The Cursed Tomb: Chapter 16 – Does Bronan Understand Listeria?

So Adam and Ian don’t feel like they play enough D&D. To rectify this, they started playing a text-based adventure with a couple of friends, still using the 5th edition framework. We thought it would be fun to clean up the transcripts of this adventure and start publishing it in weekly chapters here on the site. Let us know what you think, and please share around! If you missed Chapter 1, check it out here!

Disclaimer: This is the transcript of a text-based D&D game played over a period of 6 months. Bad language included. Picture based dice rolls/media omitted. Names changed to preserve anonymity. Goblin based violence frequent. You have been warned. If you missed Chapter 15, find it here!

Disclaimer 2: There is a lot of side talk in this week’s chapter that largely relates to the various D&D games that all of us are involved in. If you listened to the first Total Reroll podcast series that wrapped up last year (check out Season One and Two if not!), you may be able to track roughly when this text game was taking place.

 

DM: BUT I’M NOT BLESSED WIND!

DM: kill him! He is awful and evil and vile, and he had them kill mother and he wants me as a slave. Kill him, and I will pay you anything in the world. I have nothing now but I will find you anything if you kill him

Constance: (Why is she shouting?)

DM: Emphasis that she is not blessed wind

DM: She seems pretty scared right now

DM: She doesn’t know what you are here to do and clearly thinks you might be here to take her back or kill her

‪Bronan: Ok Melody, calm, Bronan friend, Bronan mean no harm, Bronan and Faustus and Constance friends want to help melody

Constance: As my friend Bronan says, there is no need to fear us. We come in the hope of simply finding answers to some questions.

‪Bronan: Keep melody free, get rid of DRM or the damn ratfaced mayor

‪Bronan: (get it keep music free, DRM)

DM: Hahaha

Faustus: (Solid)

Constance: (I enjoyed that)

DM: Fun speaks- melody has a place here with us as long as she chooses. And until the mayor is dealt with…I think she is safest here

DM: Melody nods

DM: As do the elders

Constance: I’m inclined to agree with you Fun.

Constance: (Bronan and Constance are going to be out of action for the remainder of the evening as we are about to partake in some meatspace dnd)

Constance: (The final room of Cragmaw castle awaits)

DM: (Oh shit. Faustus you remember that one? seem to remember it getting…weird.)

Faustus: (Haha oh fuck yeah)

‪Bronan: (it got kind of burny, I got rugby tackled by a half naked, smouldering, greasy dwarf, lied to a druid and exploded a raven, #adayinthelifeofahalflingpiratebard)

DM: (sounds about right!)

Bronan: Hmm, guess we go get rid of Scarf-mayor? What Faustus and Constance think?

DM: You are keeping that gem tucked away and secret Ronan? Just checking

Constance: Bronan Keating.

‪Bronan: Sometimes Bronan feel that life is like cart ride in mountains, just got to ride it

Constance: Hahahahhahahahha. Fucking hell.

Bronan: Errm, Bronans friends told him to hide it, so it’s snuggled next to Sir dribbles

Faustus: Haha

Bronan: Noone ask what Bronan second name is

Constance: 🎵life is a mountain cart ride, just got to ride it. And what about this gem here? Just got to hiiiide it. All night looong🎵

‪Bronan: Hahahaha

‪Bronan: (you may have heard Bronan singing with drum to Sir dribbles 🎶 dribbles say it best, when he say nothing at all 🎶)

‪Bronan: But unless constance or Faustus tell him he won’t bring it out, unless it was mentioned at all?

Faustus: I asked about what the mayor would want with a gem, but didn’t specify this one.

‪Bronan: Ok when you mentioned that, Bronan kind of shuffled a bit and looked at you

‪Bronan: Gonna roll a percentile, over 50 he forgot he was supposed to keep it secret, below he remembered

‪Bronan: 65

‪Bronan: Bronan pulls out the gem and says, melody know what stone do? Mayor want, but everyone say it bad for him to have

DM: Melody looks confused

DM: As do most of the elders

DM: Except the windcaller

DM: A spell gem! He cries out

DM: One more powerful than any I’ve seen. May I inspect it, friend ronan? I might be able to decipher its power

‪Bronan: Sure thing wind caller, I understand beak make hard b sound difficult,Bronan not mind

DM: Apologies bronan

DM: The windcaller takes the gem in his hand and inspects it closely, mumbling some words of power

DM: His eyes widen in shock

DM: Destruction! He says

DM: He quickly puts it down on the floor between you all

DM: This spell gem could summon a tsunami! A giant wall of water great enough to destroy a town!

DM: With this power the mayor could wipe our people from the face of the earth! If he is seeking this level of power he must have a wizard at his side

Bronan: Hmm, maybe we need help to stop wizard

DM: Perhaps

DM: Or perhaps it is a wizard too foolish to know how powerful this force could be

DM: Windsword picks up the gem and hands it back to Bronan

DM: A sign of our faith, that you may leave this place with such a power

‪Bronan: Bronan keep in safe place *puts it in loincloth pouch*

Constance: (FYI guys. I’m in exciting meetings about the world of finance all afternoon so I won’t be about)

Faustus: (I left my dice at home.)

