So Adam and Ian don’t feel like they play enough D&D. To rectify this, they started playing a text-based adventure with a couple of friends, still using the 5th edition framework. We thought it would be fun to clean up the transcripts of this adventure and start publishing it in weekly chapters here on the site. Let us know what you think, and please share around! If you missed Chapter 1, check it out here!
Disclaimer: This is the transcript of a text-based D&D game played over a period of 6 months. Bad language included. Picture based dice rolls/media omitted. Names changed to preserve anonymity. Goblin based violence frequent. You have been warned. If you missed Chapter 26, find it here!
DM: The night passes slowly, with only the gentle sloshing of the water and the faint rustling of reeds in the wind mixing with the camels soft soft footsteps
DM: As dawn breaks you see you are in a vast delta, flat and wide, and to the west, you can hear waves and see an indistinct outline of some sort of holdfast
DM: Before you the delta gives way to hard sand and sparse palms, and you see Fort Last
Bronan: Looks nice, no sand chickens
DM: Guarding the gated entrance are two burly looking…well…pirates
Bronan: Hello, we come from across desert, can we come in? We help flower lady Tyress
DM: The fattest pirate glances over the statue, the bedraggled camel, the tearful Tyress
DM: He shrugs and opens the gate
Constance: Thank you sir! *walks through gate*
DM: Passing the gates, you see a strange little town. A few market stalls, a lot of shipbuilding shops and artisans, a walled marina
DM: And at least a dozen owlbears prowling the streets!
DM: The owlbears have green tunes on their forehead, and appear to be guarding some of the buildings and the central market square
DM: Tyres leads the camel and sled to a small warehouse shed near the marina and opens the gate. The shed is half full of crates of flowers
DM: She gets the sled in, and leads the camel to a stable area where it can drink and calm down
DM: She comes back to speak to you and looks at the statue, and the flowers
DM: Well! I owe you a great debt, it would seem
DM: I am Tyress. Who are you, and how did you come to be in such a fortuitous place? I’m not used to encountering anyone in the desert who isn’t trying to kill or eat me
Constance: (we rolled a 2)
DM: (tyress has cropped brown hair, dark skin, and a few facial tattoos)
Bronan: Me Bronan, this sir dribbles, Faustus tribe and Constance tribe, we travel and make camp. Then heard scream, so help
Constance: (what was the name of the place we were heading again)
Bronan: Constance and Faustus, can we go back soon to camp? Bronan left portable ram and ale there… Ale get lonely without Bronan
DM: (you didn’t have a name, just know it as the wild ports)
DM: (bronan we can say your portable ram is on a sling on your back by the way, it’s not so big!)
Constance: Bronan, we will get you another barrel in which to hold ale, it has come in surprisingly useful.
Bronan: (oh ok, cool, at least he can knock politely still:))
Bronan: Yes, ale always good idea
Constance: So Tyress. Why does “collecting the moon flowers” bring you out to the desert? What are moon flowers?
DM: She points at the flowers
DM: They grow in the desert
DM: And only bloom at night
Constance: seems a bit dangerous for some flowers?
DM: She shrugs
DM: Every man must eat
DM: And the moon flowers fetch a high price
Bronan: What flowers used for? Make things pretty? Also, sorry about statue man, wish we had helped sooner
DM: She nods. No, you did very well. Now that he is here he should return to us tonight
DM: The flowers are ground into moonspice, which the boats trade up and down the coast
Constance: whats that for?
Bronan: (smells like skooma to me)
DM: (khajit has moon-sugar if you have coin)
Constance: as in flavouring for food
Bronan: (Bronan has broad grin on his face) Bronan glad we help, nice to help people, simple, not hurt head by planning but just do
Bronan: We get ale and talk? Bronan thirsty and the beers is empty
DM: Tyress goes and brings you pack a small pouch each, perhaps 100 grams? And also she tries to hand you a couple of gold pieces each
DM: Please. Moonspice. It is not much, but if not for you my Tomo would awake surrounded by claws and fear and would surely perish
Bronan: Thank you, very kind, Tyress know who in charge around here? Is it giant owlbear?
Constance: yes, you have our thanks
DM: Giant owlbear?
DM: She laughs
DM: Those are Pontifico’s, he is…mayor? Chief? Pontifico is the current boss of Fort Last. Don’t annoy the owlbears!
DM: If you seek ale, head for the Mollusc’s Lament by the wharves
Faustus: I bow to her in thanks.
Constance: shall we head to the Molluscs lament then gentlemen?
Bronan: Sound like good plan
DM: So you are heading to the Mollusc’s lament?
DM: As you near the wharves, it’s clear which is the bar. There are many benches outside with a canopy above, and on the dirt street just outside a gigantic mollusc shell sits mounted atop a 20 ft poll
Bronan: I get some drinks for us, in coconuts if they have coconut drinks or just ale
DM: They have coconut drinks and rum, no ale, only rum
DM: And rum spiced with moonspice
Bronan: Ooh Bronan is going to get moonspice rum if he has enough or put a pinch in his from his bag
DM: Yeah it’s all cheap as chips here, a round of spiced rum for all three of you is a silver piece total
DM: The bartender is a gnome covered in strange scars
DM: The clientele look like pirates, you spot some dragonborn, weird tall goblins, humans, dwarves, elves, aaracokra, a goliath, a pair of minotaurs
DM: Even though it’s morning it’s very busy
DM: A parrot and a winged snake are flying around each other up about the canopy
Bronan: Many tribes here, this popular place, and pet friendly, sir dribbles like it here *nudges Faustus and Constance* look, birdman and more of Faustus people
Faustus: I nod at the dragonborn.
