So Adam and Ian don’t feel like they play enough D&D. To rectify this, they started playing a text-based adventure with a couple of friends, still using the 5th edition framework. We thought it would be fun to clean up the transcripts of this adventure and start publishing it in weekly chapters here on the site. Let us know what you think, and please share around! If you missed Chapter 1, check it out here!
Disclaimer: This is the transcript of a text-based D&D game played over a period of 6 months. Bad language included. Picture based dice rolls/media omitted. Names changed to preserve anonymity. Goblin based violence frequent. You have been warned. If you missed Chapter 35, find it here!
DM: The dead elf who had been collapsed at the side of the pool is behind you faustus, and he claws at your head
DM: 19 to hit
DM: An unholy light shines in its eyes as it lurches forward, slamming into you
DM: (does that hit?)
Constance: (I had a feeling that was going to happen but didn’t want to meta game!)
Faustus: That hits yeah. Even with my shield out but I’m going to say it wasn’t out.
DM: You take five bludgeoning damage. You guys can now take your turns (first come first served)
Constance: let me fuck this bitch up
Faustus: I draw my sword and shield and strike back.
DM: Bronan, in your head the voice is laughing and uttering a strange mantra
Bronan: What happening I hear rustling and gasp of Faustus
Bronan: Are we at church? Who chanting?
Faustus: The dead elf is attacking us Bronan, we can’t hear any chanting!
Faustus: 15 to hit the elf
DM: That hits!
Faustus: It’s going to be a divine smite too. Is this undead?
DM: Yes
Faustus: Cool. 3d8 + my strength then!
Faustus: 24 damage. 14 of which was radiant, 10 slashing.
Bronan: Fuuuuuuck
DM: (jesus)
Faustus: Was a good roll!
DM: You slash into the dessicated elf, your sword gleaming with the holy light of bahamut
DM: The light fills the elf, who explodes in a burst of radiance into a cloud of grey ash
DM: Bronan, you hear Constance’s voice
DM: “Bronan, zombies have attacked! They are all around you, you must strike now to save me!”
Faustus: (Oh shit!)
Bronan: Zombies?!? Bronan save you, run constance, run (I stripped off before going swimming so I’m guessing no axe or loincloth) I go into a (blind) rage and leap to restrain the nearest noise in a grapple
Bronan: It’s weird and awkward
DM: Ha. Alright. Strength roll. Constance, strength save
Bronan: Strength athletics? Or just strength?
DM: Strength
Constance: (strength or dex for me?)
DM: Strength!
Bronan: I got 17
Constance: 15-1
Constance: 14
Constance: da,
Constance: damn
Constance: if it had been dex it would have been 19
DM: Constance you are restrained
Constance: “BRONAN WHAT ARE YOU DOING!”
DM: You hear a zombie growling in your arms bronan
Bronan: run constance run, Bronan have zombie
DM: And Constance saying “yes yes, quick, kill it!”
Constance: “BRONAN ITS ME YOU FOOL!”
Bronan: I’m guessing I can try to headbutt the growling?
DM: Growl growl growl
DM: Yup, unarmed attack
Bronan: So no proficiency bonus and 1 point of damage on a hit?
DM: 1+str
Bronan: Holy shit
Bronan: Unnatural 20
Bronan: So that’s a 4 bludgeoning
Constance: “oof!”
DM: Ha. Okay. Constance it’s your turn
Faustus: Hold on that all happened too quick for me to use protection!
DM: Ha
DM: Also pretty sure you have advantage on attack if you are grappling him Bronan
DM: What would protection do
Bronan: But disadvantage for not being able to see surely?
Faustus: Give disadvantage
DM: Okay, second roll!
Bronan: The second one is a 9
DM: + anything?
Bronan: 9 total to hit, don’t think I have multi attack yet, so just gonna yell “Faustus, help constance run or help Bronan kill, this zombie have weird protection”
DM: Constance manages to snap her head around and absorb most of the damage
DM: Constance, your turn
Constance: “FAUSTUS, HELP!”
Constance: and try to wriggle free
Constance: (using dex if thats cool?)
