The Cursed Tomb: Chapter 23 – Punch Damage

So Adam and Ian don’t feel like they play enough D&D. To rectify this, they started playing a text-based adventure with a couple of friends, still using the 5th edition framework. We thought it would be fun to clean up the transcripts of this adventure and start publishing it in weekly chapters here on the site. Let us know what you think, and please share around! If you missed Chapter 1, check it out here!

Disclaimer: This is the transcript of a text-based D&D game played over a period of 6 months. Bad language included. Picture based dice rolls/media omitted. Names changed to preserve anonymity. Goblin based violence frequent. You have been warned. If you missed Chapter 22, find it here!

 

Faustus: Jesus.

Faustus: I guess without knowing if Constance is ok we have to wait at the tavern for her?

Constance: Ah crap!

DM: Yup

DM: Constance you didn’t see any winged shadowy shapes, you just saw the ground, very close up. You are now quite dirty

Constance: I stand up and dust myself off. “That could have gone worse”

DM: You say that, and can’t hear yourself say it

DM: Town is directly north, what do you do?

DM: Faustus and bronan, you can safely make it to the sand spire. A lot of people are milling around, awoken by the cacophonous explosion

Faustus: I faux shock and surprise.

Constance: I’m going to start to stumble back towards town avoiding the south gate. Not running

DM: Each compass point has a gate essentially, so 8 choices (7 barring south)

Constance: Whichever is nearest and not that

DM: South east or south west

DM: Let’s say south west as the other took south east

DM: When you get about 300 ft from the gate you can see torches and guards, at least three guards

DM: Even as you watch a guardsman on a camel approaches them, he seems to have come outside the city along from the south gate. He speaks to them, and they close the gate. He then rides off along the wall heading for the west gate. The gate is closed, two guards outside, one inside

Constance: Well bugger.

Constance: So they seem to be closing the gates and effectively locking me out?

DM: Uhuh

Constance: Bugger!

Constance: Did I recognise the guard at all?

Constance: I.e. Did he look like one of the ones from the south gate?

Constance: Cause if he did and he is going clockwise, maybe I can get ahead of him by going anti-clockwise

DM: Roll perception

DM: With disadvantage as you are 300ft away and its dark. .

Constance: (Does halfling luck apply when you have disadvantage? I rolled an 18 and a 1. So I reroll the 1??)

DM: (Does luck let you Reroll a dice, or just give you advantage? If latter, roll just one, if former, can Reroll the 1)

Constance: (Halfling luck let’s you reroll nat 1s)

Constance: (Ha another 18!) plus 2 for a non natural 20

DM: Okay. That looked like one of Bronwin’s companions from the south gate

Constance: Ok I’m going to run the other way to try and get ahead of him

Constance: As in the the south east gate or whatever

Faustus: (Hahaha your phone automatically capitalises reroll now)

DM: Well you are at south west, so next is south, then south east…

Constance: Yeah but I want to skirt away from the south as I assume that will be closed

Constance: Plus bronwin seemed like a dick

DM: So head to south east?

Constance: Yes

DM: Okay, as you pass the south gate there is commotion there, what seems to be a group saddling up and preparing to ride out

DM: As you head to the south east the gate there is still open, and there are three guards arguing amongst themselves

Constance: Can I just try to walk in casual as fuck

DM: Great

DM: as soon as you appear, the first guard pulls out a sword staff and points it at your face and starts yelling. The other two draw thick mahogany clubs and flank him

Constance: Uh. Seems a bit aggressive gentlemen!?

DM: They point south at where the giant green explosion was and they are now screaming something at you

DM: (you are deaf and can’t hear what they are saying. Can perception some lip reading)

Constance: Oh shit I’m deaf

Constance: I forgot

DM: Hahahahaha

Constance: Ok. I’m going to start shouting in halfling

Constance: “I don’t know what’s going on big boom on my way here just a priest “

DM: Deception roll please

Constance: Oh no. A halfling one.

Constance: 2 + 1. For a grand total of three.

DM: No none of them speak halfling

DM: I’m seeing if your nonsensical lies in a foreign tongue seem to convince them

DM: They do not

DM: They are still yelling, and now moving to surround you

DM: The leader stops shouting and points at your sword, then at the ground

Faustus: (Sorry buddy, really want to help but it would definitely be meta gaming)

Constance: (Oh god oh god oh god)

DM: What do you do?

