So Adam and Ian don’t feel like they play enough D&D. To rectify this, they started playing a text-based adventure with a couple of friends, still using the 5th edition framework. We thought it would be fun to clean up the transcripts of this adventure and start publishing it in weekly chapters here on the site. Let us know what you think, and please share around! If you missed Chapter 1, check it out here!
Disclaimer: This is the transcript of a text-based D&D game played over a period of 6 months. Bad language included. Picture based dice rolls/media omitted. Names changed to preserve anonymity. Goblin based violence frequent. You have been warned. If you missed Chapter 38, find it here!
DM: The fang of yeenoghu looms over Faustus, screams with rage, and attacks three times. Claw, claw, bite
DM: 12, 12, 22
Faustus: 22 hits
DM: That would be the bite
DM: Make a constitution saving throw
Faustus: Yup
Faustus: Is this poison or disease based con save?
DM: 9 piercing
DM: And yeah, poison
Faustus: Ok, so what does disease actually cover then? Because I have immunity to that but if poison isn’t covered by it am I basically just immune to the flu and maybe VD?
DM: Hm
DM: There are also diseases in game, cackling fever etc
DM: Think it only covers you for monster specific diseases and things specified as diseases. so 9 poison buddy
Faustus: Seems like a bit of a shit ability…
Faustus: Wait, 16 con save
Constance: Yeah there are some pretty grim diseases in the DMG.
DM: Oh okay you are okay for poison
DM: Constance! You are up!
Faustus: Do I still take that damage, or was that just 9 piercing and thats it?
DM: Just piercing
Faustus: Phew
Constance: Right. How fucked is this guy looking?
DM: Wee gnoll by you looks like a good hit would finish him. Covered in blood, one shoulder dislocated, one eye swollen shut
DM: Big lad has only taken one hit, but it was a solid one.still seems pretty full throttle though
Constance: I fuck him up with the staff. I’ve realised these things are pretty fucking evil
Constance: 18 to hit
Constance: And 8 bludgeoning
Constance: Assuming that hits
DM: Yup and yup
Constance: he still standing?
DM: The ankh staff caves in the gnoll’s head
Constance: booyah
DM: And a second rune glows onto the staff
DM: Above the skeletal hand, a new rune- a corpse, with a light shining on it
DM: Bronan you are up
Constance: hold on! im going to tan another healing potion as a bonus action
DM: How many of those do you have?!
Constance: none now
Constance: i had two
Constance: but yeah 9 points of healing
DM: Play
DM: Okay. Bronan, big dog man biting lizard friend. what do?
Bronan: Ggaaaarrrg recklessly smash
Bronan: 18 to hit
DM: Yeah that does it
Bronan: 16 damage
Bronan: Yay, it good to smash!
Constance: (jiminy cricket!)
DM: He looks a bit bloodied after that big hit
DM: Faustus, you are up
Faustus: Ok another slash across the stomach this time with my sword, 21 or a 9 to hit
Faustus: Assuming that does, gonna be another divine smite! Lets roll better!
Faustus: 10 slashing and… 8 radiant. That is exactly the same as last time.
DM: Oof
DM: Still standing but that is three very serious hits he has taken
DM: He almost staggers back, but yells ‘Yeenoghu!’
DM: And thrusts forward. Claw claw bite at faustus
Faustus: Mother fucker does not like me one bit
DM: 23, 20,23
Faustus: Haha yeah.
DM: 14 slashing from the claws
DM: 6 piercing from the bite
DM: And a constitution save please
Faustus: 21 save
Faustus: But I’m down
Constance: oh no!
DM: Ha, do you get disadvantage on saves if you are KO?
DM: Also, important- down after claws, or claws and bite?
Faustus: Oh claws. I had 8 hp.
Faustus: Oh so I still save a con
Faustus: But I take more damage?
Constance: yeah basically that last bite is a crit
Constance: actually no
Faustus: Ok so the bite actually just costs me 2 death saves?
Faustus: Jesus
DM: No just 1
Faustus: Oh right. Yeah.
DM: Unconscious and zero hot points are different
DM: But yeah you’ve got one failed
DM: So uh
DM: Constance
DM: Here you go
DM: Shit sorry Faustus
DM: Actually it is an auto crit if you are unconscious, and crit does two failures
DM: Hey constance
Faustus: Haha ok
DM: Your staff has two glowing runs on it
DM: The beast stands over faustus, who lies bleeding from a dozen dozen wounds
Constance: fuck
Constance: (genuine moral dilemma. I’m probably the best option to save faustus, as I have +4 medicine, but if we don’t take this thing down before its next turn then we are likely all dead as I have only 13 HP left, this will literally come down to just a couple of rolls)
Faustus: Hey if you take him out this turn then I can be stabilised much more easily out of combat!
