The Cursed Tomb: Chapter 24 – Everyone Wants Bigger Axe

So Adam and Ian don’t feel like they play enough D&D. To rectify this, they started playing a text-based adventure with a couple of friends, still using the 5th edition framework. We thought it would be fun to clean up the transcripts of this adventure and start publishing it in weekly chapters here on the site. Let us know what you think, and please share around! If you missed Chapter 1, check it out here!

Disclaimer: This is the transcript of a text-based D&D game played over a period of 6 months. Bad language included. Picture based dice rolls/media omitted. Names changed to preserve anonymity. Goblin based violence frequent. You have been warned. If you missed Chapter 23, find it here!


Bronan: I buy four cups of ale from the bar keep, give Faustus and Constance one each, take one and take the other to imohen

Constance: I sit across the table scowling and trying my best to lip read

DM: She hands you a pouch without saying anything, and drinks her ale, and the new ale your brought her

Faustus: You seem troubled.

DM: I had hoped the explosion would be slightly more…discreet. less winged shadows and green flame.

Faustus: We weren’t exactly expecting it to be that big either. Our friend Constance has been deafened by it, we’re not sure how permanently. Speaking of, the winged shadows. What were they?

DM: Hm. Gone now. Deafened? Go see Crit at the temple of many hands, say I sent you, he will fix your ears.

Faustus: Thank you for the advice, we’ll take her there later. Gone now? So it wasn’t an illusion as a result of the explosion? There really were winged creatures out there?

DM: Well. Shades of creatures. The sultan’s guard can handle any who survived the explosion. Don’t worry about it

Constance: WHAT DID SHE SAY?!

‪Bronan: I pat constance on the head in a soothing manner, and in the dirt of the table write “it OK. We fix ears”

Constance: I shoot Bronan a withering look. But it just comes out goofy cause of my swollen face.

DM: Imohen passes you a smaller leather pouch

DM: This was more trouble and more dangerous than I’d anticipated. Take these with my thanks. And I owe you one

‪Bronan: Is temple now or tomorrow? Also *loudly whispers while holding up hand to cover mouth from Faustus and Constance* where best place to go birthday shopping?

DM: Temple of hands is open all day and night. The best place for shopping, for you? Plaza of the knife

Constance: About that favour Imohen, where would be best to talk (well write) in private?

DM: She shrugs, then smacks her tankard down. The surrounding tables all stand, bow to her, and move away until you are safely alone. You had thought they were just regular customers, but maybe not

Constance: (Side note, I wouldn’t count how much is in the bag, but can I tell from the weight and also so I don’t forget to write it down)

DM: You can tell its not coins…

DM: What is it you want to ask me?

Constance: We understand that you belong to one of the houses

DM: (as its clear you are settling down she gestures over a gnome, whispers something to him. And he scurried away)

Constance: But you are not the first of the houses that we have met

Constance: I draw the scorpion symbol that we saw

DM: She swipes away that bit of paper and burns it with a candle

DM: She shows you her wrist, which is blank

Faustus: (Wait so we’ve been paid in something that isn’t coins?)

Constance: I nod

DM: (you’ve been paid 60gold coins, and a small pouch with something in it)

DM: There is a flash and a blue eye appears on her wrist

Constance: (20 each? and we will divvy up later and look at whatever is in this ouch)

Constance: Pouch

Constance: (Why does my phone always autocorrect to ouch)

DM: What business do you have with the house of endless Sun? I’d advise you to avoid them. Slavers and scum

‪Bronan: They friends of Scarf-mayor

DM: She sighs, looks to Constance, remembers constances ears, sighs again, looks at faustus.

DM: Scarf-mayor?

Faustus: The mayor of Al Shash

DM: I see. So Al-Shash has aligned with the endless Sun. I do not like this

DM: What is your issue? You have some war with al-shash? The mayor? the endless sun?

Faustus: We found dead bodies bearing the mark of this endless sun.

Faustus: (Going to let Bronan go on with this. Not sure if we want to tell her everything?)

DM: She spits in her ale. More dead endless Sun the better. She drinks some ale

‪Bronan: Oh imohen, Bronan have tales for you

Faustus: Well as you say, slavers.

‪Bronan: Scarf-mayor send us to find dogmen stone, only dogmen make bad pets, found and killed ragpeople and smart old dogman. Found out mayor wear scarves to do bad things, spoke to Melbos elder who gave us net thrower, we find dead scorpion men with cage, then birdmen, birdman stab Bronan, Bronan net birdmen, then feed them eggs. Birdmen show us melody we must protect from DRM. And tell us of sand pirates, we come here and then friends kill rats, find friend mij, help barrel, Bronan knock down house. Crazy wing things and green flame, constance make Bronan punch, now we want to know more and try to get rid of Scarf-mayor so he doesn’t put tribe at risk of listeria

DM: (inspiration)

‪Bronan: Maybe Imohen help us?

