground into moonspice, which the boats trade up and down the coast

Constance: whats that for?

DM: Flavouring!

‪Bronan: (smells like skooma to me)

DM: (khajit has moon-sugar if you have coin)

Constance: as in flavouring for food

‪Bronan: (Bronan has broad grin on his face) Bronan glad we help, nice to help people, simple, not hurt head by planning but just do

‪Bronan: We get ale and talk? Bronan thirsty and the beers is empty

DM: Tyress goes and brings you pack a small pouch each, perhaps 100 grams? And also she tries to hand you a couple of gold pieces each

DM: Please. Moonspice. It is not much, but if not for you my Tomo would awake surrounded by claws and fear and would surely perish

‪Bronan: Thank you, very kind, Tyress know who in charge around here? Is it giant owlbear?

Constance: yes, you have our thanks

DM: Giant owlbear?

DM: She laughs

DM: Those are Pontifico’s, he is…mayor? Chief? Pontifico is the current boss of Fort Last. Don’t annoy the owlbears!

DM: If you seek ale, head for the Mollusc’s Lament by the wharves

Faustus: I bow to her in thanks.

Constance: shall we head to the Molluscs lament then gentlemen?

‪Bronan: Sound like good plan

DM: So you are heading to the Mollusc’s lament?

DM: As you near the wharves, it’s clear which is the bar. There are many benches outside with a canopy above, and on the dirt street just outside a gigantic mollusc shell sits mounted atop a 20 ft poll

‪Bronan: I get some drinks for us, in coconuts if they have coconut drinks or just ale

DM: They have coconut drinks and rum, no ale, only rum

DM: And rum spiced with moonspice

‪Bronan: Ooh Bronan is going to get moonspice rum if he has enough or put a pinch in his from his bag

DM: Yeah it’s all cheap as chips here, a round of spiced rum for all three of you is a silver piece total

DM: The bartender is a gnome covered in strange scars

DM: The clientele look like pirates, you spot some dragonborn,  weird tall goblins, humans, dwarves, elves, aaracokra, a goliath, a pair of minotaurs

DM: Even though it’s morning it’s very busy

DM: A parrot and a winged snake are flying around each other up about the canopy

‪Bronan: Many tribes here, this popular place, and pet friendly, sir dribbles like it here *nudges Faustus and Constance* look, birdman and more of Faustus people

Faustus: I nod at the dragonborn.

DM: They nod back

DM: (one is green and one is gold)

Faustus: (Thanks)

DM: One of the elf pirates wearing a tricorn hat and a long coat approaches your table

DM: Who’re you folks? I don’t know you folks. I’m Varratim, of Naga’s Heart

Constance: Good morning sir, I am Constance

DM: Sir? Bwahahaha

DM: He pulls up a chair.

DM: Sir. I like that. Sir Varratim! Lord of Cormya!

DM: I say, Waiter, bring me a pickled goose and a carafe of sherry as befits my station! Bwahaha.

DM: This elf has very rotten teeth and a shaved head, and a tattoo of a duck on his neck

DM: You guys looking to join a crew? Or got a job in the offing? Lemme tell you this, Naga’s Heart is the best ship in port, not like those amateurs on the Maelstrom

DM: (he raises his voice for that last sentence, and half the patrons cheer, half boo)

DM: Everyone is pretending to drink but basically they are all listening to this conversation

‪Bronan: Me Bronan, nice to meet you Varratim, we meet girl who said we find help here

Constance: *throw Bronan a look*

‪Bronan: Nice tattoo, why you get it?

DM: Varratim laughs

DM: The tattoo is a reminder

DM: What girl is this, big guy?

DM: What you needing help with? The wild crews aren’t known for our…charity work, of you follow me

‪Bronan: Oh, she had someone that was mean to here, wanted help to get revenge, mean guy probably have lots of shiny things

DM: Revenge and reward? Hahaha! Sounds superb!

DM: Perhaps you should come meet the captain o’ the Naga’s Heart?

DM: The boats just at the end, the big one with the red foresail and the sharkskull figurehead

DM: I’ll go tell the captain!

DM: Varratim leaps up and runs along the pier, and the winged snake flies after him, landing on his hat

Bronan: Good drinks. Friends want to speak to Pontifico chief? Shop?

‪Bronan: (does the spiced rum intoxicate Bronan more than usual?)

Constance: i think we should go speak this captain, we did come here with pirate chat in mind

DM: (it so pretty potent)

DM: (certainly stronger than ale!)

