The Cursed Tomb: Chapter 42 – Something Hella Dumb

So Adam and Ian don’t feel like they play enough D&D. To rectify this, they started playing a text-based adventure with a couple of friends, still using the 5th edition framework. We thought it would be fun to clean up the transcripts of this adventure and start publishing it in weekly chapters here on the site. Let us know what you think, and please share around! If you missed Chapter 1, check it out here!

Disclaimer: This is the transcript of a text-based D&D game played over a period of 6 months. Bad language included. Picture based dice rolls/media omitted. Names changed to preserve anonymity. Goblin based violence frequent. You have been warned. If you missed Chapter 41, find it here!


DM: Okay you flip onto the sand, into the pack, and are next to bronan. a lion is currently gnawing on him and dozens others batting in with their claws

DM: What exactly are you doing?!

DM: Bronan, should have said, make me an opportunity attack for this round, as lions have been shifting away from you to make room

‪Bronan: Ok cool, it’s at disadvantage cause I’m prone right?

‪Bronan: 11

DM: Nah, this would have happened pre-proning I just forgot

DM: And Constance, boy am I intrigued

‪Bronan: Ah ok, the first was a 23

Constance: Do I have hold of bronan?

DM: Bronan can you roll damage for me?

DM: Constance, you are there next to him, hands on

‪Bronan: 17 slashing to a general lion, I’ll name him scar, when I am their lion king

DM: Great

DM: Constance. What’s the play

Constance: The play is. As follows. 1. Step of the wind! Disengage as a bonus action. 2. Throw a smoke bomb behind me right in amongst the lions. 3. Use the rest of my movement to get the fuck out of dodge and round the other side of the ship.

DM: (1.Do you have those?2. You can step of the wind as bonus, smoke bomb as main, but you won’t be carrying bronan with you)

‪Bronan: (this could end with Faustus painting a ball to call Wilson and lions prowling below!)

DM: (ha)

DM: (and yeah Constance smokebombs, great, disengage and bail, great- also taking bronan with you, unlikely- but with the smoke he might manage an escape…)

‪Bronan: (If I die, what’s the odds of playing sir dribbles as a doggy warlock?)

Faustus: (What happens if he delays, I jump down and grab Bronan too while he throws smoke bomb? Or can I not do that without getting piled on by lions?

DM: (Bronan, low)

DM: (Faustus, if Constance delays all that until you arrive then you could do that- but between you and bronan you’d take at least half a dozen opportunity attacks getting out of there, probably)

DM: (And this rests on- does Constance have smoke bombs?!)

Constance: Yes! I totally do

Faustus: (Well in that case I reckon Bronan’s best chance at this point is if we delay all Constance’s stuff and I drop down to help?)

Constance: Ok. So I can either throw a smoke bomb as an action this turn, or grab bronan but not both, and in either case step of the wind?

DM: Yes, but step of the wind won’t mean bronan takes no attacks, just you

Constance: Balls.

Faustus: As I understand it, all at once would be us dropping down, my action will be to grab him and run, yours will be to throw the smoke bomb, disengage and run.

Faustus: He and I will take some hits.

Faustus: Also, how long are we going to have to get back up before they get us?

Constance: And the other way would be the same but with you not taking any opportunity attacks

Constance: So bronan isn’t getting out with no opportunity attacks

Constance: So fuck it. I grab bronan and bail the fuck out of there

Constance: Trying to get as far round to the other side of the ship as possible

DM: So no smoke bomb?

Constance: Actually fuck no.

‪Bronan: Bro, save yourself! Pelt em with ranged

DM: Just let me know your final decision

Constance: Ok. So smoke bomb and bail. Yelling for bronan “FOLLOW MY VOICE!”

Constance: Final

Faustus: (So I don’t drop? I can try and help pull folk up I guess)

DM: Well, faustus it is your turn

DM: The lions are enveloped in smoke, and a moment later Constance appears back around the ship

Faustus: Can I see any of them at all?

