The Cursed Tomb: Chapter 33 – We All Have to Grow Up Sometime

So Adam and Ian don’t feel like they play enough D&D. To rectify this, they started playing a text-based adventure with a couple of friends, still using the 5th edition framework. We thought it would be fun to clean up the transcripts of this adventure and start publishing it in weekly chapters here on the site. Let us know what you think, and please share around! If you missed Chapter 1, check it out here!

Disclaimer: This is the transcript of a text-based D&D game played over a period of 6 months. Bad language included. Picture based dice rolls/media omitted. Names changed to preserve anonymity. Goblin based violence frequent. You have been warned. If you missed Chapter 32, find it here!


Bronan: Now it safe for melody to come home, we pass on good news. Still have problem with bugman traitor and Constance seem sad. Faustus, you want lightning sword? Bronan really attached to the beers

‪Bronan: Or maybe constance wants it, make her smile again

Constance: (Wait, where did you get a lightning sword!?!?)

‪Bronan: (I thought DM allowed us the one fuckup from not saying we stole the mayors sword, if not the disregard, Bronan has been too long away from the ale barrel)

DM: (yup you have his sword, not his wand though)

‪Bronan: Feel better now Varratim? World a cleaner place

DM: Varratim smiles

DM: We should rest, friends! In the morning I will send a delegation to these bird people. Could be melody wants to stay, could be she wants to come home. That is her choice. We might trade with them

DM: But thank you for this.

DM: Unless there are objections I’ll presume you rest through the night at pontifico’s house?

‪Bronan: Yup, I’ll warn varratim about the whole tax to go through the birdmen lands, and suggest he brings gifts for that and elders

DM: Great

DM: Well, what would you like to do? Pontifico has said you are welcome to stay in his guesthouse for the time being. Varratim is leaving with a caravan to the bird people tomorrow afternoon. There are two ships in port, one heading to the pirate isles, one heading north to the cormyra coast

DM: Aside from that, the small fort town is bustling with activity, watched over by the protective owlbears and a few pirate guards

Faustus: (I’d like to head to the bird people with Varratim to make sure it all goes down ok)

Constance: (Isn’t that kind of their problem?)

‪Bronan: (I kinda want to see melody again, make sure varratim is on the level regarding knowing her, and then the airship of loot in the deep desert!)

Constance: (Oh shit yeah)

Constance: (That sounds good.)

‪Bronan: (plus the birdmen may have seen a large airship and where it crashed?)

‪Bronan: (also Melbos murder, it’s closer to town)

‪Bronan: But for the night before we decide/leave. Bronan is gonna get whitegirl wasted and dance with the owlbears

Constance: yeah ok bird people it is. I’m going to sullenly drink all night to try and forget what we just did.

DM: Alright, so after an evening of revelry you are going to join varratims caravan heading to the worm people? It is ready to leave by mid morning, piled high with treasure and trade goods

DM: Three pirates and varratim travel with it, moving at walking speed

DM: They set off to the east, towards the marshes. As they leave a few owlbears roar-hoot in farewell

DM: You are walking with them?

‪Bronan: Yup

DM: It will take a day through the swamps, and then about…5 more days of desert travel

DM: So I want a roll from each of you

DM: Survival

Constance: 20 (not nat)

DM: You navigate the swamp paths successfully, avoiding a tribe of bullywugs, and taking care to reenter the desert proper far from the cockatrice nest

Faustus: 13

DM: Your first day in the desert passes uneventfully, following a rough track over sand and sparse red grass. The sand is more compact in this northern loop. In the distance once, you think you spot wings. the mountains are still just a faint jagged line on the horizon

Constance: (dont fuck this for us bronan)

‪Bronan: I got a 14 in survival but I think my outlander background helps us get water and food and shit

DM: You are fine for food

‪Bronan: Yeah sorry I was in such a hurry to roll I didn’t read the context! Mah bad

DM: The second day in the desert, a pack of six gnolls eyes you from atop a toll-free clearly a posturing display to ward you from their lands. You navigate slowly around, avoiding the ravine they call home, and double your watch that night

DM: Constance

Constance: yeeeeeesssss

DM: Your roll. Still three days of travel to go!

DM: You are far from the swamps and far from the mountains- you are in the true north desert, hard sand, sparse dry red grass. No trees or shrubs

Constance: 16

DM: Throughout the day you keep a sharp eye, but the desert seems silent to you, lifeless. Halfway through the day you come across tracks, perpendicular to yours, of strange hooves. They seem days old

DM: By the end of the day, the foothills are before you- beyond them the mountains rise

DM: Faustus your roll

Faustus: 14

Constance: Did I recognise those tracks?