‪Bronan: Bronan like this, Bronan like this a lot

‪Bronan: Ok, before we go, Bronan want to buy bottle of this for road

‪Bronan: It not ale, but fun to drink out of coconut

Constance: (we havent heard from faustus in a while? Is he studious?)

Faustus: (I am! Faustus is quietly surveying the patrons of the pub. I’m game for talking to the captain)

DM: 5 gold for a bottle

DM: The gnome waggles a bottle of it before you enticingly

Constance: i pull faustus aside “i think we should get one for bronan as a gift”

Faustus: Faustus nods in agreement and passes constance 3 gold.

Constance: i give him 5 silver back as change

Constance: lol

Constance: “distract bronan for a moment for me”

Faustus: “Hey bronan, look at that parrot!”

‪Bronan: “ooooh it has monkey on bottle”

‪Bronan: What? Oh parrot, hey parrot, do you talk? What your name?

Constance: i buy a bottle from the bartender and stuff it in my robes

DM: Okay

DM: The parrot squawks at you

‪Bronan: I start mumbling at it jujuwise (speak with animals, takes 10 minutes)

DM: Hahaha

Constance: (you mean lasts 10 minutes no?)

DM: So you guys sit back down and hang out while bronan does his thing?

‪Bronan: It’s a ritual, so ten minute casting

Constance: ah

Constance: yeah sure

Bronan: (I’m assuming that parrots, being all about the showy feathers are super dignified) *in parrot* greetings old boy, terribly sorry about gibbering at you like a human, what shall I call you, oh lustrous one?

DM: Petrov!

Constance: (in my head bronan is running around the pub flapping his arms and sqwaking)

Constance: (squawking)

Constance: (spelling is hard)

‪Bronan: Ah petrov, my dear old bean,  tell me, do you know the man with the flying snake? Is he a good man?

DM: Duck elf? Duck elf mad! Duck elf wrestle walrus in bay! Duck elf fight goliath over tacos! Duck elf set fire to coat to get rid of fleas!

‪Bronan: I see, who feeds you here, whos shoulder do you sit on?

‪Bronan: Is there a message you would like me to pass onto them for you?

DM: The half-orc with the knives

DM: No message, glob speaks parrot, glob treats petrov right, glob takes care of petrov!

‪Bronan: Good to hear it petrov, thanks for your time

‪Bronan: (Bronan turns to his friends) *buuuurrrp* sorry, parrot make me gassy, duck elf crazier than sir dribbles when you mention w-a-l-k-i-e…urh-eee-z?

Constance: *BARK BARK BARK BARK BARK*

‪Bronan: (is that constance or sir dribbles?)

DM: (yeah…)

Constance: (i was going for sir dribbles, but constance is probably funnier)

‪Bronan: Oh ok sir dribbles, we go for walk (I fetch him from his pouch and set him on the floor)

‪Bronan: We probably go soon, or we need cloth for mess

Constance: agreed, off we pop

DM: You can easily find the boat with the red foresail and shark jaw figurehead

DM: It’s one of two large pirate boats. The rest look like fishing boats and lobster trawlers

‪Bronan: Bronan have question before we go on boat. How pirate come with us? No river through desert

‪Bronan: Maybe they have answer

Faustus: Perhaps.

‪Bronan: Is there a plank or something to walk onto the ship or is it a yell and they’ll throw a rope kinda deal

DM: There is a gangplank

‪Bronan: I guess we call up the plank “yoohooo elf man, we’re here” and go up?

Constance: sounds good

DM: From up the ramp Varatim appears, his winged serpent circling him

DM: Aha! Folks! Join me join me, me to join. All aboard the naga’s heart for morning rum and consultations

‪Bronan: Bronan like rum

‪Bronan: (Bronan ambles up the ramp)

Constance: I turn to Faustus, “hes going to get us killed one of these days right?”

Constance: before following up the ramp

Faustus: Hmm. *nods*

 

Come back next Monday for Chapter 28 of The Cursed Tomb!

 

Fancy supporting the site? You can pick up all of the 5th edition D&D books from Wizards of the Coast using our Amazon links below, and we’ll get a cut with no extra cost to you!

Dungeon Master’s Guide

Player’s Handbook

Monster Manual

Volo’s Guide to Monsters

Sword Coast Adventurer’s Guide

Starter Set

 

Total Reroll Equinox: Episode 48 – The Plane of Infinite Ooze

Welcome to Total Reroll Equinox, our actual play Dungeons and Dragons podcast! We’re in a world created by our DM Ian, with new characters (but returning players from our previous game!), so join us in the world of Saugin as we explore (or try to explore) the land of TarTiir!