Constance: Ok.

Constance: I’m going to use my other ki point to disengage, skidding between the shouty ones legs and fucking leg it. Using my movement and the dash action as my main I can get 70ft.

Constance: (Step of the wind ftw)

DM: Leg it into the city?

Constance: Yup, diving round corners and down alleys.

Constance: Not heading to the sand spire

Constance: Like anywhere but there

Constance: Maybe to some sort of temple?

Constance: SANCTUARY!!!

DM: Alright, are you trying to lose then by speed or by stealth? Roll athletics or stealth, and perception

Constance: Speed. Vaulting over walls and shit.

Constance: Wait. Athletics or acrobatics?

DM: As you prefer

Constance: Well then 12

DM: You manage to eventually evade them, but you think they got a good look at you

Constance: Balls.

Constance: Ok. Where am I?

DM: You are in amongst some government offices near the sultans palace, maybe 15 minutes walk down backstreets to the sand spire, five minutes by main roads

Constance: Hmm. Ok.

Constance: I’m going to take 20 minutes to duck into an alley, change into my monks robes, cut my hair off with my short sword, dirty my face with some alleyway dirt and strap these hefty lady bangers down with some bandages from my healers kit.

Constance: Boom. Cross dressing monk.

DM: Hahaha

DM: Okay

DM: Then what?

Constance: Take the back streets towards the sand spire I suppose

DM: Grand

DM: Faustus and bronan are you waiting in your rooms or the bar?

‪Bronan: (I was gonna suggest wrapping you in a spare loincloth and doing the time honored midget pretending to be a child gag)

‪Bronan: I would have invited Faustus to my room for some room ales

Constance: (God damn it Bronan that got too fucked up last time you did it)

Bronan: (it’s happened so often, I forget, was that the dopplerbard incident?)

Constance: (Maybe. When you dressed as a child them murdered everyone, then used King Grol as a puppet)

‪Bronan: (#justkevinthings)

‪Bronan: Hmm Faustus, this stew taste good today, another ale? Constance is running a bit slow though, she did know we were meeting here rather than in imohens tavern?

DM: Constance arrives, hair cut, face covered in dirt, monk robes

DM: Burliman doesn’t recognise you

Constance: Can I see the other two?

DM: No soliciting donation here, you know the rules. No mendicant friars, no salacious nuns, no chimney sweeps of any kind! It says it right on the door!

DM: The other two are not in the bar

DM: (burliman points to a sign that says NO MENDICANT FRIARS NO SALACIOUS NUNS NO CHIMNEY SWEEPS OF ANY KIND)

Constance: Can I hear now? Or do I work it out from the sign?

DM: You are deaf

DM: Oh sorry shit. Yeah he is just saying what is on the sign he is pointing to

Constance: I nod, smile, and pull out two gold pieces, hold them up and try to mime pencil and paper?

DM: He quickly fetches some charcoal and a scrap of paper

Constance: I write on it. “Looking for big man with small dog and big dragon man, also just want room”

Constance: I hold up the two gold again

DM: He swiftly takes you up on that offer and says something, pointing upstairs. He hands you a bowl and points at the stew

Constance: (Ok so I’m down two gold?)

DM: Yup, and up a room key and a stew bowl

Constance: Sweet.

Constance: I go into bronans room

DM: Reunited!

DM: Well. You are all together again

Constance: (And it feeeeels so gooood)

‪Bronan: Hello short one, you look like a friend of mine! Want some ale?

Constance: GUYS ITS ME I’VE GONE DEAF

Faustus: Does she still have the paper and charcoal?

‪Bronan: Bronan holds out a full mug of ale

DM: Yes

Constance: Which Constance takes and drinks from deeply

Constance: I write “you won’t believe the day I’ve had”

Faustus: I write (and I’m assuming paper is a premium here) “not go well?”

Constance: “Does it look like it went well?”

‪Bronan: Bronan grins holds his hands close together and then rapidly pulls them apart

‪Bronan: (I’m the style of a British tourist abroad) Broooonaaann saaaad *holds hands to eyes like a crying baby* thaaat connnstaannce *pokes constance* eeeears huuurt

Constance: Write “thank you Bronan”

Constance: I then proceed to write down roughly what happened with emphasis on the fact that I’ve been made

DM: Cool

DM: So

DM: What are you doing?

