The Cursed Tomb: Chapter 30 – Real Bad

So Adam and Ian don’t feel like they play enough D&D. To rectify this, they started playing a text-based adventure with a couple of friends, still using the 5th edition framework. We thought it would be fun to clean up the transcripts of this adventure and start publishing it in weekly chapters here on the site. Let us know what you think, and please share around! If you missed Chapter 1, check it out here!

Disclaimer: This is the transcript of a text-based D&D game played over a period of 6 months. Bad language included. Picture based dice rolls/media omitted. Names changed to preserve anonymity. Goblin based violence frequent. You have been warned. If you missed Chapter 29, find it here!


DM: Bronan, where is the gem, what has been happening?

‪Bronan: The gem is nearby, I think Melbos want it too, so Bronan careful, you have money for gem?

DM: Melbos?

DM: And how did he find out about it

DM: I have money, bronan. What was it we decided on again? I might have to have a think about the final sum due to your…erratic behaviour since heading into the desert

DM: Why haven’t you come to me, bronan? Why did you go to Cormyra?

‪Bronan: We were worried Melbos might be mad at us

‪Bronan: Errm Bronan not sure, thought it was 30 gold

‪Bronan: Melbos knows many things, Bronan surprised he not here right now, he seems to want gem

DM: Well. Regardless. Where are your little friends?

Bronan: One has the gem, the other is having bath, you get rid of Melbos? He scary, might take gem

DM: Melbos isn’t here

DM: He clicks his fingers and the mage with him reaches into a small pouch, bringing out a much larger pouch. He throws it in the dirt between the mayor and bronan

DM: 90 gold

Bronan: (I know I’m trying to freaking stall!! Goddamn thrikeen, can’t even keep track of the bloody plan)

DM: Gem please, bronan. This has gone on long enough

DM: What are all your passive perceptions

‪Bronan: Ok, (I pick up the gold) I go fetch gem

‪Bronan: 13

Faustus: Is 10 plus wisdom mod yes?

Constance: 12

Faustus: If yes, 12.

‪Bronan: And proficiency if you are proficient?

DM: Yes

DM: And yes

Faustus: 12

‪Bronan: Yup mines still 13

DM: You can hear crickets in the sand, and maybe an owl hoot from the withered vines to your north east?

DM: Bronan, you grab the bag?

‪Bronan: Yup then walk to the back if the Cart yelling “faustuuuuuuuuus, where are you, time to give the Scarf-mayor the gem”

Faustus: OK I’m going to jump up and try and use the gem I guess? Directed at the Mayor and his guard.

DM: Okay!

DM: Faustus

DM: Roll a d20 and add your intelligence for me please

DM: Bronan, as you walk toward the cart the mage and three crossbowmen train their weapons on you

Faustus: 18

Faustus: 17+1

Faustus: (Wait, as in our mage and crossbowmen?)

‪Bronan: (the mayors henchmen I think)

DM: (the mayor’s henchman)

DM: Faustus. You feel incredible power focusing through the crystal, and becoming to distill, and…it keeps going

DM: Because the casting time of that spell is 1 minute…

Faustus: Hahahahaha you son of a bitch

DM: Roll initiative

Constance: SON OF A BITCH

Constance: lolololol

DM: (not my fault if you don’t read the spell description!)

Constance: 14

‪Bronan: Aaahh shit

Faustus: Nope you are quite right, I wasn’t playing attention when you put the spell up.

‪Bronan: I got 15

Faustus: 2 ffs.

Constance: (so, is faustus going to have to keep concentrating for 10 rounds to release this thing?)

DM: (yup!)

‪Bronan: (man, I guess, still we have house people, the wizard who teleport us here, and potentially Melbos of he pulls his thumb out)

DM: (the wizard didn’t come with you, he just teleported you + varratim+ 3 pirates

‪Bronan: (it might come just in time to get rid of the evidence)

‪Bronan: Ah ok

Constance: (didnt he? I thought he was teleporting us back?)

DM: Right

DM: (don’t think so…)

DM: Bad guys Bronan


DM: (and on each of your turns, you can command your pirate minion!)

Constance: oh balls

DM: So.

Constance: hold on, am i still hidden?

DM: You think so?

DM: Two crossbowmen shoot at bronan- 12, 18. Either hit?

‪Bronan: Yup, the 18, my ac is 14

Faustus: (As someone who basically never casts spells, to cast it from a gem – I basically can’t do anything else but concentrate on that can I?)

Constance: (you can do other stuff, but if you take any damage you make a con save)

Constance: (unless the thing you want to do requires concentration)

DM: An arrow thunks into bronans back, doing 6 piercing damage

DM: The two swordsman take up defensive positions by the mayor

Faustus: Well this sure would have been a good plan if I hadn’t fucked that up real bad!

DM: The mage flexes out his hand and shoots a fireball at Faustus- 22 to hit, 4 burning damage if that hits

Faustus: Haha yeah that hits.

DM: The mayor draws his wand

Constance: (con save?)

DM: Oh yes, con save please!

‪Bronan: (are we level 3 or 2 at the moment?)

Faustus: 16

DM: (3)

DM: Faustus, you manage to keep hold of your concentration

Constance: (FYI Faustus. The dc is always 10 or half the amount of damage. Whichever is higher)

Faustus: Ah yes. Which is why huge damage is pretty hard to concentrate through!