We have approached the rift in reality where the lich Al’kazam brought through the world destroying slime monster. Inside we hope to find the lich’s phylactery to get rid of him for good, before we seal up the rift permanently.

Download this episode (right click and save)

You can find a little bit of background on the world of Saugin and TarTiir here!

Our intro and outro music is ‘Welcome to TarTiir’ by Ed Curry. Featured image by Kekai Kotaki.

Enjoy!

Fancy supporting the site? You can pick up all of the 5th edition D&D books from Wizards of the Coast using our Amazon links below, and we’ll get a cut with no extra cost to you!

Dungeon Master’s Guide

Player’s Handbook

Monster Manual

Volo’s Guide to Monsters

Sword Coast Adventurer’s Guide

Starter Set

The Cursed Tomb: Chapter 26 – Fleeing from the Chickens

So Adam and Ian don’t feel like they play enough D&D. To rectify this, they started playing a text-based adventure with a couple of friends, still using the 5th edition framework. We thought it would be fun to clean up the transcripts of this adventure and start publishing it in weekly chapters here on the site. Let us know what you think, and please share around! If you missed Chapter 1, check it out here!

Disclaimer: This is the transcript of a text-based D&D game played over a period of 6 months. Bad language included. Picture based dice rolls/media omitted. Names changed to preserve anonymity. Goblin based violence frequent. You have been warned. If you missed Chapter 25, find it here!

 

DM: A cockatrice!

DM: Roll initiative (unless you just want to watch)

‪Bronan: Bronan got a 7, there is some sand in his loincloth

DM: This thing looks like a mix between a bird a lizard and a bat

DM: As you arrive, it pecks past the swordsman and catches his arm, drawing blood. Again the archer screams ‘toril, no!’ And she shoots an arrow

Faustus: Hahaha fuck

Faustus: 3

Faustus: (I’m out for the night unfortunately.)

Constance: (Yeah I’m socialising. Will need to kick this off in the mornin)

DM: (Grand grand)

DM: Well in that case, just as description and for a cliffhanger…

DM: The man toril staggers back, his movements groggy, and the cockatrice warbles horrifically at him and pecks him again

DM: And he turns to stone…

Faustus: (Butts)

Faustus: Faustus draws his sword and shield, and searches his memory for anything he remembers about these creatures that he may have come across on his travels

DM: Nature check

DM: (and as before, we will do initiative based on who describes an action first then sticking to that order)

Faustus: Butts. A 6.

DM: You remember the famous adventuring saying, if you meet a cockatrice never ever ever…Shit. what was the rest of it?

Constance: how far away from this thing are we?

Faustus: Balls.

Bronan: (Bronan is clomping through the sand like a moron) leave little man alone snake chicken! (I’d like to hit it with the beers after the others have finished their turns)

DM: Let’s say you are 30 ft away, up a dune. So running down a dune toward it

DM: So bronan is attacking last with the beers? Constance, faustus, who wants to take a crack at it?

Constance: Constance shouts “BURN IT!!!!” and throws a flask of oil at the beast

DM: Deeeeex attack?

Constance: 20 (not nat)

DM: Your oil flask arcs through the twilight and strikes the cockatrice, splashing its face and head with oil

DM: It screams and runs directly at you

Bronan: (I think our party is rubbing off on you Constance!)

Constance: ah shit

Constance: (GODDAMN RIGHT IT IS. I NEED TO LEARN THE GREASE SPELL)

‪Bronan: (you’re a monk, you can knock stuff prone:))

DM: Faustus, you’re up

Faustus: Ok first I’m going to use a bonus action of vow of enmity.

Faustus: Wait. How close is he now?

DM: He is 30 ft away down the dune

DM: His turn us after yours

Faustus: Ah sorry, was because you said he was heading for Constance.

DM: He turned to Constance and started doing a sonic style leg warm up for a dash

Faustus: Yep yep.

Faustus: Ok I move forward 20 ft, cast vow of enmity as a bonus as I need to be 10ft from him. I now have advantage on attack rolls on him for 1 min.

Faustus: And then as my main action, I breathe a 15ft cone of fire directly at him. Make a dex save please!

DM: Woof. 10

Faustus: That is not gonna do it pal.

Faustus: Faustus draws back and spurts a cone of fire straight at the cockatrice, doing the 10 damage (plus anything else for the oil?)