DM: I…

Faustus: Faustus shakes his head

DM: What is dogmen stone? So wait.mayor is working with endless Sun, trying to kill…birdmen? Who are your friends and like singing?

‪Bronan: It all clear, let me find my friend cliff, he bard, good at tales

‪Bronan: Hmm cliff not here, must still be with tribe

Constance: Constance looks around bewildered

Faustus: It appears this mayor goes around his own town shrouded in scarves, and has designs on controlling this whole region. Based on what we know, he is likely working with the endless sun. Before we knew he was the mayor he tasked us with retrieving a gemstone from the temple of ptolnos, but we decided not to give it to him based on him being shady as fuck.

DM: I see. This gem. You have it? Does it seem…valuable?

Faustus: I myself am unclear exactly what Bronan is asking of you…

DM: And to do so he wants to kill your friends the birdmen, so you want to kill him

DM: The gnome returns, with a priest in tow

DM: Imohen gestures at Constance, and the priest approaches

‪Bronan: He bad man, danger not only to his tribe but others too

DM: And casts lesser restoration

DM: Constance can hear!

DM: Gnome and priest are summarily dismissed

Constance: It’s a miracle!

DM: Okay. He is a bad man. You have a precious jewel

Faustus: Huzzah!

DM: So why haven’t you killed him?

Faustus: (Really want to reply “we are only level 2”)

‪Bronan: Not want to offend others and need to get *ahem* something from plaza of..knives?

DM: You want something from the market?

DM: Or you fear he is too powerful for you.

Faustus: Right now? Probably. He commands many guards and we have heard tales of his murderous intent.

DM: Well. I’d say you have three options.Try and kill him sneakily. Obtain allies or power to fight openly.  Become stronger yourselves.


DM: Selling say, a valuable gem, could say, pay for all manner of aid

Constance: (Hey dudes what did this thing do again?)

‪Bronan: (giant tsunami)

Constance: (Oh yeah)

DM: Or you could petition one of the houses (like mine), but to be honest I’m not sure you’d like them. Endless Sun aren’t the worst out there.

DM: You could even try the sultan, but depending on his mood he might just throw you in jail

Constance: And of which house are you?

DM: The Blue Eye

Faustus: And what does your house do, if you rightly spit on slavers?

DM: She smiles at you

DM: We are mercenaries. We kill, we guard, we do whatever is needed. But never slavery, or wanton violence against innocents. Monsters enough to be profited on!

Faustus: Faustus leans back and smiles in agreement.

DM: So yes. If you wish to sell this…dogman stone? I’m someone who could find a buyer. Or if you want to hire some muscle to back you up

DM: Pretty cheap rates

DM: Or the plaza of knives might have some item you feel will help you, or you could go and train your swords edge to the wilderness and try and hone your skills

DM: (oh hey guys, as you sit and relax and think of how far you’ve come…welcome to level 3, next time you rest!)

‪Bronan: (awesome!)

‪Bronan: Dogman stone is maybe not for sale yet, but imohen first on list! Maybe we discuss and come back?

DM: Of course. Head back to your rooms at the sand spire and confer, perhaps visit the plaza of knives. I’ll be here

‪Bronan: Imohen been watching Bronan? Bronan run good no? Elders very strict on running form

DM: Bronan run very fast

DM: You three are..interesting. And I owe you a favour. Go, rest, think, talk. I will be here. And if you see Mij she might give you some perfume with her own thanks!

‪Bronan: Guess we go rest?

DM: You go back to the sand spire, and you sleep, but it is a troubled sleep. All of you are plagued by nightmares of winged shadows swooping over the city. The next morning in the common room, everyone there looks a little tired

DM: (but you’ve levelled up so swings and roundabouts!)

‪Bronan: (awesome, I’m taking the totem path, with bear totem for start)

Constance: (I’ll need to look at the sheet tomorrow cause it’s on my work computer)

Faustus: (I’ve gone with oath of vengeance because it sounds badass)

‪Bronan: (you’re right, it does sound badass!)

‪Bronan: (funnily enough, Bronan can now do a ritual to actually talk to Sir dribbles, however, if he doesn’t live up to Bronans delusion of what the pug knows. It’ll probably destroy him, so probably never going to use it to talk to him)

Constance: (I can now deflect missiles)

Constance: (And knock cunts the fuck out when I flurry of blows them)

‪Bronan: (nice! Cunt punting it is!)

‪Bronan: In the morning Bronan will go downstairs and wait for constance and Faustus to appear, and will be eating breakfast his usual haunted look in his eyes until he sees his friends

Constance: Good morning Bronan. I assume you slept about as poorly as I did

‪Bronan: Oh no constance slept bad? Bronans dreams normally bad, but different last night

‪Bronan: Wings rather than teeth or worms

Constance: Yeah I had the same!