Constance: Yuuuup

DM: The mayor shoots out with his wand at faustus, and a glob of viscous white material flies towards the dragonborn. 14 to hit

Faustus: Nope.

‪Bronan: (Bro, he spidermand you)

DM: It sails off into the darkness

Faustus: (Yeah why did it have to be white?!)

DM: (holy shut I haven’t heard that term since I was 16, brilliant)

DM: (well, it’s spiderwebby shut! God)

DM: Bronan, you are up, you can also control the actions of the crossbow pirate in the barn

Faustus: (Also, my ac without a shield is 16 or 18 with shield. With the gem in one hand and sword in another, can I have the gem in my shield hand with the arm through the straps or no?)

DM: (sure…)

Faustus: (For real, if that isn’t ok I don’t mind)

DM: (i literally don’t know what the rule is, but it makes sense to me. Not a worry)

DM: Bronan- no sign of Melbos, some guy just shot you, and the scarf mayor is being a real dick

Faustus: (OK. If I get to cast it, which I’m sure I won’t, I can plant my sword then lose an action to pick it back up or something)

‪Bronan: I’m going to yell “he was just going to give you the gem rudeboy”

‪Bronan: Then seeing viscous goo and fire being thrown at Faustus, my eyes start to glaze, I rage and run at the mayor swinging my axe screaming “waaaaasssshhhh yoooouuuurrrr haaaaaannnnndsss”

‪Bronan: The crossbow guy is going to see shit going down and try to pop a bolt into a swordsman

‪Bronan: Which is a 19 for me to hit

DM: Okay, crossbow guy from the barn sees you hulk out and smashes a bolt into the back of one of the swordsmans’s head, and he drops dead

DM: What do you do?

‪Bronan: I’m swinging the beers at they mayor with a 19 to hit

‪Bronan: Or was the 19 for the crossbow guy?

DM: (i gave it to the crossbow guy sorry I thought that was what you meant. Let’s say your guys get the same roll as you!)

DM: 19 hits him, damage?

Constance: (oh shit all or nothing)

‪Bronan: (it’s cool man, I didn’t know his to hit, mine is plus 5)

DM: I did his and rolled his damage

DM: And your hit hits him

DM: How much damage do the beers do?

‪Bronan: 11 slashing

DM: Bronan, your warhammer/axe/mad beer smasher swings down with startling pace, gouging into the mayor’s arm as he tries to dodge away

DM: Kill them all! He says

DM: But first stop that dragonborn!

DM: Constance you are up, and so is your priest in the main farm building

Constance: (fyi i might be about to head to a meeting so might disappear for a while)

Constance: ok what are my priest options?

Constance: is it the NPC priest from the MM?

DM: (no, nowhere near that powerful. Basically, attack with sword, sacred flame, 2 slots of 1st level cure wounds)

Constance: ok sacred flame at the one swordsman who is left

Constance: and as soon as that lands im going to pop out of the well and shout *”FAUSTUS, THE NETS!”*

Constance: run up to the mage and start crouching tiger hidden in a well big-ling smashing

Constance: (do i roll the priest?)

DM: Flame like radiance descends on the swordsman

DM: (its a save so no)

DM: And he yells, leaping back after taking 4 damage

DM: You are attacking the mage? Roll roll roll

Constance: ok so i am going to smash him with my staff first then use flurry of blows to do two unarmed strikes and try to knock him prone

Constance: (we havent combatted in so long, what do i add to the staff again?)

Constance: (looking back its supposed to be 5)

Constance: ok so it goes staff punch spinning back kick

Constance: which is 18, NAT 20, 17

DM: (ankh staff?)

DM: Oh shit

DM: Yeah roll out all that damage boyo

Constance: do you want some damage?

DM: Yup, all of it

DM: (Had you figured out what the ankh staff did? Or had you yet to find out?)

Constance: (Yet to find out, so far it’s been a hunger but unexplained)

DM: Awesome.

DM: Roll damage!!

Constance: (Staff is 1d8 right?)

DM: Yup

Constance: 11 for staff

Constance: 8 for punch

Constance: sorry 7 not 8

Constance: right i did that all wrong start again

Constance: 10 for staff

Constance: 7 for punch

Constance: 7 for kick

Constance: and he has to make a DC 13 dex save or be knocked prone

Constance: so a total of 24 damage

‪Bronan: Jumping jesus

DM: The mage is bloodied, bashed, and knocked sprawling to the dirt coughing blood, one eye already swollen shut

DM: Faustus, you are up

Faustus: OK I would like my crossbow boy to fire a net or several? I forget how it works.

Constance: i think it was a full action to fire a net

Faustus: Just the one?

Faustus: I’d like him to fire it at one of the mayors crossbowmen.

DM: Sure, roll for it

Faustus: He got an 11. Anything added to that?

DM: His dex, which is plus two

DM: The net careers off into the sand!

Faustus: Balls.

Faustus: OK. I’m still concentrating on casting the spell and I’m going to stay behind the cart (forgot to ask, would I not get half cover from that?) And I’m going to use abjure enemy on the Mayor.

Faustus: Wisdom save.

DM: 14

DM: What happens?

Faustus: OK so that saves, but on a success…

Faustus: Speed is halved for 1 minute or until he takes damage.

DM: Aha

DM: Varratim leaps forward from the rubble, yells “for melody!” And runs to the nearest enemy. Attacks crossbow guy, who fends him off


Come back next Monday for Chapter 31 of The Cursed Tomb!


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