DM: Think it’s just 10

DM: The cockatrice screams in agony as its sparse feathers and leathery wings catch alight

DM: It stumbles, but rights itself and attacks in a hellish fury!

Faustus: Wait isn’t it bronans turn?

‪Bronan: I’m happy to go after

‪Bronan: I rolled a 7 for initiative originally

Constance: *cough cough*

DM: Wellll

DM: Bronan, you swing the beers, but the flames catch the oil and the cockatrice is engulfed in a ball of flames and smoke

DM: It screams horrifically and falls to the sand, burning away, absolutely still

Constance: oh shit

Constance: really!?

Faustus: (Did I miss a bunch of shit? I was switching phones.)

‪Bronan: Sand chicken flash fried

‪Bronan: Now Bronan hungry

Faustus: (The last think I saw was you telling DM about the oil damage, then the next was DM saying Welllll)

Constance: (yeah thats what i saw too)

Constance: (apparently it went down)

Faustus: (Oh never mind then!)

DM: Yeah the flames hitting the oil went from nearly lethal damage to defo lethal damage

DM: Tori! Toril! The woman in robes throws down her vow and runs to her comrade, who appears to be made entirely of stone. His face locked in a grimace of pain and fear

DM: The woman is weeping. And the camel is roaring in confusion. The cockatrice is smouldering

DM: And, perhaps a few hundred feet away, you hear a strange yodelling crowing

Constance: aww crap

DM: And another

DM: And another

Constance: ok can i run up to this guy and do a medicine check to see if i would know if this is something that i can fix with the healing potion i happen to have?

DM: Yuuup

Constance: 22

DM: He is petrified. It’ll take some high level magic to save him

Constance: Balls

Faustus: So not lay on hands? I take it petrified isn’t a disease.

‪Bronan: Trader lady, more snake chicken come, you fix stone man?  We stand and fight or strap statue to camel and go?

DM: You rolled a 22? He should return to norm in 24 hours, probably…

DM: Lay on hands won’t hit it

Constance: shit, lets get him and get the flock out of here

DM: She looks at you through tears, and then glances into the night at the darkness, where the screaming birds can be heard getting closer

DM: Get him on the sled! We must make for Fort Last

DM: She strokes the statues face and then runs to grab the camels reins

DM: Now, whoever you are! We will all be bird food unless we move!

‪Bronan: Ok, Bronan lifts with his legs and hoists the statue onto the sled

Constance: we do that

Faustus: Yup

DM: Hmm, what are your strength scores (not modified)

DM: Combine those and x15

‪Bronan: 16 for Bronan

Faustus: 16

Constance: 8

DM: So 40*15

DM: 600 pounds

Constance: total of 600

DM: Yeaaaah you can’t seem to shift him

DM: His petrification seems to have increased his weight 10 fold

Constance: “HELP US MOVE HIM” i shout to that bird

Constance: woman

DM: Hahaha

DM: Hmmm so let’s say 750lb between you

DM: Nah he is a small lad, you can just shift him onto the sled, which you can no see is full of crates of blue flowers

Constance: what is pulling this sled?

DM: This big camel

Bronan: So we’re fleeing from the chickens

DM: It seems so

DM: Almost like

DM: A skills challenge!

Constance: order?

DM: Same as initiative!

DM: Soooooo go bronan!

‪Bronan: Bronan use his athletic ability to help camel pull load faster

DM: Great

‪Bronan: By pushing sled

‪Bronan: Oh come on…9

‪Bronan: (thats my highest skill! Next time I’m using one without proficiency, always do well at those)

DM: Try as you might, your mighty strength means nought with no firm ground to press against

DM: Constance

Constance: ok. im going to use survival to see if i can spot any natural terrain that would favour speed or stealth for us. Like a particularly flat section of ground to pull the sled along or some gully that would hide us from sight

DM: Superb

Constance: 4

Constance: jesus

DM: You spot some flat land

DM: And yank the reins to steer towards it

DM: Wait! The woman screams, but the camel has already stumbled into it

DM: Shifting loose sand, and now the camels legs are sinking with every step!

Faustus: I use animal handling to coax the camel, calm it down and get it moving again

Faustus: 18

DM: You succeed in passing the flat stretch, but you can hear the cockatrices howl in fury. They’ve reached their kin

DM: Bronan

Bronan: Can I use nature to see if the snake chickens either love or hate ale?

DM: Yes

‪Bronan: Cause I assume my barrel is back at our campsite around the dune from the dead chicken

DM: Ohhh. Yup

‪Bronan: 16-1, 15

‪Bronan: I still have some beer in the beers, but I’ll be very sad if I need to use it to cover our trail

DM: You don’t think chickens like beer

DM: (Convince me of how this information helps you escape, or it’ll count as a failure anyway!)