DM: They nod back
DM: (one is green and one is gold)
DM: One of the elf pirates wearing a tricorn hat and a long coat approaches your table
DM: Who’re you folks? I don’t know you folks. I’m Varratim, of Naga’s Heart
Constance: Good morning sir, I am Constance
DM: Sir? Bwahahaha
DM: He pulls up a chair.
DM: Sir. I like that. Sir Varratim! Lord of Cormya!
DM: I say, Waiter, bring me a pickled goose and a carafe of sherry as befits my station! Bwahaha.
DM: This elf has very rotten teeth and a shaved head, and a tattoo of a duck on his neck
DM: You guys looking to join a crew? Or got a job in the offing? Lemme tell you this, Naga’s Heart is the best ship in port, not like those amateurs on the Maelstrom
DM: (he raises his voice for that last sentence, and half the patrons cheer, half boo)
DM: Everyone is pretending to drink but basically they are all listening to this conversation
Bronan: Me Bronan, nice to meet you Varratim, we meet girl who said we find help here
Constance: *throw Bronan a look*
Bronan: Nice tattoo, why you get it?
DM: Varratim laughs
DM: The tattoo is a reminder
DM: What girl is this, big guy?
DM: What you needing help with? The wild crews aren’t known for our…charity work, of you follow me
Bronan: Oh, she had someone that was mean to here, wanted help to get revenge, mean guy probably have lots of shiny things
DM: Revenge and reward? Hahaha! Sounds superb!
DM: Perhaps you should come meet the captain o’ the Naga’s Heart?
DM: The boats just at the end, the big one with the red foresail and the sharkskull figurehead
DM: I’ll go tell the captain!
DM: Varratim leaps up and runs along the pier, and the winged snake flies after him, landing on his hat
Bronan: Good drinks. Friends want to speak to Pontifico chief? Shop?
Bronan: (does the spiced rum intoxicate Bronan more than usual?)
Constance: i think we should go speak this captain, we did come here with pirate chat in mind
DM: (it so pretty potent)
DM: (certainly stronger than ale!)
Bronan: Bronan like this, Bronan like this a lot
Bronan: Ok, before we go, Bronan want to buy bottle of this for road
Bronan: It not ale, but fun to drink out of coconut
Constance: (we havent heard from faustus in a while? Is he studious?)
Faustus: (I am! Faustus is quietly surveying the patrons of the pub. I’m game for talking to the captain)
DM: 5 gold for a bottle
DM: The gnome waggles a bottle of it before you enticingly
Constance: i pull faustus aside “i think we should get one for bronan as a gift”
Faustus: Faustus nods in agreement and passes constance 3 gold.
Constance: i give him 5 silver back as change
Constance: “distract bronan for a moment for me”
Faustus: “Hey bronan, look at that parrot!”
Bronan: “ooooh it has monkey on bottle”
Bronan: What? Oh parrot, hey parrot, do you talk? What your name?
Constance: i buy a bottle from the bartender and stuff it in my robes
DM: The parrot squawks at you
Bronan: I start mumbling at it jujuwise (speak with animals, takes 10 minutes)
Constance: (you mean lasts 10 minutes no?)
DM: So you guys sit back down and hang out while bronan does his thing?
Bronan: It’s a ritual, so ten minute casting
Constance: yeah sure
Bronan: (I’m assuming that parrots, being all about the showy feathers are super dignified) *in parrot* greetings old boy, terribly sorry about gibbering at you like a human, what shall I call you, oh lustrous one?
Constance: (in my head bronan is running around the pub flapping his arms and sqwaking)
Constance: (spelling is hard)
Bronan: Ah petrov, my dear old bean, tell me, do you know the man with the flying snake? Is he a good man?
DM: Duck elf? Duck elf mad! Duck elf wrestle walrus in bay! Duck elf fight goliath over tacos! Duck elf set fire to coat to get rid of fleas!
Bronan: I see, who feeds you here, whos shoulder do you sit on?
Bronan: Is there a message you would like me to pass onto them for you?
DM: The half-orc with the knives
DM: No message, glob speaks parrot, glob treats petrov right, glob takes care of petrov!
Bronan: Good to hear it petrov, thanks for your time
Bronan: (Bronan turns to his friends) *buuuurrrp* sorry, parrot make me gassy, duck elf crazier than sir dribbles when you mention w-a-l-k-i-e…urh-eee-z?
Constance: *BARK BARK BARK BARK BARK*
Bronan: (is that constance or sir dribbles?)
Constance: (i was going for sir dribbles, but constance is probably funnier)
Bronan: Oh ok sir dribbles, we go for walk (I fetch him from his pouch and set him on the floor)
Bronan: We probably go soon, or we need cloth for mess
Constance: agreed, off we pop
DM: You can easily find the boat with the red foresail and shark jaw figurehead
DM: It’s one of two large pirate boats. The rest look like fishing boats and lobster trawlers
Bronan: Bronan have question before we go on boat. How pirate come with us? No river through desert
Bronan: Maybe they have answer
Bronan: Is there a plank or something to walk onto the ship or is it a yell and they’ll throw a rope kinda deal
DM: There is a gangplank
Bronan: I guess we call up the plank “yoohooo elf man, we’re here” and go up?
Constance: sounds good
DM: From up the ramp Varatim appears, his winged serpent circling him
DM: Aha! Folks! Join me join me, me to join. All aboard the naga’s heart for morning rum and consultations
Bronan: Bronan like rum
Bronan: (Bronan ambles up the ramp)
Constance: I turn to Faustus, “hes going to get us killed one of these days right?”
Constance: before following up the ramp
Faustus: Hmm. *nods*
Come back next Monday for Chapter 28 of The Cursed Tomb!
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