DM: Yeah Dex against bronan’s strength roll
Constance: 18
Bronan: 13
Constance: and then use my movement to back away from bronan
Bronan: Do I need to roll for opportunity attack?
Constance: no!
Constance: because I use disengage as a bonus action, using a ki point
Constance: step of this wind bitch
Constance: the wind
DM: Hahaha
DM: Okay
Constance: STEP UP 2 THE STREETS 4: STEP OF THIS WIND
Bronan: Good, I don’t want to hurt you, but demon possession bro
Bronan: Hahaha
Constance: “WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK BRONAN”
DM: Faustus’s turn
Faustus: Faustus tips his hat towards Bronan and casts message “Bronan my friend, I know not what trickery the unholy item from the pool has cast on you, but you are attacking us, your companions. There was only one zombie, and I have felled it. Stop, and we can figure out what is happening”
DM: (Shit. That’s good)
DM: Bronan, you hear faustus’s message
Constance: (Yeah fuck that was good)
Bronan: Faustus? Faustus where is everyone? Bronan confused, constance say protect her and kill zombie… If it you, really you, put cup of ale in Bronan hand *holds out hand and drop rage*
Faustus: Do I get another action?
DM: Sure, if bronan isn’t fighting then we are out of initiative
Faustus: OK yeah I put a cup of ale into his hand, and message again “Constance never said that. I fear someone is playing tricks on you. Listen only to my voice, and only if I grip your shoulder as I say it. I am using your kind birthday gift to me to speak to you” (and as I do this I grip his shoulder).
Constance: Faustus, what in the nine hells is going on?
Faustus: I think that the unholy item is bewitching Bronan somehow. He can’t see us, and for some reason is not hearing us either.
Constance: We must destroy it.
Constance: Perhaps you should ask Bronan to open it? As he seems to have already felt the touch of its foul curse
Faustus: (Does the box look damaged or opened at all?)
DM: Undamaged and unopened
Faustus: That may be best, but we must be careful we don’t bring further harm to him.
Constance: True.
Constance: (Can I inspect the box without touching it to see if I notice anything?)
Bronan: I drink the ale
Faustus: I grip Bronan’s shoulder “Bronan remain calm. We are investigating the box to see if we can help you and figure out how to remove this curse upon you”
Bronan: Bronan happy to open box (I’m about to start a rousing game of pathfinder so may be slow to respond for a bit
Bronan: “thanks Faustus, say sorry to whoever I grabbed, can you pass me loincloth? Bit of a breeze around my grundle”
DM: You hear Constance’s voice say “no, bronan, faustus is bewitched! You need to get angry and break free!”
Bronan: Constance if that you saying Faustus bad, you fill ale cup and Bronan drink, if not then you bad voice
DM: The voice says “shit.”
Faustus: I grip his shoulder “Constance didn’t say anything Bronan. Is there a voice pretending to be her? Here is your loin cloth my friend. Here, I will bring over Sir Dribbles too” and I bring him over.
Constance: (Can I inspect the box without touching it to see if I notice anything?)
DM: Yup!
Constance: Investigation?
DM: Yeah
Constance: Nat 20!
Constance: Woot
DM: The chest is sealed at four points, one of which you notice is trapped with some sort of seal
DM: An explosive rune
DM: If you break it, it’ll explode. Should be able to shimmy it off with a knife or similar though
Constance: Bronan. Faustus. Get back. I’m going to try to disarm this chest, but I fear that it’s magics might be destructive.
Constance: If I can bypass them wonderful, if not then I will be able to get out of the way somewhat quickly
Faustus: I grip Bronan’s shoulder “follow me my friend” and move us both clear.
DM: You flip the catch off easily
DM: You can take this with you an apply it on a door or a window or similar…
DM: The lid slowly springs open
Constance: Nice!
DM: Inside, three things. A small skull shaped gem of a mottled black and red material, a potion of blue liquid, and a scroll case
Constance: It’s safe! (I shout)
DM: As the lid opens, bronan, you feel a presence leaving your mind
DM: And your sight returns
Bronan: (Nice) ah hi guys. Bronan can see!