‪Bronan: I spill the beer remaining in my axe flask on our trail and say ‘they don’t like beer, quick throw your ale behind us’

DM: Okay. Constance

DM: (bronan inspiration for sticking to character rather than usefulness)

Constance: (hahahhaha)

‪Bronan: (Bronan is reeeaaal shit at skill challenges! Deffo thinking of bardbarian multiclassed at some point!)

Constance: ok, id like to use stealth to try to cover our tracks as much as possible, i dont really know how I would do that from the sled, so i will jump off the back and try to get rid of any evidence that we came this way.

DM: Okay roll….

DM: Survival?

Constance: Stealth

Constance: i used survival last time

Constance: acceptable?

DM: Yup

Constance: 18

DM: You spend a minute disturbing some of the tracks and strewing some grass and scrub bushes across the path of the sled

DM: Faustus

Faustus: Athletics to start getting the camel to move faster?

DM: Sure, by helping with the cart

Faustus: Grand. 24.

DM: Helping. It’s too hot to type. Fuck. Fuck.

DM: Okay

DM: Right

DM: It comes down to this

DM: Fail, those cockatrices are going to grab you. Success, and you might just have escaped

DM: Faustus digs deep to wrench the sled front he shifting sands and help the camel move forward, but in the distance you can hear the thunder of talons

DM: Bronan

DM: It’s on you

‪Bronan: (we’re fucked)

Constance: (i have real world dnd in like 15 mins so will be out for the rest of the evening)

‪Bronan: I would like to use animal handling to make the camel run quicker, and I’d like to use my inspiration

Constance: oh shit. pre inspiration inspiration

‪Bronan: That’s a 15 total

DM: Woo!

DM: Bronan mumbles something the rest of you can’t hear to the camel and then it shoots off, a burst of incredible speed, straining at its tethers!

DM: You reach the crest of a huge dune and the camel pulls you down and down and down into a dry riverbed. As you round a corner, the smell of salt and decaying vegetation hits you. Behind you, four cockatrices stand on the crest of the dune and crow at you, scratching at the sand. You have escaped the desert

DM: And reached the salt marshes by the sea!

Faustus: Huzzah!

DM: The woman steers the camel onto a thin raised ridge of dirt, the sled slipping into the water alongside

DM: Fort Last is not far. We can make it by dawn, perhaps

Constance: Madam. Who are you and what were you doing out here in the sands?

DM: I am Tyress. We collect the moon flowers

Constance: And that brings you here why?

DM: But we must not speak on the marshes, lest we wake the wights

DM: Please

Constance: Fair.

DM: With the dawn we will find the safety of Fort Last and we can speak

Bronan: Ok, will talk later, hush hush now

DM: The night passes slowly, with only the gentle sloshing of the water and the faint rustling of reeds in the wind mixing with the camels soft soft footsteps

DM: As dawn breaks you see you are in a vast delta, flat and wide, and to the west, you can hear waves and see an indistinct outline of some sort of holdfast

DM: Before you the delta gives way to hard sand and sparse palms, and you see Fort Last

 

Come back next Monday for Chapter 27 of The Cursed Tomb!

 

Fancy supporting the site? You can pick up all of the 5th edition D&D books from Wizards of the Coast using our Amazon links below, and we’ll get a cut with no extra cost to you!

Dungeon Master’s Guide

Player’s Handbook

Monster Manual

Volo’s Guide to Monsters

Sword Coast Adventurer’s Guide

Starter Set

 

Total Reroll Equinox: Episode 47 – The Rift

Welcome to Total Reroll Equinox, our new actual play Dungeons and Dragons podcast! We’re starting in a brand new world created by our DM Ian, with new characters (but returning players from our previous game!), so join us in the world of Saugin as we explore (or try to explore) the land of TarTiir!

Last time temporarily defeated a lich, saved Jyoti from the brink of death, and now they need to decide which crisis they need to deal with first. No pressure!

Download this episode (right click and save)

You can find a little bit of background on the world of Saugin and TarTiir here!

We are in the town of Finale. It is a lot more on fire than it is in this picture.

Our intro and outro music is ‘Welcome to TarTiir’ by Ed Curry. Featured image by Kekai Kotaki.

Enjoy!

Fancy supporting the site? You can pick up all of the 5th edition D&D books from Wizards of the Coast using our Amazon links below, and we’ll get a cut with no extra cost to you!

