So Adam and Ian don’t feel like they play enough D&D. To rectify this, they started playing a text-based adventure with a couple of friends, still using the 5th edition framework. We thought it would be fun to clean up the transcripts of this adventure and start publishing it in weekly chapters here on the site. Let us know what you think, and please share around! If you missed Chapter 1, check it out here!
Disclaimer: This is the transcript of a text-based D&D game played over a period of 6 months. Bad language included. Picture based dice rolls/media omitted. Names changed to preserve anonymity. Goblin based violence frequent. You have been warned.
Constance: Goddamn it.
Constance: Stupid scorpions.
DM: You can see a crack in the left wall that is presumably their lair, about 10ft up
Bronan: Shit, smokebomb! Let’s gas these fuckers
Bronan: Bronan think smoke make clackclacks woozy, we use?
Bronan: (I know Bronan has used the word scorpion before, but these are huge!)
DM: They are about 2ft
Constance: Yeah fuck it. I slowly pull out one of the smoke bomb things we brought and throw it into the middle of them.
Constance: Lighting it first of course
Bronan: I try to help by using animal handling to clack (tapping my hand axes together) in a intimidating way
Bronan: Or intimidate, whichever
Faustus: As the others rush through the scorpions I continue to move along the ridge, trying to stay hidden from them and anyone who may be watching
Constance: Yeah I’m going to wait for full smoke release and see what the scorpions do and rush straight ahead through the smoke
Bronan: I’m under the tarpaulin clacking axes together
DM: Okay
Bronan: (ah to be a spell nerd and have AoE spells)
DM: Constance do a ranged attack for me
DM: Bronan roll intimidation
DM: Faustus stealth with advantage
Faustus: 16
Bronan: 18
Constance: 10 + 3 (assuming I’m not proficient with smoke bombs)
DM: Faustus creeps low to the edge of the ridge, and now has a perfect view of the scorpions, who look like they are about to leap forward
DM: Suddenly, Constance hurls forward a lot clay pot that shatters in the middle of the path
DM: Plumes of thick smoke billow out, filling a 20ft cube with a thick noxious black smoke
DM: Meanwhile, the scorpions cower back, as the sound of a giant metal scorpion clacks out from under cover!
DM: It’s now the scorpions turn
DM: The three on the left hand side retreat into their crack in the wall
DM: The three on the right, with thick smoke between them and safety, leap forward at Constance and the camels, one attacking each
DM: Constance what’s your AC?
DM: 9, 5, and 12 on camels and Constance respectively
Bronan: (here’s hoping the camels multiclassed into barbarian to get unarmoured defence)
Constance: 15
DM: Constance and one of the camels dart back, but one gets stung
Bronan: Ok, did I see Constance get attacked?
DM: You did
DM: The camel that gets stung
Bronan: Shit, ok
DM: Foams at the mouth
DM: Fails it’s constitution save
DM: And collapses, foaming and twitching
Bronan: Nooooooo!!!! Mrs Camel!!!
Faustus: Oh piss that quickly? I was totally going to cure its poison later!
DM: The second camel instantly reaches down and bites that scorpion in half, throwing its remains against the cliff wall
DM: Now it is you guys. What order was it? Constance, Bronan, Faustus I think
DM: (let me know if wrong)
Constance: Nah that’s right
DM: Two scorpions left, one stabbing at Constance’s legs, the other rearing back from the raging camel
Constance: Ok so two remaining scorpions in front of me?
DM: Yeah
Constance: The one right in front of me I’m going to bring the staff (which I’ve been using as a walking stick) down on top of with two hands
DM: This is your Ankh quatterstaff?
Constance: Yup.
DM: Roll for attack!
Constance: Sigh. 9
Constance: Assuming its strength you add. Which I think it is.
Faustus: Might be ok! The camel only has an ac of 9.
DM: Think for monk it’s strength or dex
Constance: Not as far as I can tell
Constance: Unless it’s a finesse weapon
Constance: Anyway 9.
DM: Okay sure
DM: Constance you bring down your two handed quarterstaff with a mighty swing
DM: But the scorpion darts out of reach
DM: Bronan? Two scorpions are attacking your little friend and your spitting friend
DM: And they killed Mrs Camel! She owed you many hundred of gold for sand pies!
Bronan: (I know this fuck up the plan a bit, but protecting you guys is Bronans thing. And you being in peril is his rage trigger) Bronan takes in the scene, his eyes glaze over, the hand axes fall to the bed of the wagon, he draws the beers and leaps into the fray, swinging the beers at the scorpion who attacked constance last round
Bronan: (he’s raging)
Bronan: 17 to hit
Faustus: (It only fucks up the plan if we get seen, and tbh I wasn’t exactly planning on just skipping my go!)
DM: Yeah that hits!
Bronan: That’s a 14 slashing
DM: (also Constance for future monks can use dex for monk and simple weapons instead of strength, under martial arts)
DM: Oh wow, yeah, it is bifurcated
DM: Scorpion Gore spills across the sand and thick red grass
Constance: Damnit that would have hit most likely!
DM: Well, should have listened to all powerful and wise DM then, silly
DM: Faustus? One scorpion standing, dancing around the last camel
DM: Smoke still pouring from that shattered pot
Faustus: So before I attack, can I take a quick look around me and in the sky to see if I can spy any onlookers?
DM: Yeah, perception
Faustus: 17
DM: Hmm
DM: You don’t see anything, but you are very aware that the smoke is now starting to send black wisps into the sky
Faustus: Ok so get this done. I’m going to throw a javelin down at the scorpion.