Constance: And did it look like there were many of them?

DM: Perception

DM: Then I’ll get back to faustus’s roll

Constance: 12

DM: Some sort of large beast. Maybe several in single file? not one you’ve encountered

‪Bronan: So far we find dogmen, birdmen and bugman, maybe it cowmen?

Constance: bipedal? quadrapedal?

DM: With a 12 mate? Be srs

Constance: lol

Constance: (i figured that would be a bit obvious!)

DM: You can’t remember if back feet and front feet are the same

DM: All the prints look pretty similar

DM: The next day as you ascend through the foothills faustus quickly commands you all to get behind some rocks

DM: Moments later, a dozen centaur speed past thundering off, spears raised, ululating to the sky

DM: You move off your path a ways to a slightly harder, but less well travelled path

DM: Bronan, you are in the foothills, its starting to look familiar

DM: Roll survival for your last day of travle

Bronan: Common, big money no whammys

‪Bronan: 15

DM: (you jammy bastards)

DM: You approach the entryway to the valley of the Blessed Wind

Constance: (DM see me rolling, he hating)

DM: And six aaracokra plummet from the sky, superhero landing in front of you (really bad for the knees)

‪Bronan: Do we recognise any of em?

DM: Nope

DM: Lead one points a spear at you

DM: This is blessed wind territory. Leave, or pay the toll

Constance: I roll my eyes

Constance: yes we are quite aware of that

Faustus: (What were the names of any of the ones we do know? I can’t check because I got a new phone since we were there and can’t search the chat)

Constance: (searching)

Constance: we are heading for Sweetwater

Constance: Windblade Fún

DM: They lower their spears

DM: You are…constance? You are taller than windblade fun described

Constance: yes well, we all have to grow up sometime

‪Bronan: (lol)

DM: The aaracokra nod, and confer amongst themselves.

DM: You vouch for this…elf? She gestures at varratim and his pirates

‪Bronan: He friend of Melody and bring gifts

DM: I see

DM: Follow us

DM: They take off and start flying up the ravines, circling slowly to allow you to follow

Constance: We do that

DM: And after a half day wending through the ravines, you reach sweetwater

DM: Windblade fun and the elders approach you and bow respectfully

DM: And melody runs straight by them, and straight by you, and embraces varratim, yelling ‘papa!’

‪Bronan: (trust varratim to bonk a teifling)

‪Bronan: (as in her mother)

Constance: *bow back*

‪Bronan: *reaches for beer keg to offer ale, realises it’s still in the freakin desert somewhere and sighs* Scarf-mayor gone now

DM: Wingblade fun ululates with joy, and the refs of the elders and warriors join him. Melody introduces her father Varratim to the village elders, and pretty soon it all kicks into a massive celebratory feast

‪Bronan: Bronan is going to be partying hard and even sir dribbles will have a bowl of ale or two

Constance: Constance will be reticent at first, still disappointed in the needless death of the mayor, but will come round slightly after a few drinks and seeing how happy its made others

‪Bronan: Can I engage in a drinking competition with windblade fun?

DM: Absolutely. Make a constitution save as you dry and outdrink the aaracokra warrior

Faustus: Faustus stands slightly aside, contentedly observing the revelry.

‪Bronan: I got an 8 total

DM: You aren’t used to their fermented cave grass beer, and wingblade fun drinks you under the table

DM: In the morning, it seems that the elders and varratim have reached an accord regarding trading. Melody is planning on staying with the tribe for a while to study their martial arts and hopefully learn to control her powers. What would you like to do?

‪Bronan: (depose Melbos, airship? What do people think?)

DM: plot hooks- Melbos situation; Crashed treasure airship in the desert; Kill shai’hulud for mad gnoll… Or anything else you fancy doing! head back to the city, head out to sea, explore the desert, take a portal from cormyra to somewhere else etc etc

Constance: I reckon we should look for that airship. Use the funds to crush Melbos.

Constance: Install ourselves as benevolent rulers

DM: (you all levelled up post toppling mayor? If not, do!)

Constance: (Yay)

Faustus: Yay. What are we now?

DM: Um. 4 I think?

‪Bronan: Yay, I’m going to go stats, one in con (so it’s 16) and one in wis (so it’s 14)


Constance: so im using the pregens and i think they have put one into dex and one into wis

Faustus: Cool. I put one in charisma and one in constitution.

Constance: So this airship.

Constance: Is that the plan?

DM: is that the plan?