Faustus: Is there still a voice in your mind speaking to you? What did it say?
Bronan: Bad voice gone. I think, constance, you need me kill zombies?
Constance: I never said that Bronan.
Constance: It seems you have been taken advantage of.
Bronan: Bronan sorry, had bad voice and couldn’t see, heard zombies, noone hurt?
Constance: I think we’re fine.
Constance: Now what to do about these “items”
Bronan: Hmm? Oh they weird, skull probably bad
Constance: Faustus, thoughts on these?
Faustus: I agree with Bronan (I can’t do divine sense again today). Let me have a look (arcana check?)
DM: Sure, one for the skull, one for the potion? scroll is closed in its case
Faustus: 16 and non natural 20.
DM: That is a Lich’s phylactery, and a potion of water breathing
DM: Scroll you don’t know
DM: So presumably this was a lich defeated somehow, and his phylactey was hidden below this oasis
Constance: Do we know how to destroy one?
Constance: sorry
Constance: (that was supposed to be in brackets but i got excited)
Bronan: (can I make a check to see if/what I know about liches? I have material for if it fails)
DM: Yup, history check from bronan, aracana check from Constance
Constance: Uhhhhh. 5
Bronan: I also got a 5 – liches, they the female slug thing that drink blood when in swamp lake, right?
DM: Bronan, dead right
Constance: I reckon we smash it. Smashing things is a sure fire way to get rid of them right?
Bronan: Maybe someone write message in paper box?
Bronan: (gestures to scroll case)
Bronan: I open the case when I’m sure it’s dry
DM: The scroll case?
Bronan: Yup
Bronan: Blind again?
DM: Inside is a roll of parchment
DM: Nope
Bronan: (and so die my darebrobarian dreams…for now)
Bronan: (lift with your thighs, not your eyes)
DM: Inside is a poem about a wizard called Ptonos- the same wizard whose tomb you robbed at the beginning!
DM: Proclaimimg his wonderousness, and warning not to disturb this artefact
Faustus: I would like the whole poem please.
DM:
” Ptonos Lord of magic deep Awaken from his silent sleep
Bring light to those who dwell in dark
Know him by his burning mark
Ptonos Lord of magic strong Make mortal coil last everlong
His knowledge and his treasure hid
A box, no seams, no hinge, no lid
Ptonos Lord of magics grand Fear no beast or man or band
Four secrets scattered neath the grass
The desert king of rib gulch pass
Ptonos, be lenient, let us live! Ptonos, we serve you, let us live!
Ptonos, we beg you, let us live!
Bronan: Nice!
Bronan: Words on paper, Faustus, you person of words? Constance want?
Constance: uhhhh, this certainly doesn’t look good.
Constance: (I assume that I read this aloud, after being handed it by Bronan)
DM: Sure! Faustus, you are pretty sure the water is safe with this artefact now removed. The skull gem almost seems to be staring at you
Constance: smash it?
Constance: (that was a question directed at the other two, in character, not a suggestion that this is what Constance is doing)
DM: (ha)
Faustus: If we smash it do we release a lich?
Constance: I have no idea.
Constance: (out of character i totally do)
DM: Bronan and Constance both rolled and aren’t sure
DM: Faustus, you can roll. History to see if you remember a historical example or Arcana to see if you know about this kind of necromancy
Faustus: 15 for history.
DM: You remember three stories- the Archlich Grell, whose phylactery was cast into the fires of a volcanic island. The Lich Queen Verrimon, whose phylactery was destroyed in a great ritual of a hundred druids. Finally, the Lich Malabrot, whose phylactery was destroyed by the great ice dragon Vimi
DM: So by your memory, it takes immense power to destroy a lich’s phylactery
DM: And perhaps different rituals and powers are needed depending on the nature of said phylactery
DM: You’ve never heard of someone just smashing one, but hey
Bronan: Normally liches die if you put fire stick on them or salt
Come back next Monday for Chapter 37 of The Cursed Tomb!
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The Lost Lighthouse 