Dungeon Master’s Guide

Player’s Handbook

Monster Manual

Volo’s Guide to Monsters

Sword Coast Adventurer’s Guide

Starter Set

The Cursed Tomb: Chapter 25 – Biglings

So Adam and Ian don’t feel like they play enough D&D. To rectify this, they started playing a text-based adventure with a couple of friends, still using the 5th edition framework. We thought it would be fun to clean up the transcripts of this adventure and start publishing it in weekly chapters here on the site. Let us know what you think, and please share around! If you missed Chapter 1, check it out here!

Disclaimer: This is the transcript of a text-based D&D game played over a period of 6 months. Bad language included. Picture based dice rolls/media omitted. Names changed to preserve anonymity. Goblin based violence frequent. You have been warned. If you missed Chapter 24, find it here!

 

DM: Your arms and legs and bones and muscles all grow

DM: You are now what, 6ft tall?! And very skinny. And your clothes don’t fit

Constance: Bugger. I didn’t think this through

‪Bronan: It OK, Bronan have spare loincloth

Constance: Um, im not certain that will be sufficient Bronan

DM: Mij digs around and finds you an I’ll fitting apothecary robe

DM: Well. Not a halfling I suppose!

Constance: You have my thanks Mij

DM: (you can no longer do that thing where you move through someone else’s space)

Constance: (Halfling nimbleness, damn)

‪Bronan: Mij, do you know what those flying things were?

DM: No idea

DM: I dreamed of them, they spoke to me

Constance: Spoke to you?

DM: (dreamt?)

‪Bronan: They speak!?!

DM: I couldn’t understand

DM: Whispers

Constance: (Both are correct I believe. Like hung/hanged)

‪Bronan: Hmm, mij, do you have any use for this? (I gesture to the mutated rat tail on my arm) anything you could do with it?

DM: A…a rat tail covered in spines? No my friend. No.

‪Bronan: It starting to smell a bit, you have bin?

DM: Um yes, yes, of course. The furnace is better actually

Faustus: Wait

Faustus: If it was infected by this explosive fluid, do we want to be burning it?

DM: She takes the tail with metal tongs holds it up

DM: Oh!

DM: Very wise.

DM: I will bury it?

Faustus: Assuming it isn’t going to leach into anything else as it decomposes?

‪Bronan: It safe to eat? Bronan eat with onions

DM: I think perhaps not

DM: Hmm. I’ll seal it in a barrel for now and burn it out of the city once the furore has died down?

Constance: Sounds like a plan Mij

Faustus: Agreed

Constance: Everyone looks smaller than I remember.

DM: So, what are you guys up to?

‪Bronan: Bronan want go market, but what do friends think about Scarf-mayor, we get help? Items? Or take him out ourselves?

Constance: I’m not sure what our next move should be, Faustus?

‪Bronan: Bronan think we just give the mayor the beers, maybe speak to guard friends and Melbos elder to make sure others not get in way, if he worth challenge he could get his dogman gem himself?

DM: The options are endless!

‪Bronan: (my vote is for straight up strategic murder, we lure him to a farm house then smash the mayor to ittle bitty pieces)

Constance: i think we need to get some political intrigue on our side

Constance: infiltrate Al-Shash constabulary or some such

Constance: his power lies in the people fear of him, if we can undermine that then he is just a man

Faustus: I’m into that

‪Bronan: Sound like plan, so, we do shopping then head back to al-shash to speak to guard friend?

Constance: there are always the people that the sorceress pointed us to as well

Constance: i forget their name

‪Bronan: The sand pirates?

Constance: thats the one

Bronan: Hmm guard we spoke with seem to not think bad against mayor, maybe we find sand pirate more likely to help? Melbos not seem fan of mayor but not seem enemy either and we not kill birdmen for him

Constance: thats true Bronan. I do worry about how Melbos will take it if he finds out that we haven’t done as we said we would

Constance: it seems that we have enemies everywhere and not many allies

‪Bronan: He might be OK, we did get them to agree not to bother if Melbos not enter their lands, maybe if we get rid of Scarf-mayor then birdmen see Melbos as more of an ally

Constance: perhaps

Faustus: Melbos does however seem to be pro slavery and or child prostitution, neither of which are things that particularly make me want to ally with him.

Bronan: He did? We need smash Melbos

Faustus: (I think so?)

‪Bronan: Sand pirates? We get sand pirates?

Faustus: I agree.

DM: So, heading back to al’shash, then across the red plains to the wild ports?

