The Cursed Tomb: Chapter 29 – Actually Not a Terrible Plan

So Adam and Ian don’t feel like they play enough D&D. To rectify this, they started playing a text-based adventure with a couple of friends, still using the 5th edition framework. We thought it would be fun to clean up the transcripts of this adventure and start publishing it in weekly chapters here on the site. Let us know what you think, and please share around! If you missed Chapter 1, check it out here!

Disclaimer: This is the transcript of a text-based D&D game played over a period of 6 months. Bad language included. Picture based dice rolls/media omitted. Names changed to preserve anonymity. Goblin based violence frequent. You have been warned. If you missed Chapter 28, find it here!


DM: So….what’s your plan?

DM: Says Varratim, adjusting his sword belt, having come to find you all

DM: My crew are prepared for whatever we need to do, and Pontifico the wizard shall help us all he can

‪Bronan: (I’ll let Constance or Faustus fill him in, otherwise it’s going to be a whole wall of broken English and Bronans obsession with listeria)

Faustus: Faustus tells him the plan. “What do you think? Doable?”

DM: So teleport to al’shash, lure the mayor and Melbos to this abandoned farm, hope they kill each other, if not we kill the mayor? That right?

‪Bronan: Pretty much, also, wizard help us steal mayor if can

Constance: yeah, i would rather capture than kill initially

Constance: but if it comes to that then so be it

DM: Steal the mayor? Hm

DM: Pontifico explains he can teleport himself +7. So Constance, Faustus, Bronan, Varratim, and three pirates of your choice

DM: You have crossbow specialists, melee specialists, priests, druids, low level wizards, etc to choose from

DM: Choose a minion each!

‪Bronan: Bronan not good at math, if we want steal mayor, we take 2 pirates? Bronan not need pirate friend, he have tribe with him, so tribe can take pirate friends and we still steal mayor

Faustus: I’ll take a crossbow guy

Constance: then a priest could be useful

DM: Varratim assigns a priest to Constance, and a crossbowman to Bronan and Faustus

DM: Pontifico summons a circle of glowing blue runes, and when you all step inside in a flash you are taken to the desert north of al’shash. Your farmhouse is nearby

‪Bronan: Constance, remember hungry beggar who told us we need to meet mayor in pub? You look different, maybe you find another person to take message to Melbos and Scarf-mayor?

‪Bronan: Bronan can give you coins to give them

DM: You are sat in the abandoned farmhouse with your attack team. Is Constance going to town to lure out the mayor? It’s evening. It’s hot. The sand is burning with the last vestiges of sunlight, and the night birds are starting to fly. Far off, you hear camels harrumphing the sound of crickets

‪Bronan: I guess we’ll spend the night, and barring any other suggest, I’ll leave the tsunami gem with constance or Faustus and then go into town to lure the badguys to the ambush site

Faustus: Sounds good.

DM: Cool, so in the morning bronan runs into town?

‪Bronan: Yup, first stop Melbos

DM: You can find his two assistants loitering in the alleyway easily enough

DM: Bronan

DM: Bronan bronan

DM: Melbos would like to speak, you are free to speak yes?

DM: Faisal and Toma gesture to you to follow them

‪Bronan: Yes of course

‪Bronan: Bronan not slave, Bronan free

DM: You follow them down to the simple house with the blue door where melbos awaits you, sat on his chair, and offers you a cup of tea with a gesture

Constance: (oh god this might go badly)

DM: Faisal closes the door and locks it, and Toma goes to stand by Melbos to translate

DM: Bronan. How are you?

‪Bronan: Ah, so so, Bronan lose ale barrel running from sand chicken. But other than that ok, how Melbos?

DM: Melbos bad, bronan. Melbos angry, and confused. Melbos sent a shipment across the desert to the north, and Melbos’s shipment was attacked by birdmen. Birdmen who killed one of Melbo’s men

‪Bronan: Oh, that bad, did they go round edge of birdmen? Birdmen say can go round or give half if go through, safest to go round edge of lands

DM: Melbos shrugs

DM: A mistake, maybe.