DM: You know there is a crashed airship full of treasure somewhere south of the gnoll tomb, deep in the south desert. Risks? That’s worm country. Rewards? A whole airship full of treasure!

Constance: Do we know where it left from?

Faustus: Sure I’m in.

Constance: Or know who would know that?

DM: It left from al’shash, heading to the wild pirates, full of treasure from the mayor trying to bribe them

Constance: So we retrace the steps!

DM: You are at blessed wind, airship left al’shash heading west

DM: Conferring with the aaracokra…probably airship would want to stop at Slow Death oasis, southwest of Ptonos’s tomb

DM: (also, Constance, I’m right that you have made no killing blow with Ptonos’s staff yet? think all your death blows have been fist and feet..)

Constance: You are correct

Constance: I have been trying to not kill since that is my thing

DM: Course

DM: So yes.that is the layout. Birdmen won’t accompany you south of the tomb

DM: But will give you provisions

DM: Options- walking, single camel cart

‪Bronan: Camel cart?

Constance: Camel cart

Faustus: Yup

DM: You can load up with two weeks of supplies, including two barrels of water

DM: The camel can easily pull that

DM: There is a small bench seat

DM: At a push you could all ride aboard, but the she doesn’t move much faster than walking. Her name is Besh

DM: What time of day do you leave? Travelling for at least six days, what’s the planned marching order and routine?

‪Bronan: I can speak to animals, so I’m gonna have a chat with Besh and ask her to be cool and we’ll keep her safe,  I’ll say I’ll chat with her every day to make sure she has what she needs

‪Bronan: Other than that, I’m happy walking or riding, maybe doing some scouting

Constance: I’ll scout slightly ahead, since I can dash like a motherfucker back.

Constance: But always within sight of the others.

Constance: Occasionally waiting for them to catch up or running back to let them know if I’ve seen anything of note.

‪Bronan: I’m going to spend some time doing my foraging shit to supplement our rations and cooking for everyone in that case

DM: So bronan scavenging and cooking, Constance scouting

DM: Faustus?

Faustus: I’ll just keep an eye out for immediate danger I guess?

DM: Alright. Six days of travel. Somebody roll for day 1, see what happens!

DM: Actually

DM: First three days in the northern desert go fast, with scouts from the Blessed wind driving off kobold scavengers and a few feral owlbears and cockatrice

DM: But they leave you when the dunes grow higher and the grass sparse- the south desert! it should take you three days to reach the Slow Death oasis

DM: This is worm country

Faustus: (Right before we head in)

Faustus: (Do we want to be taking the camel cart? The worms were attracted to noise)

Faustus: (Cart may cause more noise and excess vibrations)

‪Bronan: (camels walk in an uneven pattern? And the firemen walk had step slump, slump slump step, maybe like the cart on runners?)

‪Bronan: (I don’t actually know if they do or not, but I’m hoping we can convince Besh)

Constance: (The firemen step?)

DM: (think he meant fremen)

‪Bronan: (fremen goddamn autocorrect!)

Constance: (Fremen?)

‪Bronan: (the blue eyed desert folk from dune that rode sandworms)

Constance: (I’m not sure why I have no recollection of this)

‪Bronan: (it’s from that book I lent you man, not the game :))

Constance: (Oh ok then)

DM: (mate if you have not read dune, go read dune. And then go watch the movie with Sting)

‪Bronan: (so Bronan Deffo doesn’t know fremen step, just not to bang drums)

Constance: (Bronan lent me it, I’ve read like 20 pages)

‪Bronan: (I also have the movie…for my sins, and the much truer to books mini series)

DM: (mini series is superb, but that movie is hard to beat)

‪Bronan: (if there is spice melange in this world, Bronan is going full fremen, may even try to drown a baby worm and see what happens)

‪Bronan: (at the edge of worm territory, I prance around with Sir dribbles for 10 minutes until I can speak with animals) Hoo the Besh, we go into territory where we need to be sneaky, sneaky like hero, not like dogmen, Besh walk careful so no noise and Bronan give Besh (whatever seems to be her favourite treat since I’ve been talking with her every day)

DM: Her favourite treat is cactus

DM: And she seems amenable, and will try her best!

‪Bronan: Good ole Besh, imma fetch her a cactus

Constance: (She’s the besht)

‪Bronan: (besher that all the rest)

‪Bronan: (than)

DM: So day 1 in the deep south desert

DM: You are well provisioned with Bronan’s wilderness expertise and supplies, you are well defended by Constance and Faustus


Come back next Monday for Chapter 34 of The Cursed Tomb!


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