DM: You wanted to check out the plaza of knives first?

‪Bronan: yup, I want to a)get my small emerald cut and fashioned into earings and b)look to trade the ray of frost necklace for either something for Faustus that is magical, or gold then buy a real nice javelin case and some javelins)

DM: 20gp for the emerald to be shaped and cut. Nice javelin case and 6 javelins for 8 gold. You can straight trade the necklace for a few little magic items of varying potency- a glove that looks like it’s smouldering, a cowboy hat covered in runes, a small wand

‪Bronan: Ok, instead of the javelins I’ll get Faustus the cowboy hat

Faustus: Hahaha

Faustus: Appreciate it.

DM: You can get both

‪Bronan: And can I spend a gp to get some wrapping paper?

DM: Of you sell the emerald which isn’t used for the earings

DM: Yeah that’s less than a copper, basically fine

DM: The stallholder is a very fat women

DM: Tha there be the hat o whispers

DM: (let’s you cast message at will)

Faustus: Dope.

‪Bronan: I have 25gp, so am spending 20 to get one emerald cut and put into tiny earings, and swapping the necklace for the hat, then crudely gift wrapping before meeting my friends later in the day ” Bronan sorry he could not get birthday gift on time last year, hope this make up for it” constance gets the earrings and Faustus the hat

Faustus: That is very kind of you Bronan. And your birthday is coming up soon right?

‪Bronan: Bronan not exactly sure when birthday is, tribe only really start counting summers when child start walking

‪Bronan: But Faustus no need to get gift, gift of your friendship enough for Bronan

‪Bronan: For long time, Bronan was without tribe, after accident, but Bronan happy to have new tribe with Faustus and Constance

Faustus: That is very touching Bronan. I am happy to call you tribesman.

‪Bronan: Thank you Faustus, did you or Constance want to do anything else here or should see start travelling?

Faustus: What sort of shops are here?

Constance: Awww Bronan they’re beautiful!

DM: Shops wise, almost anything you can think of. Trinkets, weapons, adventuring gear. Exotic weapons, magical items, potions, animals, etc. Wands, cloaks, books, maps, food, drink

Constance: id like to see if i can find somewhere I can get some sort of smoke bombs or something. to help me make a quick getaway. and also some sort of lockpicking stuff that i can conceal about my person

DM: Thieves tools, and smoke bombs?

Constance: sure

DM: Smoke bombs are 5gp each. Thieves tools 10gp for a pack of lockpicks

Constance: ok, ill take two smoke bombs and a pack of lockpicks

DM: Cool cool. Anyone else after anything else?

Faustus: I think I’m good for now.

‪Bronan: Sand pirate hideout?

Faustus: Yeah I’m game for that.

‪Bronan: Cool, Bronan ensures he grabs his ale from the inn

‪Bronan: And the rest of his stuff I guess too!

DM: So heading back to al’shash on the six day mail coach, then 3 days to rib gulch?

DM: And from there, well, you have the map, and things start to get a bit wilder

Constance: Plan

DM: If you aren’t planning on stopping in al’shash or along the way I can narrate how all that goes

Faustus: Are we just going to bump into folk we don’t want to see if we go there?

Bronan: It’s probably a risk

‪Bronan: But easier to get out of this city perhaps and we can get off the coach before getting to al-shash

DM: The first five days on the mail coach are notable only for their boredom

DM: Grass

DM: Fields

DM: Sand

DM: As the plains give way to the desert edge, you pass some hamlets you remember as being about half a day north of al’shash and hop off the cart. The wagon driver barely seems to notice, eyes glazed as he chews a yellow leaf

DM: You can easily cut across the hard sand and date farms north of al’shash to head down to rib gulch. After three days on the tamed desert you approach rib gulch. you are rested. It is dawn. You have maps, and water, food, and a plan

DM: What do you do?

‪Bronan: Maybe birdmen territory easier to travel through to get to sandpirate?

DM: Essentially it is birdmen territory, central desert, or south desert

Constance: Also. How much did the mail coach cost us?

DM: Free ride heading out, he is happy for company (since you seem pretty hard, and might discourage bandits)

‪Bronan: (is constance still huge?)

DM: (yuuuuuup)

‪Bronan: (there go the awkward head pats!)

‪Bronan: Where friend want to go? Less worm in birdmen land, but vast desert to explore!

Faustus: I’m easy. Head through desert to see what happens?

Bronan: Sounds good

DM: Great! Any particular marching order or plan as you go? Straight west will take you past the tomb, then about 6 days of desert to the ocean

Faustus: Shall I go at the back?