‪Bronan: Bronan want fix constance-friend, we get money from imohen, get cleric to heal?

DM: Bronan, Faustus, you can make medicine checks on Constance’s ears if you like

Faustus: 9

DM: She’s deaf, Jim!

‪Bronan: 4

‪Bronan: (guess constance is deaf now!)

DM: Her ears are still there, so who knows what’s wrong.

‪Bronan: Bah, constance play trick on Bronan again!

‪Bronan: Faustus friends, we find imohen?

DM: So are you heading to the link lily? Are you waiting until dawn?

‪Bronan: I’ll pop down to the common room and see what the mood is like , if people are generally ok and going in and out then pop down this evening, if not then tomorrow

DM: Everyone seems very slightly tense, but not too bad

‪Bronan: In that case onward to the lolly!

‪Bronan: Or lily

Constance: Can I medicine check myself? To see if I can instruct them how to fix my ears? Or alternatively I have a healing potion

DM: You can medicine check yourself

DM: And feel free to go mad with a healing potion, I’ll let you know what happens s

Constance: Ugh. 8 on a medicine check

DM: You are deaf! Aaaaaahhh!

DM: But your ears are still there

Constance: Well bugger. Let’s go find Imohen and see if we can find the location of a cleric or something

Constance: I write

‪Bronan: Sound good, you disguise real good? Bronan not want constance to be deaf and arrested

Constance: Perhaps we should lay low for the night, I don’t know what more I can do to disguise myself. Unless….

Faustus: Maybe we’ll luck out and your deafness isn’t permanent?

Constance: Bronan. Punch me in the face

‪Bronan: Constance, I really don’t want to hit you, I’ll hurt you!

Constance: But Bronan! What’s worse? You hitting me or me getting arrested!?

Constance: If you hit me it will disguise me!

‪Bronan: Why not we tie loin cloth around constance and Bronan carry, pretend constance is child?

Constance: I don’t particularly want to pretend to be a child Bronan it’s insulting.

Bronan: Ok, brace youself

‪Bronan: (do you want me to roll an attack roll?)

DM: Nah he is letting you hit him

DM: So you can do minimal damage (1+str for unarmed? ) If you are hitting her hard enough to mess up the face

‪Bronan: (the first punch is going to be a love tap, Bronan really doesn’t want to hurt him)

‪Bronan: (but if she makes me hit her again, that’d be a solid 4)

Constance: COME ON BRONAN HIT ME!

DM: Arite, 4 damage, and a rapidly swelling left eye

‪Bronan: I’m so sorry constance, I’m so sorry *Bronan begins to cry*

Constance: It’s ok Bronan. I’m tougher than I look!

DM: Arite, it’s about 2am. Heading to the pink lily?

DM: Sorry. Not 2am. Just after midnight

Constance: Hold on a sec

DM: (if I’ve got the time wrong sorry, hard to keep track)

Constance: Have I rested at all or have I taken both that blast damage and that ouch damage?

Constance: Lol. Nice autocorrect. Punch damage

Faustus: Also before we head out, still writing down, I ask: Constance, what did the winged and horned figures in the sky look like up close? We couldn’t make them out clearly from the town.

DM: (Let’s say a short rest, can use your hit die if you like)

DM: (oh snap! The winged and horned figures!)

Constance: Winged and what now?

Constance: I was a bit preoccupied by the enormous explosion

Faustus: Hmm. We thought maybe you would be able to see them as you were closer. I’m not sure if they were an illusion created by the explosion, or something we actually need to be worried about!

Constance: (Do you add con to hit dice?)

DM: (think so yeah)

Constance: Sweet then I recovered 7 off of one hit dice

DM: Cool. What’s the plan boyos?

‪Bronan: Try to get paid!

‪Bronan: And then get some promax for constances’ eye and ears

Constance: I’ve heard that can cause Virgin birth

Faustus: Exactly. I hear good things about Promax.

DM: Heading to the Pink Lily, the city seems slightly on edge. still plenty of foot traffic, far fewer guards around the centre though. You reach the pub easy enough, Imohen is sat alone in a booth at the back drinking ale looking very pale faced

 

Come back next Monday for Chapter 24 of The Cursed Tomb!

 

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Dungeon Master’s Guide

Player’s Handbook

Monster Manual

Volo’s Guide to Monsters

Sword Coast Adventurer’s Guide

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