DM: Perhaps we went to close to their lands

DM: What do you want, Bronan? Why have you returned to Al’shash? The mayor seeks you and your friends, and I do not think he is happy

‪Bronan: Maybe birdmen let through lands if Melbos smash mayor? Mayor want gem, and think he come for it at nightfall at farm out of town,  maybe Melbos want shiny gem and smash mayor?

DM: Persuasian check bronan

DM: You plan to kill the mayor and want my help

DM: What is this shiny gem?

‪Bronan: 18 for persuasion

‪Bronan: Well, Scarf-mayor want gem and smash innocents

‪Bronan: Birdmen hate mayor pirates hate mayor

DM: Everybody hates mayor

‪Bronan: Melbos want power and allies, prove worth to birdmen and pirates and kill mayor?

DM: Nightfall at the abandoned farm?

‪Bronan: Yup yup

DM: Melbos nods, toma nods, and causal unlocks the door

DM: Go careful bronan

DM: And we will see you tonight…

‪Bronan: Melbos know messenger to tell mayor?

DM: Hm

DM: I could send an orphan I suppose?

Bronan: Ok, make sure tell mayor we have gem and others want it, that way we get all his friends at once

DM: I see. Well. I’ll send an orphan claiming to be your messenger

DM: Is there some…tactic? Or just smash mayor

‪Bronan: Just smash try to turn up at same time and pretend you want Gem, otherwise mayor will get wise and sneak or smash Bronan as he and friends alone

DM: Aha

DM: I will have some of my men pose as alternate buyers for this…gem. and then together we will all attack the mayor

DM: Should we have a signal, to attack?

Bronan: If you watch mayor then when he gets there you and your men appear. Then strike like lightning

DM: Aha. Then we shall be hidden in the shadows.

DM: Until tonight, bronana

DM: Bronan!

Constance: hahahahaah

‪Bronan: Okay Melbos! See you then!

‪Bronan: (then I’ll return to the house to let the others know the plan)

DM: Okay

DM: You have the rest of the day to prepare, how are you arranging your forces?

‪Bronan: Is the netthrowing cart still there?

DM: It is…

‪Bronan: Right, elaborate plan time

Constance: ok. I have a set of manacles, two smoke bombs and a hunting trap

‪Bronan: This may be asking for a lot, do you have a layout of the house? I’m thinking we should try to pin them between the house and the cart, crossbow man in cart with someone to fire net, hunting trap in obvious escape route and then smoke bomb when shit goes down to manacle the mayor then teleport the fuck home after knocking the mayor unconscious

Constance: yeah i would quite like to know the layout here so we can establish positions etc

Constance: like the plan will go to fuck as soon as we make contact

Constance: but still

‪Bronan: Ooooh Bronan have good plan, really good plan, make all problem go away

‪Bronan: We wait until fight start, if Melbos and Scarf-mayor here, we use gem to wash itsy bitsy listeria bug down the drain, gem not available for badmen, badmen gone, water field for crops

Constance: huh

Constance: thats actually not a terrible plan

Constance: i mean

Constance: we point it away from the city

‪Bronan: Can we use gem though? How we use? Break it?

DM: Give me an arcana check bronan

‪Bronan: Ah my strongest skill

Constance: (shit I’m totes hiding in the well)

‪Bronan: I got a 12

DM: Bronan- smash it? Or hold it and focus on doing magic!

‪Bronan: (was going to make a borat joke, didn’t cause I’m cultured)

‪Bronan: Hmm Bronan could try to focus, only know ritual for animals…anyone know magic? Bronan happy to try though *smiles stupidly*

Faustus: I’ll take a look at it?

‪Bronan: Sure, you or constance have it, Bronan not take gem into town, not gem in town or mayor might get it

DM: If you are all back and planning then by all means, arcana check away

DM: You have the map, some pirates, and a net throwing cart

‪Bronan: (We could turn the cart into a mini boat and ride the tsunami!!)

Constance: (what guys do we have again?)