DM: Awesome, attack rooooolll! With advantage as they have no idea you are there
Faustus: Non – natural 20 to hit
Faustus: Or…
Faustus: Nope. Not higher than that.
Faustus: And 9 piercing damage.
DM: Just as the scorpion leaps forward at the camels exposed flank, your javelin smashes through it, pinning it into the hot sand. It flexes and curls its tail, and cracks its claws at you and spasms. Gore coats your javelin and the sand as it falls still
Faustus: That them all? Is the camel definitely dead?
DM: That is the three who stayed outside. Three more are on that crack in the wall, you don’t know how deep it goes (and it’s obscured by smoke)
DM: Camel is utterly dead
DM: It is bleeding from its mouth and eyes and ears as well
Faustus: Ok, so I will not be clambering down to try and save it then!
DM: Wait.
DM: It twitches!
DM: The camel sits up, and is violently sick
DM: And then sits up slightly and shakes its head
DM: It’s not dead. Just a bit of a bad reaction to the poison
Faustus: Guys does it look like it’s still dying from the poison or is it over it?
Bronan: (glad I didn’t get typing happy, I was gonna ram its head into the scorpion hole)
Bronan: I guess I rehitch it to the cart, climb back inside and make the cart continue
Bronan: But before we go, I take the scorpion corpses for later
DM: Okay
Constance: Good shout. Let’s skedaddle
DM: You are moving on? North into the hills, west into desert, north west skirting borders of hills?
Constance: North west. And I grab the javelin out of the ground throwing it in the back of the cart
Faustus: Cool.
Bronan: Ow…
DM: Okay, you head north west the sun is sinking. behind you, the smoke continues to pour into the sky
DM: Hahaha
Bronan: No worry constance, Bronan fine
DM: Dex save from Mr dribbles?
DM: No
DM: Nevermind
Constance: I placed it. Not threw!
DM: It is almost nightfall. Are you making camp?
Constance: Yeah. Somewhere with a cliff to back against.
DM: Cool. That is easily found
DM: Caravan, camels, contance, and bronan on the red grass looking over the endless sand? And 30ft above, secreted in shadows, faustus?
DM: If you want a fire roll survival. Faustus, roll stealth
Constance: 3 + 2(con?)
Bronan: Survival is wisdom
DM: You can’t find any wood Constance
DM: Either way
Constance: Well still + 2.
Constance: Cold camp it is
Bronan: Bronan try, sure constance did good job, but maybe Bronan find fuel
DM: Hahaha
DM: Bronan roll survival
Bronan: (if that’s OK?)
DM: Yeah sure thing
DM: Constance returns to camp saying there is no wood to be found and it is a cold camp tonight
Bronan: Unnatural 20
Constance: Damnit
DM: Bronan nods and goes out and comes back with a sizable pile of wood within a minute or two
Bronan: Don’t feel bad Bronan brought this wood with us
DM: You have enough wood to have a fire all night
Bronan: That’s a 17 on deception to make constance feel less bad
DM: How are you doing this tonight? Faustus, are you staying up all night, or sleeping hidden up there? Are you guys doing shifts?
Constance: I think I’m going to try to stay awake all night.
Faustus: 19 on stealth
Constance: Knowing that we are likely to have something happen.
Constance: Shit. You’re a fucking ninja.
Faustus: Going to stay up on watch.
DM: Nice
Bronan: Bronan play with Sir dribbles, it like camp out
DM: Bronan in the wagon or out?
Bronan: We spend the evening telling each other horror stories in the wagon under the tarpaulin, sir dribbles seems to be doing a good job telling a scary story
DM: Hahaha
Bronan: Bronan’s are all kibble shortage related
Bronan: Bronan is whispering
DM: Very good
DM: Constance
DM: Sat by the fire?
Constance: Yup.
DM: Bronan, you ance inspiration
DM: *have
DM: Because you made me giggle like a child on a bus
DM: Right.
DM: Night falls over the red plains
DM: Perception rolls
DM: Advantage to faustus, disadvantage to bronan
Faustus: 14
Bronan: Ah the pain of disadvantage, I got a 15, but the other roll was a natty 20
DM: Still pretty solid!
Bronan: Yeah but it could’ve been 23, setting the stage for Bronan to have xray vision
Bronan: Sir dribbles is mainly a prop, but is there a set of stats I should be using for him?
DM: …rat or weasel? Or dog if they exist. Wouldn’t worry, wasn’t going to kill him unless it’s a clear TPK
DM: If you’d rather stat him and play him I’m happy with that, but that will open him up to the world of damage!
Constance: What do you add on perception.
Constance: Fuck I need to screenshot the list or some shit
Bronan: Wis
Constance: 11 + 2 then
Constance: Cheers dude
Bronan: I’ll keep him as a plot thing, it’s more funny and hard to acquire pugs in a desert for Sir dribbles the second of his name
Bronan: Also, I’m guessing the temp hitpoints from the holy water have worn off by now
DM: You all see a formation descend from above, five sets of wings descending, blocking our patches of stars, they spiral down and land in the sand in front of Constance without a sound
DM: Yeah bronan
DM: The biggest speaks in a guttural avian squawk
DM: Lonesome traveller, you are in our lands. The Blessed Wind requires payment…
Come back next Monday for Chapter 13 of The Cursed Tomb!
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Sword Coast Adventurer’s Guide
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