‪Bronan: Bronan at the front

Constance: That leaves the tallest halfling in the middle

Constance: (I’m nominally naming this race biglings)

Faustus: (I like it)

DM: Alright. Each day I need a survival check, a perception check, and an encounter check

DM: Roll for it!

Faustus: Who doing what?

‪Bronan: Bronan has a feat with his background to get us food and water, so we should be fine with that, I’m happy to do survival

Faustus: I’ll do encounter, my perception isn’t super hot.

‪Bronan: 21, 11, natty 20(23 total), 22 and 10

‪Bronan: For survival

Faustus: 10 for encounter

DM: Seems survival won’t be a problem

DM: Constance, perception

DM: Faustus, day 1 you come across an old campfire with no visible tracks nearby. There is a pebble with a face carved into it in the fire

Faustus: Weird.

‪Bronan: Is it a detailed enough we might recognise It?

Constance: 19, nat 1, 19, 5.

DM: No it isn’t

DM: The first day passes uneventfully

DM: The second day you get lost and can’t find any fresh water or food

DM: Faustus, encounter check?

Faustus: 9

DM: But you find no signs of life save the dull buzz of distant insects

DM: The third day, bronan finds an oasis and Constance finds her bearings

DM: Encounter check?

Faustus: 2

DM: Despite being the only water for miles and miles the oasis is deserted

DM: There is a torn and empty rucksack there, and some scattered forks and spoons, rusted and pitted with age

DM: The fourth day…

Faustus: 6

DM: Constance keeps you bearing dead west, and bronan finds some tubers to boil

DM: Faustus sees a shape across the sun, a shadow

DM: But then it is gone

DM: The desert is seemingly empty…but you know this is not true

DM: Day five. As the sun rises the dunes become indistinguishable. Quickly you are lost, but you have enough food and water to last out

DM: Faustus, you can hear something…is it the wind? (d20)

Faustus: Nat 1

DM: Oh

Faustus: Haha

DM: As you prepare camp in the leeward side of a dune, and incredibly tall dune, you hear screams

DM: Somewhere north, maybe…a quarter mile? Over two dunes.

DM: They continue

‪Bronan: Humanoid screams or animal?

‪Bronan: (Fuck it, Bronan wouldn’t care) we must help them! Bronan runs for the dune

DM: Hahaha

Constance: Constance follows close behind.

Faustus: Yup

DM: Human screams

DM: It’s evening, the sun dipping below the dunes, a cloudless sky burnt red by the sunset. As you sprint up the second dune you hear a voice scream ‘no, no, Toril, no!’ And then you crest the hill

DM: What you see:

DM: A large wooden sled harnessed to what looks like a huge camel

DM: A trader in robes screaming and drawing a bow

DM: A trader in leather armour swinging a gleaming sword at…

DM: A cockatrice!

DM: Roll initiative (unless you just want to watch)

 

Come back next Monday for Chapter 26 of The Cursed Tomb!

 

Fancy supporting the site? You can pick up all of the 5th edition D&D books from Wizards of the Coast using our Amazon links below, and we’ll get a cut with no extra cost to you!

Dungeon Master’s Guide

Player’s Handbook

Monster Manual

Volo’s Guide to Monsters

Sword Coast Adventurer’s Guide

Starter Set

 

Total Reroll Equinox: Episode 46 – I’m Not Done

Welcome to Total Reroll Equinox, our new actual play Dungeons and Dragons podcast! We’re starting in a brand new world created by our DM Ian, with new characters (but returning players from our previous game!), so join us in the world of Saugin as we explore (or try to explore) the land of TarTiir!

Last time the gang was messed up by a meteor storm cast by the lich Al’Kazam, who used to be the elf who unleashed the darkness ooze that is threatening to destroy the world. But has the reappearance of their pal Gloop tipped the balance in the fight?

Download this episode (right click and save)

You can find a little bit of background on the world of Saugin and TarTiir here!

We are in the town of Finale. It is a lot more on fire than it is in this picture.

Our intro and outro music is ‘Welcome to TarTiir’ by Ed Curry. Featured image by Kekai Kotaki.

Enjoy!

Fancy supporting the site? You can pick up all of the 5th edition D&D books from Wizards of the Coast using our Amazon links below, and we’ll get a cut with no extra cost to you!

Dungeon Master’s Guide

Player’s Handbook

Monster Manual

Volo’s Guide to Monsters

Sword Coast Adventurer’s Guide

Starter Set