DM: Twenty foot radius smoke cloud, you can’t see dick

Faustus: Can I ready an action so I throw a javelin at the first lion that follows out of the smoke?

DM: Yup!

DM: Awesome

DM: Bronan

DM: You are up

DM: Lions on every side, and you are blinded by smoke

‪Bronan: Okey koaky,  I know where the ships deck is?

DM: Hm. Yes

Faustus: And the direction of Constance’s voice presumably

‪Bronan: Basically I’m thinking of saving my dog by throwing him up there, so if this goes shitty can I attempt that as a reaction before going unconscious?

‪Bronan: Even if doggywarlock is off the table, at least they will have a dog to carry them through the bleakness of my death

‪Bronan: For my turn, I’m gonna stand up, disengage and follow constance, my reasoning, she just jumped into a pit of lions and might need my help

DM: (by my understanding sir dribbles was up on the deck barking, then you leapt down- so he is currently safe)

Bronan: Ok cool, no need for dramatic cutscene

DM: I need to check disengage rules

DM: As you will have to move past 9 lions opportunity attacks!

DM: (what’s your movement speed, standing up from pronetakes 1/2 of it)

‪Bronan: Yup, disengage should stop opportunity attacks caused by my movement for this turn, so I can move 15ft when stood up

DM: Okay

DM: You can make it to the end of the boat but not yet around to the other side-Constance is five ft past you, just around the corner at the end

DM: And then it is the lions…

Faustus: First one out gets a javelin.

DM: Ten lions emerge, three on the far side of the cloud from bronan, 7 on the near side (advantage on perception checks relying on tracking a bloodied barbarian)

DM: The first lion to emerge is charging bronan- it is the one known as Scar, it’s face half mangled by a hit from Bronan’s axe

Faustus: 24 to hit

DM: Faustus, with lightning reflexes, hurls a javelin

DM: (roll damage)

Faustus: 9 piercing damage

DM: The javelin skewers the running lion, sending it crashing to the sand like a ragdoll

Faustus: Nice. Now do I have the rest of a turn, or did I give up my whole turn to delay that action?

DM: I can’t remember the rules, but I’m happy for you to do your other stuff now

Faustus: Hmm. I’m 15 ft up right?

DM: Yup

Faustus: And Bronan is by the ship?

DM: Aye, as is constance

DM: Bronan is right by the prow, Constance just past him, with ship between Constance and the lions

Faustus: Right. Not a lot I can do other than jump down or try and help up, so I’m gonna throw down a rope and brace myself to help pull folk up.

DM: Tight

DM: The six lions on the bronan/constance side of the cloud attack Bronan (since Constance is behind the ship)

DM: 5 of them hit

DM: Three claws, two bites

DM: 11piercing

DM: 19 slashing

‪Bronan: Ouchy I’m at 0

‪Bronan: As I go down I yell

‪Bronan: Climb you fools!

DM: (when did you hit 0…)

‪Bronan: (I had to re-read the rage rules. But as the lions go after me, they bit me between the turn when I last attacked and disengaged, rage would’ve dropped next then if they hadn’t hit me I think? So half the first is 5, bringing me to 8, the half the second is 8, bringing me to 0)

‪Bronan: (basically their bites keep me angry)

DM: (cool, so you are only just at zero)

DM: Constance, a rope descends from above, hitting the sand next to you. behind you, bronan falls to the ground, bleeding from three dozen wounds, 6 lions standing over him

DM: It is your turn…

Constance: (Awww shit. This is where I need thunderwave)

Constance: Ok. As I look to grab the rope I turn and shout “FAUSTUS, HELP BRONAN!” Then run back towards bronan and get between him and the cats 🐱

Constance: Am I close enough to hit one?

DM: Mate they are about 8 ft from you

DM: Wait are you pulling the rope back with you?

Constance: As in before I ran back?

DM: Yeah

Constance: I’m too panicky for that shit

DM: Bronan was right behind you, cats right on him

DM: Okay man have at

Constance: Whichever one looks closest or most threatening.