DM: Varratim, a pirate cleric, and two crossbowmen

Faustus: Arcana check on the gem for how to use it, 17.

DM: Breaking it would…Well…Breaking it would unleash the spell. Focusing on it would allow you to cast the spell properly, but only if your intellect was up to the job. If you didn’t focus right, magical energy might backlash and hurt you, and you might have a bad time

Constance: I think the issue with this is where we point it.

DM: Farmhouse is half a mile outside town

Constance: We don’t want to hit our guys. Or risk hitting al shahs

Constance: Do we think this thing will do that much damage?

DM: Spell reminder

DM: (you worked this out with the help of the birdman elder if I recall)

DM: Faustus, you are pretty sure failing to cast the spell would actually just mean it unravels and leaves the gem harmlessly

DM: (just reread how spell gems work, my bad)

Constance: ok cool, so it would only travel 300ft

Constance: we should be good!

Constance: if we could lure them all to the centre of the space, between the well and the house, then blamo!

‪Bronan: Yes, good plan, finally make mayor wash his hands

Constance: ok, so who releases the spell, and when? and where do we position ourselves?

‪Bronan: Bronan happy to be bait, not good with brainmagic though

‪Bronan: If gem not work. We could always smash old fashioned way

Constance: yup

Constance: i think we hide ourselves as well as possible, maybe with Faustus in the cart with one of the crossbowmen, then me hidden in the well, then varratim and a crossbowman in the farmhouse?

‪Bronan: And Bronan sit in middle with gem?

Constance: i was more thinking Faustus keeps a hold of the gem from the cart, then bronan can make a dash for cover just before it goes off

Constance: but thats really down to how you two feel

‪Bronan: Faustus very smart, and he quiet like soft breeze

‪Bronan: Remember birdmen fight?

Constance: I do

‪Bronan: Bronan happy with plan, but cart need to be in front of well and house, otherwise water fall in well and knock down house on friends

Constance: perhaps directly in line

‪Bronan: Sound good

DM: So the cart in between the house and well. Bronan out in front. Varratim+crossbows in the barn.faustus holding gem hidden in the cart. Constance balancing just below the lip of the well

‪Bronan: Sounds like a foolproof plan

‪Bronan: (I hope!)

DM: Alright, in which case, you settle into position, and the sun slowly begins to set…

‪Bronan: Im going to be jamming on my drum

Constance: (one of the crossbowmen is supposed to be in the cart with faustus

DM: Sure

DM: Okay?

Constance: are we missing someone?

Constance: cleric?

Constance: head pirate guy whos name espaces me?

Constance: escapes*

DM: Varratim and one crossbow guy in the barn, priest in the farmhouse, bronan in the centre, faustus and crossbowman in the cart, Constance in the well

DM: No sign of Melbos’s gang

DM: And the sun is setting

DM: From the south, the town, a covered wagon being led by a camel, driven by robed and scarfed man, approaches

DM: He stops the wagon, leaps down, and walks towards bronan, stopping 20ft in front of him

DM: Faustus, Constance, can you each make stealth checks for me? With advantage?

Constance: 16

Faustus: As I’m not moving, do I have have my usual disadvantage?

DM: No

Faustus: Balls. 9.

DM: With advantage 9?

Faustus: Yuup

DM: The figure whistles

DM: And from the covered cart six figures emerge, and spread out to flank the mayor

DM: Three hold crossbows, two large curved swords, and one a long wooden staff. All are dressed in Robes

DM: The scarves man reaches up and removes the scarves from his face, revealing his face

DM: A jeweled sword in one hand, a metal embossed wand tucked in his belt

DM: Bronan. Where is my gem?

Faustus: (Boys, shall I *show* him the gem? Might hit Bronan?)

Constance: (i mean, i guess he knows your there, but you don’t know that, let things play out a little?)

DM: The mayor draws his wand, and taps it on his leg impatiently

‪Bronan: Oh hello who are you again? Bronan waiting for scarf man from tavern

DM: That would be me

DM: You literally just saw me remove my scarf


Come back next Monday for Chapter 30 of The Cursed Tomb!


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