Constance: (You use real dice for this?)

Faustus: (And every other life decision.)

Faustus: (Well I’m currently working from home 6 out of 7 days a week so my dice are right there on the shelf.)

Bronan: Bronan make decisions, Bronan head hurt, head back to farm house, birdmen scout?

DM: We can escort you back to the obsidian ridge (fun says)

DM: Melody lifts her head. She seems to have been considering something

DM: You could seek the wild port instead, if you fear to face the mayor alone? the sand pirates might help you if you explain the mayor’s plan

DM: She looks worried

DM: They might just kill you of course. But they aren’t all that bad! my mother and I lived there happily for many years!

Constance: Tell me more melody

DM: The free town of Bloodreef is home to many, but those who might aid you are the sand pirates. They are pirates based out of the port, they smuggle goods across the south desert

DM: Their leader is Adamant Grull

DM: But the desert it wide and their help uncertain. Perhaps you’d prefer to deal with it yourselves and keep things simple

DM: You could slit his throat in the night?

DM: Fun quietens her with a motion

DM: We have spoken of this melody. The blessed wind cannot move against the mayor, or he would rally the city guard against us, and even Cormyra

Constance: Who in Cormyra would ally themselves with the mayor?

DM: Well, the palace itself if he could convince them the desert folk were encroaching beyond the obsidian ridge

‪Bronan: Hmm long trek in desert, pirate may not help, we could, but maybe just kill Scarf-mayor on own or with maybe-friends in town

‪Bronan: (I’ll be quieter this evening as apparently it’s my turn to gm in the rotating gm game I play in, gonna pull a murder mystery out of thin air for 2 hours time!)

DM: (…they all have an hour of amnesia at the time of the murder, and one of them did it!)

‪Bronan: (I was thinking of a mage casting silence and murdering an npc in the parties Inn)

DM: (sounds awesome, good luck!)

‪Bronan: (it went OK, may have mentally scarred a couple if players by describing a grizzly murder scene but they are on track to hunt down the killers, how has other people’s evening been?)

DM: (Sounds great! Spent mine planning tonight’s session, which may include a TPK of they aren’t careful)

DM: It’s almost nightfall, so elder Waterseeker invites you to stay the night and think over your plan. You are also invited to the funeral of the two warriors you killed just after nightfall

DM: The ceremony itself is simple, just two pyres. After which you can rest. In the morning you have some time to talk among yourselves and make a plan

Constance: I shed a single tear, cursing the individuals pulling the strings that lead to their deaths

‪Bronan: (nice)

Constance: What are we thinking then gentlemen? Sand pirates? Try to convince them to help us lush back against the mayor? Or Cormyra? Assess the situation there? Or head back to Al’shash and try to assassinate the mayor?

Faustus: Sand pirates sounds fun

Constance: We may die.

Constance: They don’t sound like the most savoury characters

‪Bronan: Bronan think we go to town, get guard friend and Melbos to join forces with us, kill Scarf-mayor, tie up loose end, then sandpirate

‪Bronan: But Bronan want friends to be happy, happy to do what they want

Constance: I’d say it’s probably a good idea to avoid Melbos for the time being. He is under the impression that we would “help him expand” which we haven’t exactly done.

‪Bronan: Hmm yes, we only got trail open, not kill birdmen that we said we would…well not kill all birdmen *nods to the funeral pyres* but need ally to kill Scarf-mayor? Bronan not too sneaky like dogman, not sure if Bronan could be like Faustus-ninja

Constance: True true.

Constance: We do put ourselves at risk as we are both outnumbered and outgunned. But there is much we don’t yet know. Where does Cormyra stand in all this? Do they support the mayors actions? Are they unaware of his plans? What is the power structure like there? What do the houses of ninjas or whatever stand to gain? And lastly, what is our own personal endgame? Great wealth? Peace? Fame?

‪Bronan: Bronan mutters “Bronan big goal to make friend happy:(” as he gets a rare glimpse of the futility of seeking happiness then he shakes his head and refills his ale cup

‪Bronan: Smiling now, “Bronan want see world with friend, we find answers to constancefrient questions, when find sand pirate? Maybe they have firewater”

‪Bronan: Or we go to cormyra-town? Seek out scorpion tattoo people

DM: Constance you can give me a history check to see what you know of the power structure in cormyra

Constance: 3

Constance: Balls

DM: There is a sheikh in cormyra

DM: Probably.

DM: Or a sultan? There is someone powerful in cormyra

Constance: Hmmm. Perhaps we should scope it out?

DM: Well. If you like you can debate this as you travel back to rib gulch? With experienced blessed wind scouts you should be able to avoid wyrms etc and get there within three days

DM: Since you seem to be saying sand pirates later, for now al’shash or cormyra (feel free to correct me on that)

Bronan: Sure, I think that’s where we’re headed, (Faustus, the pirates might be in league with Melbos and we’re avoiding him for a bit)

Faustus: Ah cool

‪Bronan: (We seem to be falling into a habit of agreeing to help people, changing our minds and then ghosting them…)

DM: (ha!)