‪Bronan: Here sit down, stew and ale help with the dreams, as does this (I take out sir dribbles and make him do tricks for some food)

DM: Sir Dribbles complies, but looks a bit tired

‪Bronan: (oh God, not the dog too!)

‪Bronan: Hmm sir dribbles seem sleepy, hug time (I embrace the sir dribbles and cradle him like a snotty, snorting furry baby)

Constance: (Dude you should just get a real life dog)

‪Bronan: (funnily enough, I’m not really a dog person, it was supposed to be a bit of an ongoing gag, but I’m coming around to the idea)

‪Bronan: Hmm weird we have same dreams, not good omen

DM: So it’s morning! Ahhh. What’s the plan champs?

Constance: I would like to discuss our friend Imohen.

‪Bronan: Mmm, what was in second pouch?

Constance: Oh yeah I forgot! *pulls out the pouch and tips it on the table*

‪Bronan: Bronan wonder what imohen had planned for barrel, maybe someone pay for her to cause trouble but she not know how much trouble it cause

DM: 3 rough cut emeralds tumble onto the table (worth 20gp each maybe)

Constance: Nice!

Constance: Take one each?

‪Bronan: Sure, constance like emerald?

Constance: Of course! I think gemstones are beautiful!

‪Bronan: Great, Bronan happy!

‪Bronan: Bronan have a couple of errand to run today after we finish breakfast and chat with Faustus, what make constances brain wrinkle about imohen?

Constance: Well. Why would someone from a mercenary want that dog gem?

‪Bronan: Why men always build bigger bows and seige engines? In the game of war, having the biggest axe usually wins, and everyone wants bigger axe

‪Bronan: Maybe she just want great weapon

‪Bronan: Don’t think we should give it to her though, too dangerous

Constance: I agree

‪Bronan: I mean, we should probably go see mij, is there anything else we need to do? Imohen said we would need to pay for her help, sultan sound like he has mind of fire mountain, one day calm, next fire rivers

Faustus: I’d like to go and see if Mij is ok (been in meetings and still at work!). The dreams were troubling, more troubling that we seem to have had the same dreams. Constance, these were the winged shadows we spoke of.

‪Bronan: (dear Lord man, it’s supper time!)

Faustus: (I brought my dinner to work because my life is pain)

‪Bronan: (paint your face with the nearest condiment, grab a fork and pretend to have a nervous breakdown and that you are Faustus the dragonborn, instant time off)

Faustus: (Didn’t work last time. Can’t think insisting I’m a dragonborn will be any more effective than when I told them I was a female barbarian)

‪Bronan: (hahaha)

‪Bronan: (I actually giggled at that)

Constance: Let’s go see Mij then!

DM: To Mij’s Tonics and Tinctures!

DM: Mij is there, but her robes look a bit crumpled and she looks tired

DM: There are no other customers. When she see you she starts wringing her hands

DM: The…fireball. the shapes. Was that you? The barrel? Are you okay?

Bronan: Technically not Bronan, but we mostly ok, tired, bad dreams

Faustus: How are you Mij? You seem shaken, is all well? Other than the strange shapes in the sky.

DM: Nightmares.

DM: But it is done, and I am grateful. Imohen herself sent me a note of apology

DM: But…I don’t think that barrel was only concentrated fire lizard venom. there was something darker in there. Something…other

DM: Still. It is destroyed. What are your plans? Have you seen the wanted posters?

Constance: Wanted posters? *quizzical eyebrow that looks ridiculous with a black eye*

DM: She holds up a piece of paper with a vague drawing of a female halfling on it

DM: Wanted for questioning by the Sultan Guard. 30 gold for information

DM: It looks a lot like contsance pre-haircut

Constance: Lol

Constance: Uh oh

‪Bronan: Hmm lots of gnomes around these days! Maybe Mij have something that help ours look different, not want to lose constance to misunderstanding

Constance: Also, um Mij, you know that’s me right

DM: Yes I know

DM: I have some make up and paints that should be able to…help you

Constance: Nothing more…..semi permanent?

DM: Hmm

DM: I do have a few potions that are more…extreme options

Constance: Such as?

“DM: Philter of ageing? Nectar of growth? Fattener gravy?”

Constance: Nectar of growth sounds interesting

Constance: The way I see it the less halfling-y I look the better

DM: Hmmm. Well. Here you go, I suppose this one is on the house!

DM: She hands you a tall thin vial

Constance: *chug chug chug*

DM: Full of blue bubbling liquid

DM: You down the whole thing?

Constance: Yeah obvs

DM: Okay!

DM: You grow up by…

DM: 3ft!

Constance: Shit. I’m giant.

DM: Your arms and legs and bones and muscles all grow

DM: You are now what, 6ft tall?! And very skinny. And your clothes don’t fit

Constance: Bugger. I didn’t think this through


Come back next Monday for Chapter 25 of The Cursed Tomb!


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