Constance: fuck. ok i have bloodlust
Constance: FAUSTUS NOOOOOOOOOOO
Constance: slow motion run – karate kid style spinning kick and then smash in the chops with the staff
Bronan: (Bro Im looking like I’ve had a few pints but Bronan is totally still tanking)
Constance: Not a good start
Constance: BUUUUUUT
Bronan: (and I have a healers kit so I can pick you both up)
Constance: Halfling lucky!
Constance: 20 to hit on the reroll for the kick!
DM: That hits!
Constance: I’m the best at kicking
Constance: I have the best kicks
Constance: I’ve kicked so many times you wouldn’t believe
Constance: you know who cant kick? Yeenoghu
Constance: max damage = 8!
DM: He
DM: Is still standing
DM: Barely up but up
Constance: QUARTERSTAFF SMASH!
Constance: 17 to hit!
DM: (so that kick was your bonus action?)
DM: That hits
Constance: yup
Constance: martial arts bitch
Constance: 6 damage
DM: He is still alive! Stumbles to a knee
DM: And vomits black blood
DM: Bronan I think it is you?
Constance: KILL IT!
DM: Kill the gnoll, save the world. Or save your pal. Or run away
Bronan: Hmm I’m raging, I glance at Faustus and yell at the top of my lungs, foam flying everywhere as I recklessly attack
DM: Super
Bronan: 22 to hit
DM: That’ll do it
Bronan: 15, my virtual d12 is on fire!
DM: As the gnoll reaches forward with the last of its strength to claw out Faustus’s throat, you clobber it with the beers. You can hear it’s jaw snap, and it slides to the ground with a sickening squelch
Bronan: (I shake my head) his, Bronan have weird dream of dog people and Faustus friend being hurt
Bronan: And you were there Constance. And so was sir dribbles
Bronan: Oh dear, it not dream and I’d like to try to stabilise Faustus
DM: Alright. Medicine check
Bronan: (I’ve never done this with a healing kit before)
DM: Oh let me check
Constance: it means you dont need to make a check
Constance: 10 uses
DM: Oh really?
DM: Alright faustus
Bronan: Wham bam
DM: Pulled from the brink
DM: Roll a d4 please Faustus
Faustus: 3
DM: Faustus will wake up in three or so hours probably
Bronan: Constance, we make camp until he wake up? Three hours give Bronan time to make some bread and bacon for tea?
Bronan: (Bronan has a make believe cook show that he cohosts with Sir dribbles called forks of faerun in the style of great British bake off)
Constance: yes, we should rest. you look after faustus and Ill check around to ensure that this place is safe
Bronan: Ok great, Bronan things he have a pomegranate to make dressing for flathead sandwich
Bronan: (i get out sir dribbles and uses the portable ram as a cooking counter while narrating cooking show style to am unconscious Faustus)
DM: (well done guys, you have defeated the airship guardians!)
Constance: (haha fuck)
DM: Constance you are poking about?
Constance: yeah I’d like to investigate around the airship and inside it
DM: You are in what looks to be the engine hold
DM: Aside from that, it seems to be shaped like a standard sailing ship, but the bottom back where you are is full of cogs and spare parts
DM: There is a door to the forward hold that seems barred from the other side
Constance: I’m basically trying to see if there is anything dangerous or interesting
DM: Not in this compartment. Total of six dead gnolls, dead gnoll big fella, dead gnoll shaman
Constance: search the bodies?
Constance: carefully
DM: They have assorted shitty armour. Gnoll shaman has a warped wooden staff and a necklace of teeth
DM: In the back of the hold is a dead cockatrice, that they seem to have been eating for a few days. This whole room stinks of dog and rotting meat and blood. lot of flies
DM: Much nicer out by the fire
Constance: as long as it seems safe, ill head back out to the fire
DM: Okay great
Constance: I’m fucked and broken, I reckon I’ll probably fall asleep
DM: Long rest maybe?
Constance: that is what i was going for
Bronan: I’ll keep watch and tend to my wounded peeps after a hearty but heart healthy dinner
DM: Kay
Faustus: I would thank you but I’m unconscious
DM: Deep in the south desert, days and miles from the nearest friendly faces, the shadow of the airship protects you as you sleep through the night. The gnoll corpses, dragged just far away to not offend your senses, are a potent reminder of the danger you face. Inside the airship, the ersatz mayor of al’shash’s offering to the pirates of the coast as he hoped to seal an alliance
DM: Your camel calmly chews red grass and relaxes by the fire.
DM: As the dawn breaks you feel revitalised
DM: A treasure hoard! The only challenge now- breaking into the ship, and figuring out how to get it back to civilisation!
Bronan: I wipe the remains of preparing breakfast shakshoukeh off the portable ram and sling it over my shoulder
DM: Brilliant
Faustus: My friends, thank you. I am lucky to have you as allies.
Constance: All for one!
Bronan: And all for breakfast?
Come back next Monday for Chapter 40 of The Cursed Tomb!
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