Bronan: On the way back, Bronan is going to be further practicing using the amulet to chill ale

‪Bronan: Also, I am going to ask if one of the birdmen scouts would make sir dribbles happy by taking him on a small flight and ask if he can have a go too

DM: None of them think they could carry sir bronan

DM: But they agree to take sir dribbles on a short flight if he is well behaved

‪Bronan: Bronan digs out sir dribbles goggles and flight cap and tell him to be behaved

DM: One of the younger scouts takes sir dribbles for a 10 minute flight, up and away and above the dunes!

DM: When he comes back he is very very wobbly on his legs but is wagging his tail

Bronan: “sir dribbles, you have to tell me what it’s like later, must be fun to see ground from sky, what did Bronan look like?…..”

‪Bronan: The one sided conversation continues

DM: After three days you are back at rib gulch, where fun and the two scouts take their leave of you. Any final questions for the aaracokra of the blessed wind before you return to the more civilised desert?

‪Bronan: (other people will have questions too but at the end of their questions I’d like to ask..) Bronan miss birdmen, how Bronan get message to blessed wind in future? Special horn?

DM: Hmm. Enter our lands and we will know of it…aside from that, I’m afraid I don’t know friend. My name is Fun Windblade. so a wizard knowing that could send me a message perhaps? Staying in touch is not so easy!

Bronan: Hmm every night when in desert, Bronan will write ale in sand, that way scout can see and know when we in desert

DM: The scouts all click their tongues

DM: Waste not your ale friend Bronan! If you are in our desert we will spot you

DM: And take care not to dig, bronan would not enjoy living in a wyrms stomach!

‪Bronan: One day Bronan ride warm like birdmen ride breeze

‪Bronan: One day

‪Bronan: Wyrm

DM: They click their beaks

DM: So they have dropped you back at Rib gulch, and you are through the obsidian ridge and back on the safer sands of the deserts of Al’shash

DM: What do you do?

‪Bronan: Head to farmhouse?

‪Bronan: Friends need to discuss how to kill Scarf-mayor, Bronan feel we meet Scarf-mayor at Inn, hit with the beers until Scarf-mayor not need to avoid washing hand ever again

DM: Hahahahaha

DM: Superb

DM: Well its three days to town so I guess you can head there easy enough

DM: Bronan, roll a d6?

Bronan: (before the birdmen leave, Bronan will give them ale. And fill their wineskins with it)

DM: (they thanked you profusely)

‪Bronan: Ok

‪Bronan: That’s a six

‪Bronan: (in Bronans mind, not washing his hands is probably the worst thing the mayor has done, the rest could be inter-tribal war, but not washing his hands can hurt his tribe and his ideal is that the tribe needs to ensure the tribes happiness, hard to do with listeria or food poisoning

Constance: (Hahahaha. Does Bronan understand listeria?)

Bronan: (I’ll roll survival)

‪Bronan: (13, Bronan know poop not make good food, no second harvest)

‪Bronan: (assuming that the dc was 10, just cause we’re in a fantasy desert, doesn’t mean we don’t know hygiene! Feel free to overrule DM:))

Constance: (Faustus has been notably absent for a bit)

DM: (Faustus has been busy killing a  Dragon turtle in our main game!)

DM: (bronan, second harvest not good, Listeria bad. Bronan knows this from bad experiences)

DM: And with a six, you make it back to your abandoned farmhouse easey peasey

‪Bronan: (oh God, was it Bronan who sold his bedsheets? Did his parents lie to stop him from shame?)

‪Bronan: Soiled*

DM: (mysteries for further investigation…)

DM: Your farmhouse is as you left it, very simple and bare but with swept floors and the sweet water from the well

Constance: (I’ve been busy almost getting tpk’d)

Faustus: (Yeah I was on the tube)

Bronan: (shit man! I’ve been making people fight cultists, the look of fear when people get cone of cold followed by a fireball and a timestop)

‪Bronan: Bronan wash hands, and Sir dribbles paws

‪Bronan: Begin cooking dinner

DM: (The look of fear when the Dragon turtle has destroyed a lighthouse, and its paper figure is the size of their ship!)

Bronan: (sir dribbles is wearing a chef hat)

DM: Well. This appears to be you sitting down to a war council. How you proceed is up to you.you have the tsunami gem. You know the location of the sorcerous girl. And you believe you know the mayor’s plan

 

Come back next Monday for Chapter 17 of The Cursed Tomb!

 

Fancy supporting the site? You can pick up all of the 5th edition D&D books from Wizards of the Coast using our Amazon links below, and we’ll get a cut with no extra cost to you!

Dungeon Master’s Guide

Player’s Handbook

Monster Manual

Volo’s Guide to Monsters

Sword Coast Adventurer’s Guide

Starter Set

 

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