Constance: Smash with staff then kick kick

Constance: 18, 14, 11

DM: First two hit

DM: Give me damage

Constance: 12 + 6 bludgeoning

DM: A couple of horrifying thwacks to the lead lion split open its skull, and it howls in pain and bares its fangs

DM: Anything else? If not, faustus

Faustus: Haha OK is that how it is?

‪Bronan: (gonna apologise right now if this ends in a tpk. I fucked up, saw Besh was dead and did something hella dumb)

DM: 6 lions over bronans unconscious form, Constance swinging away at them. another 8 lions are somewhere amongst the smog cloud/far side of the cloud. Rope is tied off…faustus, your move

Faustus: OK. Any of the lions look bigger than the others and more alpha like?

DM: Nature check!

DM: (man this has snowballed a fair amount!)

Faustus: Nat 20

DM: Okay. Emerging from the smoke cloud, maybe fifteen feet from the current scuffle, is a male lion. Slightly larger/ older than the rest. Thick scars along its side are lounge healed, and its mane is a tangled mat. this is the big boy, the boss

DM: Fautus. Your move (nature check is free!)

Faustus: How far away from me is he?

DM: 15ft down, maybe another 10ft out

Faustus: OK, so he’s not within 10 feet from me? Vow of enmity is someone I can see within 10 feet.

DM: Man he is ten ft out, but fifteen down from the deck

Faustus: No no, I thought so.

Faustus: OK I jump down, so I’m 10ft in front of him, athletics?

Faustus: Which is a non-natural 20

Faustus: Then I hold out my shield towards him, casting abjure enemy and roaring while I do it.

DM: Jesus Christ

DM: You land safely

DM: What the hell does abjure enemy do

Faustus: Oh fuck, I forgot it’s a bonus so I’ll end with it.

DM: Okay

Faustus: Wait, did we rest after the gnolls fight?

DM: Yeah I think so

Faustus: OK then I breath fire at him and anyone within a 15ft cone behind him

Constance: (Fuck. Breaking out the big guns. Fuck these lions)

Faustus: DC 12 dex saves for any in that cone, half damage on save

DM: That’s going to be three lions

Faustus: 9 fire damage for failed, 4 for saved

DM: Two save, one fails (boss)

Constance: (Three lions up in flames. Never stop me dreaming)

Faustus: Cool. And after that I hold my shield out with my holy symbol of Bahamut, roar and abjure enemy. Boss has to make a wisdom save.

Faustus: I’ve fucked all that up

Faustus: Sorry. Ignore all that damage.

Faustus: I was reading the info off an app and saw bonus action but it isn’t, vow of enmity is but that’s not the channel divinity I wanted to do.

Faustus: Could I scrap the breath attack, wasn’t what I wanted to do but when I misread abjure enemy I thought I could do both in one go

Faustus: Ah fuck and I wouldn’t have had to jump down because it’s 60ft range!

Faustus: Fucking idiot.

DM: I’ve already recorded breath damage

DM: So for your heroic leap

DM: You can abjure enemy as well

DM: Wisdom save for boss lion?

Faustus: Ah thanks man. Right. Yes.

DM: That’s a fail for sure

Faustus: OK he is frightened of me for 1 minute.

DM: Fuck

DM: Okay

DM: Death saving throw bronan

‪Bronan: 13

DM: Still alive…

DM: Lions turn…

‪Bronan: Still alive. Fur now…

DM: Right

DM: Let’s start with the 6 surrounding Constance and bronan

DM: Constance- what is your AC

Constance: 16

DM: Okay four hit

DM: One crits

‪Bronan: (someone queue up needle in the hay by elliot Smith)

DM: 29 slashing damage

DM: Faustus, the frightened one paces back and fore, too afraid to approach

DM: From the smoke behind it two lions leap forward

DM: 15 or 17 hit you? One claws one bite

DM: As they attempt to strike, the other four from the other side of the cloud appear at its edge having used their turn to move around it

DM: The lion alpha roars


Come back next Monday for Chapter 43, the finale of The Cursed Tomb!

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